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28 and still a Virgin, need advice

26 replies

smileygirl1995 · 25/07/2023 00:03

So title says it all I am 28 this year I have a soon to be 1 year old but I am technically a virgin not physically (I'm not the Virgin Mary haha) but I basically used a sperm donor to get pregnant and prior to that I haven't been with a man or even done anything even remotely adventurous since school with a man and all that was was just kissing cause I was only a child lol 😂
But basically I'm looking to start trying for baby number two and my donor is absolutely lovely I used ai method before but I'm thinking about doing it naturally this time around, life is to short and I don't want to keep wondering what it's like.
The main reason I've not done anything before is the simple fact I am a chubby girl and I have basically no confidence in how I look what so ever, some parts I like but when I look in the mirror which is rare I just see a big blob so can't think why any man would want to enjoy that, I’m also not all that bothered.
But do want to know what all the fuss is about and just curiosity really.

I have explained to him that I am very inexperienced and he’s okay with that (I don’t know if men like it or not but he wasn’t to fazed surprised but not to worried) but I think my biggest fear is how do I know what to do…? Will it all come naturally the kissing the being with someone all of that will I know what to do (even to some extent) I know we all start off the same but I suppose because of my age most people will have done all that in there teens so that’s not a concern so much now as they’ll know what to do.
I also understand this sounds like a weird ask I suppose but I don’t really have many friends that I can ask, it’s not something you can blurt out so much when your nearly 30 and a virgin most people assume you know what your doing especially when you have a baby haha 😆
I will also add I am not in anyway being pressured into it by him I have made this choice because I want to experience it at least once even if it’s just so I know what everyone else is talking about 😂

OP posts:
Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:13

Girl look you only live once book your self into the hairdressers and get your hair done with some extensions watch makeup tutorials and maybe loose some weight your waiting your life just been insecure when you can just level up cut down on all that sugar your eating it’s only doing you bad in the end and as for the sex thing I think you should find someone you love how about that put a hold on the doner why don’t you go and find a boyfriend just believe in your self your probably really pretty but just need to get your makeup or eyelashes done :)

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:15

But if you do have sex just stay on your back if it’s your first time but to me you’ve kept your virginity this long maybe just give it to someone who your in love with join a dating app

QuestionableMouse · 25/07/2023 00:17

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:13

Girl look you only live once book your self into the hairdressers and get your hair done with some extensions watch makeup tutorials and maybe loose some weight your waiting your life just been insecure when you can just level up cut down on all that sugar your eating it’s only doing you bad in the end and as for the sex thing I think you should find someone you love how about that put a hold on the doner why don’t you go and find a boyfriend just believe in your self your probably really pretty but just need to get your makeup or eyelashes done :)

This makes my head hurt.

No one needs hair extensions or makeup or "getting their eyelashes done" to feel good about themselves. What a horribly materialistic way of viewing things. Buy these products and services to feel good about yourself!

@smileygirl1995 take it slow, communicate, and it'll usually sort itself out

BritInAus · 25/07/2023 00:26

I'd be very carefully about NI with a donor. My understanding is that if down the line he wants to claim the child is his, then if you've done NI it is extremely hard to prove intent that you wanted him to be 'just' a donor.

SirenSays · 25/07/2023 00:33

This makes me nervous. It's really not uncommon for women to fall in love with people they have sex with, especially when losing virginity. Sleeping together and having his child sounds like a recipe for heartbreak and drama.
You've waited this long, you deserve someone who makes you feel like a queen. its not something to get it over with.

Groutyonehereagain · 25/07/2023 00:36

Sex is very over rated @smileygirl1995 , you aren’t missing out on anything much. I would forget about sex and just go for donation sperm. If in the future you meet someone you fall in love with, then love making can be amazing. Having sex just as an act is disappointing.

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:51

You asked for the advice and I gave it you you said you feel insecure and your a virgin so what’s wrong with telling you to go to the hair dressers or Beauty clinic which most women do it’s normal! Lmao what women doesn’t like to have her nails and hair done if you can’t see men are visual creatures I’m telling you this because no one else ever has it doesn’t cost a thing to go and fix your self up and maybe hit the gym don’t take offence love

Newbie887 · 25/07/2023 01:02

First time sex will be really awful and awkward if you don’t really fancy the guy and have built up to having sex together, are both excited and gagging for it lol.

If you are nervous and self conscious you won’t be able to let go and enjoy it. It will probably put you off future sex. Don’t risk it!

Get your confidence up by dating. Lots of guys see beyond skin deep when there’s a connection. The ones that don’t aren’t worth bothering about.

