How do you deal with the disappointment?

[Lucy304]

Just that really.

AF arrived with a bang this morning, meaning we are now going into cycle 11 of ttc.

Every single month I spot a new 'symptom' or two which convinces me that this is the lucky month, only for it not to be.

We're incredibly blessed to have a 2 yo DD already. She was conceived quickly, and I now realise how lucky we were. But it's just not happening this time and I am feeling very down today.

Any words of advice, support, success stories or positivity would be gratefully received.

Thank you x

Hi, I don't really have words of advice, only sympathy! We've been trying for 17 months and I get my hopes up each month - though nowhere near as much as the first 8-9 months. I allow myself the day I started AF to be a bit down and then try and get into the 'new cycle, let's go" mindset after that. I also stop myself from letting my thoughts lead me down the garden path, so to speak. So I try not to imagine getting a positive test or how exciting Christmas might be when I'm x months pregnant. I find for me, it just leads to disappointment and that feels a bit silly when it's self-inflicted!
I've literally collected so many symptoms along the way that I don't trust any of them anymore. I just think we notice our bodies far more when we're TTC so they're not necessarily new things.
So I totally understand how you feel and am right here with you (and everyone else in the same boat!)

No advice but I share your frustrations and disappointment. We’re only cycle 9 of TTC #2. DS is 2 and I really wanted a small age gap. I had a chemical last year when not even trying to stupidly I thought it would be easy.

At the moment I’m trying to book lots of fun summer activities and days out as a distraction but I know it absolutely won’t stop me obsessing in the TWW or being frustrated/ worried/ disappointed when we have another unsuccessful cycle. It just helps give me something to look forward to and at least means I’m not thinking about TTC 100% of the time.

@tootrueblue @Charl881 thank you so much for your replies, I felt so alone earlier when I posted my message. I'm sorry that we're all in the same crappy boat!
I think CD 1 is probably the worst. DH working tonight so I will allow myself a bit of a pity party and hopefully wake up more positive tomorrow.
@Charl881, I get the distraction thing, I'm trying to do the same. It's hard to get ttc off your mind though. Every time I see a pregnant lady or a newborn, or hear of another pregnancy announcement, my thoughts just go right back to it.
Wishing you ladies the best of luck xx

@Lucy304 i know what you mean, I swear pregnancy announcements are everywhere at the moment! Fingers crossed we all get a BFP soon.

I try to book things in so a meal out, coffee with a friend, but a nice bottle of wine. Distraction I find is key. It sort of works for me. I then tell myself I've got a holiday so it's great to have a drink! I also think that it's not going to help being down about it and I can't change it so I wake up and chose to be happy. I've got a little boy and I'm grateful for that. I hope these help x

@Diamondbabe completely get you there! I had my surprise pregnancy turn to early miscarriage in March and have been properly TTC since. We have a posh meal out booked tomorrow - it should have been a couple of days after I started bleeding in March, but due to all the uncertainty (plus DH having horrendous toothache) we decided to postpone. And not having joined those falling straight away after MC, I can at least have the wine flight I tell myself! Despite the fact I wouldn’t have cared being on the soft drinks tbh. Similarly, I am next due on a few days into our holiday over half term. Sigh….

Problem is you can drive yourself mad. It's so hard and all consuming isn't it

@Diamondbabe thank you, yes I think the distraction thing is a good plan. I'm grateful for my DD and I choose to be happy too, some days it's easier said than done though! Never imagined my ttc #2 journey would be this stressful but now just got to try and deal with it.

@curliegirlie thank you for your reply too, hope you have a lovely meal

@Lucy304 totally get where you’re coming from. Don’t give up hope though. You could almost be there.

we were ttc number 2 and fell on cycle 11! I was just about to get my tubes checked and more fertility tests and was shocked. This was in March. Unfortunately I lost the baby at 9 weeks and so spent 3 months being pregnant and having the miscarriage resolve.

so I’m now back to where I was last year. And we started ttc last May and I’m now very un-pregnant. And possible facing another 11 cycles before I fall again.

it feels EXHAUSTING tbh..but alas we did fall within normal. Just right at the very end.

im praying it’s quicker for us. It’s such a journey. And so unfair at times.

just keep going. It’s all you can do. Even knock back. Your baby will come. As will mine I’m sure ❤️

@Indianna2006 thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. You are so incredibly strong to look at everything in the way you do after such a heartbreaking loss.
Funnily enough I was Googling fertility tests this afternoon. We had some initial assessments in January, I was looking if there was anything else I should be getting done.
I'm 38 and definitely feeling the pressure of time, I feel like I should be doing something proactive about it rather than just waiting. Normally I am a very patient person, but ttc is a whole different ball game!

