30s TTC - We Started TTC When the LAST Coalition Government Was In Power

[Muser]

BESH is BACK for Spring. Come in, admire the cocktail bar stylings I have created for you. It's all lowlights and smooth sounds, and there's a rehearsal room in back for the GLEE practice.

The barman are beautiful, the Pit has been well stocked with beanbags and gin. So roll up all you 30-something BESHies who stopped counting cycles sometime in the last century, and grab a martini.

Scorps if you think I was a joey last night, how about this for fuckwittery...

• Wake at 7am after less than 3 hrs of sleep. Gah.
• Get myself and Boo ready, take car to garage for new cam belt. Garage is about 20 miles away and belongs to TG's step-bro (the one who has just had IVF). Had chat about babyees and he lent me a corsa and told me to put £5 unleaded in to get me home and back.
• Go to garage. Proceed to fill up car (it was on empty). Not £5... no, £50. Fifty fucking quid that I don't have. Great!
• Whilst driving home, decide to visit little town 5 miles further on to get bit of shopping.
• Get shopping and go home without incident. Even remembered Boo.
• Pull up in garden, shut gates, proceed to house. Realise I have left my fucking house key with Stu at the garage.
• Try to ring Stu to find out if he has gone out on breakdown, or is in garage. Remember I do not have his work no, and his mobile has no signal there.
• Ring Stu's wife and ask her to text me work number, regale her with details of my fuckwittery.
• Whilst waiting for text to arrive, notice keyring of car has logo, website and phone numbers for garage on.
• Ring Stu on garage and work mobile no. No answer/signal. Boo is tired and hungry. I want to cry.
• Ring TG at work and cry tell him of my fuckwittery. Ask if I can hang out in his office until Stu gets back from breakdown recovery.
• TG asked 'why don't you just borrow my key?'
• Drive another 20 miles to TG's office. Collect key. Drive home.

I have just had some lunch and will be going to bed for the afternoon, when hopefully magically my brain will be restored.

Cam I hope you get the info soon and it distracts you from work. Scorpy enjoy the needling, glad to hear you are healing ok. (And I agree with Muse, just take your pants off.) I am too tired to type any more so roundhouse kicks and Slippery Nipples to you all.

Pol Pregnancy brain. Poor you.

Here, everyone, be amused by bitchy film reviews by my BFF www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/oct/01/camelot-reel-history

Go on, you know you want to...

Unfortunately PerfectDrom this kind of twattery is a pretty regular feature in PooLand! Ace article btw.

That review is the shiznit. And is that her real name? Some people are too cool

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Info session booked for next Wednesday (which gives me enough time to adjust to the idea that Things are Actually Starting). FSH levels down from 13 to 8.6 - magic needles man is clearly magic. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Yes, that is her real name. I have always been very jealous of it)

Drom, you're waaaay too kewl for skool I feel such a yokel compared to you What fresh news on the info front?

Poopdeck, just come and sit on my knee and have a good ole bawl. I'll get me rat aht if it helps Some days, you just want to get back in bed until the next day

Drom 'tis splendiferous news! etc.!

Royal Mail are THIEVES. There, I said it.

Woot, didn't see that! Fuck me, Cameltoe, that's absolutely brilliant! And the FHS level is mega - yours is lower than mine! It is going to HAPPEN; everyone feels all tingly about it for you Needles are THE BEST! How many acupuncture-babies are we going to birf in this here palace?!

Now... LET'S DANCE!

PS I make no apologies for girlish capitalisation of random words when reacting to top news!

WOOP WOOP DI WOOP!!! DROM Tis fabulousa news.

Hurrah und huzzah! It's so weird to think that things are finally moving - and in time for the summer mass diffment project, too.

(Must not get hopes up too far, must not get hopes up too far...)

This time next year, ladyeez, we will be sitting on picnic rugs with our assorted offspring playing happily around us. Oh yes, there will be the ultimate BeshFest.

I demand a small baby son. Thanks, universe.

Great news drom. well chuffed for you - all my bits crossed for swift success

Dear Universe, pliz for me to has daughter ASAP? Kthxbai!

And we can work out the details for the future wedding of our sprogs at next year's bouncing BeshFest, dear LittleDrommerBoy

Shall we swap if the universe gets the genders wrong?

I am awake and have regained my brain. I have also gained a sore froat and ear ache. That is not good, as I am off to work in a mo, but had to say first...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for Camel! Great news on the appointment and even better on the FSH levels! Mass Summer Diffments ahoy! Those needles really are the biz.

Ooooh, I dunno, Cam. TYF was adorable as a child and my brother was stunning (ie boy child that looks like me, except 100x better ) so I might not be able to give 'im up. Obviously, my love for my children will not be entirely based on their looks. They just better be cute as fuck, that's all I'm saying

Oh shit. I think we've just virtually guaranteed ourselves the 'wrong' sex, haven't we?

Fantastic news Drom. Mass Summer Diffment project is GO!

But, that's fab news for you Drom. All the very very very (x 1,000,000) best.

I feel sick. Suddenly. Is it a symptom? Is it a sign? The menkul has got me

Lolly I'm so sorry. This game is shit. I echo what pencil said; you iz entitled to lay down in Le Palais and throw as big a tantrum as you would like. And we will stroke your hair and feed you shots and chocolates, yes?

Pencil I flippin heart ya. You have such a lovely kind heart. And pliz to feel free to channel the menkul for me and Aries this month.

Drom exciting news... wow. Obviously you will now defy all odds and updiff naturally just to annoy the hospital receptionists

Aries you ok over there? Need me to hold your hair back?

Pollsterdollster I do stoopid fings like that all the time. I used to be so efficient....

I think the sick has gone as I just ate half a pizza, a jacket potato and coleslaw, salad, garlic bread and strawberries and cream. No need for hair holding, thanks Cass

The Frolickers have gone berserk. There have been four bfps in four days. Plus two more happy announcements via text today from friends. Help me, I'm going mad.

Oh and two glasses of wine.

Ugh, that's a LOT of announcements...

How many days do you normally go Aries?

29-32 ish. So there's a while yet. And despite being skinny as a rake I am given to occasional bouts of piggery.

How are you going this month? Anything menkul to share?

good news Drom