Do you ever just think "what the hell, its never going to work, so why am i doing all this"?

[OracleInaCoracle]

i think back to the 2 weeks before i know i was pg with ds and i

• got so drunk that a taxi driver threatened to throw us out of the cab because we were singing.

• climbed onto the roof at work in torrential rain to unblock the guttering because the kitchen was flooding

• drank 2 bottles of wine with lilsis and fell over trying to switch the security light on

• got so stoned that i had to be put to bed

smoked a lot* of cigarettes and drank every night with the chefs after work

• lived on as little food as possible and lots of strong coffee (was restaurant manager) working up to 18hrs per day.

and now i try to be the purest of the pure to concieve another dc. does it really make any difference?

Lissielou, I've also stopped 'being good' this month and already feel a whole lot better. Been ttc#2 for 18months, with 3 mcs (and 1 ep before ds) and I'm sick of taking folic acid, being afraid to have a drink after ov., being afraid to overdo it digging on the allotment, afraid of doing anything really. I've even been taking low-dose aspirin, but it's giving me heartburn and I just can't be arsed anymore .

I think it's all crap and I'm going to be as debauched as it's possible to be with a toddler in tow and to hell with it !

funtime, sounds like youve been through the mill. i think theres a point where you have to say "ive done everything, cross my fingers and hope for the best"

lol - I hate that 'relax and it will happen' thing. There always seems to be an assumption that someone who has been trying for 2 years or more is just not relaxing enough!

I also wonder how long I will have to shove vitamins in my mouth!

beanieb, ikwym. i am a walking bottle of vits. i may as well be taking tic tacs for all the good its done me!

I KNOW!
But then i have a niggling, a big niggling feeling and i just cant give up yet.

We have had a month off, becasue we needed it.
2 years of hoping, and all that effort.

seeing gynae man soon,. then with his advice, we will start agin next month.

I had an enforced month off this month because I was told not to have sex as my HSG was going to be done late in my cycle. I hated the idea at first but it was actually quite good not having that wait and not remembering what day my period started and is due to start again!

Now am just waiting for period to turn up and it's all hands to the pump again!

Deany - it's crap isn't it, waiting do long and nothing happening. Good luck with the Gynae.

i just dont know how (when ds was such a surprise) ttc has become so technical. had every test known to woman and still they are baffled.

beanie, did you get results there and then?

deany, thats good. do you have an appointment yet?

not completely, though they did say that my tubes looked clear and fine. I have to wait for them to do the report and then discuss it all with the IVF people but as it stands they seem to think I'm ok, not blocked at least.

well thats good news at least. i remember when i had my hsg the doc was trying to force the ink through a "blocked tube", i told him it was hurting and he said "this left tube is blocked and i cant shift it", me: "there is no fecking tube on my left side. it was removed in feb 2007. do you not read notes you stinky psycho"

omg! that's awful Lissie!

i know, the docs around here are terrible at this type of thing.

Sounds like some of the doctors I've met Lissie .

Good luck with the appointment beanyb. I'm getting my bloodtest results from the mc clinic this week.

And I've sent the day digging in the garden, I've got a glass of wine as I type, I'm 6dpo and I don't care !

i couldn't agree more with the op.

got pregnant with dd whilst having a really turbulant drunken time. i had no idea till i was already a week late, thought dh and i were being 'careful'. i was literally drinking and smoking my arse off.

4 years later we're 'trying' for the first time and it feels like work, bloody horrid grapefruit juice, feeling guilty about the odd glass of wine, even worrying about whether ROC Retinox moisturiser is safe to use...

ttc is all i can think and talk about and we're only 2 months in. i'm dull, dull dull.

ah, i suppose a lot of the changes weve made have been positive, but weve made those changes for a reason and if anything they seem to have made things worse!

I'm planning on getting squiffy this weekend in defiance...but only if AF has arrived . So rock 'n rock !

pissed off. period is here 4d early, thats now 3y4m that we have been ttc.

Hello, I'm feeling bitter so going to jump in and say YES.

As Ray knows (hi Ray), my period is 10 days late but I've just had a BFN (two, in fact).

Have given up smoking but there is a work do tonight and I feel like getting tanked and smoking a pack of 20 and waking up with my knickers on my head and my face in a kebab tomorrow morning.

Rarrr.

In answer to the thread, yes, yes and YES! Nearly 2 years of trying, not caught once. Am loving your drunken tales though, they have made me smile. Just finished AF, so boyf is in for a fun fuelled few weeks. Wish me luck..........

Yes - have given up on folic acid. Dh appears to have given up sex which doesn't help. We started ttc #2 when ds was 18mo. He's 4 next month. 2 mc down the line, including 3 months of being completely paranoid that mp returning (as things didn't settle down for ages) I've removed myself from the ttc threads - doesnt' seem applicable any more.

you know mistlethrush, the only ttc thread i freqjuent now is the step away thread. (and the hut, but thats not really a ttc thread is it?

belgianbun, congrats!

laurielou, thanks (i actually toned them down for fear of a mn flaming)

joy, did you get shitfaced?

Yes! I am having a very bad day - managed to convince myself that I was more fertile after my mc in January and found out yesterday that. actually, I'm not. In a pretty dark place at the moment tbh.

Sick of the f**king sight of folic acid but am on my 2nd cup of caffienated coffee to console myself.

When we concieved ds(about 2 days after we got married it seems - we were going to officially start trying in the January and were pg by December)we were both drinking buckets of booze, smoking lots, drinking coffee etc. I also distinctly remember ordering a virtually raw steak one evening before Xmas. We were quite stressed because it was the run up to our wedding and I continued to drink loads as it was Xmas and New Year!

A healthy, apparently unaffected ds emerged 9 months(ish) later.

Been ttc number 2 since last August - BFP in December followed by mc in Jan. Gave up smoking,caffiene, cut down massively on booze (1 glass of wine a night tops) , lots of Pregnacare "conception" blah blah.

Tis all bollcks. Sorry I'm having a bit of a negative day.

dont apologise, its all still pretty raw. its frustrating that everyone else we know seems to get up the stick as soon as they drop their knickers. up until recently ive got pg quite easily and have had probs staying pg, now ive had to ring cons to make appointment and the next step is clomid. 2y ago i was quite excited about clomid, now i feel a bit meh about it.

Yeah - plus my next door neighbour, my SIL and one of my closest friends are all in their trimesters. I can't move without bumping into a pregnant person it seems. Delighted as I am for them, as you say, it all feels very raw at the moment.