Assisted conception and the bits inbetween Part Two!.......

[spook]

Hi everyone.
New thread starts here....

OAP you have my deepest sympathies, to be given such a glimmer of hope and then have it dashed away seems so cruel.

I have been low the last couple of days (and am not at inlaws which doesn't help) and am wondering if we are moving too fast into another cycle and have spent the morning exploring chinese acupunturists. I think my body might need to be more in tune. I seems such a lot of money to spend on a maybe (the IVF I mean).

I am so confused, tired and tearful at the moment and the energy of holding it all together in front of MIL is tough. DH is being fab and has taken DS, MIL and dogs for a walk so I can rest and get some extra sleep.

I know it is only a post progesterone reaction, but I can't help thinking that my body is really messed up at the moment (always get heaps of constipation after ET and wonder if that affects babies chances). Maybe I am just looking for a reason.

Ah so weak in my faith today. Still a good cup of tea and a bit of kip will do the trick.

OAP HUGE HUGE HUGS to you.

that should read am NOW AT IN LAWS btw

OAP how are you today? Been thinking about you...
Nappy sorry you're feeling so low. Where in the world are you? are you in London? I see an amazing lady on harley st www.londonacupuncture.co.uk think they have clincs in ealing, chiswick and windsor. I see a lady called Christina and i think it's partly down to her that I started ovulating again and my cycles are more regular. She is so good and so supportive - she knows so much about ivf and all the clinics. 80% of what they do is fertility related. I went to neals yard for a while but wasn't at all impressed...who ever you see make sure they specialise in fertility otherwise you're probably going to be wasting your money.

Hello everyone else x

Just a quick post on my way out.
So sorry oap it is just crap sorry.
Nappy if you are interested in trying some accupunture I see a wonderful lady in Thornbury Avenue in Shirley her name is Penny Clay. She has help me loads this cycle and seems to really know her stuff.She is in the Yellow pages. Its £45 per session.

Hello everyone else as well.

Thanks to you all, your support is lovely. I am trying to keep busy (house has never been so clean) just to get through the next few days. Stiff upper lip and all that.

Mowmi - as soon as I had the first scan I thought of you, and then looked up all your old posts on here. I think the only difference really is that I've had blood tests this week, so know pretty conclusively what is going on so the whole thing isn't drawn out if you see what I mean. I have to say I've found it helpful that you have gone through this on this thread so recently too.

I'm not going to decide right now what to do going forward as I'm probably not in a fit state to make a balanced decision. We don't have the luxury of a whole lot of time to hang around though - I'm 40 in December, and have an FSH of 10.3 as of last August. Life's a bugger sometimes, isn't it.

OAP, what a crappy, crappy thing to happen! while it's absolutely true that it's great that your body can get pregnant, it's not much consolation unless your mind and heart know it's only a trial run too... So very sorry. Nappy, hope everyone's spoiling you and helping you recover.

Second injection done today, I'm on 450 iu which seems quite a lot, but no symptoms apart from wanting to kill my boss, but that could just be normal!

bumpless thanks for the thought of sympathy, but we have not told DHs family about our trouble at all. We just say we want a large age gap when they ask! I think they might suspect by now though. So it was doubly stressful yesterday trying to talk about things without being heard.

I have been feeling really stressed about trying to fit IVF in early so we can go to Australia if it fails (to visit DHs sister) and it has really got me stressed. Also my right ovary has been really sore the last 2 days so we have decided to pull out of IVF for the time being. get me feeling healthy and look into acupuncture (thanks for the tip cedar) and get some more exercise and things.

Then try again later in the year AFTER going to australia.

Not sure about the last bit, as the age gap is just getting wider and wider, but as it is a our last chance, I think we need to consider it. personally I would like to leave it a few months and do the IVF in the summer and NOT GO TO OZ this year, but hey life is always about compromise.

OAP - so sorry sweetie, how heartbreaking for you and DH. Take time to heal, thinking of you

Bumpless for the record, I have used donor eggs for both my pregnancies. I don't have any ovaries, thanks to ovarian cancer 10 yrs ago, so this was my only option. I was successful both times i did the IVF. We used the same donor. I am now pg 2nd time around. For me it was the only choice. if you want to chat about it, let me know... good luck for this cycle
NW hope the acupuncture works ok for you

mowmi - hope you are ok too?

OAP big hugs and lots of chocolates its not easy keeping it togther but it gets better.

