Anyone else in the early stages of their TTC journey for baby #1?

[Ivylilac]

Hi everyone,

We’re early into our TTC journey and are currently on cycle number 2 for our first baby. I’ve also never been pregnant before.

I’m currently on day 14 of my cycle but my cycles are around 25-27 days on average, so my Flo app predicted I’d ovulate on day 12 based off symptoms of ovulation from previous months which have been quite consistent. We dtd on day 7,8,10 and 11 and haven’t been able to do it again since due to clashing work schedules, mega long days and then being exhausted in our free time as a result, so I have no idea if we’ve done enough this cycle.

Either way, it would be nice to chat to others in the same boat who are also only just starting their TTC journey! :) I told myself this cycle I wouldn’t count down the days or symptom spot like I did last cycle, but it’s hard not to already!

I’m feeling a bit deflated this morning. We’re only month 3 of trying, but the planned sex is just putting such a strain on us. We haven’t DTD since Wednesday (got my static smiley that morning) and I don’t think we will now for the rest of any potential fertile days, as neither of us want to. It does deflate me though because then I worry we definitely haven’t done enough now this cycle and it makes the journey ahead feel very long, as I have a real gut feeling this month isn’t the one. We both said we’re going to stop tracking anything next month and just try and act like we’re not trying, as although its given me a good idea on when I ovulate, it’s made everything feel way too regimented.

Hope you’re ok @Couchtattie it’s a tough process isn’t it. It’s really hard not to feel under pressure and it’s such a rollercoaster with feeling hopeful and then anxious and then upset if you get a BFN and with your chemical too it must have really been so up and down. Hope you’re ok and look after yourself.

I know how you feel. We DTD everyday in the first cycle fertile window and by the second cycle we were doing it a lot less! We did it when I got the static smiley and then not again. It doesn’t take long for it to feel too much. I also wonder if we didn’t do enough but I think I need to think long term - I.e expect it might take months and accept that some months we’ll be able to DTD more than others. Next month we’re going to be v busy in what I expect to be my fertile window so doubt we will have much chance. I think just I need to see it as a long term project and not put too much pressure on each individual month!

@Ivylilaci agree it does put so much pressure on! I don’t tell OH when its time we just DTD fairly regularly anyway but he’s been so tired this week I’ve had to initiate more and it’s only been every other day.
If you were DTD before Wednesday you may be covered anyway so fingers crossed!
I haven’t even had static / peak OPK yet it’s so annoying, I just want it to be over so I can relax more x

We were the same, it felt exciting and an adventure the first two cycles, so it was easier to get the motivation. Now we feel like it’s doing it for the sake of it. That’s a good way of thinking actually, seeing it as a long term project rather than a pressured process each month. I just feel like it’s so hard to plan anything long term. We wanted to look at summer holidays and stuff, but I don’t want to book anything, as I just don’t know where we’ll be by that time, but equally I don’t then want to keep missing out on life if this doesn’t happen for us until the end of the year for example. Such a tricky situation!

Yeah I think I need to stop telling my partner what stage of my cycle I’m in, as I think he then feels the pressure more than me, which definitely isn’t helping. We DTD on Tuesday evening and Wednesday evening and I had a flashing smiley from Monday morning and a static from Wednesday morning.

That’s so frustrating for you that you haven’t had a static yet! How many days have you had flashing for now?

Thanks girls ❤️ @Ivylilac I totally get what you mean about the regimented sex. It’s also putting me off having sex outside the fertile window because I don’t have the highest libido so it’s like I’m saving it up for then 🤦‍♀️🤣

I’m a twice a week girl!

It’s a shame as like you, I found the first couple of cycles fun but now it’s just a chore. I think I’ll do one more month of OPKs and then just go with my body.

Yeah the future planning is difficult, it’s Sod’s Law that as soon as you start booking things etc, you’ll get a BFP! But it’s helpful to have things to look forward to, so I’ve continued booking things a month or so in advance. Held back on DHs 30th in October though as we were originally saving up for a two week holiday but that seems quite a commitment just now.

Very frustrating! I’m on day 8 of flashing smiley now.

in Jan & Feb I got my OPKs peak on CD13
in March not until CD17
I’m CD16 now so probs just another later peak

@Wiennetta yes that’s exactly the struggle, the emotions each month and the hopeful 2ww. The pressure to DTD enough so you feel you’ve at least given yourself a fair chance etc. It is draining x

I’m with you! My libido is ok during my fertile window but after that I’m also a twice a week girl!

Same, it’s becoming very much like a chore now! I do think all the tracking this month though has contributed to that, so that’s why we’re just going to stop trying so hard and let things progress naturally. If we get to cycle 6-7 and it’s still not happening then maybe we’ll reassess, but definitely if we go into cycle 4 I think we need to stop.

I know that’s what I worry. Like you, we’re planning things for the month ahead, but no further than that, just in case. I’m also trying to plan things that are easy to get out if we needed to and won’t lose any money, so lots of free cancellation policies and stuff and only really looking at holidays in this country for now!

Ah ok so it’s not completely out the ordinary then for you to have a flashing smiley for this amount of time. Hopefully it turns up tomorrow! Keep us updated!

I haven’t explicitly told DH anything about the cycle other than the fact that there is one. He’s from a family of all boys and has limited context for these things but he’s historically had a ridiculously high drive so that helps. I do think if we wind up TTC for a few months i may have to come up with a different approach to avoid feeling like the pressure is all on me as I’m more of an every other day or two person but for now I’m trying not to stress. I’m going to count myself as DPO1 for today and hope the holiday we’re headed on will distract from the TWW - will I be taking many tests with me? Yes, yes I will.

