How long did it take in the end?

[SarahShorty]

I'll just get straight into it; DH is 34, I'm 35 and we've been TTC for not quite 1.5 years, so not very long compared to some. I've heard 10+ years in the more extreme cases. We have male factor; low sperm (about 11million) but good motility.

We TTC naturally for about 10 months about 3 months after I turned 34. We had two chemicals about 6 months apart from each other. After the second chemical, we had a fertility MOT, and as a couple we were diagnosed with sub-fertility and got the result of low sperm. With that and worrying about my age, we jumped straight into IVF.

We had our first FET in March this year and that failed. I've lost most of the hope and excitement I started out with, we've had arguments, I've had on and off crying episodes which are getting less and less and I've got to the point where pregnancy announcements and the sight of baby bumps and newborns just makes me feel a bit 'Meh' now. It still stabs a bit and I hold back some tears, but I don't dissolve like I used to.

I briefly got into looking at pictures of baby grows on Google images, thinking that maybe if I looked at them long and often enough, that it would affirm that it will happen. I know it sounds silly.

My DH is very supportive. He's also more hopeful than I am. I am hopeful, I'm just more 'Whatever will be, will be'. I'd like 2 babies, though, honestly if we don't even get 1, I take comfort in that we did as much as we could. I just feel so exhausted. We can always get a dog I suppose 😂

I guess I'm just looking for some hope. Did you get there in the end? How long did it take?

Sorry for the long post.

@SarahShorty I’m so sorry to hear your going through this, my story is very similar in terms of age and MFI and just some of the emotional bits you mention.

I know there is a lot of ambiguity with not knowing when it will happen for you, but it will. He does have working sperm and the fact your implanting is a positive and shows your body wants to become pregnant.

Try to take some breaks inbetween rounds and enjoy life and you will get there. It might not be exactly in the timeline you imagined but you will. I did a round in December where we got our embryos but couldn’t continue to transfer due to OHSS and then I did a frozen transfer round 2 weeks after where I had a CP and did another round within 2 weeks of that round failing and now I have had a positive and the first scan went well which is amazing but tbh I am quite nervous about being newly pregnant after putting my body through so much in the last 7 months and wished we’d taken more breaks. Obviously I’m thrilled but it’s early days and it’s daunting xx

With our first it all was very easy and quick, less than 3 months. Our second, 7 years.
Secondary infertility and a blocked FT. Our first child always wanted a sibling I used to say maybe as we'd been trying since they were 1 so by the time they starting asking for one it had already been a few years of being unable to. Around age 6 I started saying we wouldn't be because we couldn't so it would just be them rather than the "hopefully", "we would like to", type conversations I had been having with them. She even asked me to adopt a couple of times.

Suddenly I got pregnant.

I know it's different for me because I was lucky enough to have my dd but I remember the pangs of longing whenever I saw a pregnant belly, or a young baby. The kick in the gut feeling every time I got my period for years. The feeling of not being able to do something that should be (and was) so easy for us, that others seem able to do with no thought. Watching people around have multiple babies while I couldn't have another.

One lovely mum even commented to another mum that it's no good me having this house when I can't fill it with babies! (The joys of playground mums.) This was a mum that seems to pop them out without trying. (I have a fair size house that I had previously invited her and a couple of other mums over for the kids to all play together the first summer my dd was at school - in my effort to give dd some playmates as I always felt bad I couldn't give her the sibling she wanted.)

A close relative had 2 in the time I hoped to have a second. After her first, I remember dreading the day she would announce she was pregnant again. She had her first when I'd hoped to be having a second.
We were all at dinner at my in laws one day, she got up from a picnic bench and while I was looking in that direction and caught a flash of her underwear complete with sanitary pad. I felt so relieved that that was unlikely to be the day I found out she was pregnant again. Years later I've still never forgotten that.
By the time she did have a second those longings had eased a little. But not enough that I didn't find holding hers really tough and didn't volunteer to help much. It was too difficult for me still.

On the other hand I have another relative that hasn't been able to conceive. They've had 2 rounds of IVF and 2 rounds of frozen embryo transfers. 1 chemical pregnancy, maybe 2. They have 3 factors working against them though. And even if they had conceived, it was unlikely the mum would have been able to carry to term. I'm surprised they could get NHS funding for IVF with one of her conditions. They adopted a year or so after I had dd.

So I've always been aware of how lucky we are to have been able to have dd, even if we couldn't have a second.

The longing certainly did ease more over the years. But again I realise my situation is different.

I sincerely hope it all works out for you and you are able to conceive and carry to term.
Sorry for the long post and if it's not what you hoped to hear.

Just posting so I can get updates in my notifications!

