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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

fed up with DH being too tired/too ill/ too something to do the "deed"..............

37 replies

herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:29

Sympathy please......December, felt under pressure to perform, January both had the noro virus, this month, managed day 11 of cycle but wanted to have another go on Day 13 and DH says he feels ill again................aaaaaaaaaaaaargh (in fairness he looks rotten). I suppose I have to stop being so hard on him and be a bit sympathetic,,,but am getting frustrated. DH finding the whole thing "knackering" apparently.....is it that bad ?!!!!!!!!! Help ! Do you all suffer from unenthusiastic husband syndrome?

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Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 22:38

Hi, Like the syndrome-UHS!!!
Mine thought the idea was great ttc #2 but then came over all tired all the time. "If we had only gone to bed earlier", "felt ill", "put under pressure", "knackered".

And we had only been trying for a few weeks!

And he was moaning about the lack of it during pg and early months after birth of DS.

Good luck!

Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:42

My dh worried about the baby "seeing"/"knowing" during first pregnancy ?! He was really turned off by sex during pregnancy - I think they like it or they don't....We managed to get pregnant first time last time with ds so dh seems to think that the same will happen this time with little effort. [hmmm] - what to do eh?

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Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:42

oh and ps he seems to think I'm getting hysterical.........

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Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:42

oh and ps he seems to think I'm getting hysterical.........

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GreenGlassGoblin · 26/02/2008 22:43

Serious UHS in this house! Managed it 3 times last month, at 3 day intervals. All time record. DH needs a weeks notice Am currently wondering whether to throw an enormous strop when I turn out not to be pg this month to get him to realise how much it means to me and put some effort in!

Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 22:54

we had tears on friday night. Apparently when I bluntly tell him "tonights the night" - it's too clinical. When I tell him "I'm off to bed [early] " it's too obvious....and I'm going to make it a "big issue" if I'm not careful. Well, if he can't be voluntarily enthusiastic then what else can I do ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some men are Sooooooooooooo lazy and love to stick their head in the sand. He did say when we had tears that he hadn't realised how upset I was about it (duuuurgh)....

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Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 22:58

Know what you mean herbgarden we also got lucky with DS on pretty much the first attempt. So again my DH also thinks little effort is needed for another!

Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 23:00

oh and I've found reading this section of MN a bit depressing - I have honed in on the secondary fertility threads.This train of thought is not good !

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Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:01

I sympathise. Think my DH was getting similar thoughts. I was "adding to his stress levels"- great.

Not BD was adding to mine!

Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:03

Dont go there!!!!!

Have been depressing myself too by all the sad stories and only been trying officially for about 6 weeks.

Problem is I am still BF and thought had ovulated few weeks ago just before first AF and was really disappointed when got AF instead. Realised how much I wanted to have another.

WiiMii · 26/02/2008 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 23:16

I agree WiiMii that it is supposed to be spontaneous and fun but I think being 37 and hearing all the hype in the media about "old mothers" , having lots of friends now on no 2 highlights my anxiety about wanting no 2 - we also both work long hours so the fun and spontaneity seems to be slowly waning ............I know that's not ideal but it is hard to shift your mind set. I'm very conscious of dh feeling like a maching but I can't think of a way round it - If we had sex frequently then it might feel less pressured but we'd got lazy so now we are pretty much "trying" to conceive and are saving it for those times....we're quite good at it when we get round to it tho'

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Original poster
herbgarden · 26/02/2008 23:17

a machine....not sure if maching is even a word !

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Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:21

I concieved DS when 37 and am now 38 (soon 39 ) so am a little err twitched by the age thing too.

If I knew my cycles were back I might try a "procreation vacation" at the right time!!!!

Moonlit · 26/02/2008 23:23

Oh ladies,

I totally understand. We have been TTC since October 2006 for DC number 2. My DH told me, he found 'calulated' sex boring. And that baby making is a turn off. I am 29 and he wants another 5 kids. At this rate I will be 50 when the 6th child turns up.

