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Original poster

TTC After Miscarriage

32 replies

Jadelr · 04/09/2023 15:28

I had a miscarriage on 21st February at 8 weeks. My cycles were all over the place after up until around May, we both decided after the miscarriage we wanted to try to conceive again however I've still not fell pregnant since and I'm feeling rather depressed. Each month I obsess over wether I'm pregnant in the two week wait and then when my period comes I'm devastated. When I had my miscarriage and was scanned etc they checked everything ovaries etc and I don't have PCOS or anything like that and they said everything looks healthy and fertile but I just wanted to know if it took anybody abit longer to conceive after a miscarriage? It's been like 6 months now and as we are trying for our first I feel like it's never going to happen again 😞

Everything I see online most women seem to fall pregnant pretty fast after a miscarriage and I'm quite disheartened it's not happening, I feel like it's never going to happen again and i can't figure out if I'm stressing myself out to much and that's the reason I'm not falling pregnant. TTC is so stressful it took me around 5 months to fall pregnant the first time after coming off contraception. Any advice or anything is much appreciated x

OP posts:
moosey89 · 04/09/2023 16:03

I'm really sorry for your loss, miscarriage absolutely sucks, I had my second in July.
I know it's hard but it's best for both your physical and mental health to not obsess over the tww, stress can do all sorts to the body including messing up hormone levels and even preventing ovulation. Keep busy doing things you enjoy and don't wish away 2 weeks of every 4. 6 months feels like forever but it's not that long. It takes a lot of women 3-12 months post miscarriage to conceive. I don't have a good news story yet, the first time I conceived took 2.5 years with my ex (he refused to go see a fertility specialist) and this time was 6 months
No living children yet, and I'm back in my first cycle of trying again since the latest loss.

The internet is rife with stories of super fertility after miscarriage but there's no scientific evidence to back this up. I think it's partly because people who do get lucky feel so lucky with it so of course they share their stories (rightfully so), but that doesn't mean anything is wrong if it's taking you a bit longer. X

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 16:41

I'm so sorry for your losses it's awful 😞 yeah I completely agree I have just been wasting two weeks every month absolutely fixated on it and it's getting me down massively but I do feel like I need to start enjoying my life more and just taking the "it happens when it happens" approach as TTC can be draining. I think after a loss well for me you just wish it would happen again but it's not that easy. But I have been very stressed and depressed about trying since as I have became obsessive, it is just so hard isn't it. Thankyou for replying x

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Silverfoxlady · 04/09/2023 19:56

Sorry for your losses.

I agree, it is awful and sad. One minute I am ok, and then next I am not. I had my first miscarriage mid-July and it seems like the ground fell from under me. There was always going to be a high risk of a miscarriage, but I didn’t expect it to make me feel so sad when it happened.

We are trying again to fall pregnant, but I must say - TTC sex is not fun. So much pressure to conceive when we are both so busy, and doing it when I am seriously not in the mood (First thing in the morning is the worst!). That is the worst part of it for me.

Sorry if TMI!

LilyJessie · 04/09/2023 19:59

I have had miscarriages.
All I can say is when I have tried desperately to fall pregnant, it's never happened. Whenever we had been like "ah sod it let's not try this month and relax" bang, pregnant.
It's so easier said than done. But just remember to enjoy the sex and not make it a mission of pregnancy. Sometimes the spontaneous sex is the time you fall, even if it isn't when your ovulation calendar/ sticks are telling you too!

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:44

LilyJessie · 04/09/2023 19:59

I have had miscarriages.
All I can say is when I have tried desperately to fall pregnant, it's never happened. Whenever we had been like "ah sod it let's not try this month and relax" bang, pregnant.
It's so easier said than done. But just remember to enjoy the sex and not make it a mission of pregnancy. Sometimes the spontaneous sex is the time you fall, even if it isn't when your ovulation calendar/ sticks are telling you too!