I’m only on cycle 5 TTC #1, which I appreciate is very early still, but my mind always goes to ‘but what if it never happens’ 😅

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I’ve tried to speak a baby into existence this cycle, like talking about holidays saying I’ll be x months pregnant by then, so completely get the looking at baby grows to affirm it!

I hope you get your BFP soon, be kind to yourself in the meantime x

Thank you all ladies xx Your stories have helped put my mind a bit more at ease.

@AM08 Congratulations on your pregnancy! I wish you all the best xx

@DEtU What a lovely story xx Well done with your babies and sorry about your relative. It really is a lottery isn't it?

@kalixxx I'm glad I'm not the only one trying to will a baby into existence! 😅My DH semi-jokingly says we live in a simulation, so if you manipulate or trick it into giving you want you want, maybe it'll work.

@SarahShorty I feel like some part of me does believe it, I do like the whole manifestation concept, even if it is a bit woo woo! I won’t go as far to start buying things though as isn’t that considered bad luck 😅

It took us 2 1/2 years, also male factor. Like you, I hated pregnancy announcements (especially the really ‘showy’ ones). Even though I now have a baby I still feel a bit funny when people announce pregnancies. Maybe it triggers bad memories or something? Who knows.

The turning point for us was getting DH to see a urologist who did a few tests and he ended up diagnosing a varicocele which we got fixed and I got pregnant just a few months later.

Hi @SarahShorty

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It’s so draining going on for so long when everybody else seems to be moving on around you.

My journey has been different to yours but emotionally tough in some other ways. I was single until 38 so couldn’t start trying earlier, although I froze some eggs at 37 in case I wanted to go it alone.

We started trying just before my 40th birthday, and it took 7 cycles to fall pregnant. 3 days after the positive test I started spotting and it took me 3 weeks before the EPU would see me and another week to confirm a MMC. I then had 2 lots of medical management plus an MVA (during which I passed out), and I bled every day for 2 months. Every morning I woke up wondering if it would be the day I would stop bleeding and I could try again. The last 2 weeks of bleeding I was on holiday in France and the EPU told me to get scanned there when my test was still positive (they refused to scan me before I went away to check). I had to wander around a French hospital with the word “miscarriage” written in French on a piece of paper to work out where to go to get seen. The bleeding finally (and typically!) stopped on the last day of my holiday.

4 months later I had a fertility appointment at the hospital and they told me I was eligible for 1 round of IVF. 1 week after the appointment I found out I was pregnant again. I am now 31 weeks. It took 15 months of trying, and I feel very lucky every day to be where I am now.

I don’t have much advice, it’s really rubbish. I would just say to try not let life pass you by and enjoy the other things going on around you whilst still trying.

Wishing you all the best, I am sure you will get there xx

Hi all xx Thank you for your responses,

@Natpat81 Hi! I'm so sorry you went through that but also so happy that you're finally going to have a baby xx

My second transfer failed, so for our sanity and on advisement from our consultant, we're going to take a break from IVF for a couple of months and try naturally instead. I have 3 frosties left and we're going to put 2 back in when we go for the next transfer. Once all frosties are used up, then we'll continue to try naturally until menopause. We're holding on to some hope, but not too much as it can be dashed so easily. We'll keep trying until we can't anymore.

So there was another pregnancy announcement just made at my work. That's two pregnancies and one birth in the time I've been trying. I'm happy for them, but it still really hurts. Unfortunately this time it really stung and I ended up having to take some time to process it and cry it all out.

I'm CD17 today and still no sign of ovulation. I've a feeling this will be another late ovulation like the last natural try off the back of an IVF transfer. I think the drugs are messing with my system.

God this is so crap.

It took 16 months of trying for me with 2 chemicals. It doesn't sound long looking back but when all you hear is for most couples it will happen within a year you can't help but worry. I also thought due to the chemicals I would always miscarry and couldn't maintain a pregnancy. It did happen eventually and I have my 18 month old now. I still hate pregnancy announcements and completely understand how you feel. I didn't make one of them on social media myself because of how it made me feel. I just shared the news in a low key way at around 20 weeks as I was too scared to jinx it before then. It feels quite cruel having to endure all this when some people get pregnant so easily.

I'm a couple of months into trying for a second as I'm in my mid 30s now and don't want to wait too long and even though I have my son and I'm happy to even just have him I'm still feeling gutted when I see a negative test you just can help but feel like a failure. It doesn't help my mumsnet group of ladies who had their baby around he same time as me seem to all have easily fell pregnant with their second on their first attempts.

I didn't do anything different on my month I got pregnant with my son after 16 months - all that had happened was we had a fertility appointment booked and it was a month I wasn't making the usual effort (we still DTD and I still tracked ovulation) but as the due date would have fell on Christmas and I had accepted we weren't getting anywhere until we had our booked appointment. It could have been total coincidence but I was definitely less stressed and more easy going that month but who knows if it was a factor?