@mummm2 it sounds like today or tomorrow may be your day then! Fingers crossed for a static smiley for you soon.

@Couchtattie the future planning is the worst! DH is trying to plan all of his business trips and all I can think is how I’ll feel if I’m pregnant and he’s gone but it feels crazy to say that when we just started this TTC journey. I hope you do enjoy your big holiday! Perhaps you go and it might just also turn into your baby moon in addition to a nice holiday!

Also struggling with planning/not planning ahead!

Usually I have loads of trips/holidays planned and at the moment I just don’t know what the next few months-year will look like. I’ve got a couple of weekends booked which is fine I’m sure. But there’s things like a spa trip I’m not sure about (can obv use swimming pool etc but not the sauna/steam room if I do get pregnant and not sure I want to pay for something if there’s a risk I can’t really use much of it!) And a bike packing trip too.

It’s so hard as it’s such a weird space to be in - not pregnant but hoping to be soon. If you’re actually pregnant it’s easier - you know what you can and can’t do and once you’ve told friends and family it feels more straightforward.

It’s also been a bit weird for me in the TWW - I’ve been avoiding drinking. What about everyone else? But it’s obviously limiting doing that every month for two weeks for I don’t know how long! Especially as I haven’t told anyone I’m TTC.

@Ivylilac yeah I think that’s wise, the OPKs are great but I think they can just make the whole thing so consuming. I also think when you have DTD on peak days you are so full of hope and I wonder if I’d find the let down of my period starting a bit gentler if I wasn’t 100% on when I had sex etc.

@PearOpal Yeah I know what you mean, it’s things to consider but also feels overkill making decisions before anything has happened! I get you though. Yeah I hope so but then I also have weird anxiety thoughts like ‘would I even want to be abroad if I was pregnant etc?’ Then I’m like girl slow down none of this has happened yet 🤣

It is such a weird space isn’t it. No one knows we’re TTC, so I have to keep coming up with inventive reasons to avoid booking certain things!

I don’t actually drink usually, so that one has been easy to hide, as no one ever expects me to drink when we go out for dinner or something haha.

That’s a really good point actually, I hadn’t thought of that. Would it feel less of a let down if you weren’t tracking it and assuming you’d done enough for it to happen? Probably to be honest! Last month I was very gutted because I felt like we’d DTD on exactly the right days and then when it didn’t happen I was just like why?? What did we do wrong?!

Funnily enough since having that chat with my partner this morning about how next month we’re just not going to try as such, I feel a lot calmer about it all and have kind of accepted in my head that I don’t think this month will be the one, so I’m just not expecting anything to come of it as a result. Much easier to mentally deal with!

Haha I’m the same with the abroad thing, I’ve got it in my head I will never go abroad when pregnant, despite not being pregnant and not knowing what it feels like to be pregnant 😂

With you all on it being a weird space TTC without people around you knowing and how it feels a bit like limbo! Things like booking holidays for summer next year has been an odd one as we've no idea if I'll be pregnant or maybe even have a little one.

I'm at weddings in the next couple of months and a hen do, so naturally my mind has gone into overdrive thinking how I'll navigate it if only a few weeks pregnant. Despite not being pregnant yet 😂

@Ivylilac yeah the cycle before last, I didn’t track very well and I’m pretty sure I only DTD 4 days before ovulation, so I was unbothered by my period arriving. Yes, when you DTD on peak days and the days leading up to it and get a BFN, you’re like wtf I followed the rules !?

I’m glad you feel calmer after speaking to your partner and it takes the pressure off this cycle.

Yeah same, just completely writing off the idea of a holiday because of the assumption I’d feel rubbish or stressed, based on no evidence lol

Ah definitely much easier if you don’t drink @Ivylilac. I can easily get away with the odd night of not drinking but like @BrightSide234 I have a few weddings, hen dos and so on the next few months so I’m worried it might start to feel awkward! As all with the same crowd too!

AF arrived for me so onto cycle 3. Hope everyone else is getting on ok! Not sure whether to chill for cycle 3 and not test ovulation etc - think it might be good to have a break from it.

Sorry to hear about AF. Sometimes a break can be good. Just do what feels best and, most importantly, helps you feel supported and maintains your sanity! For what it’s worth I know I said I hadn’t tested and started BBT in around CD9 but I found that to be a good balance of almost fun to build out a chart and learn how my body works without the pressure of being 100% certain about ovulating since - I can guess but I dont know for sure. It could be a compromise if you aren’t sure which way to go.

Thank you @PearOpal I’ll look into that! Have heard about BBT but haven’t done it at all. Do you have to test at the same time every day and be quite strict about it?

Sorry to hear AF made an appearance! As @PearOpal says, do what feels right for you for cycle 3. I’ve personally decided not to track ovulation if I go onto cycle 4 next weekend, as I need a break from all the pressure of it. You could always take a break for this cycle and then track again in the next one if it got to that? Hopefully it won’t though and cycle 3 will be the one for you ❤️

They say you have to do it at the same time everyday for the most accurate results but honestly I’ve been traveling non stop this month across time zones and just doing it whenever I’ve woken up and it seems to be yielding good results - based on what I’m learning about how this works. Im sure they’d be better if I was more regimented but this has been more educational for me and something to feel like I’m trying to pay attention without driving myself crazy. I’m approaching this more as a learning tool then anything else but this is also only cycle #2 for me so I might get sick of it later down the road.

My ovulation hasn't happened so far this month - on day 23 and no sign of temps rising. I have a ultrasound today to check the thickness of the lining in my uterus but feels like it may be pointless as looks like I might not have ovulated at all this cycle. The female body is a wonder but my gosh it is frustrating! Hope everyone else is doing OK!