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Original poster

Late miscarriage grief and hope

26 replies

serasera19 · 14/07/2024 09:36

I lost my beautiful little boy at 20 weeks 3 weeks ago. He was my first baby and I am beyond devastated. I went to see him and held his hand, it breaks my heart every time I picture him. I had on/off bleeding from 13 weeks which must have had something to do with it but I've had a lot of tests and they have all come back 'normal' so far, apart from TSH at 4.45. Also still waiting for PM. My partner has brought me on holiday in a beautiful hotel but I can't stop crying. I suppose I am looking for people who have been through the same and stories of hope. We want to TTC again as soon as I ovulate - I know it's soon but it's the only thing that gives me any comfort. I'm also 35 and terrified of my age and it happening again. Any stories of Hope much appreciated xx

OP posts:
ScaredSally · 14/07/2024 10:06

I lost my first little boy at 33weeks. It is life altering. I got pregnant again shortly afterwards and though mentally incredibly difficult I now have a sassy 1year old. I still miss my first little boy greatly, we talk about him often and he's still included in our family as big brother in the stars

MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:22

I lost my first at 18 weeks, had 2 more early miscarriages and went onto a successful pregnancy. I had our 2nd after 2 early miscarriages. They are both my whole world but I believe that to be the case regardless of loss.

The loss from my first has never left me, it completely changed me as a person but you will see light again I promise.
The children you may go onto have won't fill the gap, you just learn to live with it.

Please don't worry about your age and allow yourself time to heal.

Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 10:23

I'm so sorry xx nobody should ever have to experience such a loss ❤️ 'Big brother in the stars' is a lovely way to talk about your little boy. Comforting to know you got pregnant soon after but I can imagine the mental struggle. At the moment I feel like I'm looking up at Everest - dealing with the grief, as well as trying to get pregnant and then coping once I am. Do you mind me asking if you ever got any answers? I don't even know if answers to why these things happen help or not xx

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Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 10:27

MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:22

I lost my first at 18 weeks, had 2 more early miscarriages and went onto a successful pregnancy. I had our 2nd after 2 early miscarriages. They are both my whole world but I believe that to be the case regardless of loss.

The loss from my first has never left me, it completely changed me as a person but you will see light again I promise.
The children you may go onto have won't fill the gap, you just learn to live with it.

Please don't worry about your age and allow yourself time to heal.

I'm so sorry for your losses ❤️ I don't understand how everything can be ok and then they are taken from us for no reason. Thank you for the message of Hope. It's nice to hear from people further down the line than me and I'm so glad you got your rainbows 🌈 xx

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MrsALambert · 14/07/2024 10:29

I’m sorry for your loss. lost two at 16 weeks (not twins) and went on to have my now 4 year old. Give yourself time to grieve. I have little ways I remember them. I have a Christmas decoration celebrating both of them that goes on the tree every year. Just my way of remembering them.

MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:32

It's very very hard, I never got any answers as such just that the bleed caused the placenta to come away. It really doesn't change anything though, I just needed time that's the only thing that's made any difference at all.
I had lots of sympathy at the time but just wanted to tell the world to f** off.
It was 10 years ago for me.
There's nothing I can say to make it better for you but you have my deepest condolences and solitude from someone who has been there. Fingers crossed for your rainbow in time. X

ohfook · 14/07/2024 10:48

I agree with what other posters have said it changes you.

One thing I would add is give yourself time. I was so dead set on getting pregnant again as quickly as possible that I didn't stop to think how I'd feel once I was pregnant because pregnancy after a loss like that is hard just for the sheer anxiety of it all.

Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 11:00

MrsALambert · 14/07/2024 10:29

I’m sorry for your loss. lost two at 16 weeks (not twins) and went on to have my now 4 year old. Give yourself time to grieve. I have little ways I remember them. I have a Christmas decoration celebrating both of them that goes on the tree every year. Just my way of remembering them.

I'm so sorry for both your babies ❤️ this is a lovely way to remember them and I think I will do the same for my little boy this Christmas 🤍 xx

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Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 11:05

ohfook · 14/07/2024 10:48

I agree with what other posters have said it changes you.