Also @SarahShorty I know a woman who had 2 failed IVF attempts then conceived naturally twice not too long after. The first was sadly a MMC but her second was full term and she now has a 1 year old daughter. So things can happen even when you think you need to go through IVF.

Pregnancy announcements at work are rubbish aren't they?! My colleague has just announced, I think she was still on mat leave with DC1 when I had my MC last year just before I started my current role, so safe to say she's probably got pregnant relatively quickly and certainly had been trying for less than me, even if she's been trying the entire time she's been back!

I'll only been trying a few months more, as I already have 2 DCs and don't think I'll want to have another much past when I turn 42, so really that give me another 6 cycles or so, and thereafter I'll just have to be grateful for the wonderful children I have...

Forgot to say, am on cycle 18 right now! (DD1 took 10 cycles over 16 months, DD2 took 12 cycles, so I wasn't expecting it to be quick exactly, but it's now got so exhausting and depressing!). Ironically my MC last year was a surprise after a few missed pills...

3 years. Started trying at 26, was just under 30 when I had DD1. 2 MC along the way.

But only 5 months for DD2.

4 years and 1 laparoscopy for my son. 12 months for my second son (currently 25 weeks) but had 5 miscarriages during that 12 months.

13DPO today and have had some light brown mucus discharge. Sigh. I guess that's me out yet again. 18 poxy months. I just told my DH and he said he's having trouble feeling hopeful now. His parents had it so damn easy compared to us as it took them a couple of months each time for him and his brother, and we're going to see them this weekend, so that's going to be a lovely f*ing reminder. We're off work at the moment and nearing the end of a week-long break for our 9th wedding anniversary and thought maybe just for once we'd have some good news.

Sorry for the negative tone and the expletives, it's just so tiring.

I’m 9dpo and we’ve been trying for around a year - however in a previous relationship (engaged and together almost 10 years), we tried for around 18 months. A diagnostic laparoscopy for endo, and an operation said we’d be ok to go however we had a chemica back in November and nothing since…
it is such a long road for some, and very much opposite to other peoples experiences sometimes. It’s a shame it doesn’t get talked more about - I make an effort to be really honest if I’m asked. We’re due to get married next year, if we’re lucky enough now it’ll put all our plans into disarray (honeymoon, hen party, even wedding…) but you cant live life on a ‘maybe it could happen’ - deal with it when it does and hope that it does ❤️🥰✨

@Yolo23 that's a beautiful post, thank you xx

It's been 20 months now. I've officially reached the point of indifference at the sight of positive pregnancy tests, baby scans, baby bumps, pregnancy announcements and maternity leave etc. I feel nothing now. I don't cry and I don't feel frustration. Is this what being numb feels like?

@kalixxx how're you doing?

Hopping on here. Cycle 8 for #1, had a chemical in April but nothing since. Had hertility tests done and all came back normal for me, waiting on my progesterone test results from doctors but I have ovulation confirmed via bbt each month so will see what they say x

@SarahShorty bless you! Yep… TTC can be all consuming and we have to remember that we have a life to live too - as hard as it is. I think a numbness to the situation is only natural unfortunately 😢

It does frustrate me sometimes when I think about how my body can’t do the simple thing it’s supposed to - but I seen a comment somewhere on here before saying about how much more our bodies can do than some unfortunate others and I guess perspective can help and sometimes you need to just have a sulk and tell perspective to F off 🤣 xx

@Angelselevenx I’m now on cycle 10! Ive had no chemicals during this time, absolutely nothing is happening for me 🥲

Thats great that hertility tests all came back good! I’ve been tempted to do hertility, maybe I’ll look into it next month!

We’ve tried the fertilily and conceive plus lube. I think we’ll try pre-seed next month, left a bit late for this month as I think I’ll ovulate tomorrow.

Fingers crossed this is your month! And original poster and everyone else reading! 🥰

@kalixxx I'm sorry lovely, it's shit isn't it.

Definitely worth it I think! It's good even if everything comes back normal then it's peace of mind if not anything else.

Never too late I say, I'm currently 9DPO but didn't really use anything this month but think I'll try preseed every time next month and see if that does anything.

You too lovely, keep me updated xx

So this happened 😳

The result of my third transfer this year. I had two embryos put in. I'm 17dpt today.

I legitimately cannot believe it!

Congratulations @SarahShorty what lovely news!

@kalixxx I had 8dpo spotting along with a temperature dip and AF arrived 3 days later. Cruel 😅

Congratulations @SarahShorty you've waited long enough!

I've just had a chemical trying for my second forgot how awful TTC is with fertility issues