TTC # 3 - Anyone else being driven mad!?

[whizzymummy]

Hi all
Have been TTC #3 for what seems like an age - 9 months now.
Is anyone else being driven totally insane?? I'm seriously ready to throw in the towel now, living in this limbo is driving me insane. But I know I can't give up, I just want a third too badly.
Not sure what next step is really, just wondered if anyone else out there to commiserate with?
Just had a BFP this time last week but then started AF few days later, and to make matters worse the whole world seems to be pregnant around me just to rub salt in the wounds.
Not sure what I feel any more - I always said after all I went through to have my DS and DD that if #3 worked out fine, but otherwise I was happy with my two lovely DC and so lucky to have them. Hmm, can't seem to make myself think that now.
Why do the hormones make us go so mad like this!?
Boo hoo!

Every word of what you've written, I could have written it myself. I also have a DS and a DD and have been ttc #3 for 11 months now. It is horrible and I got really cross at the 6 month stage, even though it took 7 months with DC2. I have had a rough time since Jan as my cycles have got longer (stress of ttc I think), then I did 2 unsuccessful clomid cycles (both monitored closely). I also had to have a polyp removed a few weeks ago. We are actually going to try IVF in July (this seems mad but I want to try this before giving up). I have semi-given up at the mo as want to de-stress and get my cycles shorter again. Have gone back to having proper coffee every other day as well as a few drinks a week. I feel so much more relaxed for it. I am sure it won't get me pg but I doubt I'm harming my chances very much.

How long did you take to ttc your DD and DS? I hope you get your BFP very soon. Ooh forgot to say snap with the friends too- 2 out of my 3 best friends are currently pg!

Hello whizzymummy. I'm in the same boat! Have two dd's, 7 and 5. Took 9 months and 2 months for each, and we've been ttc #3 for 16 months now, incl 1 mc. I think its very different ttc #3 - we had been taking a very laid back (excuse the pun) approach for a long time as, well, the girls are great, and lets see what happens, but now its just getting ridiculous.
Completely understand about living in limbo too. Here's hoping for some good news all round soon. x

I have a DS nearly 3 & DD 16 months and have just had Mirena removed 2 weeks ago.. i am so broody and like you, 3 of my best friends are pregnant, and my Sister & Sister-in-law.
I am still trying to convince my husband to go for it, as he wants to wait a while, though after reading this, makes me want to SWI right now!
I hope you all get BFP very soon :-)
In your opinion is it better to have 3 under 4 or 3 under 5? There are so many pro's and cons, it might take ages and we'll have niether!

pine- you will have some nice age gaps there even if it does take a few months. I was aiming for 3 under 6 but have gone past that point now. It depends on so many factors but I would have liked a baby this Summer when my eldest is settled into first year at school. But I am a SAHM so would prob be totally different if you work F-T.

Oh thank heavens, there are others out there feeling like me! I was beginning to wonder...thanks for responding.
Haribo - I also gave up bothering about the tea/coffee/few drinks a couple of months ago, not sure what good it does and if a few drinks make me feel better then what the heck!
I had a rough ride getting my DC, two MCs before DS came along, then very sadly made the decision to terminate a pregnancy as found out the baby had turners sydrome and it was very poor prognosis that the baby would survive, then had my DD. So all in all checkered - two lovely DC out of it but I suppose I've a hard time TTC emotionally. Strange thing is if I recollect right it never took me more than 4-5 months to conceive any of my pregnancies. Suppose that's why I'm worrying about 9 months now. Positive slant I guess is I probably was pregnant last cycle, maybe being a bit older is it too??
I'm so pleased there are others feeling like I do too - I feel so guilty saying it when I know I am so lucky, there was a time I wondered if I'd even have one child.
Haribo - good luck with your treatment. Was is hard to make the choice to go for that option?
I am worried that I may need some kind of intervention as I have fibroids. I suppose worst case is I need them removing which delays things further... let alone whether anything else is wrong. I did have blood tests a couple of months ago and they were fine.
Good luck to you both jess and pine - oh and pine, for my two pennies worth I have always thought the quicker you get the pregnancies out of the way the better but I hear so many pros and cons about age gaps I think you just take what you're given. If I were you I'd go for it but that's as you never know what might happen...
Sorry for the long essay

ps haribo - my cycles also went up the spout in the beginning of the year. clearly completely stress of TTC as the blood tests showed everything seems fine.