Ladies don't dispair. Let's help ourselves; 1)If you already have children, get a baby sitter and go out for a romantic dinner and don't talk about babies. 2)Give yourself a makeover, new underwear etc, make yourself enticing!!!! 3) Candlelit BDing, a bit more romantic than a quickie.

I will be using all my own advice next month

Good luck xxx

Davidsmom · 26/02/2008 23:28

Hope it works Moonlit. Sorry to hear you have been ttc that long.

Fair point- think I will have to ditch the old breastfeeding nighties!!!!

But DS with poor sleeping patterns doesnt help.

Moonlit · 27/02/2008 01:21

Davidsmom 39 is not old hun. Older mums make better mums!

Breastfeeding nighties!!!!! That sounds familiar . I still wear my Melanie Davies. She works out of the EGA at UCH regnany bras (non underwired ones). Not very sexy at all But ohhhh so comfortable!!!

xx

Original poster
herbgarden · 27/02/2008 09:16

I want 3 but like you it is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN at this rate - I'm 37 going on 38. DH fell asleep on the sofa last night. As soon as I walked in the door he told me he'd felt really rough since about 3pm - didn't have any dinner and promptly nodded off at 8pm...I did say about 7.30pm "no chance of a shag then" and he looked at me incredulously ( I was half serious being the witch I am) - but he is a bit man fluey about all illnesses and since ds has been in nursery we have both been permanently ill since about September. I just work through it - see it as an inconvenience and then get on with it - it's become my normal state - he uses it as an excuse for allsorts !!!!!!!!!!! I often think it would have been far easier to have met, got married within a couple of years and got on with it whilst we were both still very much up for it a lot. Now we're 10 years together and a bit more comfortable IYSWIM....turkey baster MAYBE ?????!

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SheherazadetheGoat · 27/02/2008 09:20

hg, it is a pain. give poor dh a chance to get well and write this month off. next month plan an afternoon off work with childcare sorted and do it in the afternoon in the marchsunshine. guarenteed to get the sap rising...

Moonlit · 27/02/2008 10:30

Sorry about my gibberish post!

It was meant to be....

Davidsmom 39 is not old hun. Older mums make better mums!

Breastfeeding nighties!!!!! That sounds familiar. I still wear my pregnancy bras(non underwired ones). Not very sexy at all But ohhhh so comfortable!!!

xx

anniemac · 27/02/2008 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
herbgarden · 27/02/2008 13:46

I sat there with ds at lunchtime today when he was being oh so cute (he's 19 months what a gorgeous age) - the sun is shining outside and I thought how glad I am that I've had ds all to myself at this age....I will relax and see what happens [hmmm] but agree that dh needs to get better. I'm off to buy echinacea and multivitamins for us this afternoon and next weekend we have a long weekend away together without ds so a chance to re-charge our batteries - hurray! Wrong time of the month but maybe we can have some more relaxed "non-conception sex" for a change !!!!!!!!!!

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Davidsmom · 26/03/2008 21:41

Hi,

Wondered if the reluctant husbands had been seduced and anyone concieved yet????

Any tips appreciated!!!

Davidsmom · 26/03/2008 21:42

Sorry, includes DP etc

sarah76 · 27/03/2008 00:47

There seems to be something about baby-making sex that just puts men off. . . I'm not going to tell him what I'm planning this month...

Last month was the first month where I actually said "I think I'm going to ovulate, we need to do it NOW!" and it didn't go over too well. He says it stresses him out.

We're both feeling a bit fat and lazy, so not as in the mood as we were when we first got together. It makes me want to cry when I look at the charts from those first months (I was charting before we met). We were BDing almost every day! That soon had to stop, I mean we're not 18 or anything anymore . We haven't really settled into any particular pattern. Some weeks nothing. Occasionally twice in one day. Every other day is just not going to happen.