Is feeling broody a sign to start TTC

[Harbourmoon]

I'm 30 years old, married and quite happy in life rn. Lately I've been feeling broody- like an intense feeling that I want a baby, that nearly feels physical? It almost feels obsessive

Part of me is worried about having a baby, just because I know my life will change and I'm in a child free social group (they have all stated they do not want children and won't have them). - but I feel this normal to worry about

Sometimes I wonder is this broody feeling my body giving me a sign that I should start trying?

For context my husband and I have used the pullout method for years, I track my cycle on an app and we avoid ovulation. But we've never had any mishaps

At 30, I would if I wanted to and my DH was on board. I wouldn't choose not to have DC because my friends didn't, that would likely end in major life regrets.

Hello! I had this feeling at 31, really intense but chose to be practical as like you wasn't ready for the lifestyle change then. The feeling passed and I'm glad I didn't give in as I did so many things (changed career when an opportunity presented itself, learnt a new hobby, had great hols and experiences and just enjoyed life). My friends then starting having babies 36 onwards (even the ones who previously said they wouldn't) and the broody feeling is now back at 38. This time I am listening to it because my mind and body are ready, and I don't have any regrets. In London where I am its really common to have kids mid-late 30s so there's no biological imperative unless you already know you've got fertility or other concerns. It's ok to enjoy life and achieve the things you want as a baby is life changing but not the soothing balm or distractor from problems some women see it as. You'll feel broody at other times too!

Bad advice.

Fertility declines rapidly.

No. Feeling broody can hit at any age, and in itself is no signal you ‘should’ have a baby. If you are sure want one, and are in a position to do so, that’s another matter, but feeling broody is no signal of anything other than having hormones. Or possibly boredom.

@gonnabeteoubleemma it doesn't fall off a cliff and the research the '35 year mark' was based on is now proven to be outdated and flawed. Many women on ivf in late 30s assume it's their age but there's no way to prove it wouldn't also have happened to them at 25. Fertility is complex and all the scaremongering is normally done because in a patriarchal society women are still seen as mothers before anything else. Happy mothers, resilient mothers, mothers who aren't resentful at the lifestyle change are much better mothers than mothers who makes decisions in fear and aren't ready. Having a child isn't just a biological imperative - it's about giving your child the best chance at a happy life that goes far beyond age.

Are you a mother?

The difference is, if you have fertility issues at 25, you have over a decade to try, fund however many rounds of IVF, have second children ect. If I was worried I would be resentful of my lifestyle change, I wouldn't also want to increase my likelihood of having a disabled child. I think people should wait until they are ready but I don't think we should lull people into a false sense of security, some people that wait do miss out on their chance at being a parent.

In my experience it fell off a cliff - I had one child age 32 and was infertile by age 36 and had multiple miscarriages and ectopics - had to spend best part of £40k to have another baby

Feeling broody is not a good reason to bring a tiny human into the world. I felt broodiest when I was 15. Guess what, I would have been a terrible parent.

Good reasons to bring a tiny human into the world are:
You really want to nurture another human throughout their whole childhood.
You can offer this human everything it needs to thrive.
You and your partner are prepared to sacrifice some of the things in your life. A hobby you currently do three times a week might become once a week etc.
You (and your partner) are emotionally competent, with the mental resources to deal with very tough times.
You are financially able to stretch to providing food and clothing for another person.
You are fully aware of the challenges parenthood can bring, including if your child has a disability.

Only if you're 100% sure you're ready for the lifestyle change. I was 100% sure and wanted a baby and the lifestyle with my whole heart, and yet I have a 5 week old currently and the lifestyle change is beyond what you could ever imagine, no matter how much people try to describe it to you beforehand

Well, no... have a baby if you and your partner really want one, understand how limiting it is, and you're financially and emotionally secure.

I was massively broody at 31/32, but didn't have my child until 36 because we waited until we owned a house. (In fact bring broody was what gave me the impetus to save hard rather than booking holidays and buying nice clothes.)

Realistically, if none of your friends have children you will probably lose touch with some of them. You'll make other friends with children.

I think it's odd to choose not to have children or wait until your late 30s just because that's what your friends have chosen. 30 isn't young to be a mum (it's in the middle but at the older end) and of course your life will change but I like how my daughter has changed my life and I love her. I was 26 and that isn't young either. My friend's mum started peri when she was 38.

Well, many posters on here have said they had children in part because everyone else around them was doing it, and they thought it was an inevitable ‘next life stage’ after ‘settling down’. It isn’t, of course, as shown by the OP’s friends. She’s got examples in her immediate vicinity of people choosing a different path.

