Am I mad to consider IVF? Geriatric, not in best of health etc

[CountessDracula]

I really am considering it

I am 41 (42 in Oct)
DD is 5.5
I am just about ok with only having one but would like another
DH would really like another but will accept my decision obv

There are so many cons

1. I nearly died having dd, massive PPH. Surely dd and dh better off with me alive than me dead and another baby
2. My health is not amazing - I have Crohn's disease and became osteopoenic after 18 months of steroids during last pg when it flared up. However it has been fine since. I have a dodgy kidney that kept getting infected and so I am on prophelactic antibiotics for that, I am guessing that pg could make it worse? What about further impact on my already geriatric body of another child?
3. I am so effing OLD can I go back to being up all night?
4. DD may hate new child anyway and be jealous (though she claims to really want one)
5. I will have to get fat again
6. IVF is not fun I gather
7. I might have TWINS at which point I would have a major breakdown

ARGH
Can anyone tell me if I AM mad?
I think I may be

or even high. and how high is too high.

[worried emoticon]

it's true in Belgium - you can get pre genetic screening with IVF for conditions that they don't test for in the UK.

In Spain as well, belgo. I had a pal who had IVF in Spain and had embryos screened.

what would you do if IVF didn't work 1st time cd? and it might not, how many goes would you give it? you need a doc you really trust to talk you through the pros & cons i think. it's a tough one.

You've been toying with this idea for a while haven't you?

You'll regret not doing so,I doubt you'll regret giving it a whirl.

I have decided against assisted conception for dc2.

It is very expensive both financially and emotionally and there are no guarantees. Plus while it would be easy to say that I would only give it one go, once I?d given it one go could I really walk away and say no more? After all statistically the more you try the more chance there is of success, so how easy would it be to walk away from just one more go, and then just one more, and just one more, until I didn?t have a home or any money and my marriage was on the rocks because of the emotional stress of it all?

I am fortunate to have one happy healthy child, maybe nature is telling me something.

But then I do sometimes wonder if just maybe I will regret it if I don?t go ahead and try (think IVF would be our only option as dh has low sperm count, then again ds was conceived naturally).

Hmmm but sold the baby furniture at the weekend and thinking of going to uni so that?s my life sorted.

Well certainly don't discount on grounds of age - I had dcs at age of 41 and 43. I think the odds, for eg of Downs, seem worse than they are - 1 in a 100 is presented as terrible, almost a bullet you cannot dodge (at my very first midwife appointment, she literally gasped in horror and then said Oh you are brave ) when in actual fact it is 99% chance everything will be fine. The odds are still massively on your side! And there is always screening - cvb, amnio etc if you want to. I guess the rest you will have to go over with your DH and your GP, but you are def not a geriatric! Good luck.

Oh CD, you have been talking about this for so long it makes me think that you do really want this. I am obviously not a doctor and can't advise on the risks. But, I think you should do it if the doctors say it is okay.

Your DD will be fine.

And, you would cope with twins. You just would. (but you might have to open your home to some live-in staff)

I remember your birth story and I can't imagine that's likely to happen again. But, again, I'm, no doctor.

It's a tough decision for you, I know. Good luck.
(((hugs)))

CD, I think you need to discuss all the medical stuff with your doc, your history sounds very complicated.

The fatness and knackeredness is par for the course and transient.

If I were you and the docs allayed my fears re health issues (to certain degree, obv) then I think I would have to give it a go. If only to avoid the 'what if's'. However, it is really important that you don't leap in with both feet regardless, but from reading your thread, that is a v unlikely scenario.

CD is there an argument to suggest that the IVF doc wouldn't be the best person to advise you on the health risks but rather your kidney and chron's specialists....they won't be trying to see you something iyswim (i know it sounds harsh and i'm sure that you'd be give good advice, but i think it would be important to get that advice from someone with no interest whatsoever other than your health.

absolutely soph

Soph makes a good point. You should probably seek several opinions -- but no doubt you already plan to do this.

