Best time for a baby!!

[Dogsmum2022]

I’m looking for some advice and support.
After years of ‘not the right time’ I’ve finally come around to wanting to start a family. So we started trying (for 2 months) then found out that I am being made redundant in July so we stopped ( really frustrated as it’s taken me so long to get my head around it ) but now I know it’s going to be another year until we can try again as I need to find a job to be able to get maternity pay.

my biggest issue is my mother went through the menopause 35, I am 34 and I am scared it will be to late.

help! What do I do? My husband says we should start trying and we can manage but I’ve always wanted to be successful and have a good job I never wanted to be a mum without a job and that’s just me but if I wait it maybe to late

no such thing as the right time, I personally wouldn't out it off, fertility decreases and complications including miscarriage go up with time. Also TTC can take a really long time and so i would get going, i think your husband is right, weight up what is more important, your job or having a family, because if you leave it late you may not have the option, the choice may be made for you. Not to scare you lol just giving my honest opinion and i wish when I was 34 i was married and settled and able to start a family because now i am 38 and had a miscarriage and TTC1 and it is hard! i would feel less stressed if i felt i had more time

Just start trying. Although you are no means past it, time is of the essence. I wouldn't risk it with the menopause connection.

Get the ball rolling.

I agree just start trying. No job is ever safe. I was made redundant while pregnant and was eligible for statutory maternity pay, but I got maternity allowance instead (which is basically the same amount of money).

Thank you so much and I know you are right and I really wish I was ready a lot younger but it just wasn’t the right time.

but I’ll never get a job if I was lucky enough to get pregnant so potentially will be out of work for a year

Shit happens, life never goes to plan. Just don't miss the boat if it's a family you want, that's all I'm saying ☺️

Why another year? Many workplaces just need you to have been employed for a year by your due date so you can start trying a couple of months after starting. So if you start another job in July you could start trying much quicker

Can you get a new job now I.e. don’t stay with your current employer until redundancy?

That will mean you could pause until September as you would then be entitled to SMP at new job (double check the dates on that!)

Totally depends on work place. Where I am now you only need to be no more than 15 weeks pregnant on your 26th week of employment. So basically 3 months of employment before you get pregnant and you qualify.

That's for their occupational mat leave

I am the most cautious person ever Re:jobs and career, but if I was in your position and had that menopause link I would be trying now. As PPs suggested, start looking for job now and keep trying - chances are you’ll qualify for mat pay in most jobs - everywhere I’ve worked so far the dates for qualification essentially just mean that as long as you fall pregnant AFTER starting the job, you are covered.

So I guess if you felt you could find a new job fairly quickly then it might make sense to skip 1 month ttc while you do that, but not more given the early menopause link. Good luck! I hope you get everything that you want and that it all works out nicely for you, regardless of this redundancy causing a little bump in the road.

If your hubby tells you you will manage, take his advise. Don't build your family around a job. Start trying. You may be lucky and get pregnant right away, but it could also take time. And for some of us, there are complications that take time to identify.
Ultimately, is your decision but I'm also a career woman and I regret waiting. I'm almost 40 now and just starting to try for baby #2

I started trying at 34, Im now 35 and pregnant again after suffering a loss at 16 weeks - by the time I give birth I would have started trying 2 years prior.
I wouldn’t wait if I was you as you don’t know what’s around the corner, but that’s just me 😊 @Dogsmum2022

I’ve just got all sorts going through my head, what happens if it happens straight away what do I do? What if it doesn’t.
my life plan was always to have a good job now I feel like I just don’t know what to do for the best now

You've just got to go for it. Or don't. You need to make a decision and stick to it.

not to be a pain in the arse pessimist, but getting pregnant isn't always the hard part for people it doesn't guarantee anything, there are a lot of what ifs. If it happens straight away and you go ahead and have a healthy pregnancy it will be amazing, if it doesnt your whole mind set will shift and believe me having a job will become the last of your worries. I think pregnancy, TTC and complication really puts things into perspective.

Before i was pregnant and had a miscarriage i was so work oriented, i would stress about work and it was a major important factor in my life, now it is least of my worries and what happened put everything into perspective, jobs come and go and at end of the day does anyone say on their deathbed "i wish i would have worked more"

Your husband is bang on, you will manage. The question is do you actually want to have a baby? is work the actual issue or are you just not ready, because that's ok too.

You could do an AMH test Dogs. I am 34 and was thinking of waiting another year or so to TTC no. 2. Did an AMH test and discovered I have the ovarian reserves of a woman in my 40s so am cracking on straight away.

You are so correct, and I am sure I just thinks not having a job or decent money coming in will also stress me out - I feel like I can’t win, for years it’s always been ‘to busy at work’ ‘ haven’t got much money’ etc etc I feel like perhaps it’s not meant to happen maybe it’s a sign

You are insane to wait. The difference between SMP and maternity allowance (which is what you would get if you switch jobs at the wrong time) is about £800 if you're on about £22k salary. A bit more if your salary is higher, but not much. Is £800 enough money to you to risk having a childless life, for ever? If you are really that tight for cash you will want to be adding up how much children cost anyway, they're not cheap!
In terms of getting another job, you don't need to tell them you're pregnant. You'll probably be able to hide the bump until roughly 15 weeks. You have to tell your employer by 25 weeks if I remember correctly.

What’s AMH and TTC??

where do you get that test done ?

AMH is anti mullerian hormone and it is the most accurate indicator of how many eggs you have left. TTC is trying to conceive.

I paid around £70 for the AMH test at my local private hospital. It is a simple blood test.

I think you are right to wait. Having a baby comes with its own stresses. You are still young. Having an adequate income and things in place is very important. Get your job, security and peace of mind. It is harder and risky to have a baby under a lot of stress, which you clearly are. Prepare yourself now.

34 is absolutely not young to start TTC, especially as her mum went through menopause at 35.

Having tests could be a good idea OP but honestly if you want kids I’d crack on with it, once you get the job you might need to wait to feel secure or be eligible for maternity, or DH might loose his job, mortgage might get too expensive etc. You never no what’s coming, the only thing that’s certain is that fertility declines with age.

Yes 34 is still young. She is not 40. Of course she could have complications. Or it could happen straight away. Her mum having the menopause is not an indication of her. If she is not ready, she is not ready.

Fertility starts declining at 30 and faster after 30, and early menopause can run in families. No point lying to the OP.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/early-menopause/

It is not a lie. The decline is overall miniscule.