Baby trapping my husband?

[meerkatmummy]

I’m 39, partner is 38. We’ve been together for 15y and have two beautiful boys (age 7 & 5). I’ve never felt “done”, but he only ever wanted two children so I had accepted we weren’t having anymore…. Until a few months ago.

He casually dropped into conversation hints about having a third child a few times, just throwaway comments here and there. however every time I question him he tells me he would have a football team if it made sense financially. Another child means childcare costs (we have no family support), a bigger car, activities/days out cost more. We aren’t rich, but we are also far from poor. We’re comfortable.

I can’t get the idea out of my head, but every time I mention it to him he just says the same thing. “It doesn’t make sense financially”. No amount of “we will manage, people with far less money than us do it. We just have to tighten up our belts a little and have less treats, We have plenty of love to give” will sway him.

Here’s the thing…. I’ve not been on contraception since I had my youngest (and he’s well aware of this). We don’t use protection; I know my body well enough to know when I’m ovulating so we just avoid dtd around that time. Would it be so bad if I “accidentally” got my dates wrong? I mean I know there’s no guarantee of actually getting pregnant, and even if I do it could take months, I’m also not getting any younger! I feel it’s now or never.

It's a terrible idea but the fact he's has been having years of unprotected sex is reckless.

Being unmarried (?) are you financially independent, own the house, etc?
(Edited because it said husband in title but just partner in the original post.)

I have a 15 year gap with my sibling, I loved having a baby to play with and we get on great as adults! Very similar to any other adult sibling dynamic

No I wouldn't. You're wanting something you won't get, the celebration of pregnancy together, the joy of raising a baby you both wanted.

If it is a deal breaker for you, tell him that and be prepared to leave. If it is not a deal breaker tell he you would like to make a decision, baby or vasectomy. I would imagine once he has done that it would be much easier for you to come to terms with no more babies.

I’m hoping this is rage bait because that would be a disgusting thing to do.

Thing is saying you would really like another child, isn't the same as saying yes let's have another child.
I would love to have cats, I say this every now and again, and mean it most sincerely. DP is highly allergic to cats. Therefore we don't have cats.

Have the conversation - baby trapping your DP is horrible

Yes it would.
It would be a terrible terrible thing to do.

Sit down like an adult and have an adult conversation about a third.
bring the maths and show you can afford one debate your side and go from there.

If he really doesnt want one he needs to stop the baby chat and use condoms or grt a vasectomy because its making life very hard for you.

Yes, it is "that bad". It's deceitful and if I was a man and someone did this to me, I'd be off!

Obviously she shouldn’t do this. But HE should use a bloody condom.

I had a baby from a man i said I didnt want to marry , he tried to trap me with a baby, he poked holes in the condoms without my knowledge, when I found out I was pregnant I left him. I love that child with every part of me, but the child comes with alot of mental health issues that iv been burdened with, he isnt in the picture , this child is 16 now. He has only ever known a loving home but he doesnt know the fight to give it to him. The father of said child lost everything because of his actions and then my nurse at my first appointment told me I could press charges as its classed as rape. I did not press charges and I chose to raise said child and I dont regret it but the other parent got nothing because of his actions and then chose to disappear. You could potentially lose everything your family have created, the life you and your partner have made for yourselves. You are talking about possibly asexually assulting your partner and ending your marriage the trust built between you both for another child. Really think about it all OP . I think the best thing you can do is sit down and talk to your husband about another baby. Go to him with all the pros. Show him how you can work the budget around another baby if no one else is missing out. I can also tell you from experience that, the done feeling never happens. I had 4 more kids to my current husband and I still dont have the done feeling, you just have to know when you have reached yours or your partners limits.

If he is that against it why isn't he wearing a condom or getting a vasectomy? He can't blame OP entirely if he isn't bagging up.

@Coffeeandbooks88 but why is the responsibility always on the man ?

Honestly I think you're mad if you go ahead with it. What if your child was bron with additional needs? I totally get how you feel. 6 years ago I was physically aching for another baby. It was a pain that wouldn't go away. Hubby wasn't on board at all. Kept telling me we'd talk about it in 6 months. He finally gave in and we tried for one month. No baby was made that month and then he told me he didnt want any more kids. We already had 2. I was so upset and I honestly thought my heart would break. The following day we got some very sad news. I realised then that I should be grateful for everything we already had. Now I look back and think what was I thinking. My kids are almost teens and life is easier (also much more expensive) Hubby also got a vasectomy in the meantime so its most definitely off the cards. There is no way I would have gone behind his back as we had too much to lose. You should definitely think about what you're planning.

Don't do this. I did and he had an affair and left. Said it took years to forgive me. Now I only see the child I longer for 50/50 and have to watch him have a step mum.

It's the worst thing I ever did, 3 kids is also impossible with holidays and the age gap means someone is always left out.

I am just grateful my ex loves the child and pays maintenance towards him.

It is shared but you can't say you were tricked if you knew she was not on contraception and didn't used any.

Well if they usually use the planning method successfully and then she deliberately lies and tricks him then he literally has been tricked.

This is a truly horrendous idea.

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