Trying for a second baby and feeling disheartened

[ForestWren]

Just wanted to vent and see if anyone is in the same boat atm.

We’ve been TTC number 2 for about 6 cycles now and I got another BFN this morning, at around 11/12dpo. I got my hopes up this month as we really put work into it (! - not easy with a toddler) and I have been having cramps for a few days, which was a symptom with my previous pregnancies (dd1 plus an mc).

We conceived dd1 fairly easily, in about 3 months (although this came right after the miscarriage at 7 weeks, which also took about 3 cycles to conceive). So I naively hoped this one would be quick too.

DD1 is 20 months now and I'm starting to worry about the age gap and whether she'll have a sibling (I know I'm getting ahead of myself). I regret every time I asked parents if they were planning another!!! It's such a tough question to answer when you're trying.

I’m finding myself worrying that something has changed and reduced our fertility. In particular, my dh is now on antidepressants which could potentially affect motility. It would be a big effort for him to stop taking these as they've helped him so much. Another factor could be the fact I had a c section, but I don’t know much about about this. We're also now a few years older (35 and 36). Also, I'm still breastfeeding a bit. But my cycles are pretty regular so I don't think this is affecting things too much - any thoughts on this?

I know that really 6 months isn't very much in the great scheme of things, but it stung this month to see the BFN!

Hello, I just wanted to say that I am in a similar boat as you! We have been TTC number 2 for 10 cycles now, with an early loss on cycle 6. Like you we conceived in 3 cycles the first time. A lot of our friends have either had their second or are pregnant. Which didn’t bother me before but honestly, it is starting to a little now.

Our daughter is 2.5yrs. Just remember there are pros and cons to whatever age gap you have. The age gap is bothering me less now, I was really worried about that before as well. Having seen friends in the trenches with a newborn and 2yr old who is pushing boundaries all day, actually maybe it’s not such a bad thing we are not in that situation!

I was also breastfeeding sporadically but stopped thinking it could help me get pregnant…actually the month after is when I did conceive. I really don’t know if this was just coincidence. I also had a c section and it is always a niggle in the back of my mind saying that there is something wrong linked to the surgery. What I would say is don’t wait until 12 months to contact your GP as if anything like mine, it will take ages to get an appointment (I have one next month, I am 33 and we will be on cycle 11). Not saying you will need that as you are still very much in the normal range of TTC, but I think if you are 35 they recommend contacting them after 6 months anyway? If the antidepressants can affect motility then they can order a sperm sample for your DH which sounds like a reasonable thing to ask them to do.

You are not alone in this, TTC is really tough. I think when you have a child and have conceived easily the first time, it is difficult to navigate the second time around when things are taking a bit longer. X

Breastfeeding can effect it i would stop that if your ttcing.

Thanks MochaLove - sorry to hear you're having a tough time too! And I'm so sorry about your MC. They are just so cruel. Some of the worst days of my life I think. But so so common. Wishing you lots of luck in your TTC journey. Are you doing anything differently as time goes on? Both times I conceived I had accupuncture on 5dpo, so I should really schedule that in!

I am definitely dreading hearing about friends and family having their second, and I don't want to feel that way! You're right that there are so many pros from having a bigger gap, and tbh I think my LG will struggle with sharing us. She doesn't like me to hug the cat. So perhaps the older the better. Or perhaps we'll be a one and done family and will enjoy a simpler life. Let's see.

I do actually have a dr appt scheduled for next week, and will discuss everything in the hopes they can offer some testing to set my mind at ease. I also know that we just need to keep trying hard and hit lots of the fertile days as sometimes we only get about 2 goes in in the five day period. Plus work trips keep getting in the way.

I also agree - I think it is time we stopped breastfeeding. She loves it, and I kept going so long partly because we had a holiday abroad this month and I wanted it as a calming tool! But now we're home... I think it's time. CRY Will take your advice, StressedOutPeanut! X

Hiya - You're not alone

On cycle 8 of TTC, with one early miscarriage April time. Actually having some tests tomorrow as like you all wondering if there is an issue. Also a c section with my last one too so also wondering if that could be an issue but who knows.

I suspect it's just age, tiredness and also not being able to time things as well as with #1.

On breastfeeding, I actually stopped February time but as of yet has made 0 difference. Although she only really had one feed a day. If you're looking to stop might be worth a try, but don't get your hopes up just in case. I was very upset for the few cycles that followed

You definitely aren’t alone. We’re TTC#2 and I feel all the same things about the age gap increasing, and the slight sinking feeling at other pregnancy announcements (which I feel horrible about). There are now only two of us in my antenatal group still trying for #2 and all the pregnancy/baby chat can feel really isolating.