EBearhug · 25/07/2023 01:20

what women doesn’t like to have her nails and hair done

Me, and plenty others don't. Do it if it makes you feel good, but if you're not used to things like that, I probably wouldn't want it as an extra thing to worry about, and I wouldn't feel like me. And you can be overweight and not wear make-up and men can still bed you. But I would agree thst doing whatever you usually do to feel you're looking your best will probably help.

smileygirl, do you ever masturbate or know how your body reacts to being touched? The more familiar you are with your own body, the better it is likely to be when you do have sex. If you're with a kind, considerate man, then he should take his time and keep checking in with you that you feel okay. But dating and kissing and building up to it as suggested above is probably better. By the time I lost my virginity, I'd explored a lot, so PiV wasn't a big deal by then, just one extra step. You sound like you're starting more or less from scratch, and building up to it so you're both gagging for it tends to make it better.

Or you could just get pissed and go for it as I did a million years ago... I wasn't paralytic though, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

HP89 · 25/07/2023 01:20

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:13

Girl look you only live once book your self into the hairdressers and get your hair done with some extensions watch makeup tutorials and maybe loose some weight your waiting your life just been insecure when you can just level up cut down on all that sugar your eating it’s only doing you bad in the end and as for the sex thing I think you should find someone you love how about that put a hold on the doner why don’t you go and find a boyfriend just believe in your self your probably really pretty but just need to get your makeup or eyelashes done :)

@Sweetheart17 Please learn to punctuate, it’s very confusing.

Also, no need for all that extra rubbish to feel good. Just do what makes YOU feel good and that is enough!

Cornchip · 25/07/2023 01:22

I think it’s a terrible idea to mix sex in with planning for a pregnancy via sperm donation, especially if it’s your first time.

I would go via AI for the sperm donation to keep any feelings out of it.

Regarding sex itself, I can understand “wanting to get it over and done with” and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I do think it would be easier emotionally for you if it was with someone you cared about or at least were dating. I think you have to have a certain type of personality to truly enjoy ONS and be able to detach yourself emotionally which I think you’d perhaps find that difficult to do.

There isn’t any right or wrong way to go about it. On here people will have lots of different stories about how it happened. The main thing is just making sure you’re comfortable with whatever you decide.

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 25/07/2023 01:22

They do need full stops though. As a minimum.

strongcupofTea · 25/07/2023 01:22

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:51

You asked for the advice and I gave it you you said you feel insecure and your a virgin so what’s wrong with telling you to go to the hair dressers or Beauty clinic which most women do it’s normal! Lmao what women doesn’t like to have her nails and hair done if you can’t see men are visual creatures I’m telling you this because no one else ever has it doesn’t cost a thing to go and fix your self up and maybe hit the gym don’t take offence love

I think if men were honest with you they'd tell you they prefer naturally long hair not tacky extensions and fake lashes. Majority of men don't like the fake look or tons of makeup. Not every women goes to the salon. I've never had any issues with getting attention from men and the last time I went to the salon was in 2004.

HP89 · 25/07/2023 01:26

Sweetheart17 · 25/07/2023 00:51

You asked for the advice and I gave it you you said you feel insecure and your a virgin so what’s wrong with telling you to go to the hair dressers or Beauty clinic which most women do it’s normal! Lmao what women doesn’t like to have her nails and hair done if you can’t see men are visual creatures I’m telling you this because no one else ever has it doesn’t cost a thing to go and fix your self up and maybe hit the gym don’t take offence love

“ it doesn’t cost a thing to go and fix your self up and maybe hit the gym “

Yes it does, it costs a lot of money to do what you have listed. The hair, the extensions the nails and the gym membership… you are making yourself sound an absolute fool.

Cornchip · 25/07/2023 01:31

strongcupofTea · 25/07/2023 01:22

I think if men were honest with you they'd tell you they prefer naturally long hair not tacky extensions and fake lashes. Majority of men don't like the fake look or tons of makeup. Not every women goes to the salon. I've never had any issues with getting attention from men and the last time I went to the salon was in 2004.

You’re just as bad as this poster though. “Tacky” extensions and fake eyelashes? “Fake” look? What’s that all about?

Not going to a salon since 2004 isn’t a badge of honour. I don’t think anyone gives two hoots about when you last went.

Here’s an idea: how about we all just look how we choose to look and everyone else just keeps their nose out?

Women telling other women how to dress and look is so fucking weird. Why do both of you think it’s any of your business to pass any sort of comment?

Swansandcustard · 25/07/2023 01:37

Please don’t go down the artificial vile fake look op. If you want to start going to a gym, then do so, if not, don’t.

Have a look around, when you go shopping etc. we’re all different shapes and sizes, different hair, eyes, smiles, and personalities. Lots of couples don’t look like a chavvy insta couple, and are happy in love. I get the self-confidence thing, maybe try doing some activities you enjoy, and just get used to meeting like minded people. It isn’t a good idea to have your donor as your first, horribly messy emotionally and I personally feel donors going this way are taking advantage.

