DS 8 won't wash his hands

[whatnow40]

So I've refused to give him his tea. It's ready to serve, just waiting for him to use soap and water. He's been refusing since 4pm.

I know I'm right to insist. We have FIL with COPD and MIL immuno suppressed.

Just need some strength and wisdom, I'm not sure he will actually give in. He has Aspergers and SPD, when he makes his mind up, he's very stubborn.

That’s not threats

I feel your pain OP! My son is 9 and has ASD. He does not see the point in the excessive hand washing because ‘children don’t get ill from the virus anyway’
He does it now but only reluctantly (and not long enough)

Ps do you believe the world should not fall into line for other disabilities either? Eg no wheelchair ramps?

I'm sure you realise it's not that simple.

I have two DDs with ASD. There are some things they cannot manage and it's better to find an alternative and there are some things that it's worth persisting with because , once you're over the hump of tacking them, being able to manage them brings a better long term quality of life.

Please don't lay into parents for trying to prepare their child with ASD to manage in the NT world. We all have to do it to some extent. It's not a case of ABA or nothing.

Thanks too everyone with some brilliant suggestions, I shall be stealing a few of them!

Ps do you believe the world should not fall into line for other disabilities either? Eg no wheelchair ramps?

As PP above has said, some things you need to prepare your child to overcome, for them to live their best life in a NT world.

As it happens, I use a wheelchair. I've had a very difficult transition from being able bodied to becoming disabled, and experienced shocking levels of discrimination during that journey. I believe the social model of disability, that we are disabled by services, surroundings and attitudes around us, not by our differences in physical needs or neurodiversity.

My DS has developed an aversion to paper. Touching it makes him so distressed he will cry. Whilst we are now reading ebooks at home, he has to push through this and build his tolerance, otherwise what will his future look like? I could insist all school and future education resources are delivered without paper, get him excused from Art etc, but how does that prepare him for work and the real world? Some things are really worth pushing through, others are not.

Hand washing with soap used to be a hill I wasn't prepared to die on, so what if there's a bit of extra bacteria when he eats. He'll build a strong constitution and resilient immune system. But Coronavirus has changed that position for me. DS will get there, and I may loose my mind a few more times before he does, but it's for the greater good.

Show him this, and explain how his handwashing will protect more vulnerable people. www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/health-51637561/coronavirus-watch-how-germs-spread

Also ask for his input in the best way to achieve the (mandatory) goal of handwashing - 'to make sure that we keep people safe, we have to walk our hands X times/ under X circumstances. How shall we get to that goal? We could use a soapy flannel/ try this special cleaner (hibiscrub)/ you can choose from these soaps? What do you suggest? '

Can you try bribery rather than threats?

Bribery does not work for autistic children. My son would rather starve than do certain things he is averse to (I'm not joking he has been malnourished in the past). It's very hard. OP you have my sympathy.

Sorry - my post sounded like orders rather than suggestions. Typing in bath on phone!

I don't think autistic children are particularly averse to bribery if it's done right. Depends how you present it!

It depends entirely on how their autism affects them. Often they really want to do something - but just cannot as the sensory issues just can;t be overcome.

Yes of course @Comefromaway.

Thanks everyone! That link is brilliant and just what I was looking for, very helpful indeed.

My DS cant be bribed either, but does fall in line very easily when things become routine. He needs to understand the point of it all though.

With other sensory issues he has, like taking liquid medicine, he has in the past really wanted to do it but just can't. He was in hospital for an emergency op, and needed pain relief. They refused to give home capsules of paracetamol at the correct dose, and would only offer calpol. He desperately tried to swallow the stuff but immediately spat it out, then had his first and only ever panic attack over the experience. He's a good boy and likes to follow rules, he's not defiant for the sake of it. But some things are really tough for him.

It's so refreshing to find some people who actually get it!! Thank you!

My asd Dd hates the feel of water or soap on her skin but manages this by using hand cream after washing her hands.

She also puts it on her feet and legs after a bath and on her hands if they get wet for any other reason like in the rain.

It's one of her ways of managing her sensory difficulties .

Wheras my now 16 year old is the opposite. Liquid medicine is all he can take - he cannot swallow tablets.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2020/03/12/need-wash-hands-soap-12387314/amp/

Would this help- either watching it or doing it?

My son has SN too. He also has medical issues so in fact he knows and can do the "proper" handwashing technique brilliantly. But to him thats for only; its not for other handwashing.

It only took 2 days of battles over hand washing and he is now falling in to line perfectly. I'm he accepts it as a rule now and follows. It's one of those things that's worth persisting with. Next issue will be what to feed him when we run out of pasta!!

Another suggestion - washing powder or dishwasher powder, you don't get sudds so might help with the soap feeling.

Toothpaste will get rid of any soap smell on his hands.