3rd baby dilemma!!!!

[Lightning88]

Hey all, I wasn’t sure where to post this but guess I’m just after some advice from anyone who took the plunge and had baby no3 or who’s debating a third right now!!

So, my husband announced in January that he’d love to have a third baby. We have two daughters (4 and 7) both at school come september. We’ve got a three bed home, he has a secure and well paid job whilst I’m self employed, however due to the nature of my job I’d have to drop half my workload mid way through pregnancy which means it could be a bit tight for a year or so, but manageable. We can just about squeeze three kids and two adults into a car so we would be ok for a while there too.

Girls are very independent and get on well (most of the time!!!) so I think we’d cope ok with a third, but ever since January I’ve been so undecided about it it’s driving me mad!!! Sometimes I think it’s an amazing idea and other days I panic and think I wouldn’t cope! Selfishly I enjoy where we are at now. We get more time to ourselves and starting to have a bit more spare money each month, but other times I think…. Another would be amazing.

my best friends currently pregnant and my other friends just had a baby so I think that’s not helping the situation 🤣 I did suffer with PND with Baby 2 however… I’m 34 so time is on my side, but I’m so confused….

my husband didn’t want a second originally but agreed as he knew I desperately wanted one and that her sister would love a playmate. This time he’s the one who really wants one so they hasn’t left my mind either.

ahhh. How did you all decide? Did you go for it? In time went off the idea? Any advice appreciated!

@Hoping43 my first was unplanned on the pill, second 6 cycles, my ectopic totally unplanned.. sex once in a month. I’m 2.5yrs down the line since last pregnancy and all just seems to have stopped.
I had thyroid done which is apparently normal, progesterone seems intermittently low on ‘day 21’ bloods… had USS which was normal. Will look at private investigations after NY, not for IVF but maybe some clomid is needed as not sure if I’m ovulating regularly

@Mummyme87 has your husband been checked out? I think that can be variable

I am 40 and husband is 47. We have 2 wonderful children (2 boys aged 4 and 6).

I’ve always wanted 3 but I worry about:

• will the other 2 miss out? I think we are pretty good at making them feel very supported and loved.
• the risk with us being older parents. Scared to rock our pretty good boat!
• we have no support from family, they have all either passed away or too old.

Just looking for everyone’s thoughts and stories. Feeling extremely confused.

@Cautiouslyoptimistic2 hello, I’m in a similar boat. My DH and I always said we wanted 3. We now have DD who’s 4 and DS who’s 2. I’m 39 so feel the need to decide very soon what we want to do. Our DS has been a terrible sleeper and I really feel that’s affected our enthusiasm for a third, but I don’t want us to have any regrets long term. We’re going to talk lots about it over Christmas. Did you get any further in reaching a decision?

Stuck at two. So glad we did. Now they are teens they are fab and ours relatively easy but even though are extremely expensive emotionally and practically demanding we would frankly struggle doing all this x 3. Two is more than enough.

Once they are older it’s the opposite of regret if there is such a word.

Teens are brilliant but this generation are far more labour intensive for parents than we were. Friendship issues / lifts / tutors / parties / driving lessons / university costs. Then you get older and hit peri menopause. Speaking personally soooo glad we stopped at two couldn’t face doing all this a third time…

I still hanker often after a squidgy baby and I can’t help but stare longingly at them.

Another teenager - no thanks.

Ha ha! It’s ok. I’ve got a teenager and still love my squidgy gorgeous 3rd baby

Interesting thread. TTC 2nd. Always felt like I'd have a minimum of 3, but let's see how I feel after 2.

#1 was a very difficult baby; but i survived. If 2nd is like #1 then I dunno lol

I have two kids too same ages. But mine are daughter is 7 and son is 4. Son will start school in Sept.
Everyone says to us that we have a girl and a boy so we're all set. But we both would love another child. And my kids would love another sibling.
The way I see it is that both the kids will be in school in Sept and school runs etc will be easier. I am curruntly not working & we are managing fine.

Downside is holidays would be more expensive. I probably would also not feel as comfortable taking 3 kids places on my own (locally). Now that my kids are older I am able to take them out without stressing.
We had a really great holiday in the summer where we managed to travel to quite a number of countries/towns. If we have another child it will probably be quite a while before can manage another holiday like that as handling 3 kids will be more hard.
There is also the added cost but I think I can manage as I am quite money savvy.