Sorry for your loss, yes I have heard a few people say that. I think after my miscarriage I became so obsessed with trying to get back the one thing I lost and the only way was to strictly try to conceive and try really hard when in reality I do think it's having the opposite effect it's putting so much pressure on me and I'm just depressed and very stressed 😞 I think I am going to take the relaxed approach from now on and not try as such as it's not good for my mental health. I do think stress is a big factor in not falling pregnant well for me anyway, when I first fell pregnant we were trying but it was if it happens it happens if not we wouldn't stress and it happened so maybe I need to try that again haha!

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Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:47

Silverfoxlady · 04/09/2023 19:56

Sorry for your losses.

I agree, it is awful and sad. One minute I am ok, and then next I am not. I had my first miscarriage mid-July and it seems like the ground fell from under me. There was always going to be a high risk of a miscarriage, but I didn’t expect it to make me feel so sad when it happened.

We are trying again to fall pregnant, but I must say - TTC sex is not fun. So much pressure to conceive when we are both so busy, and doing it when I am seriously not in the mood (First thing in the morning is the worst!). That is the worst part of it for me.

Sorry if TMI!

So sorry for your loss, I remember feeling the same it didn't hit me at first then before I knew it it all hit me at once and I didn't quite know how to carry on. I agree TTC sex isn't fun as much as we do try to make it fun it's just not the same and it begins to feel abit like a chore! I have heard several women on mums net say when they stopped trying it happened, TTC causes alot of stress well for me it does because I just become obsessive and have to do everything and try everything.

I think I'm definitely going to take a step back from this month and see what happens

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moosey89 · 04/09/2023 21:15

@Jadelr it is so so hard to do! Sound so simple too, right? "oh just relax"!

To be honest, first time around I did get totally wrapped up in it for the best part of a year. After that I stopped being so intensely focused, but it still took 18 months to get pregnant. So I would say whilst relaxing does help, it also isn't always the answer. The world of ttc is sent to try us!x

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 21:39

moosey89 · 04/09/2023 21:15

@Jadelr it is so so hard to do! Sound so simple too, right? "oh just relax"!

To be honest, first time around I did get totally wrapped up in it for the best part of a year. After that I stopped being so intensely focused, but it still took 18 months to get pregnant. So I would say whilst relaxing does help, it also isn't always the answer. The world of ttc is sent to try us!x

Exactly! It is so difficult to relax when it's all you want and yes relaxing does help abit but that's not what gets you pregnant haha, it's so frustrating isn't it! We will get there one day and all of this stress and heartache will be worth it, I know for sure. It's just getting there seems like it's never ending some days, some days it's all I think about and then in the TWW I'm so consumed by it all that I feel like I can't focus on anything else, which I need to snap out of before I drive myself insane 😂 it's nice to come on here and find people in similar positions as it can feel really lonely at times, especially when all my family and friends seem to fall pregnant so quick so they can never seem to relate to how I'm feeling x

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HashB · 04/09/2023 22:02

@Jadelr im 2 months post miscarriage and feel the same way. I had this feeling like the world owed me a baby. Everyone’s super fertile after miscarriage, right? It’ll happen the first month! Wrong!

I was in a bit of a dark place last month and I was finding the whole thing really really lonely, but I actually think this group has helped me a lot. Granted you don’t know these women personally but there’s so much support, and it’s so so nice to see you aren’t alone and there are other people having your same experience who in time, do get their positives.

Please keep talking and posting and maybe the tww will become just a bit more bearable xx

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 22:07

HashB · 04/09/2023 22:02

@Jadelr im 2 months post miscarriage and feel the same way. I had this feeling like the world owed me a baby. Everyone’s super fertile after miscarriage, right? It’ll happen the first month! Wrong!

I was in a bit of a dark place last month and I was finding the whole thing really really lonely, but I actually think this group has helped me a lot. Granted you don’t know these women personally but there’s so much support, and it’s so so nice to see you aren’t alone and there are other people having your same experience who in time, do get their positives.

