No luck conceiving 3rd baby

[Mamasuzette]

Hi,

I want to start by saying i feel so lucky and blessed to have two beautiful children. Last year we decided to start trying for a 3rd. It has been 10 months now and nothing has happened. I haven’t done any ovulation tests yet, i have just been having regular sex and have been keeping an eye on my periods on the Flo App. I am 34 years old (DH is 35).

One thing that is concerning me is that my cycles (which have always been on the longer side- 32-38 days) have become longer and longer in recent months. This month i am late, have had negative pregnancy tests and am on day 50. The longest cycle i have had so dar was 57 days. The weird thing is, i am getting all of the bloating/period cramps/PMS but no period. Is this something i need to investigate? What could be causing this? And is it the reason i am not falling pregnant?

My first and second pregnancies were when i was 24 and 28. At 34 could this be the start of perimenopause? I also had c sections with my two previous babies, could that be a reason?

We wouldn’t pursue IVF if it doesn’t happen as we can’t afford it privately, and we are content with our children. However, i can’t lie and say I’m not disappointed that it hasn’t happened for us. I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced anything similar?
Even if we could afford IVF, i don’t think we would pursue it as it’s such an emotional rollercoaster (friends of mine have been through it). We sort of have the mentality that ‘whatever will be will be’. I’m also wondering whether there could be a medical problem causing my lack of periods that i need to have investigated.

@Mamasuzette sorry to hear - I struggled with secondary infertility when I tried for a second it took us 2 and a bit years in the end! But statistically that still is average for it to be 12-18 months after 30 i was 31.
Although IVF is not given on NHS. I was offered blood tests scans etc basically a fertility overhaul for myself and husband to check everything was where it was meant to be. Turns out I had Endo and I was given a laparoscopy surgery on the NHS - I fell pregnant 2 months later. I had no idea with my first baby he was a surprise and a bigger age gap than average.

Is that something you wouldn't mind pursuing?
Also I would say perhaps some cheap ovulation tests whilst you decide if that's for you - as with changing cycles you could just be missing it.
It is hard when you want it so much. Sending luck baby it's round the corner for you 🤞

@longingtobe23 I’m so pleased to hear that you fell pregnant in the end :)

I think it would definitely be worth looking into what is going on with my periods, as something feels off with it all in general. I wasn’t aware they would do tests like that on the NHS so that is definitely worth looking into. Thanks for letting me know.

I will also buy some ovulation sticks ready for my next cycle. I have contemplated getting them before but was worried that I would fixate too much and put pressure of myself. I was hoping it would just eventually happen, but as the months pass that’s seeming really unlikely.

I always feel a bit uneasy admitting to being disappointed that it isn’t happening when i already have two children. While i am really happy, another baby would be so lovely. If it isn’t meant to be then I’ll be forever grateful foe our little family. But if there is something causing me to have secondary infertility that can be easily rectified it’s definitely worth a shot.

You may have pcos
That could be why longer/ irregular cycles

Is this something that i have always had or can it suddenly happen? I don’t know much about it but have always had longer cycles and haven’t had any problems when conceiving in the past, or any of the common symptoms associated with it. I will defo mention it to the doctor though

You can concieve with pcos.

I had a transvaginal scan summer 2023 - ovaries didnt look polycystic

Had a scan feb 2024 - they looked polycystic..

I got fornally diagnosed April 2024.

Gp can blood test shbg
And free androgen
If free androgen high
And shbg low -
Likely pcos

I went through something similar- conceived my first two kids fairly quickly, but took nearly 3 years to conceive my 3rd. Turns out I'd developed pcos in between my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies and needed medication before falling pregnant. It would be worth speaking to your GP about the change in your cycles.

Theres lots that can help pcos

Metformin
Myo inostol
Vit d
Zinc

i'd speak to your GP: Irregular periods - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

I have an appointment booked with my GP for next week. In the meantime i have ordered some ovulation tests to try for this cycle 🤞
As i have said previously, I don’t think we would choose to intervene unless it was something fairly straightforward. But it isn’t very nice being in limbo every month, not being able to plan ahead ‘incase I’m pregnant’. That’s just part of it all, but it can be frustrating x

Unfortunately it still hasn’t happened. I had some blood tests done at the GP surgery again. Everything looked normal apart from slightly high testosterone levels. Does anyone have any experience with this? I am also having another ultrasound. My last ultrasound last year (due to bleeding in between periods) was completely normal. It showed that i ovulate, and no signs of PCOS.

I am feeling really deflated x

Acupuncture may help, had a lot, relatively cheap, and may rebalance things, check out a few and see if they can help?

Hey!

I'm afraid I don't have any advice re: testosterone. However I am sort of similar position in that DC1 was conceived quickly at 31 and started TTC baby 2 at 34 and no luck. I am now 35 and on cycle 13.

We've had the following tests:
DH sperm analysis
Day 3 and 21 progesterone
AMH, FSH, thyroid, general bloods
2 X transvaginal scans
Hycosy

Nothing has been flagged. I've spoken to lots of ladies who have taken over a year, sometimes 2 years for baby 1 and so on. I do always wonder if there '12 months is normal' is outdated. I know it's based on statistics but I feel (for me) it's caused so much pressure. Weirdly now I'm past the 12 months I feel more relaxed because I'm not 'expecting' it to happen and just hoping it will happen, just not on the 'normal' timescale.

