Does overthinking / stressing about TTC really affect your chances?

[HopefulSS]

Exactly as the title says, anyone got any advice?

I try to not stress or obsess but I want it so bad it's all I think about most the time and I get upset thinking about AF coming.

Anyone else?

I don't have experience in this exact thing. But OP I think it is bollocks. I think people certainly do experience the fact of getting pregnant once they had almost given up and after a period of really trying. But believing it was the not trying that was the key is a kind of retrospective explanation for a situation the person had no control over.

I think being unable to take defifinitive and clear steps that guarantee a particular outcome is really hard and many of us play little games with ourselves about trying to retake that control. I know I am waaaaaaaay more superstitious if I am stressed. Its completely natural to try to find ways to get in control in something that has big stakes for you personally. But I think if you find yourself stressing about this stuff remind yourself that these thoughts are mainly telling you how important all this is to you.

Your thoughts do not create reality. Reality is out their and your thoughts about it make it at times more, and at times less painful. But they don't manifest themselves in a direct way. They may change your actions but they can nit make your pregnant or not because being pregnant or not is not fully within our control.

And by the way, good luck! I hope you get the outcome you want. You will be as good a parent as any of us are and no one deserves it any more than you do. I hope its everything you want and hope you know, deep down in your bones, you have done everything possible

Absolutely not. I was stressed out my mind when I had both my kids, after multiple miscarriages. Just as stressed as the pregnancies that failed and high level of stress throughout. I think it's just something people say to feel like they have some control over something very difficult and upsetting.

Absolutely not! I went through multiple rounds of fertility treatment (IUI and IVF) and one thing my doctor always said that a positive or negative attitude does not have any effect on the outcome.

What I will say is that ttc can become overwhelming and it’s very very easy for it to become the focus point of every aspect of your life. When we were in the throes of it, we went to fertility counselling and the counsellor advised us to to aside 15 mins every 3 days or so where we would sit down and talk about it and bring up anything on our minds. It really helped us a lot as our daily conversations didn’t revolve around ttc.

Thanks so much for this!! X

You are so lovely. I really needed to hear this today! I've cried so much as I tested negative this morning at 9dpo. Stupidly tested too early this month. You are so kind 💕

Thank you so so much! I agree with you, I'm not stressed to the point I don't ovulate I'm just worrying and obsessing and hoping way too much! X

Thank you for sharing it's helped me more than you could know x

I don't have an official scientific answer but how many people have you heard say 'when we stopped trying, that's when it happened'?

We went 4 years without even a sniff of a BFP after DC1 was born. After so much disappointment we basically accepted it wasn't going to happen, stopped tracking etc, just lived a normal life with regular sex throughout each month. Ate normally, went out socially and drank alcohol, had holidays, enjoyed life etc.
No obsessing every month like I had done previously, no early testing, no doing millions of tests for the slightest of shadows, no obsessive symptom spotting.
My cycles are irregular anyway so I was used to my period being late and it not being pregnancy. I was so over the heartache, TTC was as far from my mind as possible.
The month i got my BFP I was 10 days late but only tested because i threw up at breakfast!

So, only my personal experience, but YES. It happened for us when we stopped stressing and overthinking it. We conceived naturally without any medical intervention and I was 41.

No OP, it really doesn't. There's lots of stories of "when I relaxed it happened" but bear in mind, for a lot of those women statistically they were due to have a pregnancy (provided there was no specific reason diagnosed for infertility) so it's impossible to say what the true reason they got pregnant is. Same as a month when someone took a new vitamin, tried a new diet, got more sleep etc etc. you'll always hear stories of the reason people think they got pregnant in a specific month, but honestly most of the time it's down to probability. I hope you aren't waiting too long to become a mum x

Thank you so so much! I really appreciate it. I think fertility just has its own way doesn't it. Xx

Thank you for sharing xx

I honestly think it's a load of bollocks - sperm meets egg, creates blastocyst, which attempts to attach to womb lining and then the cells multiply. None of that happens due to anything in your mind - same as how your heart knows how to beat, your lungs know how to breathe, and your stomach knows how to digest regardless of what's going on in your mind. It really helps me to remember it's a bodily function same as any other.

If I was to worry that perhaps my oesophagus will not work properly, it would have no effect on whether it would actually work.

Now, it is true that periods of stress can delay ovulation, but the levels of stress would generally be much worse than the worries of TTC - and that's not me downplaying the stress of TTC, merely commenting that it refers more usually to those suffering from extreme grief, often coupled with unplanned weight loss or gain (which can be the real reason for delays in ovulation).

When I find myself concerned that my mindset is causing a problem, I remember that conception occurs all over the world in all sorts of stressful situations - incarcerated women, women in war zones, women in domestic abuse situations. Some of those women likely didn't want pregnancies and their mindset didn't matter unfortunately, and some probably desperately did want a baby, and their stressful circumstances didn't stop it happening .

It’s anecdotal but we were trying for a year and one month it just got too much and decided I couldn’t do this anymore so I gave up temping and tracking ovulation.
Pregnant.
I miscarried so got to start all over again. Ironically feel far less stressed about it now so we’ll see if it takes another year to get pregnant again if we do!

Yes this all makes sense and is very wise! I try to remind myself of this too but I've never heard it put like that before, my lungs carry on working whether I obsess over being able to breathe or not! So true! Thank you x

Thank you x

But actually that’s not all strictly true, it’s very well documented that stress causes issues with digestion for example.

FWIW I absolutely believe the less you think about it and have more normal regular fun sex that your more likely to fall pregnant.

No personal experience but I've heard a few times that when people stop trying after a long stressful time of ttc, they finally do get pregnant

It doesn't affect your chances but it isn't good for mental health. My friend is a gynaecologist, her advice to couples wanting to conceive is to throw away ovulation tests and early pregnancy tests, then have plenty of sex. 2-3 days after your period was due is when to test. If after 6 months you are still not pregnant, that's when to start to look at ovulation etc.

Yes I agree with this.

Stress can affect our bodies so much - ovulation, missed periods, digestion, heart problems, breathing issues to name just a few..... there is also a direct proven link between stress and stroke.

If stress has been shown to affect our bodies in so many different ways, it seems crazy to me for anyone to rule out completely that stress could have a negative effect on trying to conceive a baby.

Ugh I hated it when people said to try to relax. Oh ok then I'll just fix my fucking brain. Whether it makes a difference or not, we can't help how we feel because it's so so hard when it doesn't happen. Don't beat yourself up my love, and good luck to you. And also, when I did finally fall pregnant I was just as stressed as the previous million months so no, it doesn't make a difference

Thank you ♥️

Yeah I do agree. It's more about mental health for me. I am not stressed in my day to day life I just can't stop thinking about being or not being pregnant for the cycle I am in. I may just try that approach instead. My only issue is that my body is like clockwork, so I can't really hide from anything. I get a period every 26 days, I ovulate on day 11 or 12 and my period shifts a day out accordingly. I get one sided ovulation pain at the time of ovulation each month and I get 5 days of egg white CM and I always ovulate on the last day of EWCM. So even when I say to myself ok I just won't care this month, because I know exactly when I am fertile I then think about having sex at the right time. My body leave no space for mystery. I guess that's very lucky in some respects but other respects actually I can't forget anything. I wish I didn't understand my body as much as I do as I may be able to chill a bit more. 😞

The one month I conceived naturally was actually the most stressful month of my life .
Second pregnancy was ivf and again I was stressing over the pressure of it working and it did

I do think stress can affect your overall health, but remember people conceive in war zones and in other awful situations! Anything that helps you be well overall will benefit you generally, and help you cope with TTC-it is stressful!