Thanks for speedy reply Whizzymummy. When i read the 'oh and pine' i thought you were going to write... 'why are you writing on this thread, you haven't even tried for #3 yet'. I know what you mean about guilt. I have a couple of friends that tried for years and years just to get 1.. so i would feel like i am greedy saying i'm pregnant again already!
I think it takes longer the older you get..., i also sense its my turn for a MC next, as i heard its 1 in 3 and have got pregnant so easily both times. Feel like it might take longer this time, to teach me not to take it for granted. anyway babbling.

maybe go to the doctors and get fibroid situation checked out?
Good luck :-)

Hi Pine - please do babble away! I certainly hope it's not your turn for probs - For what it's worth all my friends who get pregnant quickly/easily (seem to be a few) just seem to be able to keep in going with no problems. One has 4 DC each one year apart (not that I'm jealous of that ). Suppose some people are just ultra fertile and for others it takes a while. Wish you luck it happens when yo like. Of course if you think it will take a while it'll happen first month and give you a shock!

I had a v large fibroid removed before my DC so got a consultant on the case with regular monitoring ... he wants me to try to get pregnant before we do any more surgery and says he's pretty sure they should not stop me at the moment. Have been thinking I may get another appointment soon though - fighting with the self control not to sound silly and keep going back when I clearly need some patience. On other hand I also need a little reassurance that they arent' causing a problem.

whizzymummy so sorry to hear about your m/c's and termination. You must be due a BFP very soon. Yes, we're getting older all the time (I am 34 this month) but a lot of people I know had trouble with having DC1 but then got pg easier with #'s 2 and 3.

Re: the guilt, it's very hard isn't it. I haven't told anyone we're ttc but some may suspect. I don't think they'd have much sympathy when I already have two lovely, healthy children and 1 of each too. I started off staying lets see what happens too but after 4 months got really desperate. There are times when I wonder if it's the child I want or the thing of 'will not fail at this' if that makes sense! But I know the answer deep down. I found the IVF decision easy really, DH not quite so keen. I just know that if I don't ever succeed, I don't want to look back and think 'why didn't I just try that'! I do tend to relax more with medical intervention going on though, bizarrely. Have also started having accupuncture too which is quite nice and a sense of being pro-active and it counters my current alcohol and caffeine intake!!

I would go and have the fibroid checked out if I were you. A friend of mine had a few taken out and got pg 2 months later.

pine you must think a bit like me. I often think I may have a m/c if I get pg as I haven't had one of those yet!! So positive, aren't I!!

Well we're in the same boat, I'm nearly 34 as well. Like you say we also sound on the same wave length exactly!!
Some of my friends know we're TTC, ironically it's all the ones who are due a baby now. I'm very happy for them though, I never like seeing people have problems in this department, just as I said it's hard when it feels like salt in wounds and then they ask you all the time how it's going.

Am interested you do the accupuncture, sounds like you like it - how did you find someone? I tried it once, with morning sickness actually, and really hated it. Most likely it was just too hard to enjoy anything when I was feeling that sick (and it did no good either!). I've certainly thought of giving it a try again but didn't know where to start finding someone. Any suggestions?

Good luck with your IVF, you certainly sound in a good frame of mind. My sister has two babies from IVF and said the accupunture really helped her. Also both rounds were successful first time which I know is unusual.