Only been trying since April but had a MMC at ten weeks at the start of July which needed medical management and my period still isn’t back yet so have this feeling of time passing while we can’t even try.

Might be worth raising the feeding with your GP if you’re seeing them anyway? Everything I read said sporadic feeding shouldn’t have an impact on conceiving if your luteal phase is roughly the same length as it was before DC1. Totally fair enough if you want to stop anyway, but if it doesn’t feel like the right time then might be worth asking. Hope the appt goes well x

That's good advice, thanks Firsttimerugbymum. Sorry you're struggling too. And sorry about your MC - not a nice club to be part of. Hope your tests are productive - would you mind updating here? Would be really useful to know what they might look at.

This discussion has got me spiralling a bit about the c-section side of things. I really hope it's not a factor for us all. I doubt any of us chose it as our first option. I don't remember being told about the secondary fertility affects. But I did have to sign the papers mid-contraction so who knows!

I do know lots of people who had babies after c-sections so shouldn't panic.

We'll all get there, I'm sure.

Hope you all have nice evenings!

Thanks Pottingsheddays - sorry you're in the club too! It must be so frustrating not to be able to try when time is ticking by. I'm sure you'll look back on this time in a few years and think it was just a drop in the ocean, but it must sting right now.

I'll ask the doc about feeding. My luteal phase is very stable now, 12 days, but I have heard the prolactin may create slightly unfavourable conditions. So I'll see! I think it's time to stop anyway.

Hi OP,

Also TTC baby 2. I have a 7yo DD. (don't worry about bigger age gaps me and my sister are 13 years apart). Also had c-section - was an emergency and had a general. I do remember being told to wait 18months-2 years before trying again in order to let the scar heal

Are you tracking ovulation etc? I'm starting to do this by tracking BBT and LH and using premom (as well as other apps - I've used others to track cycles anyway). if not could this be of use?

hoping that this will work for when I reach peak fertility/ovulation.

Definitely will update here! Tbh we went private as our GP wasn't that bothered about helping and I didn't want to wait around

I think it's just some blood tests, a scan and a semen analysis

Thanks @ForestWren you’re absolutely right, we’ll look back and a few months will mean nothing, but it’s so hard when you’re in the middle of it all and don’t know how things will work out!

In terms of testing, the EPU mentioned to me that GPs should now be running tests for vitamin D, thyroid and progesterone (as a minimum) after two losses. Thought I’d mention in case it’s helpful for anyone else as I always thought they wouldn’t do anything before three, but that’s just the threshold for the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I’ve got my blood tests booked in for a few weeks as I had a loss before DD too.

That’s nice to hear! I feel like when you’re adults the sibling age gaps don’t mean much do they. You’re either close or you’re not!

I did track bbt religiously while TTC the first times, but haven’t this time as I’m often up in the night anyway. Maybe I’ll try an oura ring. Anyone know if cheaper alternatives? I am doing ovulation tests so know roughly when I’m (hopefully) ovulating.

Good luck with your journey! I bet your 7yo will be lots if help when number two comes along!

yep - said sister has three kids and the older two (11 months apart) hate each other.

Like I said, I'm using Premom - paid £30 something for 6months of premium access (gives you access to reports etc) and that includes 25 free ovulation strips so I thought that was worth it. it's something like £10 a month I think otherwise

She's already coming up with names just in case and seems really excited for if and when it happens

It was really tough dealing with a miscarriage, ours was very early, and I had a bad feeling from the minute I tested positive because the line was a bit light compared to my first pregnancy. So sorry you’ve been through it too!

I have actually stopped tracking my ovulation like a crazy person, I was trying to find my peak maybe 3 x a day. TTC was almost taking over my life so I’ve decided not to really track now. Mid-cycle I maybe do a few tests but that’s it. I’ve just started taking a new fertility supplement (Zita West). Also trying to hit more days in my fertile period, as most of the time it’s only maybe twice. That’s life with a toddler! Interested about the acupuncture because I did read about that a little recently, is it recommended to have it around when implantation would be?

My LG is very sweet with other babies and I think sometimes she’d make a lovely sister. However I do think like yours, she doesn’t like it when the dog is getting attention and she isn’t 😂 so I’m not sure how she’d actually take to a sibling!

Please do update us with how your GP appointment goes, hopefully they can get some tests booked in for you. And if it helps, stopping breastfeeding was definitely worse for me than my LG. I think she only asked for it about twice and there were not many tears! So I knew she was ready to stop.

