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Related: Lockdown Learning, discuss home schooling during lockdown.
Covid
DS 8 won't wash his hands
whatnow40 · 10/03/2020 17:44
So I've refused to give him his tea. It's ready to serve, just waiting for him to use soap and water. He's been refusing since 4pm.
I know I'm right to insist. We have FIL with COPD and MIL immuno suppressed.
Just need some strength and wisdom, I'm not sure he will actually give in. He has Aspergers and SPD, when he makes his mind up, he's very stubborn.
Poppydaisies · 10/03/2020 17:56
He will wash his hands when he's really hungry. Stay firm. Hand washing has never been more important!
teenagetantrums · 10/03/2020 17:57
Why after 8years has he suddenly decided to not wash his hands.
Sirzy · 10/03/2020 18:00
Why won’t he?
With the SPD in particular it could be for many reasons as hand washing is quite a sensory process in itself.
Presumably you haven’t only just started asking him to wash his hands now out of the blue?
whatnow40 · 10/03/2020 18:03
I know he won't starve in the mean time. He's always had an issue over soap due to how it feels on his skin, it's related to his SPD. Unless visibly dirty, I've let him just use warm water rub his hands before dinner in the past. Not ideal, but he doesn't get illnesses anywhere near as often as classmates. He's had 1 sickness for a cold in last 4 yrs.
SummerHouse · 10/03/2020 18:03
You have picked your battle and you are right.
Could he be very anxious about CV and therefore reacting in a counter productive way?
Poppinjay · 10/03/2020 18:05
I can see why he would find it hard if it hasn't previously been part of the routine. I know that quite a lot of families don't expect this. We do and and DD2 would be very anxious if she was prevented from doing it because it's a very robust routine for us.
You need to build it in now. Keep insisting and, once he is doing it, make sure you are really consistent about keeping it up. It has to be a requirement before every meal or snack.
It will get easier once he's used to it.
Poppinjay · 10/03/2020 18:07
Cross posted, OP.
My DD1 can't stand the feel of some soaps. Maybe he needs to try some different soaps and hand washes until he find one he can tolerate.
Sirzy · 10/03/2020 18:08
If he has always had trouble with soap then your being very unreasonable to expect him to just forget about that overnight!
Theresahairbrushinthefridge · 10/03/2020 18:10
Whilst I understand the consensus I think it's not that simple. Also parent to a child with Aspergers and SPD
If you have always accepted that he finds the feel of soap difficult but now are insisting that could be really tough for him. The world has changed but not how soap feels to him.
Is there a compromise. Bowl of soapy water to dip hands in. Test different soaps that you have. Is one better than another?
Backing both of you into a corner is not going to help anyone's anxiety or stress levels.
My Child would happily forgo food so I wouldn't win this one.
Orchidflower1 · 10/03/2020 18:11
Have you tried taking a bowl and soap to him? Ndn does this for elderly mum before she brings tea on a tray.
Sirzy · 10/03/2020 18:12
What about giving him a soapy flannel?
Or would he use an alcohol gel?
FenellaMaxwell · 10/03/2020 18:15
Try hibiscrub - it’s more of a water feel than soap feel
Daftasabroom · 10/03/2020 18:15
Could you put a drop of disinefectant/bleach/milton (all the same stuff-ish) into a bowl of warm water and let him wash his hands without the slippery bit? Might not like the smell, but worth a try.
whatnow40 · 10/03/2020 18:26
Thanks for all the suggestions everyone. He's done it now! Just to clarify, he hates soap/hand wash/shampoo and all sorts like that. But he accepts if we can see muck on his hands then we have to use soap. So he can tolerate the soap. I've changed the rules because of Coronavirus. He can't see any dirt, so logic dictates soap is not required. I get it. And know why it's hard for him, but don't feel I can let this go.
I think ultimately, he needs to understand that rules/life/other people change, often for good reasons. He obviously finds this really challenging but the rest of the world will not fall in line and make adjustments for him in the future. I do believe that he needs to experience these kind of changes and deal with it, rather than be protected from addressing the difficulties his differences present.
bitheby · 10/03/2020 19:43
What's he like with smells? Can you make a thing of him being able to choose his own hand wash and finding a smell that he likes (if you can find any in the shops) so you replace one difficult sensory experience with another that's hopefully pleasant to cancel it out a bit. Obviously no good if he's hypersensitive to smell and they do tend to perfume things too strongly for us sensitive types.
Orchidflower1 · 10/03/2020 21:17
@whatnow40 I’m glad he’s washed his hands now. You sound like a really caring mum with a sensible attitude.
wonkylegs · 10/03/2020 21:31
Can you try bribery rather than threats?
My stubborn 3yo refuses to wash his hands except after the toilet however so far we have managed to get him to do extra hand washing for a sweet from his special hand washing sweet jar
I'm immunosuppressed and DH is a hospital dr so we are being very cautious about spread
Peasfox · 10/03/2020 21:45
Won’t wash his hands unless he can see the dirt? I can actually see the logic in that! But it sounds like it’s time to get some papier mache out regularly 🤔😉
Maybe there’s a YouTube video or something that would help explain or perhaps if he picks a soap from the (depleted) shelves he might be more invested but I’m sure you’ve already tried that.
Well done for standing your ground, anyway!
OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 10/03/2020 23:46
He might respond well to the experiment with slices of bread- handle one with unwashed hands, wash hands, handle slice 2, mum does the same with two more slices, each slice goes in its own clear plastic bag and over the coming days you monitor the colonies of organisms that appear.
BlackeyedSusan · 10/03/2020 23:48
Mine would sometimes let me clean his hands with a soapy cloth instead.
BlackeyedSusan · 10/03/2020 23:49
He also likes hand and feet massages. Soap helps the massage.
BlackeyedSusan · 10/03/2020 23:52
Get his hands mucky so he will wash his hands.
Ps do you believe the world should not fall into line for other disabilities either? Eg no wheelchair ramps?
Walkacrossthesand · 10/03/2020 23:55
There's a good video somewhere online showing bacteria left on skin after poor hand washing - maybe that would help him see that not all 'dirt'/contagion is visible?
ArthurandJessie · 11/03/2020 00:02
Your right don't let this go autistic or not this is really important and will continue to be throughout his life
Thepigeonsarecoming · 11/03/2020 00:07
Op, have you tried taking him to the shops and letting him pick out a special soap just for him to use. Letting him choose and telling him it’s special and only for him might help (threats assuming the shops have any left!!)
My cousins son with ASD accepts things he would otherwise rebel against if he feels he has a decision involved and it’s therefore his choice
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