@OrangeBengal I get it, how many attempts in are you now? The thought of doing another EC makes me feel like shit. Watching buffy and laying in your dh's lap feels like a good plan. What's your next protocol, is it a new clinic? I also hate all the drugs. I worry about what we're doing to ourselves. Doing it once + transfers is one thing, doing all the drugs three times feels like a lot to deal with. I'm sorry you've got a new fibroid, have you been on high doses before? Mine have been low and I'm going to stress again to them I'm not comfortable with high doses. I think I'm going to turn down a job offer too. Going through all this again in a new role isn't sitting right with me, I don't want to give up the supportive manager I have and the mostly wfh role. Other jobs will come up, but right now I feel like work is work and my priority is getting through the ivf and not losing my sanity.
@Misty84 I think I got two days out of it last weekend that weren't stressful, it's such a headfuck. Even then I was never confident in those tests that were light for that point in the process. My husband said something over the weekend about 'the baby' and needing to take time off next year. One day later the dream of 'the baby' is dead. It's so hard to do this, I resent those people who have it easy so much. A lady who had miscarried at 8 weeks hugged me when she saw me leaving the EPU in tears, it's so shit. Like you said, how can we stop and take a break? I don't want to still be doing this in a few years. I need to spend the next 6 months to 18 months on this and be done with it. Surely being childless and enjoying our life is more fun than this? I dunno, it all fucking sucks.
I think it's over, yeah. I stopped having the symptoms from around the the bleeding began on Monday. I got my beta results. My HCG was 84, so they're retesting me on Friday but we're all assuming it's going down, not up. My bleeding is more like a period now, just a bit lighter, just waiting for the nod to stop taking the meds tomorrow.
My progesterone was only 30. That's on 3 x 400mg cyclogest per day, that's not a lot if you ask me, it was only 54 after transfer. When I did letrozole + cyclogest (lower dose) cycles and had two follicles popping out eggs I had progesterone of 110. I'l think on this more this weekend, but essentially I'm going to ask for prednisolone in my transfer protocol, because I think that's what might have helped me conceive briefly, and also Letrozole plus a trigger for frozen cycles. I don't want to do medicated transfers because of the oestrogen and my migraines so this should hopefully be a way around that.
I know it's not much consolation for you but natural is possible for you, even if it's not easy to achieve. It doesn't help I'm sure, because it's not a guarantee, just a hope it'll all work, it's a little bit of hope but sometimes hope makes it all worse. I'm sorry you and your partner are going through all this, it's so horrible. Did you look into Chinese medicine at all? I think you mentioned it. I know how you feel about the time slipping, I said to my husband we'd 'try' after this cycle and he's fine with it but it's next to pointless for us. Between him and me this isn't happening naturally, I just know it won't work.
I'm not sure telling you to 'find a purpose in life' is helpful tbh. Like you said, there's nothing to replace having a family. I wish it was that simple. We're there with you, it's hard to know what you'll do without the plan you'd had for your life.