Im 39, I have time to think about no. 2 dont I

[Sooty1983]

Just that, know its a bit ridiculous but just need a virtual hug today.
V lucky to have a 1 year old DD but not unique I know I have found this year almost too much.
Husband 41 and he would be happy with one.
I would just love to hear from a few people who had their second at 41 or 42 or are happy with their one.

Also not assuming if should try at some point that it would happen.
Thanks in advance I just am unashamedly asking for some reassurance that I have time.

I wouldn't say so no. Of course it happens for people but I've heard a lot of stories about people struggling. If you're both on the same page I'd say start trying.

Don’t want to make any assumptions about your sex life, but second baby can take a lot longer to conceive because of lack of time/energy/motivation to have lots of sex… I may be projecting slightly (I also have a one year old).

Yeah, just to echo others, I’d begin practicing for DC2 at 39. 😉
I had DC2 at 38 and DC3 at 42 with 2 MCs and a stillbirth in between. Not that this would happen to you in the least, OP. But in our late 30s and early 40s, there’s not a lot of room for error, i.e. recovering from the trauma of losses, should they happen (again, NOT that this will be your experience in the least). But I think that our window begins to slowly close in our late 30s and you just need to keep that in mind without panicking about it. At 30, we can wait until our DC1 is in nursery or reception to try for number 2. At 39/40, leaving a 2-3 year gap to just begin the journey to ttc number 2 can be absolutely fine but also a bit trickier. It’s a bit more of a crap shoot in our late 30s. I think once you hit late 30s, you just have to keep gently ttc rather than taking longer breaks between ttc and not ttc. Does that make sense or am I spouting absolute bollocks? 😆

Well I have had a flare up of vaginismus post birth so sex hasnt really happened successfully since pre baby. I am working on it with pelvic floor physio so will make that a priority. Husband doesnt like discussing but its time for both of us to have a frank discussion I think.

I had mine at 39 and 42. No problems getting pregnant, but two miscarriages in between two c sections. I wouldn't push my luck at 44 but even after all that, my biological clock is screaming at me. But with a 5 year old and a 2 year old, my logical brain says no fucking way.

I went into it with quite a pessimistic mindset and feel incredibly lucky to have two beautiful kisses. I have made my peace with my miscarriages but I was a bit of a mess for a couple of years. I'm think one more and we'd have stopped trying. And the second pregnancy I was terrified the whole time, and slap bang in the middle too.

I would do it all again though. To have what I have now, I mean. Not that one isn't enough, but I wanted two even before the first was born.

I got pregnant with ds3 6 months after my 42 birthday but that was after trying for 15 months and one miscarriage in that time.
So no I would not leave it.

*kids, not kisses! 🤦‍♀️😂

*in the middle of covid

I had my first at 37 and out of my group of five Mat leave mums the same age three of us stuck with one, one had a second ok, and one had a really arduous ivf journey before success.
Im so happy with our family of three by choice and the other two families of three are too (even though one did try for a second)

Definitely get going if you want another, but life with one child is also great.

You probably have some time, but there is a risk that you do not so whether to try again depends on how you would feel if you didn't have another. I had DC1 at 39 (met DH relatively late in life). I wasn't ready to try again until I hit 40 but DH wasn't ready until I hit 42 (DH is younger than me). Fortunately for me I never suffered any losses but I didn't fall pregnant again until I was 44. For me ttc was an emotional rollercoaster, I wanted DC2 so badly that on bad days I found it painful to see a car with 2 car seats in the back never mind babies or families. I went for a fertility check up to try and give myself a reality check a little after turning 44. Dr said that at my age the chance of conception was usually 5% per cycle but that I had a 1-2% chance of conceiving and a 50% chance of miscarriage regardless of whether we tried naturally or attempted IVF. I was heartbroken but it stopped the cycle of hope and disappointment, however a few months later to my shock discovered that I was pregnant and delivered a beautiful healthy baby at age 45. I also have 2 friends who had successful natural pregnancies at ages 42 and 43 respectively (the latter having ttc dc2 for 5 years)