There are going to be a lot of women, looking back on themselves with their huge painted on eyebrows, ridiculous eyelashes, monkey bum lips and fake hair/nails, who will utterly cringe at how they walked about.

Also, what happens in the morning when you haven’t got all the slap on?

and ps op - sex is over rated, unless you’re with someone who is more focused on your pleasure. Without that it’s hot, not necessarily comfortable and generally sticky and messy. And you might find it more mentally challenging than you expect.

Merlinsbeard83 · 25/07/2023 01:42

Alot of people who have been having sex for years still feel as you do , nervous and unsure what to do when and such .
But if this is your plan then just try to make it as relaxing as you can . In an environment you are happy with . Being relaxed an calm will definitely help. Then just do what feels natural in the moment, without overthinking it .
Also size doesn't matter , all shapes and sizes can have a healthy enjoyable sex life.
Good luck x

Emilyadams98 · 26/07/2023 15:33

I’m overweight, saggy Boobies after DD, apron belly after DD too, chunky as hell legs and rolls on my body, fat arms, and my DP loves every single curve and can’t keep his hands off of me after nearly 3 years. There is someone out there for EVERYONE op, but please wait to have sex with someone you have a real connection and trust with 🤍

cloudsintheceiling · 26/07/2023 16:18

I'm not convinced this thread is real tbh.

LardoBurrows · 26/07/2023 16:24

cloudsintheceiling · 26/07/2023 16:18

I'm not convinced this thread is real tbh.

I was thinking the same.

smileygirl1995 · 27/07/2023 19:04

Hey all apologies for delay I never get notified that I've had answers! 🤦🏼‍♀️ thank you everyone for advice, not sure what to make of some of the responses I personally don't see why I need to book into the hairdressers, get my make up sorted and “cut down on all that sugar I’m eating” they’re is other reason why some people are a bit chunky and it’s not sugar 🙄
Some others as lively as it is for you all to say wait and settle down with someone, i really am not worried about being with anyone in a relationship nor do I want for companionship in future I just want to have experienced this once, the donor I used for my little one is absolutely lovely and I know wouldn’t want anything in the future connection wise nor would he fight me for custody or to see them, he’s made it very clear and wi trust him the same as he trusts me to be a good person to, it’s something you have to look for when picking a donor.
@QuestionableMouse thank you glad it wasn’t just me!

I realise now maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the donor part because it seems to be the main focus I was just asking some advice as to what to do, will I know what to do, I know it’s going to be awkward and odd but also it’s something that I do want to experience and I trust him I know him well enough so know he’s not going to be cruel about size or anything, I explained that I haven’t the same experience he has and he was fine with that and even said not pressure at all there is no rules that say if I change my mind I can’t back out and what not.

@EBearhug
So yes I know my body and what I like or don’t like, that’s what I mean I’m not a Virgin physically but I have never shared the company of a man in bed it’s just something I’ve not needed or wanted before it’s only now I’m older and I suppose just a thing I’ve thought about it’s something I’d like to experience.
(life’s to short) like someone else has said and I don’t see myself wanting to go out and find someone to settle down with maybe in the really really distant future but right now it’s not what I’m after I am just a lady wandering what it’s like and what I can expect…

OP posts:
HopityHope · 27/07/2023 19:08

BritInAus · 25/07/2023 00:26

I'd be very carefully about NI with a donor. My understanding is that if down the line he wants to claim the child is his, then if you've done NI it is extremely hard to prove intent that you wanted him to be 'just' a donor.

This. There are lots of guys that advertise as sperm donors on the internet or offer NI. Just a way for them to get their rocks off and have a bazillion kids.

smileygirl1995 · 27/07/2023 19:08

@cloudsintheceiling and @LardoBurrows
It is I'm afraid as embarrassing as it might be to have gotten to this age and still not but I am not surprised to see that someone doubts me, it is an embarrassing advice ask but I don't know where else to ask as it's not something I feel comfortable talking to my family about, although we do all joke I'm the Virgin Mary haha 😆
But I don't have anyone else I would feel comfortable asking so hoped I might get some advice on here.

OP posts:
smileygirl1995 · 27/07/2023 19:10

@HopityHope I understand and trust me I spoke to quite a few of them so went down a different way of finding one and this one is lovely, I send the odd update of my little boy every now and then but he never hassles me for anything or is crude or pushy at all, he's one of the genuine ones :)

OP posts:
KanyeSouth · 27/07/2023 19:25

Groutyonehereagain · 25/07/2023 00:36

Sex is very over rated @smileygirl1995 , you aren’t missing out on anything much. I would forget about sex and just go for donation sperm. If in the future you meet someone you fall in love with, then love making can be amazing. Having sex just as an act is disappointing.

Whoever you're having sex with must be really shit in bed. Sex is so much fun with the right person!