My DD is very broody and she's 16 ...
She goes round the shops with her friends looking at baby clothes at the weekend and gets soppy when she sees babies.
I really hope it happens for her when she's older but not yet!!
Don't delay if you're in your 30s. I started TTC aged 31, finally got pregnant 2 years later, miscarried, then had DS at 34 and DD at 37.

I was horribly broody at 29 but not in a great financial position so waited a couple of years. Looking back I could probably have waited longer and felt more ready but I’d have been anxious to actively leave it beyond 35 (personally) with no significant reason to do so (like not having the right partner or a big career reason or not being sure I wanted them etc which is fair enough).

Oh god, I would be terrified! I hope she's on contraception! 😬

@gonnabeteoubleemma erm, do I have to be a mum to understand how conception and fertility and mothering works? Last I checked, you didn't need to have GCSEs, degree or qualifications to be a mum. My grandma was a obs/gyn with the army (had her first at 39 so she could focus on her career) - which I think is a better qualification to understand fertility than a mum in any case.

I had this the minute I hit 30. It was like being starving, and everyone else had food, but I didn't. My husband didn't understand at all, but as he had always been keen for children, we got on with it as soon as we straightened out finances, to allow for me being off work for a bit (I'm ancient, so there was so real mat leave in my job, I had to leave).

This isn't logical, sorry. Because at 25 if you can't have a child, there is absolutely no guarantee that even a decade of IVF treatments will work. And not many 25 year olds can afford multiple IVF cycles if the NHS rounds don't work. There are BILLIONS of women in the world - and each one has different fertility, even science can't predict it. Research says a high BMI shortens your life span and affects your baby, so by that token any woman who isn't watching her diet and exercise is doomed. There's health guidance on every aspect of life, yet for some reason many women only fixate on the ones around fertility. Guidance is exactly that - it's not rules for life and each woman will have a difference experience.

Yes @Harbourmoon it's time. Obviously there are many, many perspectives (which you will likely see in answers on this thread) but I'm going to cut straight to the chase from my perspective: you're in a long-term, committed, happy relationship, you're well into your grown-up years, you're younger than you're ever going to be and your body is still in its prime childbearing years.

It's not that I am choosing not to have children because my friends aren't- it's more that it creates hesitancy for me as this is my support group and I don't live near family.

I'm pretty settled, have a house and job, I do want children in my life- but it's scary taking the leap, especially when it's not something that's the norm in your life

I don’t know if I buy into the “being ready” thing as such. Financially ready, yes, but having kids hits you like a ton of bricks whether you’re 20 or 40, whether you’ve travelled or not, or whether you’ve climbed high in your career or not.
I was an older mum and financially I was very ready, but physically I do wish I’d been younger. Equally I was so used to a certain lifestyle/freedoms that I didn’t think I would miss until I did! I also spent years focussing on my career only for it to be set backwards seemingly overnight. It was a bitter blow to my sense of identity.
I do have friends who had children in their early to mid-twenties who now have older children and are starting to get their lives and careers on track that I can’t help but envy. But then they did spend many years forgoing holidays, desperately trying to get onto the property ladder, and just scraping by generally.
It’s swings and roundabouts really.
Which brings me back to my original point that there never is a “right” time, you just have to do it if/when you think it’s right for you. No one can advise you because no one else is living your life.
What I would say is if you want children then no matter when it happens, you will find a way to make it work. Because there is no other option once they arrive.

Yes you need to be a mum to understand how 'mothering' works

I think it can be wise to listen to body (as long as you are also using your head of course). I started to get this in my late twenties. It got more and more intense, but I put it off to get things in order as I didn’t feel ready. It got so strong that I just gave in and when I was 33, I had my dd. I know lots of people on here have a different experience, but my fertility did indeed go off a cliff when I was 35. By 37 I was firmly in peri and at 40, I’m definitely done with my baby having years. I’m glad I paid attention to what I’m convinced my body was trying to tell me but sorry I put it off because I didn’t have the chance to try again.
I think sometimes when women get that really urgent feeling of broodiness, it can be a sign that time is running out. I know people often don’t like to hear this. I remember I was chatting to an older friend of mine about it and she said “don’t leave it too long, or it could be too late” and I was a bit hurt and worried. I thought, I’m only 31..but in my heart I knew she was right, and she was.
It took about 6 months to conceive.
If you think you might want more than one, you need to account for that too. Sometimes it’s not possible to have babies with a close gap (for reasons other than fertility).

No. I felt quite broody for a while in my mid 30s. I had been married about 10+ years, but I knew that all I was feeling was down to emotions, hormones and maybe a bit of peer pressure (as all my friends were having babies). When I thought about it logically and sensibly, I realised that children were not the right choice for us, and that I couldn't give in to emotions and biology!
Just "wanting a baby" is not enough, in my opinion.