Think I'll be booking myself an appointment to see consultant - probably just after AF is due to cheer me up and feel like I've got something to look forward too/be proactive about. Sad eh!

whizzymummy Yes book the appointment fighting with the self control not to sound silly and keep going back when I clearly need some patience
You will not sound silly, like you said you want piece of mind, and the sooner you get that, the sooner you can get the show on the road.. whichever way it turns out. If only just to make you more relaxed, which might help ttc.
Don't worry one little bit what anyone else thinks. Just do whats right for you.
I have made this mistake in the past but not anymore. DS1 was horrendous birth, i got bad tears, and couldn't walk/sit without pain for 6 months (sex was out of the question completely, as was putting a tampon up there!)... i went back to see gp/registrar /consultant, many times and they kept saying it was normal, and atleast i had some control down there! (sorry long story), so i went to see someone private after 6 months (i kept giving it more time worrying they might think i was making a fuss about nothing) and when i finally went, he said i needed an op asap and operated that week! I was all healed and feeling better within a week and wishing i had gone sooner! So like you said, you have to try being proactive and really positive. Its the way forward for us from now on!
haribofan yes we might be, i always take a 'prudent' view! Secretly hoping that if i think the worse then i will be nicely surprised!

Thanks pine nice to know I'm not the only one who likes to persist. That sounds horrible what you went through - suppose it goes to show you got to trust your instincts when it comes to your body as you know it better than anyone else.
I totally know where you're coming from with the prudent view like you say - have certainly felt like that in other areas of my life!

whizzymummy Good for you in deciding to book an appointment. Ha ha, yes I'd book it for AF time too.

As for the accupuncture, I am enjoying it even though I'm not sure I believe in it iyswim! I really just want it for a while as you hear lots of positive stories. Your sister is obviously a great example. Have found a nice accupuncturist (is that a word) now. I just saw a leaflet of hers at the fertility clinic when I was doing the clomid cycles. When I phoned her, she said that three quarters of her clients are infertility patients. I can't say I love it but it is fairly pleasant to lie there and chat for a while and have a break from the DC etc! Before I went to this lady, I went to a male accupucturist once. Hated it, felt uncomfortable with everything- the room, him and worst of all he twisted the needles, some of which felt very uncomfortable. What a ramble, what I'm trying to say is maybe phone your local clinic and ask if they can recommend anyone or ask on here about your local area. And if you don't like it try someone else as they seem to vary!

Hey there!
Can I join in too? I've been TTC no.3 for 9 months now. I'm 34 and also have a best friend who's pregnant and two others with new-borns. I'm beginning to lose the plot now and am obsessing daily. I've even started charting my temps which I did for DD1 (took over a year). DD2 came 3 months after an ectopic (1st month of trying with only one tube!). I definitely expected to be pg by now and didn't want a huge age gap - DD1 is starting school in sept.

I can't seem to just relax and let 'nature' do it's thing! Was looking on ebay a minute ago for early detection pg tests as I'm 7dpo and can't wait another week! My cycles have got longer and less regular and it's pretty much in my thoughts at all times.

Ahhhh... that's better! Needed to vent it!

Wishing you all the best of luck xxx

Hi Ell11 - wishing you luck also. How old is you #2. Mine is 16months and not walking yet, so still feels like a baby :-)

I went through the baby stuff in the loft last night to send to my sister, it all looks so small, i can't believe they ever fitted into.. I felt sick i want another so much! I can't understand my behaviour but i was almost crying! When i already have 2 healthy happy babies. Spoke to DH again, but he doesn't seem in any hurry to decide.

My DD2 is 2 and a half - there's 23 months between them and I wanted the same sort of gap for the next one. Even if I get pg this month there'll be over 3 years between #2 and #3 but I don't want to give up!

I know how you feel- I took some baby clothes to friend with a 2 month old today and had a cuddle- she was gorgeous and I had pangs holding her. I'm sure it's just a matter of time...

It took my DH a long time to convince too and he's still not 100% on board really. We'd have to move and get a bigger car- he's worried we can't afford it. I think he eventually agreed cos he realised how much I've always wanted to be a mum of lots of children- I don't think I'd be able to push it to 4!

Pine- when your littlest is a bit older and more independent, your DH might be more receptive. I think that helped mine give in.

