Why am I not getting pregnant?

[TheCornishGoodLife]

We’ve been unsuccessful for 3 cycles now - I know it’s technically early days, but I’m starting to get a little worried. I naively thought it would be easier than this.

I’m doing everything right (eating well, not drinking alcohol, supplements, tracking my cycle, ovulation tests etc etc). We’re ‘doing the deed’ on all the right days (which is sometimes more tricky since my husband works shifts.. but we’ve made it work)
I’m 30 and my husband is 33, we’re both fit and well with no medical issues. I had a women’s health MOT a few months ago and all very healthy.
What can we do to help is conceive? I’m worried time is ticking!
The only thing I can attribute it to perhaps is that we’re going through a fairly stressful house move. But other than that, I don’t know what’s wrong..?
Any tips? Or anyone in the same boat? Thanks so much in advance!

Stress will not be helping. I think if you've been trying under one year it isn't something to worry about. Easier said than done, I know.

Are you stressed at all? I didn't conceive and it coincided with a very stressful time at work - literally as soon as the stressful situation was resolved I fell pregnant.

You’re going nothing wrong! Most couples get pregnant within 1-2 years, so don’t worry about a couple of months. Maybe quit the tracking for a bit, have regular sex and try to enjoy it a bit more. You have potentially 1-2yrs of this so plenty of time for tracking and worrying. The beginning bit is the fun bit!

Take the pressure off yourself.

DTD more often.

Good luck!

Same.

Sorry to say this but just because you've passed an mot test, it doesn't mean your dh will. It's not always the woman's problem. Is he eating healthily, wearing looser underwear, cutting down on alcohol etc?

Aside from that, you are really early in your ttc journey. Don't forget,we are always brought up to think that we will get pregnant really easily and to ensure contraception at all times...but it doesn't always happen quickly. Just keep trying, try to reduce stress and I'm sure it'll happen soon enough. Good luck.

It's so early! It's very normal to take a year. Honestly, get off MN and enjoy trying! It took us 6 months each time, with a miscarriage the first pregnancy, that seems very average within my friends in terms of having a baby.

Thanks SO much for all the reassurance - it has genuinely made me feel a lot better!! It just seems as though all my friends seem to say that they got pregnant in the first month of trying. So I was wondering what was wrong with me.

I think my husband is going to look at getting a sperm count done just to see what that comes back like. Hopefully that comes back ok 🤞

I’m also feeling a bit of pressure from my mum and family who keep telling me not to wait too long - my mum has no idea we’re trying but I don’t want to tell her yet because she’s a real worrier, so she’ll then stress that we aren’t getting pregnant (apparently she was always successful first time), which will then worry me 😅 so much worry!

It took me 2 years to get pregnant the first time, nothing wrong with either of us. 4 months with dc2 and 1 month with dc3. Riddle me that 🤷🏼‍♀️ 3 months isn’t long, just 3 cycles. Statistically if you had gotten pregnant already you’d been in the ‘quick’ normal range. So maybe you’ll just me in the ‘normal normal range!’ 6-12 months.

I'm 63 now with 3 naturally conceived children.. DD1 took 3 years. After two years we found out that DH had low motility (lazy sperm was the term 🤣) .. once I knew the reason I stopped all the stressing and decided that we should just stop 'trying' until we got to the specialist to discuss IXCY .. where they take one of the busy ones and implant it into a good egg..' .. you guessed it . The moment I 'gave up' I got pregnant.. DS 1 came along without asking.. then miscarriage and then DD2 six years later .. again without trying but not without not wanting to.. stress plays such a major part !!

Like everyone else said, it takes time. It took 11 cycles first time for us, second was a one time accident with contraception. I wouldnt be giving up alcohol tbh, I never did that! You could potentially be trying for a year, pregnant 9 months then breastfeeding. Id allow yourself some vices before you HAVE to quit.

I'm sorry but I honestly don't know what to say to someone who has three unsuccessful cycles and creates a thread like this. Bloody hell this thread will be triggering for people who ACTUALLY struggled to conceive.

It doesn't matter your friend's say they 'all conceived in the first cycle', surely if you have any logical thinking you'll understand that's not how things work for everyone?

Good luck

I struggled for 2 years to conceive my first. The problem was I was trying to catch ovulation. With my other two I conceived within a month or two by having intercourse every two days after my period stopped.

I’ve been trying since June 2023 and no luck yet. We’re both healthy, my bloods and ultrasound are fine, husband is getting a semen analysis via NHS in October. I understand 3 months can feel long but try not to get hung up on it. I can tell you through personal experience, you’ll just make yourself feel crap

Maybe don’t say anything then… I thought this was supposed to be a supportive space?

