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Conception

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Original poster

3rd baby dilemma!!!!

49 replies

Lightning88 · 23/07/2022 12:58

Hey all, I wasn’t sure where to post this but guess I’m just after some advice from anyone who took the plunge and had baby no3 or who’s debating a third right now!!

So, my husband announced in January that he’d love to have a third baby. We have two daughters (4 and 7) both at school come september. We’ve got a three bed home, he has a secure and well paid job whilst I’m self employed, however due to the nature of my job I’d have to drop half my workload mid way through pregnancy which means it could be a bit tight for a year or so, but manageable. We can just about squeeze three kids and two adults into a car so we would be ok for a while there too.

Girls are very independent and get on well (most of the time!!!) so I think we’d cope ok with a third, but ever since January I’ve been so undecided about it it’s driving me mad!!! Sometimes I think it’s an amazing idea and other days I panic and think I wouldn’t cope! Selfishly I enjoy where we are at now. We get more time to ourselves and starting to have a bit more spare money each month, but other times I think…. Another would be amazing.

my best friends currently pregnant and my other friends just had a baby so I think that’s not helping the situation 🤣 I did suffer with PND with Baby 2 however… I’m 34 so time is on my side, but I’m so confused….

my husband didn’t want a second originally but agreed as he knew I desperately wanted one and that her sister would love a playmate. This time he’s the one who really wants one so they hasn’t left my mind either.

ahhh. How did you all decide? Did you go for it? In time went off the idea? Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:

J1290 · 23/07/2022 21:12

Opposite im adament i want another
(4 and 7) same! Hes all they independent now and both at school why rock the boat
but i just cant not think about it
baby baby baby
its driving me crazy. So dtd and hes willing but i also feel bad hes not fully into it
hes not angry or anything but only feel like hes half it in?
maybe differnt if i get pregnant

rubberhead · 23/07/2022 21:16

Nope nope and nope. I think it would I be so hard going back to sleepless night and all the rig ma roll that comes with having a baby. Saying that babies are little blessings and if I was to fall pregnant I'd be ok with it, but I definitely wouldn't plan it lol

curliegirlie · 23/07/2022 21:38

I also have two girls the same age. I'd been having this internal dilemma for some time (prompted in part by really counting down until my implant, which I hated, was out), and then when I was on the pill, I must have become slightly lax taking them, and fell pregnant, very briefly in March. Between the positive test and the MC a few days later,myself and DH worked out that we could make it work, and then ever since we've been TTC officially again. I'd completely forgotten how draining it ease or how hard not to get obsessive..,

I still have plenty of days of wobbles, it's certainly not sensible (life seems pretty full at the mo!) but I think we'd certainly regret it if we didn't at least give it a proper shot. We've given ourselves until the end of the year. Good luck everyone else in this boat!

Original poster

Lightning88 · 23/07/2022 22:12

Thanks for your replies and good luck to those in the same boat. I’m kinda 40% for and 60% against so I’ll probably give myself till the end of the year to decide.

OP posts:

Newbubs · 24/07/2022 21:06

I am on 3rd cycle of trying for 3rd & final
well id have more if it were up to me lol…
Other 2 dc are 10 & 6.
hoping next time its twins lol, (if it happens)

Goodnewsday · 24/07/2022 23:44

I’m only just thinking about my second but I think I plan to have them close together then we’ll wait a bit before having the third. A third baby does just seem like this icing on top of the cake to me. I really love the new baby stage, even just getting their little room ready, thinking of names etc, I don’t think you can beat it 🙈 I did have. A lovely c-section birth though and a baby that literally couldn’t sleep more if he tried so I’m imagining all babies are like that when my second will most definitely not be 😂 I think people can be quick to say it’s a terrible idea though when you might get one like him just as easily and it will only add to all of your lives.

The best way to think about it is to flip a coin and decide which side is 3rd baby and which is stuck with 2, as you go to look at it you’ll know what you want it to say

Arucanafeather · 24/07/2022 23:51

We had third when eldest two at school. Totally loved it. Had plenty of time for baby and family time worked well. Actually feels a little harder now our eldest 2 are teenagers and the the youngest is at school but so much younger. Our youngest feels a little bit frustrated. But it’s been a fantastic decision for us. If we had been younger starting a family, I would have loved to have another!

Mailys · 25/07/2022 00:13

I had our third child three months ago and he's such a blessing on our family. We love his every waking second, can't imagine life with just two now! The most smiley and contented baby ever and so many have said their no3 was the same 😍
N

Pr1mr0se · 25/07/2022 03:13

Personally I'd say no. Why go back to the sleepless nights and nappies when you've got two at school? However it's a personal decision. It sounds like you're unsure and would perhaps just be swayed by your husband which isn't the best reason to bring a new life into the world.

bumpquestion · 25/07/2022 03:53

I had that same dilemma a few months ago, and I'm now pregnant with number 3! I'm still very much in the thick of it though as my eldest are only 2 and 1, I'm not sure I would want to leave the baby stage and then come back to it again.

