SURPRISE PREGNANCY!

[Gwat]

Opinions needed please! 0 replies

Gwat · Today 21:05
Hi. This is my first post here. I have joined tonight because I am in need of advice.
A few weeks ago, my son met a girl on Tinder. They had a few dates and on Saturday 4th November he stayed at her home for 2 nights.

On 18th November, the girl called my son and told him she was pregnant. She showed him a test that showed 2 (very dark) lines.
He told me on Monday 20th. Believe me, I fully expressed my disappointment and tbh, disgust at him having unprotected sex. I have raised him better than that and always tried to drum it into him.

I was shocked that this has all happened so quickly and couldn’t wrap my head around it. Obviously I know that you can get a positive result after 2 weeks and from the first day of your missed period but something felt off. Maybe I was being hopeful that it wasn’t my sons… I don’t know. I don’t know how to react in this situation.

I thought it would be the right thing to do, to meet with the girl and her mum. I didn’t want them thinking that I wasn’t bothering and of course, I had questions of my own to ask.
So we met yesterday (Thursday 23rd November). I really wanted to create a civil friendship as conflict is the last thing I need or want. After this past year, and what we’ve been through as a family, peace is the only thing I welcome.

The first thing the mother said to me was “when I found out, I was fuming with your son. FUMING!!” I had to bite my lip with that line!

I went on to ask the girl how far along she thinks she is then… She looked at me dead in the eye and said “I done a clearblue test and it said pregnant - 3+ weeks.”

When I left, I spoke to my friends and said to them. I don’t get this. How can she be 3+ weeks when the 4th November was only 2 weeks and 5 days ago? 3+ weeks means more than 3 weeks.
My friend said “yes but when you find out your pregnant and go to the doctor you’re considered 4 weeks pregnant as obviously it starts from the first day of your last period.”

My head was such a mess I just accepted it and went to bed.
My cousin who is a midwife called me today and we chatted about the same thing. She told me to google for myself what the clearblue result means. So I did, and it’s as follows:

If the test result is 'Pregnant 3+", this indicates that conception occurred more than 3 weeks ago.

They hadn’t slept together over 3 weeks ago?! The weekend they spent together was 18/19 days ago. Thats not even 3 weeks let alone more than 3 weeks. I checked on clearblue and it only goes up to 3+ weeks. That means it could be 4 right?

I’m very confused here. Please help. 🙏🏻

Sounds so stressful ! I’m not much use but I’m sure someone will come along who can advise you . Wishing you the best x

Sounds like first step is to speak to your son again and explore this all with him, ie is he sure about dates etc. If he has doubts he needs to take it up with her.

Thank you. Yes, we sat down together and made sure we were correct with the dates they had sex and when she found out. I think I will have to wait until the first scan. They invited me to go with them. I’m sure I will be able to get a clearer idea, then. It’s so stressful and I don’t want to mess with my sons head either so reading up as much I can myself. x

Thank you so much. x

I would assume likelihood is not his but be friendly and partially involved until you have a better idea

I think your instinct is correct

I think your instinct may be correct but I’d be wary. I got a 3+ on my clear blue test within days of only testing positive. It’s based on hcg levels so if the levels are high then it can quickly go from 1-2, 2-3 and then 3+. I was also very certain on my dates too.

Either way, your son and this girl had unprotected sex. There is always a chance that it can end In pregnancy. He can and should request a paternity test but that is on him to do. If he believes it’s his child and wants to be involved then you need to stand back or stand bh him.

When I tested positive it said 2-3 weeks but my last period was around five weeks before so you add on 2 weeks to what is says on the test for your last period so your instincts are correct

Oh God. I’m so stressed 🙈 I think I will have to play the waiting game. They invited me to the first scan so I’m sure that will reveal all right?

Sounds a little off to me considering everything u have said. I think you should wait like you said till first scan and take it from there. I hope it works out for you op

Yes of course. I want to. I guess I just need to process it all and be sure that he is committing to a child that is his, you know.

My sister said about HCG levels. I googled this and it came up saying multiple pregnancy or further along then expected. Were you further along than you originally thought? I know that the week indicator is 93% accurate.

Yes. I plan to. They invited me to the first scan so I’m sure all will be revealed then, right? 🙏🏻

Waiting game - if she carries on with the pregnancy then DNA test when the baby is born. You won't know before then if it is his.

(unless scan shows she is much further along)

Thank you so much 🙏🏻

Yes you are right, the CB test gives weeks from conception. The NHS works out pregnancy from date of last period.

So her CB test is suggesting she got pregnant 3 weeks ago and would be 5weeks pregnant according to the NHS

Super tricky situation sounds like everyone is trying their best

Will probably need to wait for a dating scan at 12weeks to have a clearer idea but none of these tests are an exact science

Might be useful to understand if the lady in question slept with anyone in the week or two prior to your son but of course she isn't obligated to answer that!

Nope I knew my dates exactly, it wasn’t a multiple pregnancy, just really fast and high rising hcg. I had a scan at 6 weeks just to confirm it was just one baby as everyone told me it must be twins but it was a single baby and bang on 6 weeks. The 12 week scan also confirmed my dates.

I took a clear blue indicator the same day I had taken my first pregnancy test. The test instantly showed 2-3 weeks and 2 days later had moved into 3+ . That was only 2 days after a missed period and I knew I had sex two weeks prior as I had recorded it in an app.

I’d just gently chat with your son and ask if there’s any chance the girl has been with anyone else?
How is he feeling about it all?

I’m hoping the first scan will help with answers. But yes, otherwise it will have to be dealt with once the baby is here. I just don’t want my son getting emotionally attached to a pregnancy or child that may not be his. But at the same time, I don’t want to ruin this for him if it is his. Such a difficult situation. Urgh. Why didn’t he listen to me! 🫤

Is she definitely continuing with the pregnancy?

It could be his baby. If she was ovulating on the 4th then she would be due a period around the 18th and would test positive if pregnant. The way pregnancies are dated in the U.K. are from the first day of the last period, so convention is to say she's four weeks pregnant at that point even though she only conceived two weeks ago

I think clear blue tests date from conception (ie around ovulation) - so 3 weeks on clear blue corresponds to what we would call 5 weeks pregnant in the U.K.

Would you be able to suggest/afford an earlier, private scan? At 7 weeks it will be very very accurate.

Yes I think I will advise my son to suggest this. Thank you.

Just saw that all of this is covered in the OP- sorry! Think that the hcg measurement in a clear blue is pretty crude so the 3+ weeks wouldn't rule anything out. Scan will give an accurate date of conception though

How old are they both?

Is she definitely keeping the baby?

How is your Son feeling about it. I presume as they are both inviting you to the scan she's keeping the baby & he's happy about it?!

the girls Mum was out of line! Takes two to make a baby!! Unless he's much older than her they're equally responsible.

Hmmmm I would play it cool so you can attend the scan with them. At my first scan they told me when they think conception took place (I know exactly which day we were intimate) and the conception date they told me was 2-3 days from that so made sense my ovulation wise.