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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

We messed up.

37 replies

Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 03:39

My fiancé and I don't want any more children, we have 3. The youngest is 2.5 and our home is full our car is full and our budget is stretched to its limit. Tonight just as I was turning over to go to sleep he tried it. I initially wasn't feeling it and said I was too tired, but I changed my mind and we did. Except the condom split. I'm not on any contraception because I have blood pressure issues.

Now I'm awake 3:33 in the morning stressed because our budget is already at breaking point this week we could really do without having to go and get the morning after pill but our third child was not planned and we can't risk waiting to see, I told him I'd check my period app to see the likelihood and it says I'm ovulating and have a high chance.

Not only the cost, but I feel like it's embarrassing going to get it too, especially at my big age. I just wish I'd gone to bloody sleep 🫠 guess I'm just looking for somewhere to write down my thoughts seen as I can't sleep

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 17/01/2025 03:43

you know you’ve been foolish. Despite the tight budget you need to go and get the morning after pill, but you already know that.

if you cannot afford a 4th child and you cannot take any contraception it seems highly sensible for your husband to have a vasectomy to prevent this happening in the future

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 03:53

Temporaryname158 · 17/01/2025 03:43

you know you’ve been foolish. Despite the tight budget you need to go and get the morning after pill, but you already know that.

if you cannot afford a 4th child and you cannot take any contraception it seems highly sensible for your husband to have a vasectomy to prevent this happening in the future

That's the plan but he's not

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 03:56

Old enough, you have to be 30 and he's 28. It's in the plan for the next couple of years, I'll of course go and get it.

We have savings it's not like we literally cannot afford it, we can, and we could afford another baby if we really wanted to make it work, but we've got so much on our plates. We're in the process of buying a house, we are getting married next year, and our lives are already crazy. We couldn't have another baby for our own sanity

OP posts:
CatsandDogs22 · 17/01/2025 03:59

You don’t have to justify to anyone why you don’t want a 4th child.

Is the age thing an NHS thing? I’ve never heard of a man with 3 kids already being turned down a vasectomy, but I don’t live in the UK.

diggermama · 17/01/2025 04:00

You can have a vasectomy at any age OP. There isn't a minimum age that applies. Not sure if maybe you've been told that incorrectly.

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 04:05

His mums friend is a doctors receptionist and she told him they wouldn't do it untill he was 30 but it might be worth him making an appointment and asking for himself, our middle child has quite severe autism too so we've just soo much to deal with a 4th baby is not in our plan at all.

Im not sure I've been foolish, If I'd done it completely unprotected then fine but I did try and prevent this from happening. Fair enough I'm not on contraception but we did use a condom and always do. I didn't intent for it to break.

OP posts:
Ottersmith · 17/01/2025 04:10

Temporaryname158 · 17/01/2025 03:43

you know you’ve been foolish. Despite the tight budget you need to go and get the morning after pill, but you already know that.

if you cannot afford a 4th child and you cannot take any contraception it seems highly sensible for your husband to have a vasectomy to prevent this happening in the future

They used a condom you know. That is usually a valid form of contraception.

RawBloomers · 17/01/2025 04:13

You haven't been foolish, OP. Having sex with a condom isn't foolish. It's a hgue shame it split but that is unfortunate, not payback for your decision to have sex.

This is manageable. You need to suck up the cost of the morning after pill (though couldn't you get it for free from a clinic?) - which is a pain but there are far more expensive mistakes people will make today - and keep an eye on things to make sure it does its job. People manage failed contraception all the time. It's not a disaster.

Difficultwill · 17/01/2025 04:20

You are being responsible. Don’t feel embarrassed about going to the chemist for the morning after pill.
Have you considered a copper coil. It has no hormonal component but gives good contraception so should not affect your blood pressure.
Please don’t fret. It is very common and the pharmacist hands over many of these tablets to all age groups.
Good luck

Eenameenadeeka · 17/01/2025 04:20

Well the morning after pill will be a lot cheaper than the 4th child? I'd ask around about th vasectomy too.. given that you have multiple children I think it's different (was in our case) good luck!

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 04:23

I have to do it no doubt about it, but my local pharmacy is in the middle of town and always busy, I'm gonna have to put my big girl pants on and go in there with confidence. I did this once when I was 18 but it felt more socially acceptable then to make a mistake, not now in my 30's that's what I find embarrassing

OP posts:
Butterflygirl23 · 17/01/2025 04:45

You can get next day delivery on morning after pill so order today and can come tomorrow. You get up to 3 days but if you've already ovulating there's no point taking it is there? The egg might already be there waiting

Noodlesnotstrudels · 17/01/2025 04:48

I'm sorry to say that if you have already ovulated then the morning after pill may not work. However you can have an iud inserted to prevent pregnancy plus act as long term contraception. Do you have a sexual health clinic near you? It might be better to get an urgent appointment there to discuss all options, rather than buying the MAP over the counter.

UnderSeptemberStars · 17/01/2025 04:52

I don’t think the morning after pill works if you’re already ovulating.

Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 04:55

OP can you not get the morning after pill for free anymore? From a health centre? Can you call your doctors in the morning and ask it used to be free at the pharmacy

Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 04:57

It says on the NHS website you can get it for free from GP surgery's, sexual health clinics, pharmacy's that offer free contraception (not boots if I remember rightly) and a few other places - it's Friday tomorrow is there somewhere near you that you can get to ?

Also you don't need to justify why you don't want a 4fh child and you have done nothing wrong you didn't make the condom split it was an accident !

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 04:58

Butterflygirl23 · 17/01/2025 04:45

You can get next day delivery on morning after pill so order today and can come tomorrow. You get up to 3 days but if you've already ovulating there's no point taking it is there? The egg might already be there waiting

Oh god dont 😳 I wasn't sure how it worked exactly but if this is true shit!

OP posts:
Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 05:00

Oh sorry yes that is true about ovulating - because the pill works by delaying ovulating or something to do with ovulating. Coil would work - can you call GP or get to a sexual health clinic in morning?

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 05:03

I don't want another baby anyway, but if I did get pregnant it would be my third c-section in 5 years, just another reason this can't happen. I've still not been back to sleep since writing this, I'm up in an hour for the school run and he's snoring the place down, typical 😂

OP posts:
Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 05:05

Really hope there is a sexual health clinic that you can to today OP so you can get this resolved, what a horrible stress for you

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 05:06

Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 05:05

Really hope there is a sexual health clinic that you can to today OP so you can get this resolved, what a horrible stress for you

Thankyou, I'll get the kids off to school and nursery in the morning and go and get it sorted, I am stressed that I way have already ovulated though

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2025 05:08

His mums friend is a doctors receptionist

Not really a HCP!

Have him make an actual appointment. Take the pills but since you're ovulating, you may need an abortion.

Alwaystired2023 · 17/01/2025 05:09

PP is right that the coil will be effective in that case, so hopefully either way there is a solution that doesn't involve another baby arriving

Original poster
Thisismyname20 · 17/01/2025 05:13

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2025 05:08

His mums friend is a doctors receptionist

Not really a HCP!

Have him make an actual appointment. Take the pills but since you're ovulating, you may need an abortion.

I agree, we sort of just accepted this answer without digging further for ourselves which is rather silly, once this is all sorted I'll send him down to ask himself

OP posts:
Jk987 · 17/01/2025 05:38

A morning after pill is a hell of a lot cheaper than raising a child! And it doesn't keep you up at night!