Thanks Ell11, he said that when DD2 is walking he might feel like I could cope with another - he's a workaholic so i think part of his worry is that he hasn't even bonded / had time with DD2 yet, let alone think about another! - but is not like thats going to change, if anything he will have more responsibility and stress.

Ell11, like you said, i think its just a matter of time, hang on in there, i bet a bigger age gap will be really nice, now you are used to the 23mnt one.

i changed my nickname as i didn't realise its not meant to be real names etc..

Hi Ell11 - lovely to have others join in! As you'll tell from reading the thread I know exactly how you feel! I had hoped I could have less than a three year age gap between #2 and #3 - well apart from wondering if #3 will even happen, if it does I'm nearly over my 3 year gap as DD is already over 2 years old. Also I don't have such a great success anyway with pregnancies, just crossing my fingers it happens soon and with no problems.
My DH took a while to be convinced of #3 as well - he's happy to stop at 2 but has come around to 3 only as he wants to make me happy so far as I can tell. Though that does sound a little unfair on him as he is excited too at the thought too, I just think he was happy to stop where we are as well. He also said for a long time the thought of another newborn made him tired - once DD was over 1 I think his memory faded a little and now that more time has passed it's certainly enough to give in!!
I have always wanted a big family but I am one of 5 and loved it - though I think even I would draw a line at 3.

How do you find the charting, does it help? Thought about it but not sure I should do it though as I started using ovulation kits about 6 months ago but stopped as I decided they stressed me out too much.. so now back to just tracking cycle length and EWCM.

Pine - know how you feel about baby clothes. Have myself steered away from ours, keep dumping them in the loft knowing one day I need to sort them out but not sure I can face it at the moment. Hope your DH comes around soon...
haribo I think I'll find I'll look for someone good to go see, I'm ready to try something new and anything relaxing is a plus.

Thanks everyone for chatting - must say it makes a difference to me finding other people in the same boat.

Figured you'd changed it - like the new name too

Thanks Whizzymummy

Good idea (changing nickname!)
Thanks- you might well be right about a bigger age gap. Sounds like your DH is not saying no- that's good! Hope your wait is not too long - better start giving DC2 some walking lessons!! Mine both started walking around 16 - 17 months.

Well i just put the old one in when i wasn't really 'into' mumsnet, i think i only signed up to sell my buggy! At the time, my chickens kept wondering onto my patio and pooping.. i now have them in a pen!
When i read my new name it makes me smile, because DS1 calls me this all the time when i'm acting like a clown! (which is quite often!)
Its just annoying now i can see us with 3... i just want to get on with it! i keep thinking... what if.. will it be a spring baby, or summer baby etc (i know in the whole scale of things i am lucky to have 2 happy healthy DC)
DD is a bum shuffler and theres no way she is walking anywhere anytime soon.. she has no interest! DS was walking really early, can't believe the difference.
Crossing my fingers for you lovely ladies

Thanks Whizzymummy! Your situation sounds so similar to mine! My DH also excited but would have happily stopped at 2... He also said that the thought of having a newborn worried him- it was really tiring for the first 6 months after #2 and he felt he lost his wife as I was just being a mummy. But that's all a while ago now and he loves being a dad.

Charting is not great for timing BD (is that the right acronym?! Don't even know what it stands for!) as your temperature rises after Ovulation which means it's probably too late by then. But I find it really helpful for knowing exactly when to expect my erratic AF. Last month I had a 37 day cycle and got all excited but got a BFN. Then had to wait 3 more days for AF. If I'd been charting I'd have known I was way too early to test. It helps me avoid disappointment.

Fertilityfriend.com has all the info if you want to give it a go. My doctor doesn't think it helps though as you don't 'relax and just let it happen naturally'. It doesn't seem to be happening naturally though so I gave in to the urge and got the thermometer out!

Night night ladies... sleep well!

Sillybillymummy- Mine are very different too- I feel like I have a girl and a boy sometimes as DD2 is not girly and princessy at all but DD1 wants to BE Snow White! And you're right, we are really fortunate to have 2 lovely children when some struggle to have just 1. It's good to remember that sometimes!