One thing I would add is give yourself time. I was so dead set on getting pregnant again as quickly as possible that I didn't stop to think how I'd feel once I was pregnant because pregnancy after a loss like that is hard just for the sheer anxiety of it all.

I can imagine. I think it's just my age - I'm 35 and I feel like no matter how long I leave it I will have fear and anxiety? The joy and naivety I had earlier in the year when I found out I was pregnant seems like a different person xx

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Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 11:23

MaltedMilk88 · 14/07/2024 10:32

It's very very hard, I never got any answers as such just that the bleed caused the placenta to come away. It really doesn't change anything though, I just needed time that's the only thing that's made any difference at all.
I had lots of sympathy at the time but just wanted to tell the world to f** off.
It was 10 years ago for me.
There's nothing I can say to make it better for you but you have my deepest condolences and solitude from someone who has been there. Fingers crossed for your rainbow in time. X

Thank you 🤍 I can imagine it will be a similar explanation for me xx

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1yearplan · 14/07/2024 11:30

I'm sorry for your loss. It's absolutely heartbreaking. We lost our son in December 2023. I turned 39 in January. I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I was absolutely desperate to be pregnant again and was lucky it happened so quickly for us. However, all of that innocent joy feels like it has been taken away. I'm only just settling into believing things will be okay this time. There was also no reason found for the loss of our son.
Wishing you the best of luck in the future

Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 12:00

1yearplan · 14/07/2024 11:30

I'm sorry for your loss. It's absolutely heartbreaking. We lost our son in December 2023. I turned 39 in January. I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I was absolutely desperate to be pregnant again and was lucky it happened so quickly for us. However, all of that innocent joy feels like it has been taken away. I'm only just settling into believing things will be okay this time. There was also no reason found for the loss of our son.
Wishing you the best of luck in the future

Thank you so much for your message it's comforting to hear 🤍 I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy and sending you all the best for your rainbow girl 🌈 xx

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Hereforthesandwiches · 14/07/2024 14:35

Ah OP, I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through. Life will get better and there will be hope again even if it feels like there won't.

ForUmberFinch · 14/07/2024 15:11

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 41 weeks. Going through 36 hours of labour knowing your baby has no heartbeat is one of the most horrific experiences of my life.

get help. And I mean that in the nicest way. You need to be physically and mentally ok. I had counselling (private coz the nhs sucks and is of no help), reflexology and acupuncture for months after on a weekly basis. I took my full, planned maternity leave which I was entitled to do.

I was 36 when I had my son. We got pregnant again pretty quick. I was 37 when I had our daughter.

pregnancy after loss is horrendous. The anxiety and fear is off the scale. I went through my second pregnancy convinced baby wasn’t going to make it. You need to be ready to deal with that.

Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 15:43

ForUmberFinch · 14/07/2024 15:11

I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 41 weeks. Going through 36 hours of labour knowing your baby has no heartbeat is one of the most horrific experiences of my life.

get help. And I mean that in the nicest way. You need to be physically and mentally ok. I had counselling (private coz the nhs sucks and is of no help), reflexology and acupuncture for months after on a weekly basis. I took my full, planned maternity leave which I was entitled to do.

I was 36 when I had my son. We got pregnant again pretty quick. I was 37 when I had our daughter.

pregnancy after loss is horrendous. The anxiety and fear is off the scale. I went through my second pregnancy convinced baby wasn’t going to make it. You need to be ready to deal with that.

I'm so sorry about your little boy. That made me tear up, Heart breaking doesn't cut it. I just can't understand how with all the medical advancements of 2024 these tragedies are still happening.

Noted about the help, I am having all 3 things you mention. They help a bit with anxiety temporarily. I just don't know if my anxiety would be slightly eased if they find a reason for why it happened or eased if they don't xx

OP posts:
Original poster
serasera19 · 14/07/2024 15:43

Hereforthesandwiches · 14/07/2024 14:35

Ah OP, I'm so sorry. What a terrible thing to go through. Life will get better and there will be hope again even if it feels like there won't.