Imagine life say, 3 years down the line and you hadn't had another how do you think you would feel? If it would feel devastating/you can't imagine life with just the one, I would say start trying soon as it might take a while and even if it doesn't you'll have roughly 9 months to get mentally ready. If it's more a case of whilst it would be nice you would equally be happy to have just the one, then enjoy your LO and give yourself more time to think about it. Best of luck whatever you decide xx

Ah... that's hard with the flare up, OP. I feel your plight. These are the things, right? These are the niggles that get in the way. I have to admit, our sex life was not fabulous. Even though I had pregnancies and MCs in my late 30s until I had DC3 at 42, sex was not as much fun. I have 'incomplete' Lupus, OP, which, although doesn't give me issues 'down there', flares give me issues everywhere else. And you just don't want sex when you're tired and flarey and just not running on 100%. Babymaking... it's not an easy gig, is it? May you feel more back to your usual self soon. 💐

@TheVanguardSix thanks so much for sharing and for your kind message, you have had some time of it.
Id say its almost for the best that we start this baby making process a little naively well speaking for myself.
I know will get there as everyone else does but thanks for the support.
On a different note did ask husband this morn straight out to honestly answer if he would like another in theory.
He basically said only if it was a boy as he will be sad to loose the family name when he dies which he did admit was a ridiculous answer but I did ask for his feelings and I got them.
Perhaps thats a good sign to be very happy with my lot and move on and get myself steady again.

more and more women are keeping their names and I’ve know a few men change their’s on marriage. By the time your children grow up, there’s no guarantee they’ll get married, change/not change their name, or even have children to carry on the name! 😂

I had my first DC at 39 and currently 40 and 20 weeks pregnant with DC2, I knew pretty much instantly after having DC1 that I wanted another but wanted to leave a safe amount of time after section whilst aware of my age. When DC is born early in 2023 There will be 23 months between DC1 and DC2. As everyone is saying fertility at this age is different for everyone, I feel I have been really lucky to conceive quickly both times with no losses but know that other of similar age are still trying to get pregnant many years after starting to try. Good luck with whatever you decide

Secondary infertility is a thing.

I'm slightly younger but still struggle TTC#2 and have had multiple MCs and it's taking a lot longer than we'd believed it would. The emotional toll is massive.

If you want a second then start trying asap

To be honest not really - I had number 1 at 35.5 , number 2 at 37 and started trying for 3 at 40 - it didn’t happen . By 42 I’d started with the first peri symptoms .

for what it’s worth 2 close in age is very possible if you are organised and there are definite benefits as they grow up as they are good playmates ( 5% of the time mine can’t stand each other)

It sounded in the OP that you are not entirely sure you want another baby? I don't know. I think I would rather be sure before trying and take a little bit of time to decide. Even if that does make things a bit more difficult. It sounds like you have a few things to work as well. Good luck whatever direction you go in! (I have one and I am happy with my choice for quite a few reasons but loads of people would disagree and want a second - it's really a personal choice)

I started TTC baby 2 when I was 38 and she was born when I was 41 - we took 27 cycles to conceive. Nothing medically wrong with either of us and I was tracking ovulation etc. Sometimes it takes time when you're older.

Sorry, I know you want reassurance, but realistically if you want a second baby then you don't have really time to wait for the right time. It's all down to luck. I have a friend who conceived DC aged 42 after they'd given up on it happening so it can and does happen of course. But really, the probability of conceiving naturally really does start to nose dive now.

Over 40 the chance of miscarriage is 50%.

I have a DD who's almost 6 and I had her a month before I turned 36. I then had 3 miscarriages in a row BUT 3 weeks ago my DS was born and I turn 42 in December so it is possible. However, this time around I was put on Cyclogest pessaries... other than that no medical assistance though.

I'm currently in perimenopause age 36 (probably have been for well over a year). Don't take fertility for granted in regards to age.

I had my first at 38, my second just before my 40th birthday, and my third is due now (I'm 42).

It's pretty tiring. We conceived 1st immediately but the second took months. And between no 2 and this baby I had a few miscarriages. It's definitely getting harder to conceive and to carry.

I wouldn't wait too long. I'd rather push through the tiredness than risk spending the rest of my life wishing I'd TTC a second child sooner. But that's a very personal balance to find.