I am like you and sometimes feel in two minds. But at the end of the day I think if it's meant to be then it will be. I mean it's possible it might not even happen. I'm trying to remain neutral in the sense that I'll try not to be upset if it doesn't happen cos I already have 2 great kids. And if it does happen then I'll be really happy with that too because I love kids and I would love one more.

I had a really difficult pregnancy with #2..I had gestational diabetes and PGP (back problems). During that time I thought I wouldn't even want another child but the crazy thing is I still loved being pregnant & even after it all, I still want another one.

I also have two daughters (2 & 8 months) and I'm 7 weeks pregnant with my third 😅 we discussed from the start that we wanted three.

Update from this thread
best decision iv ever made
shes the most loved baby! By all four of us.
OH works from home and soendstao much more time with third baby then he did with others
lovely to watch
older ones 8-6 just love her to bits her face lights up when they play with her.
makes me broody but no more!! Haha

I produced 3rd baby when other two girls were 6 and 8. It has all been wonderful - it was a if baby 3 had 3 mums!

My DH and I only ever wanted 2, until we had 2 and then the only way I can describe it is that there was someone missing. We had the 3rd and although I do admit it went from relatively easy to complete chaos for a while, our 3rd child is a character and they were definitely fitted the big fat hole in the 'someone missing'. Don't regret the 3rd for a second. Be aware though, everything is gauged towards 2 + 2 for cars, holidays etc. It's a bit of a ball-ache at times.

Nice to see my ol thread is still active! Congrats to those who made the decision to go for it and I’m pleased to read it’s worked out well for you all :)

As for me… still have 2 girls (8 and 5 now) and I think we will be sticking at 2. I still get the odd pang for a third, but as I get older I feel I would definitely struggle with pregnancy. Plus I’ve started a new job recently, have more money and have a motivation to climb up the career ladder now! Hubby is more 50:50 these days, but I think realistically he’d struggle now too!

That’s just me though! I’m glad it’s worked out well for everyone else :)

@Hoping43 did you end up going down the ivf route 2 years on? I am in a similar position to you and unsure what to do…

I unexpectedly fell pregnant in March 2022, lost it a few days later, but it made me realise that I wasn’t done with two. I then started TTC proper, it was a long slog, then unbelievably I finally saw those two lines again this February, then I miscarried 3 years to the day of the previous miscarriage. If that wasn’t strange (and traumatic) enough, I fell pregnant gain in May - it has never, ever been this quick before - and now am 8+3, impatiently waiting an early scan on Thursday and fervently hoping this time all will be ok. But it shows things can happen just as you’re beginning to lose all hope…

Hope you got on okay 🤞

My old thread and three years on I’m still on the fence 🤣 I’ve wanted one again recently over the last couple of months (kids now 10 and 7) we are financially stable, can afford a conversion for additional bedroom and we’re not real holiday makers so that wouldn’t be an issue. Car not a problem, plenty big enough. I’ll be 38 though… anyone else gone for it?

Yes! This time last year, mid-miscarriage, I wouldn’t have believed that a year on, I’d be sitting here, feeding my 6 week old 🥰. My elder two are now 7 and 10, and absolutely loving being big sisters, and are sooo attentive to their little sister. I’m 43 😉. It was a long slog, took over 3 years but definitely worth it in the end. We are swapping our Seat Leon estate for a Citroen C3 Aircross 7 seater next week 😂.

Congrats @curliegirlie !

Yes here too! I’m sitting here feeding my 9 month old daughter and of course I now can’t imagine our family without her! My older two are 6 and just turned 4. Am I exhausted? Yes. Does everything take that bit more effort and planning? Yes. But she is a joy and we do definitely feel like we are “done”! I was a few weeks shy of 41 when I gave birth. Good luck in your decision OP.

Awwwww that’s so lovely to hear! Congratulations 🥰

Congratulations!!! So lovely to hear! <3

I had a similar gap to you, I had our third at 41/42 when the older two were 7 and 9. He's three (nearly four) now and it's been brilliant. I was never on the fence though to be fair, it just took me years to persuade DH!