Hey, I really feel your pain. I have one child it took 3 years to conceive. It finally happened for us during lockdown and I think the drastic reduction in work stress did at least contribute to it. We've been TTC no. 2 for...I can't actually figure out how long. I think close to 1.5 years. We have male factor issues. I've had my LH, FSH and oestradiol checked on NHS. My FSH was worryingly high so I paid for the most comprehensive bloods I could find and had them this week (female fertility with Randox). I'm awaiting results and it also checks AMH. Ive also been wondering about perimenopause which is likely at my age (37). I had a transvaginal scan this week which was normal. A few months ago I'd have said definitely no to IVF due to my own huge anxiety about it and the financial burden. Now I'm undecided. There are 0% finance options but it'd still be a huge amount with no guarantee of success. I'm sorry I have no useful answers but just want to say I empathise. Of course we're blessed with the children we have but we can still yearn for another. My next step is to go to a fertility clinic and see what is advised. If it's IVF as suspected we'll either consider if we can make it work financially or see if there's anything else at all we can try. Failing that I guess ultimately I'll try to come to terms with things and seek some counselling. Have either of you had any investigations done? Its worth doing as you can have a lot on NHS. Just not actual treatment. Wishing you lots of luck and baby dust 💕

Hi @Mamasuzette I'm sorry you have waited so long. You are not alone, I have just got a bfn so waiting for AF in the next few days.
We started trying for baby #3 two years ago, the first year I fell pregnant twice, right away the first time then after 5 months the second time but both were mmc.

It's been a year in August since the last pregnancy ended, and I am moving onto cycle 15 when my period arrives. I feel downhearted by it all, and I dont understand it, I am taking all the supplements and had testing that seems things are normal and confirms ovulation. I am 36. x

I have read a lot of success stories of people who have had acupuncture so will hive it a try. Thanks xx

Yes that’s true, i suppose we could have just been lucky that it happened quickly with previous pregnancies. There are so many factors involved, i can’t work out whether i should be worried or not at this point. I do have a couple of friends who said it took 2/3 years to conceive. It did happen naturally for them in the end so we definitely still have time 😊 i hope it happens for you soon. Keep me updated xx

I underwent some Chinese medicine years ago for extreme menopause symptoms ( Avicenna in Hove, Brighton, I had prescription made up for me of a herb brew specially made, a family member paid for this)
Whilst undergoing acupuncture ( along with my meds), one of the acupuncturist was treating a ivf pregnancy, woman 44, diet, lots of help, I assume the pregnancy went ok.
These tweaks and advice, much cheaper, and prob a safer way to encourage your body, to a fruitful pregnancy.

I’m really sorry to hear that it hasn’t happened yet for you ❤️ I don’t think we would go down the IVF route either, for various different reasons. Hopefully our miracle babies are just around the corner x

l’m really sorry for your losses, i can imagine that must have been really heartbreaking for you ❤️

It’s so frustrating isn’t it, especially if you can’t pinpoint why it isn’t happening. I almost didn’t want to have any tests to begin with, because if i admitted we needed to, i was worried that i would get stressed and overthink it all every month. Unfortunately it’s got to the point where I can’t ignore what’s happening (or not happening).

Wishing you lots of luck, let me know how you get on x

My lovely GP has referred me to the infertility clinic at the hospital. My appointment should come through before the end of December. Does anyone know what they are likely to do? I know we won’t be eligible for IVF, but was wondering what sort of things they test for.

She has also referred me to an endocrinologist because of the high testosterone levels. I have no experience with any of this so I’m also wondering what will happen at this appointment.

It all feels very surreal at the moment. I feel so naive, but I honestly didn’t think i would be in this situation after having my two previous DCs. Friends and family often bring it up, and i don’t have the heart to tell them we are trying. I just brush it off and say ‘maybe one day’. I know nobody means any harm, but it’s made me realise how tactless it is to question people about having more children. Many just assume that people can have as many children as they want, when they want to. Unfortunately as many of us know, it’s not always that straightforward. It’s being in limbo that I’m finding the hardest atm. It’s difficult to make plans ‘incase I’m pregnant’ but i equally i still want to enjoy life and not pin all my hopes on this.

I have started using the clear blue ovulation sticks. I have a smiley face today so it looks like i am ovulating. Interestingly though 3 days before the Flo app predicted. I’m hoping this means I’ve just been missing my window x

The flo app isnt overly reliable for many

It has been fairly accurate for predicting my periods, but less so for ovulation. I’m just relieved to know that i ovulating.

Does anyone know if the tests are accurate? Can you get a false ‘positive’ even if you haven’t actually ovulated?

Sometimes you can ovulate up to 36 hrs after positive test

Patients with pcos can get multiple lh surges

You can often tell ovulation by ovulation boobs and / or ovulation discharge

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to share an update… I have taken a pregnancy test this morning and it was positive! The ovulation sticks obviously worked.

I hope this gives others hope (who has been trying for a long time) that it can just be down to bad luck/timing. It also goes to show how it can happen quickly in one pregnancy and not another (and vice versa). Interesting though, this baby will be due in the same month as my other two were born. I wonder if my body is more fertile at that time of the year? Obviously it is still very early days, but we are keeping out fingers crossed.

For anyone struggling with the uncertainty, i know exactly how it feels. I hope your miracle babies are round the corner ❤️