Am I mad to consider IVF? Geriatric, not in best of health etc

[CountessDracula]

I really am considering it

I am 41 (42 in Oct)
DD is 5.5
I am just about ok with only having one but would like another
DH would really like another but will accept my decision obv

There are so many cons

1. I nearly died having dd, massive PPH. Surely dd and dh better off with me alive than me dead and another baby
2. My health is not amazing - I have Crohn's disease and became osteopoenic after 18 months of steroids during last pg when it flared up. However it has been fine since. I have a dodgy kidney that kept getting infected and so I am on prophelactic antibiotics for that, I am guessing that pg could make it worse? What about further impact on my already geriatric body of another child?
3. I am so effing OLD can I go back to being up all night?
4. DD may hate new child anyway and be jealous (though she claims to really want one)
5. I will have to get fat again
6. IVF is not fun I gather
7. I might have TWINS at which point I would have a major breakdown

ARGH
Can anyone tell me if I AM mad?
I think I may be

you are not mad to consider it

broodiness comes to us all !

you seem to have a good , realistic handle on things and that is a good start

would you be going private?

i am sure you have thought through all the worst and best case scenarios

would there be support during the pregnancy? from friends, family etc..

i suppose seeing various specialists and getting their opinions would be a help too

I also have a 4.2cm fibroid
not sure if that will have to come out first

I think my parents would disapprove but support me

yes I would go privately
I gatehr NHS not an option for secondary infertility

Hmm. It is a difficult one. Knowing you to the degree that I do, I think it is well worth considering not least because you can throw money at the twins option. What do the medics say? And was the PPH a one-off?

I'd kind of rule DD1's reaction out of the equation as you just don't know.

Fat bit, yep, vile, that THOUGH it will console you to know I got a lot less fat second time round.

erm
I have no idea
I only have one child

I did bleed horribly after tonsils
I have had it checked out and have no obv clotting disorder

yes I have actually ruled hers out

Do they screen for Downs etc when they do IVF I guess my age is a big consideration in that too

I would go private for it.

I am going to go to the Lister

there is also the fact it may not work.

i am been considering my options re. secondary infertility and have discounted ivf mainly cos the consultant said the odds of my getting pregnant with ivf were pretty much on a par with the odds of me getting pregnant anyway. (i.e. not terribly good)

my friend had a similiar condition to yours during her last pregnancy and it definitely has affected her longterm health.

but then as someone who spent most of last night weeping cos i got myperiod i do know where you are coming from.

Does anyone know are the chances greater of success if you already have one naturally conceived child and have never had a m/c?

oh yes that is a given that it may not work

Sorry to state the bleeding obvious, but what do your doctors think? Sometimes we can build up problems in our minds only to find that the docs have seen it all before and have good ideas to minimise those problems. To answer your numbered questions:

1. What was princess pea head doing on the labour ward?? (and see above for sensible version of answer)

1. Ditto

1. The getting up all night doesn't last that long

1. Yes she prob will be jealous but that would happen if she was 2 or 12. My elder sis hated me and I survived.

1. Yes you may get a little porky but you'll soon lose it.

1. No experience but I'd have to agree

1. I don't think twins are as common now, are they? Anyway, you'd breeze through it.

As for your mental state, well, what can I say

I don't think that Downs and other conditions would be screened out at IVF stage.

Having gone through IVF myself, it really isn't that bad, and I am happy to do it again, so it can't be that dreadful.

What you could do as a starting point is find your nearest decent IVF clinic, (use the HFEA website) and go for an initial consultation with the consultant there. They will tell you what the chances are, the costs and go through the specific health implications for you. You will also most likely have some blood tests to determine FSH levels as this indicates how "good" your eggs and ovaries are. Armed with all this info you will be able to make an informed decision at least based on reality rather than speculation.

FWIW, I think most cases of twins in the over 40s have used donated eggs. You would be extremely lucky to get twins using your own

or unlucky

I don't think the embryo screening is offered here.

In some places abroad, you can have your embryos screened for genetic disease before they are implanted.

It is not a cheap process, however, but it is available.

Yes I am going for inital appt at Lister

And no, no screening is done generally during IVF though if you have a specific genetic condition in the family it can be screened for during IVF for approx double the cost and if you have enough eggs to allow this.

Lucky I think on balance!

Ah, see, in that case, Only, I would go abroad.

It is performed in clinics in Europe and N. America at the patient's request - regardless of whether or not they have a history of genetic disease.

It may be worth your while to go abroad as it is, CD, as it may be cheaper.

I am your good friend and worry horribly about your health. I would ask whoever you see what they felt the risks were and if they felt they were big I wouldn't do it. And I wouldn't want you to do it.

if not, go for it.

Not IMO
I couldn't cope with twins
really
I only just made it with one last time

yes I know soph
I won't do it if the risks are too high
I promise