Nappy we also havent told DHs parents as MIL is quite over powering and cant be doing with the interference plus loads of tension due to DH arguing with sister and mother all the time. So it suits me not to have her ringing up and asking and wanting to know.

Am getting abit better at doing the injections but not sleeping very well and DD seems to have read my diary on my phone with the word INJECTION all over it. Now dont know whether to give her a reason for doing it as she also walked into the bathroom as i was filling the syringe and had to shove my hand in a cupboard.

Any opinions anyone??

Hope everyone else is well

XX

pinkie - how old is she?

Hi Flibberty - not too bad...think i'm throught the worst!

x

Mowmi - she is only 8 but unfortunately for me seems to have an understanding if the red stuff (af) comes back when mummy uses those cotton wool things (tampax) then theres no baby. And why isnt there one? That side of things is part of the heartache - she would like a sibling so badly and it seems like its the one thing that is not in my control.

On top of that she keeps over hearing my tactless mother asking questions about how i am feeling and when are the next blood tests etc. That could just make me scream.

Pleased you are feeling better.XX

Girls, girls, girls, I've just come back from my first scan (should have been baseline scan but being done after 5 days of stimming due to the chaos that seems to surround this clinic and this cycle), and I've got 5 follies! Count 'em, 5!!!!!! The Girl Who Cannot Respond is responding!! I was so braced for bad news and an abandoned cycle that now I don't quite know what to do with myself! I hope everyone else with high FSH can take heart from this. Still a long way to go, but this is the first really good thing that's happened!

Pinkie, grrrr to your M's timing - but gotta love your bright little DD!

Flibberty, that's wonderful that you've had success after such a horrible illness. Thank you for the offer to talk it though, which I will gladly take up if we don't get as far as we're hoping with my own geriatric eggs.

Nappy, we haven't told families either, can completely understand the need to protect yourself. A further thought on acupuncture, my very good therapist is a member of Zita West (bow, worship)'s affiliated network, which I think you can get info on from ZW's website, or by calling the clinic. They've only been setting it up for a few months, but it should guarantee some sort of expertise in fertility treatments. Mine charges £40/hour after the first session, which is £50, and I have complete faith in her. Maybe they'll have someone near you?

Big happy vibes to you all from my 5 mini-bumps!

Hi girls can I join you, you sound like a nice lot. I'm only doing IUI at the moment does that count? But I'm on my last try this month and I'm not hopeful (only one follicle this time), so if that doesn't work next stage will be IVF. Most of my friends are super fertile and haven't got a clue about alternative baby making methods so it will be nice to talk to some people who are more experienced with AC.

Bumpless That is totally amazing 5 good follicles so pleased for you.

Well the situation with dd took its own course.

Ladies Picture the scene.

Its 4pm and am sat on the toilet, trying to accurately and calmly draw up .5 buserelin when dd shouts mummy where are you. The new house has no locks on bathroom doors and i am stuck with the needle in the vial and nowhere to hide it.

DD promptly opens the door and says "what ya doin"?

"Am just taking some medicine", i reply.

"oh ok" says dd and out she walks.

gilly that sounds like a good idea, and the books seem like a positive idea but i dont want to lose her remaining innocence.

pinkie I can just imagine that. I think just telling her you need medicine is probably the safest bet or the moment. bless them though for their superb sense of timing!!

bumpless go follies go

duplomania Having a wobble is very very natural. When you look in that bag at all the bits it is exciting (because we always wanted to be nurses really) and also quite scary. Everyone has differing advice, but generally people recommend an ice cube to numb the entry site. I did not need it as I have a little ring a blubber left from DS that is perfect for shoving needles into. I would recommend a good stabbing action and then the bit that can hurt is pushing the liquid in. I found if you do that slowly then it is much less uncomfortable and does not swell up into a red lump afterwards. Deep relaxing breaths. I can only say that I have admiration for any skinny minnys doing IVF!

Good luck and report back on progress. And don't worry if you feel very elated after successful injection. This is not the drugs it is a secret adrenaline rush caused by doing something that seems very taboo/naughty, which several of us have confessed to!!

Oh forgot to say went to see chinese acupuncture lady yesterday, who basically said my "body is weak" , "my yin low, yan low" and tutted a lot. She has recommended a book called The Infertility Cure (which am awaiting delivery form Amazon) and she is very pleased that I have been tracking my cycle BBT and mucus, although have been v v slack over last 4 months. She needs to see them before she can decide what to do.

I was really impressed actually. And I had my first good nights sleep in a long time last night (thanks to the needles she shoved in the back of my neck I think) and also I have these funny pressure point plasters in my ear.