I was not comparing myself to others that are struggling. I’ve not said that I’m struggling or claimed to have issues with conceiving - I’ve only been seeking reassurance that this is okay and normal. And/or if there is anything I can do to help. It is very sad if nobody can ever seek reassurance without judgement… or if they are only permitted to seek reassurance if they are facing the absolute worst case scenario.

The stress for me is in the unknown. The point is that we’ve never been pregnant before or conceived yet, and for all we know we might struggle and continue to be unsuccessful. It’s not like I’ve been successful and then posted this.

I guess I was looking for reassurance to know that if we then continued to be unsuccessful for a while, it might still happen.

I absolutely understand that being successful immediately doesn’t happen to everyone, but currently my friends are my only frame of reference (and my mum who has always unhelpfully insisted that me and my sisters would be ‘super fertile’ like her and her mum). I’ve always been led to believe that happens pretty instantly.

I honestly wouldn’t believe your friends/mum are telling the whole truth. People don’t like to admit they’ve taken longer to get pregnant. Pointless comparing anyway, it won’t help! And there’s no point worrying it won’t change anything. You keep trying and at a certain point you discuss if you would try IVF.

I'm 30 too and my partner is 35. This is our 4th cycle of ttc whilst using ovulation kits etc. I had this exact conversation at work today as I was doubting myself and it got to me that alot of people around me were falling pregnant and I felt like I'm being left behind.
I was told by others that it can take months/years and it could be stress at work and also the stress of not getting pregnant.
The advice I was given was to try and not stress and stop putting so much pressure on myself so we shall see how that goes.

Since turning 30 I've said to myself, if I don't fall pregnant in the next 6 months I will then probably head to the GP. They can at least point me in the right direction as to what to do next.

Sorry I can't be much help but I just wanted to comment that you are not alone with this.🩷

DD took 5 years and a round of IVF all tests revealed nothing wrong with either of us. DS on the other hand was a surprise when DD was 18 months and I'd booked an appointment for a FET.

Fertility is not one size fits all, hopefully you'll not be like me and will be like a large majority who get pregnant within 12 months.

I have been ttc for a year. Prior to that we used withdrawal method for 8 years and rhythm method for 0.5 years, never pregnant. Am 32.

I was worried too when I had tried for 3 months and nothing happened cos I already suspected that perhaps the reason why we had been so lucky for 9 years was perhaps not a marvelous coincidence.

3 cycle is very early and no time at all to start feeling concerned.

It's completely normal to take up to a year for healthy couples with no fertility issues

There is evidence that although we have a regular cycle, we also have a sixth monthly cycle, a sort of super cycle where we are much more likely to get pregnant. It’s possible that the super cycles are a throwback/ evolutionary so that babies are born at the beginning or end of summer. As any midwife when the busiest months are.
They are also genetic, have a look for patterns in families. In our family babies are April or October, my sister and I are April babies my other sister is October, my niece was born on my birthday my son was due on my October born sister birthday. My DH was born almost 5 yrs to the day after his brother.
My DS was born on his GGM’s birthday.
These shared birthdays are not as coincidental as they seem.
We worked out that our superfertile months were Jan and July/Aug.
I also had a miscarriage but was due on the same day as my DSis had her youngest ( on my birthday)
So have a look at your family birthdays and see if there is a pattern.

Please ditch the OPK's and put the semen analysis out of your mind op. This kind of worry so early on is wasted energy.

If you have regular cycles, have sex every 2-3 days from cycle day 9. This will cover ovulation and it eases the pressure on both of you.

Most of my friendship circle took 6 - 12 months to conceive.

Statistics!

If you have a 25% chance per months then that doesn't mean it will take 4 months just as you won't always roll a six in six rolls of a dice.

6 months is very normal, a year also normal. My GP said most couples will concieve in 2 years and I rolled my eyes but we finally conceived after 18 months even with issues.

I know quite a few people it's taken years for one DC and another DC has been a totally fluke.

It is pretty random sometimes.

You need to chill! Have a glass of wine. Enjoy the sex!

After needing IVF for our first child, the two subsequent times I fell pregnant was during a long holiday of just after returning from one where I drank everyday and ate what I wanted and just generally had the best time. Stress has such a huge role in falling pregnant. Also, I would recommend taking DHA and 300mg ubiquinol to improve egg quality.

I rate the book it starts with an egg

I also highly recommend hertility health

Had a consult with my nhs fertility consultant yesterday

The levels of vit d - feretin and b12 you have are SO important

Need good levels in all 3 ^
Weve conceived b4 but early miscarriage

Worth asking gp to test
Vit d
Feretin
B12
Prolactin
Thyroid

Tsh wants to be below 2.5