Coronavirus won’t kill me but social isolation may instead

[Notopel]

Does everyone calling for greater social isolation have any idea what real isolation feels like? Or are you planning to hunker down with your husband, partner and children to some well deserved family time?

I’m a single parent without any family, so I spend a lot of time at home with a six year old by myself. We live rurally so have about five immediate neighbours spread around a large village green. My social interaction tends to be limited to work and the clubs that my son attends. I’m very lonely as it is. I spent two weeks alone at Christmas as my son was with my ex husband and my work was shut. Distractions like cinema, shops, cafe, gym etc were intermittently open. I cried a lot because I was so lonely.

From Monday I’ll be working from home. Clubs and activities are starting to be cancelled. I’m forseeing the schools having an extended Easter Break and that the remaining non essential public places will be closed.

I’m not afraid of getting ill or dying. I am very afraid of months of enforced isolation.

@user1353245678533567 I agree with you, I think we will see that if we have prolonged isolation.

@OhCaptain
It’s not that easy when you have a mental health condition or you struggle with loneliness. You can’t just read a book and forget about it. It drives you mad from the inside out.

The problem is that everyone understands rationally why this is needed, but unfortunately the effects of isolation happen within the emotional bits of our brain that aren't well-connected to rational thought. We are social animals and we are emotionally and physiologically regulated by the people around us, just as a mother (or father) regulates a baby. We have little conscious control over this. Research indicates that objective social isolation is worse for our health and wellbeing than the subjective feeling of loneliness. Trying to counter the somatic feelings of isolation with argument is pointless, but some of the suggestions about other ways to connect are good. OP

I think isolation will kill my 76 year old mum. My dad died 2 years ago, she's still struggling to deal with that. Her mum died 10 days ago and it's looking like we won't be able to bury her. Mum is exceedingly active because she can't cope with staying in staring at my dad's empty chair. She's on anti-depressants already. She isn't really a tv watcher...growing up my parents never had one in the house and she can't rewatch all the stuff she watched with my dad because it reminds her of what she's lost. She reads but less so since dad died. She has nothing to look forward to and access to a ton of prescription painkillers.

I'm self isolating with my dh and 2 kids because one of dh's colleagues is friends with and spent time with a confirmed case plus we've all had temperatures/have nasty coughs. It's driving me up the wall already and I have someone to talk to. I think a few more weeks of this and I'll want to kill myself.

What's the point of being alive if you aren't living?

i heard a radio presenter last night, jim somebody on radio london.
he was getting quite angry at people saying they would not change their life, etc.
he said they are literally playing russian roulette with other people's lives.
and that's the point. we cant see this virus, whether we have it, or carry/pass it, and to whom, how it will affect them. who it will kill. or severeley disable, can cause lasting damage to lungs and other organs.
to say you dont mind dying or being ill is surely not seriously thought through. what about your son. how would such a scenario affect him.
we all have to do the best we can, for all our sakes, to get through this.
i do sympathise, but could you not use the internet, to learn or explore something that interests you.
and local radio is very good for helping feel part of a community, also with useful information.
good luck. and keep posting.

You can’t just read a book and forget about it.

Huh?!

Even in a city isolation will mean seeing no one outside your immediate family.

I’m dreading it too. We have no garden! We’ll be stuck on a tiny flat.

It’s going to be hard for most people.

Social isolation is awful. What’s more, a large number of people orderly people are affected and they are also the ones at highest risk. It’s understandable why they are fearing the strong recommendations of up to four months alone in their home.

@ohcaptain

The loneliness! As in, you can’t just do something to take your mind off it, well maybe you can for a bit but not when it gets past a certain point. People will be desperate.

The problem is that you might not be afraid of dying but if you spread this disease further you will actually kill someone else. Isn't it better to be lonely for two months than kill innocent vulnerable people?

I'm sorry but I don't get it. I grew up with grandparents and aunts and uncles who survived death camps and a 5 year war. This is just a lockdown for several months. It is survivable. It doesn't have to be fun, we just need to get through it.

Am I making sense? I’m very tired!

I don’t think isolation nowadays with the internet is anything like what it was before.

I remember being isolated and having no contact at all with peers over school holidays, only having 4 tv channels, some videos, no home delivery, no gaming, no skype, no texting, no social media.

Social isolation now isn’t really social isolation it just means an indoor life (like lots of disabled people already have) and a lack of face to face contact.

What's the point of being alive if you aren't living

Speak for yourself please. I want to live and so do my children. If a few weeks isolation will do that then so be it.

Just because you dont care about dying, doesnt mean the rest of us do

Well some people have to get out otherwise how will things keep running. People who are self isolating which is their choice still expect to be able to order food to be delivered to their home and access hospital If need be . If everyone stays at home it will not solve things at all . Care homes still need staff. Otherwise shall all the residents be sent home to family unable to meet their needs so the staff can self isolate ?
Pregnant women still need much needed care in hospital / at home to give birth safely . Imagine all the midwives self isolating with no symptoms ? Would you rather that than have no assistance giving birth

Could you keep sufficient Social contact by Skype, phone or even just by communicating on MN?

Not the same as being in people's physical presence obviously, but not solitary confinement either.

@alexdgr8 As I said, unless you’re already very isolated you won’t understand the impact this further isolation will have. The internet is already my primary view on the outside world. I don’t go on holidays or socialise outside work and children’s activities. I can’t get takeaway where I live. The very few social interactions I have are what makes my life bearable. People who live like me already have an empty cup. Asking more I.e complete isolation will be too much for some people to bear.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I really feel for how lonely your mum must be. She must constantly think of things that she’d want to say to your dad if he were here, even little things like the lighter evenings or how it’ll soon be time to start cutting the grass. There’s a reason that Wilson was an essential item as a Castaway. Some people really need to talk to other people.

@LuckyAmy1986 do you think I said something I didn’t?

Maybe you have me confused with another poster!

I agree with a PP. Social isolation is so much easier nowadays (thank God!) even something like MN is a type of company!

I don’t have anyone to Skype chat to really. I used to homework but in an organisation that are really good at it. I’d have several google hangouts a day and struggle to keep up with the slack channels. In my current workplace, they’ve taken months to open up from initially working in complete silence all day. We have slack but it’s more work focused and I think people tend to DM personal messages instead of openly chat as was common in my previous workplace.

I'm afraid you'll have to if it comes to that. Its not optional.

I am single, no kids. Live in a studio flat with no internet, a tiny kitchen, no tv and no room for supplies. Isolation will kill me too!

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie Sun 15-Mar-20 21:14:01
I am single, no kids. Live in a studio flat with no internet, a tiny kitchen, no tv and no room for supplies. Isolation will kill me too!
........
Where are you now, you're on the internet.

Yes it's shit. I'm anxious eight now. Teary.

Than o give myself a bloody good talking to. 75 years ago my grandpa buried bits of people on the beaches at Normandy. Then he went with his platoon into battle, sleeping in hedges, ditches, barns etc, was involved in battles with the retreating nazi forces whilst prioritising the needs of others first.

That's the motivation I need. We all need to find ours.

"Everyone has to be selfless now".
Yes but I don't feel particularly selfless, I actually love the fact that I can be on my own, I cherish my solitude but when i think about it, I feel quite selfish for relishing it when so many live in dread.

You can't win.

Everyone will suffer in some way, be it becoming ill, feeling lonely, feeling like a caged animal or losing a loved one.

As hard as it is people need to think of the greater good, these are unprecedented times and going out for some social interaction at the risk of others (if government orders lockdown) is unacceptable self entitled behaviour.