For me it came down to head vs heart. I knew my heart wanted another, and you only live once.

uhtredbebbanburg · 25/07/2022 04:49

I have 3 and honestly (but I didn’t tell anyone) the first couple of years, I did wonder what the hell we did, 2 is so much easier. But now I love it. I have 2 teens and I still have a primary age kid. I know she will eventually grow up but it’s nice having someone I can hug and still rest my chin on her head. My dc are all girls and sometimes they are in a line doing each other’s hair. We’re currently on holiday and they are having so much fun together.

Makeitwork44 · 25/07/2022 07:37

I feel the same!! I have two girls 5 and 3 and constantly go between wanting a 3rd and being so happy the girls are getting older and easier!!

I have currently decided on no (as sorry the gap will be bigger than I'd like for the 3rd now...???) but I'm on holiday having the strangest dreams - I always had strange dreams when pregnant (I can't access a test where I am) but I'm probably just having strange dreams as I'm sleeping much more than normal!

EATmum · 25/07/2022 07:50

It was when our older DDs had both started school that we decided to have a third. So there's the challenge of a 5 and 7 year age gap, and a youngest child who wants to make their presence felt - but they are all so good together. For us it was totally the right decision.

Mummyme87 · 25/07/2022 07:52

I’ve got 8 and 4yr old boys and on cycle 10 of ttc #3. Always wanted at least three, and I like the gaps between, getting some sleep and normality back before going in again

InvincibleInvisibility · 25/07/2022 07:58

Long story short, DH really wanted a 3rd. I did until I had 2 awful sleepers (and other medical problems). After 4 years of back and forth I said a firm no and haven't regretted it. Mine are now 8 and 10 and so much fun. They are very sporty so we do lots of adventure days out and I know if we'd had a 3rd I'd be stuck holding the baby/toddler/pre schooler whilst the others went off to have fun. Even if we took it in turns with DH we wouldn't be such a family unit.

Also my 2 were diagnosed SEN aged 9 and 7 so lots of appointments around that (plus the usual teeth, eyes, vaccinations, GP visits) plus sports. Basically lots of things to drag a younger sibling to.

User48751490 · 25/07/2022 08:02

Your no3 might be a twin pregnancy.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 25/07/2022 08:47

I always wanted a 3rd. DH less so but we were both practical and a third would have meant a new car (and house but we needed a new house anyway).

As it turns out, we were never in a financial position for a third (my age and age of DC). I'm really pleased we didn't and stuck at 2 DC. A third would have been so much more expensive and made life more difficult.

Just a small example. Yesterday we got the train to london for a family day out. We got a family train ticket so price was cheaper, we fit nicely in the four seats with a table. We were able to split off with an adult taking a teen each etc. a third child would have completely changed the dynamic and actually cost wise would have probably meant the trio didn't happen anyway.

J1290 · 26/07/2022 18:43

So many pros and cons
going back to baby after two already?? But i work unsocial hours my sleep is usually very linited. And with my 2nd felt i dint get the time with her like my first because i had them close together. 2 yes dnt let u sit down and nurse and enjoy the baby bit!
both at school and now have the time. Plus im only 30, some friends are only just getting married so have age on my side. Fingerw crossed this cycle!

Original poster

Lightning88 · 31/10/2022 19:14

Three months on, I think we’ve both decided to stick at the two we have! Financially and time wise, I think we are finally starting to have more of both now youngest is at school and we don’t need to pay nursery fees.

interested to see what/if anyone else decided to do though _

OP posts:

J1290 · 01/11/2022 14:18

I got there that cycle in july and now 16 weeks. I get the more freedom now they are school...
but i cnt ignore the yearning for a third it was too strong lol
everyone so far thinks im crazy. But i cant wait for our little baby and both siblings are super excited!

Original poster

Lightning88 · 01/11/2022 17:27

Ahhhh, congratulations to you! <3 So pleased your kiddos are excited too!

OP posts:

Hoping43 · 01/11/2022 17:40

I desperately want a third and we’ve tried for over 18 months and had no luck. We’ve ended up going down the IVF route and had lots of consultations, testing etc. not sure if we will actually take the IVF plunge or not yet but I wish I could have been happy with 2 because the last 1.5 years have been soul destroying and the yearning for another has just got stronger and stronger the longer it’s gone on x

DorritLittle · 01/11/2022 18:06

I admire your firm decision! I decided to stick to two but it took a lot of soul searching to be happy about it. It is the right thing for us though. I barely cope with two.

Mummyme87 · 01/11/2022 22:35

@Hoping43 im on cycle 14 of ttc #3. I totally get how you’re feeling. We won’t go down ivf route, just so expensive. Just plead and pray we get our #3

Hoping43 · 02/11/2022 13:30

@Mummyme87 sorry to hear that. Did you have any problems conceiving your first two? Have you had any testing done? It’s not a good place to be is it x

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