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Original poster

Really early miscarriage - what next?

40 replies

Antiquarian · 30/08/2009 08:36

Hello! I am having a really early miscarriage, I'm about five weeks pregnant. I'm really disappointed obviously.

But I just wondered, do I need to go to the doctor this week or do I just carry on as normal? Also, when can I start trying again?

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 30/08/2009 08:41

Not too sure what doc will say tbh - in my experience, they are not overly interested before 10ish weeks.

After my m/c I was told to wait for next period so I would know the dates and where I was when I fell preg. next time.

My thinking was if my body is not ready, it won't become pregnant, the same as it hasn't in the past when I've been overweight until I lost weight.

I became pregnant quickly afterwards and DS1 was fine.

Sorry you are going thru this, at any stage it's awful.

cyanarasamba · 30/08/2009 08:51

I'm sorry for your loss. However early, a miscarriage is always a blow.

You should probably wait for your next period before TTC once more just for peace of mind on dates - if you do have an early scan there will be no second-guessing how big the embryo should be and whether things are going well.

However I would probably go to the doctor for two reasons. Firstly, they might send you for a scan just to check everything has passed. Also, god forbid, if you have another miscarriage in the future, it will be on your record that you had one at the time, which might make it easier to get them to do tests if that's what you want.

Be kind to yourself today.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 30/08/2009 10:15

Thanks for your responses you two. It's OK, I feel very flat, but glad that if it was going to happen, it's happened so early, I'd hardly had time to get used to the idea that I was pregnant (although stupidly had had conversation with DH about whether to get a Phil and Ted!!! Won't make that mistake if I do get pregnant again, no buggy conversations until about to deliver I think.)

That's a good point cyan about having it on my record. I think I will make an appointment. I had quite a large fibroid in my last pregnancy and I've now become paranoid that this might have had some affect, preventing implantation or something. Hope not.

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ShowOfHands · 30/08/2009 10:18

I telephoned to have an early miscarriage put on my notes and then stayed at home. I knew if I had excessive pain/odour/strange discharge etc to go and get it checked out but in the end it was just like a very heavy period. I conceived 6 weeks later and had a healthy pregnancy.

I am sorry.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 30/08/2009 10:37

Thanks showofhands. Do you mind telling nme whether you had a period before conceiving again? Not sure whether to wait or not, I'm thinking because this miscarriage is so very early it might be OK to go ahead and start trying straightaway. I'm pretty good on ovulation signs, so reckon I would know as and when.

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skihorse · 30/08/2009 10:45

As cyan suggested, I too "registered" it - I just wanted a record of it.

My doctor told me not to wait to TTC again - the reason they suggest you wait is because it makes their job of dating the baby easier. What do you want? A baby or an "easier job" for the midwife? The dates are far more likely to be "out" if you have a late mc - not one as early as this.

I was also told what showofhands was told, to go back if there were funny smells/pains or excessive bleeding - and when they say excessive they mean soaking through a bath towel type stuff!

Best of luck and be nice to yourself this weekend. When it happened to me over a weekend I went to the cinema on the sunday afternoon and saw "The Proposal" - it was lovely just to be out of the house and I had my first laugh the whole weekend.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 30/08/2009 11:07

Thanks skihorse. I've been relatively philosophical, but these kind messages are making me feel a bit tearful!

It sounds like a really good idea to register it with the doctor. Not sure whether to have a conversation with about the fibroids now though, or to wait to see whether this happens again. Probably the latter I think, perhaps best to assume this is just a 'normal' miscarriage at this stage.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 30/08/2009 11:36

I think the GP won't do anything at this stage anyway as sadly up to 50% of conceptions end in early miscarriage so until there's a history, they won't investigate.

I tried again straight away. I know when I ovulate anyway as I can feel it as well as having all the other signs there. I had a normal period exactly 28 days after the mc started and then conceived on the next cycle.