Please keep talking and posting and maybe the tww will become just a bit more bearable xx

So sorry for your loss, unfortunately I know all to well how that feels 😞 but you have hit the nail on the head I did/still do feel like the world owes me a baby. I became so bitter after my miscarriage, I was angry, upset all kinds of emotions came over me because I just couldn't process what had happened to me. I will forever wonder "why me" but then when you come onto a forum like this you realise it's not just you it happens too it unfortunately happens to so many women.

I remember being so excited reading you're more fertile after a miscarriage and then when it didn't happen that made me worse. It's so draining, I'm constantly wanting back what I had and I'm hopeful I will get there one day! I agree it is nice to come on here and speak about things even though we are all strangers we can all relate in one way or another. And like you say it makes the whole TTC/TWW that little bit more bearable! We will get our rainbows one day 🌈 Xx

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LilyJessie · 05/09/2023 07:43

Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:44

Sorry for your loss, yes I have heard a few people say that. I think after my miscarriage I became so obsessed with trying to get back the one thing I lost and the only way was to strictly try to conceive and try really hard when in reality I do think it's having the opposite effect it's putting so much pressure on me and I'm just depressed and very stressed 😞 I think I am going to take the relaxed approach from now on and not try as such as it's not good for my mental health. I do think stress is a big factor in not falling pregnant well for me anyway, when I first fell pregnant we were trying but it was if it happens it happens if not we wouldn't stress and it happened so maybe I need to try that again haha!

Show quote history

I became obsessed with getting pregnant after my first loss... And I became pregnant first time trying before that!!
It's awful! And I hear and feel you.

It's so easy to say but I promise you now, focussing on something else, exercising, a hobby, work, and bringing back the fun in sex, definitely helps.
Saying to your partner, (like I did) "now now now I'm ovulating" is soooo much pressure for you both.
My partner said "I feel used!" (Half jokingly), but I bet he did!!

Why don't you say to yourself... "this isn't good for me, let's not try for a month or two" and just enjoy the end of summer, popnto Anne summers, mix it up a bit, and you never know...

Took me 8 months with the second, and that's when we gave up trying as it as upsetting me so much! The third time I didn't try and fell in 2! Honestly stress doesn't help!

Sending you lots of luck 🤞😁 and remember ... have fun 😉😉

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 07:49

@LilyJessie sorry for your loss. I agree i think it's because it was my first loss I've became so obsessive in trying to fill that void and getting back what I had if that makes sense. You know it's funny you say that I've heard so many people say once they stopped trying so to speak they fell pregnant. But since my miscarriage it's just gotten worse as the months have gone by to the point I'm now depressed over trying to conceive and it shouldn't be that way should it, but I'm definitely going to try what you have suggested and not "try" so to speak as I'm making myself ill and I think with all the stress it's causing that certainly won't help me either! I'll definitely have to nip to Ann summers and spice things up as sometimes sex really does feel like a chore and it never used too for us, I'll hopefully get there one day! Thankyou for the advice I appreciate it x

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Blue2020 · 05/09/2023 08:00

It took us three months after the miscarriage, however that third month I had written it off. I still tracked ovulation to give it the best chance but dh had covid and a fever weeks before and I read studies that it affects the sperm short term. We went on holiday for three weeks directly after ovulation and lo and behold it’s the month we conceived. It’s the only month where I just didn’t think about it and even took my pads with me ready for af to start. It was the first relaxed month I had felt out of the seven months since we had started trying and it’s the one that was a successful pregnancy.

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 08:50

Blue2020 · 05/09/2023 08:00

It took us three months after the miscarriage, however that third month I had written it off. I still tracked ovulation to give it the best chance but dh had covid and a fever weeks before and I read studies that it affects the sperm short term. We went on holiday for three weeks directly after ovulation and lo and behold it’s the month we conceived. It’s the only month where I just didn’t think about it and even took my pads with me ready for af to start. It was the first relaxed month I had felt out of the seven months since we had started trying and it’s the one that was a successful pregnancy.