Bad news is that she wants me to cut out all the foods I am intolerant too (although don''t react to at the moment) that is wheat, grapes, wine, yeast, beer, chocolate and preferably dairy too!. This is because it can affect mucus and womb acceptance! LL she was immediately sympathetic to having a short LP and just tutted a bit, nodded and said "too short, too short" A bit like the yoda of fertility. It was so refreshing to have that appraoch rather than the ones we have had that take the "all LP is 14 days" blah blah blah. She was v concerned that my EWCM comes 4 days before OV, as this could indicate that the womb PH is wrong.

All v interesting and gives me hope and confirms that my body is totally out of wack.

We shall see, back again next Thursday.

Nappy your sentiments to duplomania are spot on, i was nervouse at first but not am proud of myself every time i get it right and i agree all hale to those who dont have a baby pouch for stabbing needles into, i too have a handle from dd.

The acupuncturist sounds great, i really believe in it, it has always worked for me when living in leeds but have now moved and dont know where to go and am not into going to any. Yours sounds spot on. Those ear things are funny, have you left them in, if you have before you go to bed start pressing them, gently and you may get a good night again as its meant to help.

duplo everyone really friendly on here so join in.

Hi Duplomania, nice to have you aboard!

Gilly I've been wimping out completely and making my DH do the injections, on the grounds that it's a bonding thing and means he's sharing the process (ha! ). After the first white as a sheet, shaking and fumbling episode he's become brilliant at it and I can't actually feel the needle going in at all (or see it with my arms over my eyes). He takes the whole thing slowly as I can't cope with the whole stabbing concept (how do I think I'm going to deal with childbirth if this is too much!!! I don't use ice but I do have a nice layer to stick the needle into! But today I was away for work so had to do it myself for the first time, and it was the first day of both injections too. Much better than I thought it would be and Nappy I hear you about that taboo high!!!!

Pinkie, I laughed out loud to picture your Toiletgate episode! Did you ever give her calpol out of a syringe as a baby? If she remembers it maybe that would be a non-scary reference for any questions she may have?

Nappy, I have been seeing an acupuncturist for the last five months. I was very sceptical at first but I find the treatments very relaxing I always doze off (although maybe I'm just overly tired???). Also I can definitely feel some strange buzzing feeling when the needles go in so something IS happening. Even though it has not made me pregnant yet
I guess I just need a combination of things to get my bfp, but I'm still hopeful.

Pinkie, glad your dd accepted your explanation, at least this way you won't have to feel so nervous about her catching you any more. Luckily my dd is still a bit too young to understand but just recently someone asked her "you want a brother or sister, don't you??" and I just said she preferred her dolls but really wanted to gag that person.

bumpless great news about your follies!

Welcome duplomania. Great news on the follies Bumpless. Just realised it's a week since I last wrote a proper post and am very to not have caught up and be writing a me, me, me post rant.

Been anxiously waiting a week for my AFC scan results and today got a letter from the hospital, which I nervously opened, and ... nothing about the scan at all ... just consent forms, vague protocol and a prescription for all the drugs, except it says it's only valid for 28 days for the Ovitrelle, which I don't need until the end of April. The instructions for what to do next are not very clear either. Feeling very with my clinic. At my IUI clinic the staff were lovely but everything was very confusing and often illogical and I'm beginning to think that this one will be the same. Why can't they just be clear?

What were you told at your AFC scans? I've seen posts (can't remember if here or on FF) where people were given a number for the AFC (and at least one where the woman was given her 'age' according to her ovaries). They didn't really say anything at the scan either other than I'd get the results in writing. Also tried to get some details from them about paying so that I can sort my finances out but they won't give me a straight answer for that either. Surely they should be able to answer a simple question about at what points in the process I have to make the various payments! Have to be there at 8:30 tomorrow for one of the extra scans for the research project so will try to get some answers then. Although I'm thinking of pulling out of the project because the literature says they envisage no side effects, but I was speaking to a friend who's been researching for herself and there are conflicting studies on whether extra scanning does affect the baby and I feel they should have been more upfront about that.

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to blow off some steam. Not sure whether it's incompetence or arrogance on the part of the clinic when they don't explain things properly and/or don't give you the results of your own tests, but either annoys me in equal measure. Feeling really PMT-ish today and am actually on day 11 so nowhere near. Dread to think what I'll be like when on the hormones too .

Hope you're all Ok, will catch up with the thread properly soon xx