Hey ladies! I could have written these posts too. We have a son born 2024 who we TTC for 6 months, then started trying for number 2 March 2025. Conceived straight away but had a miscarriage, then since August last year had no luck!
I have had some bloods done with the GP and my husband had a sperm analysis but no obvious issues - they have put me on a waitlist for an ultrasound but I think that will be months so we are paying private for that now.
I also had an emergency section and often wonder if there’s any problems there but then surely I wouldn’t have got pregnant at all!
Solidarity to you all - all I’m seeing is pregnancy announcements at the minute! Think all but 1 of the pregnancy yoga group I was in with my son are now pregnant or had baby no 2. Trying to get over the fact they won’t have a close age gap now

I’m not quite in the same boat as haven’t been TTC long, but really relate to a lot of the sentiments here! It took us more than a year to conceive DD1 (now 19 months) and it’s always been at the back of my mind that having a 2nd baby could be another long process. She was also born by emergency C-section. We started trying for a 2nd recently and I’m currently in the TWW of cycle 3. Like you, I’m finding it tough mentally - one day the thought of another long TTC is my biggest worry, the next day it’s the thought of a toddler and a newborn! Wishing you all the best. I guess all we can do is stay calm and roll with whatever happens!

Ah that is so sweet. I like that you’re talking to her about it. Good to be open and honest!

I’m a twin and we’re very close, so I think I’m a bit skewed about the importance of age gaps!

I definitely went a bit mad when we were Ttc after the miscarriage. Lots of ovulation tests, bbt tracking, trying to get it in twice a day etc! But honestly - it worked. Don’t have the energy for all that this time!

I must have got 5dpo from somewhere, maybe my acupuncturist? I think it’s the time when you’d hope to implant, yes. I also had a holistic ‘native American’ treatment at the same time by accident. I went to an osteo and told him about my mc and he said he was also a healer so I said ‘why not!’ Maybe I’ll go back to him too!

Welcome! It’s so hard isn’t it. Luckily my NCT group all seem to be too traumatised still to be thinking about number two, apart from one who has already had their second! Theirs was a lovely story though. Late thirties/ early 40s, Years of trying, just about to do IVF, then bang! Then got pregnant again v quickly. So I do not begrudge them at all. I don’t begrudge anyone really. But it can sting at first. You all understand!

So sorry about your MC - pleased that they’re giving you tests. How easy was it to get a private scan? Are you going to a specialist clinic?

If i were you I'd get a blood work yp for both of you.

Despite breastfeeding your prolactin level might not be high enough to affect conception.

Back to basics - are you both as rested and relaxed as you can be, taking prenatal/conception vitamins + omega 3 + vitamin d? Plenty of exercise for DH?
Plenty of enjoyable sex throughout the month?

Also please try not to get hung up on a 2 year age gap

Yes I think once I am pregnant I will be overwhelmed by fear of having two little ones actually!

Really hope things move quickly for you. Three months is nice and early so you have lots of time ❤️

Update on the testing today - ultrasound done and I suppose good news that they didn't see any issues. Lining was a bit thin, but apparently for where I am in my cycle that is normal.

Awaiting the bloods and semen analysis next week

We do all seem to have had c sections, which is concerning....

I haven't read the entire thread but just wanted to pop on and say I had no luck conceiving dc2 until I completely cut out breastfeeding dc1 who had just turned 2, it was only 1 feed too within a 24 hour period.

I stopped abruptly (which caused crazy hormonal symptoms!) Then got a positive test the following month. Currently feeding our newborn now as we speak!

Good luck 😘

In a similar boat here, though TTC baby number 3 (I know the title said DC2, just the rest of your post really resonated!)

Had 2 EMCS and been trying to conceive for 9 months now with no hint of a line. The age gap thing is really worrying me, I really wanted them to be close in age so they have the same interests and could play together. Feeling so down about the whole thing. I wanted to TTC last year but it wasn’t the right time for a number of reasons so waited until December 2025 and have had absolutely no luck.

Also still breastfeeding my daughter, though only at night and my luteal phase is 14 days so feel it shouldn’t be affecting things? Don’t want to stop and then still not get pregnant, think that would be the worst of all worlds for me!

Am really worried that my second CS, which was performed very fast as her heartbeat was dropping, has really messed things up and I can’t conceive again. Been doing ovulation sticks, dtd every other day, hitting all the key days and nothing!! I thought I’d be given birth in September, instead I’m not even pregnant! My second was conceived very fast, and my first fairly quickly so don’t understand what has changed this time, other than the C-sections. So sorry for everyone else in this position ❤️

Conceive plus lube has worked for me and my friends. Not a miracle cure but every little helps. Start trying before you think you're ovulating. Make sure both if you are taking vitamins and have good diets. Men's diets are important too for the process.