Sorry for your loss it's awful, but I agree from what I've heard women on hear say when they stopped stressing and trying it happened. I do think I just need to take that approach as it's ruining my mental health and I'm just depressed etc which is no good. I'm certainly going to try and be relaxed going forward x

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Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 10:57

@Jadelr sorry for your loss. I had a mc at 11w3d end of April and a cp the following cycle. I totally agree with what you say about becoming obsessive. I've actually started seeing a miscarriage and pregnancy loss counsellor which is really helping, worth seeing if there's anything similar in your area, but mine do online counselling as well. It's called Footsteps Counselling and Care.

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 10:59

Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 10:57

@Jadelr sorry for your loss. I had a mc at 11w3d end of April and a cp the following cycle. I totally agree with what you say about becoming obsessive. I've actually started seeing a miscarriage and pregnancy loss counsellor which is really helping, worth seeing if there's anything similar in your area, but mine do online counselling as well. It's called Footsteps Counselling and Care.

So sorry for your loss, I'll have a look into that thank you! I have been thinking about counselling as it's gotten quite out of hand how obsessive I've became and it's running my life it's all I can think about it and I don't want to be this way, I will definitely have a look into that x

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Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 20:23

No problem, I can completely relate to that! It's definitely helped 😊

Blue2020 · 07/09/2023 21:51

@Jadelr I know it can be hard trying to relax when it’s the main thought. It’s easier said than done. I had this intense desire to have what I’d lost, so opk and bbt became a daily process to maximise the chance.

Also I don’t think I said, sorry for your loss. I hope you have positive news soon.

HashB · 07/09/2023 21:54

How are you feeling @Jadelr ?

Olika · 07/09/2023 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I got too fixated with TTC after my miscarriage. And nothing was happening for ages. Then I stopped testing and worrying and relaxed. I started listening to my body and when I felt aroused I seduced my DH because I wanted him, not because I was about to ovulate.. and it worked.

Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:18

Blue2020 · 07/09/2023 21:51

@Jadelr I know it can be hard trying to relax when it’s the main thought. It’s easier said than done. I had this intense desire to have what I’d lost, so opk and bbt became a daily process to maximise the chance.

Also I don’t think I said, sorry for your loss. I hope you have positive news soon.

I know I'm the same I've just became so obsessive and it's driving a wedge between myself and my partner 😞 just desperately trying to get back what I had, Thankyou x

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:18

HashB · 07/09/2023 21:54

How are you feeling @Jadelr ?

Hey, not too good 😞 sorry for the delayed response had a rough week, how are you? X

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Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:19

Olika · 07/09/2023 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I got too fixated with TTC after my miscarriage. And nothing was happening for ages. Then I stopped testing and worrying and relaxed. I started listening to my body and when I felt aroused I seduced my DH because I wanted him, not because I was about to ovulate.. and it worked.

Thankyou, it's so difficult isn't it but I have heard so many people say if you just stop trying and relax then it'll happen. I've gotten myself in such a mess I'm depressed and I'm driving a wedge between me and my partner because of how I am that's how I know I've got to a point I need to stop now x

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Olika · 09/09/2023 18:06

When I started listening to my body I realised I get more aroused and naturally wanted my DH just before my ovulation. I still have this every month around my ovulation so perhaps it's something you could observe and utilise instead of the tests.

Original poster
Jadelr · 10/09/2023 12:05

Olika · 09/09/2023 18:06

When I started listening to my body I realised I get more aroused and naturally wanted my DH just before my ovulation. I still have this every month around my ovulation so perhaps it's something you could observe and utilise instead of the tests.

That makes sense because before I was TTC I did feel more in the mood around ovulation so maybe I just need to listen to my body more and go with the flow

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