How do I concieve a girl?

[pushchairmad]

I have 3 boys desperate for a girl but scared of trying as I don't want another boy, of course any baby is a joy so don't get me wrong, I just really want a girl! HELP!

I assume you know Zahara's mother personally then do you? In which case why didn't you give her money to ensure that she and her daughter could stay together? .

I didn't assume you knew, why would you? I asked you lots of questions many of them basically questioned whether you would accuse me of the same as her as I am in a similar position to AJ.

I am happy for you to correct my "incorrect" information - presumably you are saying the the agency who arranged the adoption of Zahara lied when they asserted that the grandmother testified in court that the mother was dead and produced witnesses to support this?

My infomration on her cambodian infomration is not incorrect - if you insist I can give you the name of the co-ordinator who "chose" the photogenic child not AJ.

I actually think that it's disgusting to suggest that because a child is pretty it should be assumed that that child was selected because they were photogenic. Most children are beautiful, are they not? should a celebrity adopting therefore actively seak out an ugly child so as not to be accused of "choosing" a photogenic one?

And while I don't have any experience of adoption, I thought that children were matched with their perspective parents by the adoption agencies - it's not like going to look at a litter of puppies and saying "I'll have that one". or is it?

Kewcumber - how are you in a similar position to AJ if you don't mind me asking?

Yes, it now seems very likely that the agency did lie. If you look at pictures of Zahara's birth mother you will see she is the spitting image of her daughter.

I only know one country where potentially you could be offered more than one child and asked to choose. In practice it very rarely happens. Most countries work on a referal basis you are generally expected to have a reasonably good reason. MOst paretns I know are too thrilled to be matched to consider saying "nope not pretty enough"

I think your point is fiar wannabe - how many ugly 3 yr olds do you know? They mostly look cute to me. Sadly orphanage children tend to look even cuter as they are often underweight which makes their yes look quite big and they often look very "fey".

There may be some confusion as she worked in cambodia on a film a year and visited the orphanage before the adoption was final. She had been matched with Pax before she ever visited.

I adopted an asian boy as a single parent.

if the mother reappears it would be the grandmother who lied under oath in court

he is not an orphan

he is breathtakingly gorgeous

he is irrevocably mine - the adoption order made him my son it is not reversible. Should any member of his birth family have visited him during his time at the orphanage the adoption would not have gone ahead. I believe this to be the case in the vast majority of countries.

her adoptions are all highly suspicous - OK so basically you think she knew that Zahara had a birth mother who wanted to keep her but got lawyers to bully the birth mother into staying away and got the grnadmother to lie in court just so she could adopt her - rather one of the other numerous children availble for adoption without any obvious signs of invloved parents?

What was the problme with the otehr adoptions? Other than you think she shouldn't be allowed attractive children - which we'll have to disagree on as being a particularly relevant factor?

I wouldn't really call that 'similar'.
You're not a movie star, you don't sell pictures of your family. Do you have lots of children from lots of cultures?
Do you work pretty much full time and leave your son in the care of nannies?

if I remember rightly there was an issue in cambodia re children being given up for adoption who were not techically adoptable, ie they had been given up by their birth families and the birth families had been paid but don't remember exact details.

But I remember watching a programme on bbc about inter-country adoption and they interviewed a woman who had adopted from cambodia and who found out at the point of signing the papers that this child had actually been taken from her parents to be adopted and not from an orphanage. But if she had not adopted her, someone else would have. And if I remember rightly the UK stopped allowing adoptions from cambodia about two years ago because of this.

But if this was the case then it's the agencies who are at fault and not the perspective adopters.

it has been alleged (and disputed that it is endemic but only rare cases) wannabe but only with girls below 1yr. No-one wants boys

She ahs children of different cultures?Thats a big issue is it?
What if Kewcumber were to decide to adopt again, and this time chose a different country, for reasons known only to her?
Would that make her adoptions any less 'proper'?
Also what if kewcumber worked full-time and left her children in care of nannies? There are many people on MN that do this with their own children so why should they not do it with any they have adopted?
The only point that makes any sense is that she is a movie star, which makes her none the less, human, and maternal and doesn't take away her right to adopt.

the abnning of adoptions from cambodia by the UK is very contentious - people have been petitioning (under freedom of infomration act) to get the proof behind the allegations and failing. There is also lobbying happening to get us to help put safeguards in place to prevent this happening but the Uk isn't really interested - no votes in it.

yes I work (not a film star but not sure why what job you do is relevant in fact she has very long periods between shoots and I understand often takes her children with her)
yes I use a childminder - are you saying that people who work shouldn't be allowed to have children?
I have sold a picture (and article in fact) of me and DS to the national press - though proabably for less money than she makes - I belive all proceeds are put into charities and are done in an attmept to avoid the media taking random shots (though I may be making that up). They ahd a particularly nasty experience of their car windscreen being smashed by photgraphers in Vietnam.
"Do you have lots of children from lots of cultures?" not yet but it would be lovely.

Yes - adopting lots of children from different cultures is a very big issue. It's naive to think that it isn't.

Why do you think that, in the Uk, they try to match children racially? Because not doing so leads to huge, huge problems later in life.

Maybe in normal families that live normal lives day-to-day, but surely that's where a huge difference comes in with aj's life?
She isn't normal, the children will grow up in a totally different environment to our children so it's actaully less likely to be a problem.

Well Kewcumber you have your views and I have mine. I find it hard to debate with you, however, as you seem to deliberately take a statement and twist it into something else to make your own point seem more valid.
Good luck with your son

it's an issue if the adoptive parents don't make the effort to find out about the cultures their children are from. but... erm... let's see. Choice between living in an orphanage in a country where you're likely to end up back on the streets if not adopted, or being adopted by someone from a different culture and brought up in a loving family with other children who are perhaps from different cultures.... decisions decisions...

Oh and as for children being matched racially, how many children do you think there are that are black with white mothers??? TONS, if a white woman has a child with someone of another ethnicity then more often than not the child will look like the fathers race, so that sort of thing is quite normal.
My next dfoor neighbour when I grew up was mixed race, her dad and her sisters dad were was afro-carribean, her mother then had a son with a white british man and also adopted her nephew who was yugoslavian, all the children looked very different. I don't think it was ever an issue.

Nancy - I suspect that you do disapprove of intercountry adoption unless the circumstances are to your liking - ie proven orphans, only ever adopt one and only if you can be a SAHM and never ever if you are pretty and famous.

(Actually I don't qualify on the pretty anf famous bit)

M

nancy66 as far as possible ss try to match childrens adoptive parents as much as possible. what has now happened is there are now large nos. of mixed race children in care, and very unlikely to come out of it , because of this policy.

whats best years of foster care, or being included into a loving family? there arnt enough "perfect" white babies to go around but plenty of others that are mixed.

someone i know is adopted, he doesnt know what he is but presumes he is of asian origin, his adopted sister is west indian. both were braught up by a white couple and are perfecrly ok.