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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Im 39, I have time to think about no. 2 dont I

53 replies

Sooty1983 · 26/09/2022 17:30

Just that, know its a bit ridiculous but just need a virtual hug today.
V lucky to have a 1 year old DD but not unique I know I have found this year almost too much.
Husband 41 and he would be happy with one.
I would just love to hear from a few people who had their second at 41 or 42 or are happy with their one.

Also not assuming if should try at some point that it would happen.
Thanks in advance I just am unashamedly asking for some reassurance that I have time.

OP posts:
ElephantePicante · 26/09/2022 17:36

Probably but I'd get a move on.

converseandjeans · 26/09/2022 17:37

I doubt you can hang about waiting too long tbh.

Brenna24 · 26/09/2022 17:38

Thete is no way of knowing. I had 1 at 40. Have never used contraception since. Nearly 45 now and not a sniff of a pregnancy. Not even 1 late period.

MistressIggi · 26/09/2022 17:38

I had my second at 42 but that was after several miscarriages, it isn't always as easy second time around. No point trying right now if you are overwhelmed though.

Oceancolourbeans · 26/09/2022 17:42

If you're fairly sure you want another, don't wait would be my advice. Far too many of my friends approaching 40 have had secondary infertility issues.

KittytheHare · 26/09/2022 17:43

No I wouldn’t say that you have time. My fertility fell off a cliff just before 40

ludocris · 26/09/2022 17:45

I had my first at 37 and am now 41. Whilst I would have had a number 2 (had I been fortunate enough to get pregnant again), DH wanted to stick with one, and I haven't felt strongly enough about having a second one to attempt very hard to sway him. I remain somewhat ambivalent about it but at this point I obviously don't have much time, and obviously may not be able to conceive even if we did decide to go for it. DC has just started school and my interest in having another one is waning tbh. I'll always be sorry not to have provided a sibling but I think for a number of reasons, one DC was the right number for us. I never thought I'd think so, but here we are!

EstellaRijnveld · 26/09/2022 17:46

My friend had her 1st at 39 and then went into early menopause at 40. Don't take anything for granted, if you want a 2nd then plan quickly.

glowingtwig · 26/09/2022 17:46

I was consumed with the need to 'get on with it' in exactly the same situation as you @Sooty1983 ... i had a 1 year old DD and decided that I had 9 months to get pregnant before turning 40. It was mission get pregnant! I then had three miscarriages, investigations and an operation before falling pregnant at 40 and having DS at 41.

We always wanted two and seeing him with his sister is just so wonderful it was worth all the heartache to get him (even with significant, ongoing health complications afterwards).

If you're in any doubt you want another I would get going and have no regrets. x

lunar1 · 26/09/2022 17:47

Nobody telling you the ages they had their children on here will have any affect on your fertility, you know that.

If I'd have waited until 35 ttc I probably wouldn't have managed to have any children.

Make a decision based on your priorities, not what has worked for others.

HippeePrincess · 26/09/2022 17:48

But you don’t really have time

Phrenologistsfinger · 26/09/2022 17:57

i started ttc at 37 (only losses) and at 39/40 we are doing IVF and have really struggled to get any embryos, let alone genetically normal ones that can become a baby! One in three eggs statistically can work. Egg quality declines every month at this age so no, you don’t have time. Chances of success at IVF are so minimal after 42 due to low egg quality.

DemBonesDemBones · 26/09/2022 18:02

Gently, no, you don't have the luxury of time. If you want another child right now is the time to try.

Ein · 26/09/2022 18:04

Sorry OP. The truth is that you don’t have time. Most women can’t conceive easily in their forties.

Either stop using contraception asap, or decide you’re happy with one.

milawops · 26/09/2022 18:05

I had my second at 42. He was unplanned and I had a 5 month old when I fell pregnant. But as someone else has said. That's my fertility not yours. You may have time, you may not. Other than having tests there's no real way to know

Grumpymummy12345 · 26/09/2022 18:05

I had my first at 34 and then started TTC a couple of years later for number 2. In all it took 3 years with 4 miscarriages (but got there in the end just after I turned 40). Everyone is different but my advice would be not to wait too long.

Orangesare · 26/09/2022 18:06

I would crack on if you want a second as you have no way of knowing how easily you will get pregnant.
If you are okay with having one you can wait and try.
I had my second at 39.

Betsyboo87 · 26/09/2022 18:07

To be blunt, no not really. Yes absolutely some women have babies well into their 40s but others don’t, it’s very individual and you don’t know where you are on that scale.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 26/09/2022 18:15

My second arrived as an early 41st birthday present (took 5 months of half hearted attempts as I flip flopped between wanting another and being terrified of getting postpartum psychosis again) and my family tree is full of women who kept having babies until their mid 40s. That said no one can assure you that you have time because we just don't know.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 26/09/2022 18:21

In my close group of friends, 2 of us have 2 dc and 3 of us have 1dc. We are all super happy with our little family units.
Of the 3 with 1dc, one of those tried for a second without success but is now in a place of acceptance of that, and is content. The mums with 1dc enjoy certain advantages of time and other resources not being divided. The ones with 2dc have different sibling dynamics, one pair get on great, one not as much - but their adult relationship remains to be seen, so as a companion to the first three second dc is an unknown quantity anyway.
All of the children have great social skills and are enjoying life.

Caughtupinsomething · 26/09/2022 18:29

If you want a second dc I'd try ASAP. It'll be hard potentially having 2 so close together, but you'll already be in the thick of it, and at least nappies will be over faster. They'll also be like twins and close in age and hopefully eventually entertain each other (when not fighting eyeballing my little crew!) You'll get your life back faster than with a larger gap. Yes op, I won't sugar-coat it, time isn't on your side and yes some w9men get pregnant later but there is more chance the younger you are.

SwordToFlamethrower · 26/09/2022 18:30

No, you don't have time. Egg quality genuinely does start to massively diminish and your chances of failed implantation sky rockets.

Trust me, I tried for 6 years from age 39 and only after 6 rounds of ivf did I get pregnant at age 45. You absolutely do not want to live through that hell.

Original poster
Sooty1983 · 26/09/2022 18:31

Thanks everyone. A bit of reality and straight talking was what I needed. Time to grow up

OP posts:
BanannaSplitz · 26/09/2022 18:34

I had my first at 38 and second at 40, tried for a third but it didn’t happen.
Only you can make the decision OP. Hope it all works out for you.

wanderlove · 26/09/2022 18:35

3 kids in 30s. Pregnant easily. Started trying at 40 for 4th . Had given up hope and currently pregnant with number 4 after 4 years trying. Fertility nose dives after 40. Don’t hang around