There's no medical reason to wait.

skihorse · 31/08/2009 08:04

I just wanted to say something about going back to work. It happened to me on the friday and I went to work on the monday because I didn't think sitting around at home would help my mental state any. It actually went OK, but I had a wobbly the following monday and ended up taking a couple of days off - came clean with my manager who couldn't have been MORE sympathetic.

mumandlovingit · 31/08/2009 08:23

i had a mc at 7 weeks and was told by the doctor to ensure i went to the hospital for a scan to make sure everything had come out as if it hadn't and i didnt have a d&c (scrape) it could cause infection or something like that.it was 9 years ago now though so things might have changed.

are you rhesus negative? i am and had to go and have an anti d injection incase any of the blood had mixed with mine during the mc and to ensure it didnt effect any future pregnancies.

sending my sympahies and thoughts with you.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 31/08/2009 10:50

Thanks so much for those messages. I'm feeling worse today, keep bursting in to tears at the most ridiculous things! How weird, feel like I'm making a real fuss about nothing as well as it was such an early miscarriage. And I got a bit drunk last night which I absolutely NEVER do, so don't think that helps either because I feel a bit rubbish now! Bad decision!

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skihorse · 31/08/2009 10:56

I think all of us who've had an early-mc have those feelings and doubts - telling ourselves that we don't have a "right" to grieve or feel bad because hey, we were only 5 weeks and what about the poor women who mc late? But, I think if you wanted the pregnancy and you get that +ve - you're going to grieve.

Yes of course it must be far, far worse when you're so much further along - but you've still had a loss. I found it really hurtful when 2 people said to me "oh well, you were so early not all women would've even known they were pregnant". Yes, it was early, but I knew!

Stay off the booze and get on to the Ben & Jerrys!

lal123 · 31/08/2009 10:57

Antiq - I've had 2 early mcs - so I can imagine how you are feeling. Don't feel guilty for feeling sad and angry. Take it easy on yourself and be good to yourself for hte next few weeks. FWIW - I'm currently 32 weeks preg, and although I'll never forget my earlier losses it does get easier to deal with.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 31/08/2009 11:07

Thanks so much for responding. I wanted it so much and have been desperate for another baby since I had the first one (now 18 months), so was so delighted to get the BFP. I had to put TTC on hold as I needed to get a new job (I got one, I start next Monday)! So even though we haven't been TTC for that long, it feels like I've been waiting for ages. If that makes sense. But I should also add that I do know how very fortunate we are to have our DD! Thanks again, anyway.

OP posts:
kd73 · 31/08/2009 11:07

Antiquarian, sorry you are having a tough time . I had 2 early m/c in 2007 (horrible year). I told work/family/friends what happened and received lots of support.

Its not silly to cry and feel sad, you have lost a baby and a future with that little one.

I do believe my little angels are with me and will always be part of my family, which now includes the most beautiful little boy.

Big hugs x

FanjolinaJolie · 31/08/2009 14:57

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I wouldn't think you have to wait until your next cycle if you don't wish to. If you know your ovulation signs it might be worth noting when you think you have ovulated (by OPK, temping/charting or just 'knowing') so that if you did become pregnant that cycle you would have something to work from. Just a thought.

Hope you get your BFP very soon

hippychick66 · 31/08/2009 15:17

So sorry to hear of your early miscarriage, Antiqarian. I can't imagine how upsetting it must be to have all the joy and excitement taken away. Good luck for future tries.

I have a quick question for you and all the others who have experienced this. When it happened, did you wish you hadn't known you were pregnant? I am ttc #3 at the moment and with all these tests you can get that tell you v early on if you are preg, it seems sooo tempting. I keep thinking that I should wait until AF is really late before testing (which hasn't happened yet).

It seems like so many women on this site have suffered a mc at about 5 weeks and I wonder if they would be better off not knowing and just thinking AF was late. Or is it so different from a normal period that you'd know anyway. Sorry, if I've offended anyone with my ignorance!

skihorse · 31/08/2009 15:46

hippychick Yes and no. No - for the obvious reasons... but Yes because I'm 35 and this was my first ever pregnancy and I'd been torturing myself whether it would ever happen. The previous month I'd experienced dildocam and been told that there was evidence that I'd ovulated - and I got pregnant the following month. Because ovaries alternate at least now I know I'm "firing off both cylinders" as it were. I can do it... it's just a question of it "sticking" now.

