Is feeling broody a sign to start TTC

[Harbourmoon]

I'm 30 years old, married and quite happy in life rn. Lately I've been feeling broody- like an intense feeling that I want a baby, that nearly feels physical? It almost feels obsessive

Part of me is worried about having a baby, just because I know my life will change and I'm in a child free social group (they have all stated they do not want children and won't have them). - but I feel this normal to worry about

Sometimes I wonder is this broody feeling my body giving me a sign that I should start trying?

For context my husband and I have used the pullout method for years, I track my cycle on an app and we avoid ovulation. But we've never had any mishaps

At 30 if you want a baby at some point and your life is relatively well set up - by which I mean you have a stable living situation - IE. Not in a house share/sofa surfing/ staying with family etc, you have some form of regular employment and a partner you wish to have a child with and you aren't struggling with addiction or mental health, then I would not wait.

You don't have to wait until you have your dream home, but you should have a home that you can reliably stay in. You don't need a dream job, but you should have employment that will allow you to take maternity etc, and your life doesn't need to be picture perfect.

There is no perfect 'ready' but there is some degree of stability and security that will make it easier.

Don't actively wait until your mid to late thirties. You might be fine but you might end up one of us (like me!) who is 31 and currently TTC over a year, having tried previously in my twenties unsuccessfully too. This is already incredibly hard - I would have lifelong regrets had I waited until 38 and missed the window. At least at my age there's time to have attempts with fertility treatment.

My problems aren't age related at all, but for others they can be. And my problems won't improve with age - I'd just have less time to try and correct them.

The average age of a first time mother is actually slightly older than 30, so it’s not “at the older end” or the middle.

That being said - I would only delay until late 30s if there was a reason for doing so. Maybe you aren’t financially ready or a homeowner and you want to sort that out. Maybe you’re not in a long term relationship. It doesn’t sound like any of these things are true for the OP however so I think trying now would be perfectly reasonable.

If the OP’s friends say they don’t plan on having children ever then that dynamic will change in any case whether the OP is 30 or 35 or 40. Friendship wise things will change as you become a mother but there is no reason you can’t have two separate friendship groups - one that is likely to be pretty child centric (NCT and school parents centred around school nights out, play dates etc etc) and one that isn’t about children at all. It probably would be pretty healthy to have a group of friends that you don’t talk children with at all.

Ofcourse it is logical. Finding out you are have difficulty conceiving mid to late twenties gives you time to make plans. Trying at 35 to 40 leaves a very small window to have a child if you come across difficulties.

Sorry was supposed to quote houwseevryweekend

I like what you’re saying about how being broody was the impetus to save hard.

I’ve got 2 DC and always wanted more. We’re finally trying for a 3rd (maybe I’m too old? Who knows, I suppose we’ll find out) and actually my extreme broodiness is a massive part of it but also was the impetus to sit down and make a bit of a life plan - 2 year financial plan / 5 year financial plan etc. It can be a great motivator.

I agree - leaving it post 35 times start TTC is very risky imho

Just because the age of first time mothers has gone up, that doesn't mean that fertility rates have improved. At 30, you've stepped beyond the mid-way point of your fertile years.

Fertility takes a nose dive in a woman's 30s. Look at this graph and how it declines around 33 and then a sharp decline at 35. 35+ is considered 'geriatric'. They don't use that term anymore, but there's a box on a midwife's checklist at the booking appointment that says '35+ years old.'

https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/at-what-age-does-fertility-begin-to-decrease/

It's still 5 years + of trying at 35! That's a lot frankly - just throwing years or money at this problem doesn't fix it. My friend is 41 and gets 2 NHS rounds of IVF with a London trust. It's like advising women to focus on dating and finding a man in your 20s because it's a lot harder when you're older. I'm repeating myself here but fertility does not fall off a cliff at 35 - medicine needs an arbitrary cut off point and that's what they came up with. 75 years ago women did nothing but produce babies, raise them, then die, so of course 35 was deemed geriatric by the male researchers who came up with this crap. People also died in their 60s back then so 35 was very old indeed. Women's bodies are amazing, poorly understood machines not governed by statistics and numbers no matter how much we try to put them in a box.

The reality is, as long as you have viable eggs and a working uterus and decent sperm, you can have a baby - and none of those thing vanish or deteriorate at 35. The % reduction in quality is so negligible to mean anything when you look at the billions of women on the planet.

@houwseevryweekend Time will tell if you're right (for you). Personally, it was not a gamble I was prepared to take

It's not though. It's one year of trying at 35. 1 year of trying at 36. 1 year at 37. Look up the statistics for live birth rates at those ages and above.

It's not just whether you can conceive - it's also the heartache of whether you're likely to miscarry, have to TFMR or go through multiple rounds of IVF.

I think there's a defensive attitude around this because for many many people they don't meet suitable partners until 35 or older, and it is offensive to suggest they shouldn't TTC or that they have missed the boat. This is not the case. Most people are simply suggesting that where a person is able to try earlier than 35 they ought not to wait, based on fertility.

If a person was unable to try before 35, and is only able to try aged 40 (for example) then I'm sure most people would simply wish them the very best of luck. However, OP is currently in a position where she could try, if she wanted to. She's feeling broody and wondering if that's a signifier to start TTC, or whether to wait. Posters are saying, based on personal and scientific reasoning, that she ought not to wait if she's in a position to try, because the odds are better now.

That doesn't indicate that nobody can fall pregnant older, or that they shouldn't, or that they are less-than younger mothers. Simply that, by trying earlier, she may avoid potential difficulties and pain down the road.

The same, of course, is statistically true for a 18 year old pondering whether to wait until she is 24. However, the decline is much less significant between those ages, and so many people would likely say there is such little difference that she can easily wait with no concern, particularly when considering social and cultural factors.

Social and cultural factors become less of a sensible basis to make this decision on in your thirties.

I had mine in my late 20s and aged 30 and now enjoying late 40s with DC who no longer need physical help. However, teens are still mentally challenging.

If you wait until late 30s, your DC will mentally challenging you later in life. Not a deal breaker, but something to bear in mind.

I think people forget that women have been having babies into their 40s forever. They were just the 10th/15th baby, not the first... My MIL is youngest of 8 and her mum was 41 when she had her. My nan had my dad at 38, 11 years after his brother.

And I know anecdotes are not data, but I would say around 80% of my close friends had a baby after 35. Yes there were some miscarriages, and some babies took longer to appear than expected based on previous pregnancies... but I'm pretty sure that cliff-edge has been debunked.