Is 39-40 too old for kids?

[Monzo235]

Hi. So I’m a man and don’t know much about this. I’m also 29.

I’ve been dating a 36 year old woman who turns 37 in December for the last 3 months. I’ve been quite concerned about timelines. Up
till now I’ve not even thought that much about kids. It’s something I know I wanted at some point but never considered it that hard. But as she’s 36. I feel pressure to get moving now.

She doesn’t seem as worried about timelines as I do. She says if we get more serious and she’s decided I’d be someone she wants kids with, we could look at freezing eggs. But she doesn’t want to seriously discuss that yet as it’s too early

thing is, I could see this going that far if everything aligns. IF.

But I’m having a lot of anxiety that we will get that far. Then she can’t have them because she’s too old. Which would be a disaster because honestly I’d have to leave her. And I actually think I’d feel quite angry if we got that far and she hadn’t taken it seriously enough, and now I’m stuck having to break my own heart and hers to go after something else, in my early 30s. When I’d worry about dating.

im worried she isn’t taking this seriously enough. I don’t want to end up in an incredibly emotionally tough spot.

can anyone chat to me about this? This is a really hard position for me and I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t

I had one at 40, and one at 41. No issues (tho I had PPH at birth but it was not serious).

How will you end up in a horrible position? You’ve said if she couldn’t have children you would leave her? Also, you are assuming no issues with your own fertility. You never know.

Good advice here. Also think dont sweat but it but OP isn’t wrong to have some concerns. At least he’s being honest about it.

I’m 40 and had our baby last year: my partner is 47. We conceived easily and had an easy pregnancy and birth and our daughter is healthy and happy. You have plenty of time, it’s lovely you are thinking of future babies but you have time to let things take their course.

For women, the risk of miscarriage and Down’s syndrome increase with age. So she’ll be higher risk in her late 30s. If you want children then you’ll need to build a relationship with a woman who’s a similar age to you. Many women break up with men because the man doesn’t want children. It’s no different if it’s the other way round.

Agree.

@Monzo235
I had my first at 37 and my second at 40.

You both should be enjoying your relationship and focusing on having fun and feeling good and go through the butterflies and honeymoon phase

I agree, OP!

Read his other threads and see if you still agree. He has red flags coming out of his ears.

No

I've read them now. I think the original dilemma on this thread is fair enough but the number of threads, repetitive nature and clear levels of anxiety suggest he'd benefit from therapy.

Has anyone here stopped to think that maybe the reason why the OP has started multiple threads might be because in each one he effectively gets dunked on and considered a walking red flag just because he has a dick and balls? He's trying to get HELP. So HELP him.

My God.

Have you actually read his threads? Lots of people have offered him thoughtful, genuine advice. It's nothing to do with him having a dick and balls.

He was given lots of help- to leave her, seek therapy before starting another relationship, and get his own fertility thoroughly tested before becoming so concerned about anyone elses- right from his first thread.

Didn’t take any notice and just keeps posting the same shite.

Kind of agree. And I’ve never seen a young woman who asked for advice about dating an older man who is unsure about whether or not to have children being told that she should get her fertility checked first. A lot of women are in the position of definitely wanting children and being with a partner who seems to be rather lukewarm about the idea, but they get more helpful replies (bar a couple of posters who actually offered advice).

I think you are actually being very mature thinking ahead and establishing whether she wants kids or not. You know you do so you do have to establish this early on in your relationship as time is not on her side.

I had my second baby at 39 years old. My sister had her first baby at 42 years old. So every possibility she can conceive even in her early forties.

If she is not keen on having kids ( sorry if you have already clarified that. ) I would move on and look for someone that does.

He's had many hundreds of helpful responses on his many other threads about the exact same issue. His issues are way above the pay grade of mumsnet.

I think you are actually being very mature thinking ahead and establishing whether she wants kids or not. You know you do so you do have to establish this early on in your relationship as time is not on her side.

I had my second baby at 39 years old. My sister had her first baby at 42 years old. So every possibility she can conceive even in her early forties.

If she is not keen on having kids ( sorry if you have already clarified that. ) I would move on and look for someone that does.

no one’s actually answered my question at all. Just had a go at me

lots of people have answered your questions, but you don’t appear to be listening. Why bother posting, if you’re not going to take literally any of the responses on board? - I’m not being glib, genuine question!

No woman can guarantee you a baby, your partner deserves you to stand by her. My husband and I started trying when I was 24 and took us 3 years to eventually conceive via IVF. A tough journey and I would have of course been devastated if I hadn’t had my husband’s support. I don’t think you’re the man for her.

Honestly it’s not hard, you have known her 3 months and you don’t know if you “love her enough yet” she clearly is biding her time until she knows you better. Actually you sound like a drama queen, creating problems where there are none.
enjoy yourself and go with the flow. Frankly I expect that she will ditch you,you sound like too much hard work.