I mc'd early and it was more painful than a normal period - but quantity of blood loss was not significantly different.

lal123 · 31/08/2009 15:53

mine were at about 7 and about 9 weeks - so no chance really of not knowing I was pregnant. In hindsight it would have been much better not to have known I was pregnant at all. Having had 2 previous mcs had a horrible impact on this pregnancy - I could never relax in the early stages, when we told our parents, instead of being pleased for us, their response was "better not say anything too soon", every symptom and every lack of symptom makes you think you're going to have another mc. So I wish I'd had both mcs earlier and not known I was preg.

hippychick66 · 31/08/2009 16:53

Thanks ladies for your answers. If I get to day 28 this month without AF arriving (my usual cycle length) then I will try really hard not to test too early. Having said that, with my second DS I knew 100% I was preg even before Af was due. Good luck SkiHorse. Hope it sticks soon. Dildocam - ha ha what a way to describe it. Honestly, the things we women have to go through!

hippychick66 · 31/08/2009 16:56

lal123 glad to hear that you're preg again. How awful for you to have had 2 mc's. Hopefully you're past the early stages with this pregnancy ??? It'll all be worth it in the end - I promise.

Original poster
Antiquarian · 01/09/2009 08:45

Hi Hippychick! That's a really interesting question. For me, I think I'm glad that I knew. I'm a bit of a control freak I'm afraid and I'd been getting my knickers in a twist about HOW you MAKE YOURSELF get pregnant. This has reminded me that a) you can't, you either do or you don't and b) that it may or may not work out, so to try and chill out a bit. But on the other hand, I have been pregnant twice before this, once ended in termination (nightmare) and second in my lovely DD. Anyway, in both these pregnancies I felt unmistakably pregnant. On this latest one, although I got the BFP, I had only one day of feeling even a little bit pregnant. After that I was trying to convince myself that I felt sick or something but knew that I didn't really. On Sunday morning I woke up thinking, bum, I STILL don't feel sick, and about one minute later ... got my period. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if you get the early BFP, I think that I knew deep down this time that perhaps things weren't quite right so should have been more cautions in my happiness!

What a long rambly answer. Sorry, still feeling a bit emotional I think!! Good luck with TTC.

OP posts:
LittleOneMum · 01/09/2009 11:17

Antiquarian

Thanks for posting this thread! I had an early miscarriage a few weeks ago and was coming on to ask all the same questions as you when i found your thread. We'll get through this. I have started trying again straight away but I have to say that i have not had the usual ovulation signs this month, so maybe it's just too early to try straight away? Keeping my fingers crossed for both of us.

sayanything · 01/09/2009 11:35

I'm sorry for your loss Antiquarian. Please don't think you're making a fuss about nothing. I had a very early miscarriage two months ago and I too felt that I was being unreasonably sad and emotional - my DP was really quite breezy about it. In the end, it was my doctor who made me see that I had every right to be sad and upset, that a loss is a loss regardless of how long you've been pregnant.

My doctor also did an echo - to rule out ectopic pregnancy I think. She also told me that I could go ahead and TTC immediately, but the miscarriage messed up my cycle quite a bit. I don't think I ovulated, I had period-like bleeding for a day or so 10 days after the MC and my period was a week late (counting the day of the MC as day 1). So there's no medical reason not to TTC, but perhaps you could wait to see how your body reacts.

Best of luck when you decide to TTC again and fingers crossed for all of us!

lal123 · 01/09/2009 11:45

hippychick - well past the early stages now - just over 32 weeks and on countdown to maty leave!

Antiq - I think you're possibly right about knowing deep down that something was wrong with pgs that ended in mc. Sad thing is that mcs make you think that about EVERY subsequent pregnancy.

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