Upset and worried about my friend

[Belinda79]

I think this fits more in relationships but happy for it to be moved to the Coronavirus thread if more appropriate.

So, I have a job that exposes me quite heavily to Coronavirus. I have young children and frail elderly parents and naturally I’m concerned about us all. But I’m in bed, sobbing my heart out because I have realised that most of all I’m scared that my male best friend won’t make it through. (My children are far more important but at less risk). He has no idea how I feel because I was scared to lose his friendship. I want him to know that I love him in case one of us dies and I never get to tell him. But I’m scared of humiliating myself or making him uncomfortable.

What would Mumsnet do?

[Frownette]

The baby is fine now, not sure about the mother.

OP I had to check the time you started this thread, looks like you had late-at-night-syndrome.

If you still feel the same this morning contact him but be clear that you're over-emotional at present.

[probablysue]

Very strange and OTT post

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

That's a relief @Frownette!

[Frownette]

@GiveHerHellFromUs I know! I had to go back and check that afterwards to make sure I'd got it right, but it says baby recovering well and out of danger.

[SouthernComforts]

You are going to need a bit more resilience to get through the next few months and if you are sobbing in bed already, when none of your loved ones are affected then I'm quite concerned about your level of anxiety.

[FlowerArranger]

Don't do anything until you have calmed down! Don't ever act when you're in the throes of late-night-syndrome (or if you've had a drink...). Been there, done that- sigh. It rarely ends well...

Seriously, you sound overwrought and a bit dramatic. When you are able to think clearly, can you rationally evaluate your relationship with this man and also use your emotional intelligence to assess whether your feelings might be reciprocated?

If you think they might be, the approach suggested by @Craftycorvid and the poster before her are good ones as they'd give him the opportunity to open up. And if he doesn't, you'll still have your dignity and you can continue to be friends, if you feel you can cope with that.

Finally, working on your resilience and emotional toughness might be a good idea.

[KittyJune]

This is a bit much. Would you be concerned for him if there was an outbreak of regular flu? If yes - maybe he has a weak immune system or is elderly - then it makes sense to be concerned. But if you heard that he had been exposed to normal flu and you wouldn’t be concerned then you don’t need to be so sort of dramatic about this. I know it can affect people differently by in general the rule is that if you could hear about a flu outbreak and not be concerned then you don’t need to be overly concerned about this. I feel like people are in two camps: hysterical or overly calm. It might be a bit embarrassing to make a dramatic declaration of love if he’s one of the people being quite calm about it.

[Mydogatemypurse]

Did you tell him

[Belinda79]

No not yet. I’m not in a desperate hurry to tell him. I’m feeling more sensible in the cold light of day.

[FlowerArranger]

I’m feeling more sensible in the cold light of day.

Of course you do - that's how it works. Always best to sleep on those important but potentially risky things that your heart is telling you <strong>need</strong> to be done right now.

[MagnoliaJustice]

Have you only just realised how much this man means to you? You say he's a friend, not a boyfriend - does he have a partner?

I would be wary of making any declaration of love to someone who sees you merely as a friend and not a potential significant other. You may lose his friendship if the intensity of your feelings unnerves him.

A phone call to check he's okay is fine. A phone call to tell him you love him is over the top and unnecessary.

[Belinda79]

Fancied him from the get go. Properly fell for him a few months in, about 18 months ago.

[FlowerArranger]

Have you called him to to check he's okay - without telling him you love him...

[GilbertMarkham]

Is he single?

[IAmBeatrixKiddo]

Deep breaths OP!

[Rockstar53]

To be fair I've been telling lots of my friends how much I love them - just in case so he might not think it's that odd!

[Doggybiccys]

For fuck sake OP - get a grip

[Shineynew]

@Cinders89

Stop it. Totally unprofessional and immoral.

[Thepigeonsarecoming]

@Cinders89 very unprofessional and stirring up people’s worries!

[Thepigeonsarecoming]

Also reported @Cinders89

[Cinders89]

With names like yours I totally get the reporting