Good luck.

CD - having been through fairly extensive fertility treatment, I was told that fertility declines precipitously after 42 and that after 45 most (if not all) clinics advise using an egg donor. So, this is the right age for you to be moving along.

Did you say you have an appointment at the Lister already, or is that where you'll go if you decide to move ahead?

Also - they will see the fact that you've got a child as positive - shows you can get pregnant and can carry a child to term...which rules out certain conditions which could affect fertility.

Good point
but as Earlybird says time is of the essence. After 42 you can all but forget it

I will call my consultants for kidney and crohn's and have a chat about it

I don't think you are mad considering it. Nothing ventured and all that. I think the Lister is a very good choice. I'm pg from an IVF/ICSI cycle at the Lister. So if you have any specific questions, please holler.

Which doctor do you have your consult with? Reason I ask is that they all have slightly different attitudes to some aspects of treatment. Is Crohn's an autoimmune condition? If so you might be better off with one of the doctors that have an interest in the whole immune arena when it comes to reproductive failure. Just a thought.

Yes you can have your embryos screened - PGS - they can check the major chromosomes where errors are more likely to occur due to advanced maternal age (AMA). They can do a 5 panel or 7 panel screen. (13, 18, 21, x, y, 16, 22). This is done on day 3 after fertilisation whereby a cell is removed from the embryo. If you want more detail let me know. Costs £2.5K on top.

I've probably made it sound quite simple but there are lots of pros and cons. PGS does not increase the pregnancy rate but it does reduce significantly miscarriage. Lister don't do PGD which is what you would need if there was a heritable condition you didn't want to pass on. The quoted figure for your age group is that 10 - 20% of your eggs will be chromosomally normal.

I don't think you should even worry about twins at this stage.

Do you know what your day 3 FSH level is? This has a direct bearing on how well your ovaries would respond to the stimulation drugs and so how many eggs would be available for fertilisation.

One final thing - if you do go down the IVF route, don't buy your drugs from the clinic as there is an enormous mark-up on them. You could save £1k (I did) by shopping around to get the best price. Some independent chemists will do you a good deal. Lister charge £18 a vial for one of my meds and I managed to get it for £12 a vial elsewhere.

Good luck, go for it, you'll never regret trying. But you may regret not trying.

It's relevant to say that my fertility treatment experiences were 6 and more years ago. I am not aware of recent advances that may have changed the landscape of treatment today - so perhaps my info is out of date.

Ok, so when is your appointment, now that we are all interested in the next generation of baby drac(s).

Hey you can hire your old nanny back full time and everyone will be happy again and you won't have to faff around with part time reliable childcare issues.

Should I shut up?

Also, would you consider egg donation if tests proved your eggs were not suitable for IVF?

No defo not!

IVF really isn't that bad (physically), emotionally it is hell if it doesn't work smply because it is so fucking expensive. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if we had the £££s.

If you decide to go for it visit a couple of top flight clinics for consultations before you decide where to go. If you want to use your own eggs start ASAP - waiting never helps.

Message withdrawn

I had my Ds twins via the Lister. The staff were lovely. Good luck whatever you decide x

I'm currently 41 and 17 weeks pregnant - will be 42 when bubs is born.

I had previous high b/p before pregnancy and have now got GD. Also had a mc in late 2006.

My oldest is 22, middle 19 and youngest 17.

IMHO just go for it but first discuss with your GP. I switched my meds so that it wouldn't affect my pregnancy before I actually conceived.

I've declined all screening for Down's but that is personal choice and the way I see things, at 1:85, I've got more chance of having twins (1:60) which I've never had either!!!

Think positive

Hey CD, twins are not that bad. I am finding twins this time round a LOT LOT easier than DS1 as a baby.

No easy answer to your question though. Although obviously to help avoid twins you can only have one egg put back in. Ok, it might still split, but twins are often conceived throug IVF as they often put two eggs back in to give you a better chance.

Sorry if this has already been said .