Thank you I hope 🙏🏼 xx

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Candy1985 · 14/07/2024 20:54

I lost mine at only 7wks to be told by the hospital I wasn’t pregnant then to get my full report from my gp a month later that stated miscarriage. I felt completely let down by them all and no support offered. I’m now 38 almost 39 and currently 27wks with a very active boy. The anxiety and stress I’ve had is unreal but you are constantly on edge worrying and thinking the worst. It took us almost a year to conceive again so please do not lose hope. Rainbows are the best gift ever 🌈

Original poster
serasera19 · 15/07/2024 09:29

Candy1985 · 14/07/2024 20:54

I lost mine at only 7wks to be told by the hospital I wasn’t pregnant then to get my full report from my gp a month later that stated miscarriage. I felt completely let down by them all and no support offered. I’m now 38 almost 39 and currently 27wks with a very active boy. The anxiety and stress I’ve had is unreal but you are constantly on edge worrying and thinking the worst. It took us almost a year to conceive again so please do not lose hope. Rainbows are the best gift ever 🌈

I'm so sorry for your loss and for having to go through it without any support from the hospital ❤️ Wishing you all the best for your rainbow baby - lovely to hear I pray for a rainbow too 🌈 xx

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Vibrant88 · 14/04/2026 08:01

how did things go for you OP? I 3 weeks ago gave birth to my sleeping baby boy whose heart stopped around 16 weeks .

Original poster
serasera19 · 16/04/2026 09:57

I’m so sorry Vibrant88. There are no words for a loss like this and you only understand if you’ve been through it. 5 months after this post I conceived twins naturally ❤️ they are 10 months old now and doing really well.

OP posts:
Candy1985 · 16/04/2026 10:08

serasera19 · 16/04/2026 09:57

I’m so sorry Vibrant88. There are no words for a loss like this and you only understand if you’ve been through it. 5 months after this post I conceived twins naturally ❤️ they are 10 months old now and doing really well.

This is awesome news!!!! Well done to you and your lil family 😍😍

Calliopespa · 16/04/2026 10:20

What joyous news OP - and what hope for others going through this.

And sending love, of course, to you @Vibrant88 and every good wish for some happy news for you too, but do give yourself time to grieve and recover. We have to climb from the depth of a valley, and climbing can take time. x

Vibrant88 · 16/04/2026 10:55

@serasera19 thats absolutely stunning news thankyou for your reply. Congratulations to you.
@Calliopespa i certainly won’t be rushing anything I need to get all the reports back first it seems I have a blood clotting disorder that has been coming back through lots of tests so very possible linked to baby boys passing and maybe the early miscarriage of his twin. But all results including PM will likely not be back for 6 months. I will be 38 then any partner 46 so we will see what happens. Either way I feel now what will be will be if I don’t get pregnant again it’s because I’m not supposed to. If I do then fingers crossed baby makes it earth side healthy. My little boy arrives back to the mortuary today and his cremation date should be back to me tomo. I’ve just been through all his scans and paperwork and nothing makes sense it’s just all so horrid. But we all know that feeling that’s what brings us here. Sending warm wishes and baby love to each and everyone of you and massive love to our little perfect angels ❤️❤️👼🏻👼🏻👼🏻

Calliopespa · 16/04/2026 11:01

Vibrant88 · 16/04/2026 10:55

@serasera19 thats absolutely stunning news thankyou for your reply. Congratulations to you.
@Calliopespa i certainly won’t be rushing anything I need to get all the reports back first it seems I have a blood clotting disorder that has been coming back through lots of tests so very possible linked to baby boys passing and maybe the early miscarriage of his twin. But all results including PM will likely not be back for 6 months. I will be 38 then any partner 46 so we will see what happens. Either way I feel now what will be will be if I don’t get pregnant again it’s because I’m not supposed to. If I do then fingers crossed baby makes it earth side healthy. My little boy arrives back to the mortuary today and his cremation date should be back to me tomo. I’ve just been through all his scans and paperwork and nothing makes sense it’s just all so horrid. But we all know that feeling that’s what brings us here. Sending warm wishes and baby love to each and everyone of you and massive love to our little perfect angels ❤️❤️👼🏻👼🏻👼🏻

What you are going through right now is awful @Vibrant88 and I can only send you my kindest thoughts and wish you strength - and future happiness.

Vibrant88 · 16/04/2026 11:03

Calliopespa · 16/04/2026 11:01

What you are going through right now is awful @Vibrant88 and I can only send you my kindest thoughts and wish you strength - and future happiness.

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