@Lucy304 There is no straight answer as everyone deals with disappointment differently. If it's any consolation, I got a BFN today, 12DPO, CD34, TTC#1. AF due Monday and feel crampy as hell. Covered all bases in the lead up, during and a little after my FW and I'm just praying that I've tested too early and that maybe I'll get a BFP on Tuesday. Admittedly this is only my third cycle, though the feeling is sucky, really, really sucky. You have my sympathies.

I had a miscarriage in March and got a BFP last week. Keep trying I do think you'll get there x

I feel you completely - AF arrived this morning 12dpo CD108 after 3 days of what I had convinced myself was implantation bleeding but now was obviously just pre-period spotting.
Have been trying for over a year now but due to really irregular cycles have only had 2 or 3 confirmed ovulations and what I would consider proper ‘tries’. Now trying to come back from the disappointment of this cycle and the likelihood that it might be several months before another opportunity.
I don’t think it ever gets easier to deal with the disappointment, but I’m trying to deal with it by focusing on keeping my body as healthy as I can just in case we get lucky one day. Good luck to all x

I’m in the same boat @Lucy304 . Due my period tomorrow and just had yet another stark negative pregnancy test. I’m 37 and everyone I know either has children or is pregnant. It’s hard not to not get consumed by it all.

At the moment all I’m focusing on is that if I conceive in the next few months it’ll be a spring baby, so he or she will have nicer birthdays! Also I have a holiday booked in September, so don’t want to be heavily pregnant for that! I hope you get your BFP soon, maybe make some plans you can look forward to and just hope they get ruined by a pregnancy 😊

Thank you for all the replies.

@SarahShorty and @Fleur1985, I hope AF stays away for you. Shows how things change, with my DD I didn't even test until I was 10 days late! Now I'm lucky if I can hold off until 10 dpo.

@Diamondbabe congratulations on your BFP x

@AP77, you're amazing for the keeping healthy thing. I get so fed up when AF arrives and think sod it, I'm not pregnant, so have loads of coffee, a few wines, some naughty food. Which doesn't really help because it makes me feel worse. I will try to be more like you in this respect.

Had a very sweet conversation with DH last night which went along the lines of... We need to have more sex. I don't care if we're knackered, we've just got to crack on. And they say romance is dead

@Lucy304 i know exactly how you feel… we are on cycle 14 TTC our third and our first two were conceived so easily. We’ve had every fertility test going and nothing has been found to be wrong. The consultant has told me it can take up to
2 years sometimes. I‘m 35 now and was 29 and 31 when I conceived my first two so can’t help but think age is playing a part. I know how devastating it is though 💔

I'm with you all. Had a chemical pregnancy this month that has just added to my misery. Also TTC no2 and we fell first time trying with my darling little boy. It's all consuming and making me feel like a rubbish mum. I'm still breastfeeding which I believe is the issue. We are CD2 of cycle 4 properly trying... fingers crossed but not feeling hopeful. Sending lots of good vibes and thoughts to you all x

AF has just arrived so I’m once again feeling that disappointment, it gets worse each time. I feel like it’s never going to happen for us now.

eight cycles of trying (including one chemical)

@blueberry23 i know what you mean, it definitely makes me feel like a rubbish mum. I feel like I should be focusing on my DS and be grateful for the time I have with him but instead I’m just obsessing over not being pregnant all the time.

@Charl881 how old is your little one? Are your cycles regular? I'm still breastfeeding my 16 month old which I think is the issue but I'm not ready to stop yet....

@blueberry23 he’s almost 2. They are regular now, but I conceived around this time last year while breastfeeding. Ironically wasn’t trying then and it turned out to be a chemical but still shows it can happen.

Can I join you ladies please? I'm 40 been TTC#1 since Sep 2019. 1st ever pregnancy ended in a MC and a D&C at 9W4D in April.
I've forever struggled figuring out my ovulation day. Got my LH surge 3 days ago but BBT every morning is low so who knows what's happening. My poor OH is going to dread me jumping on him again tonight and, frankly, sex is not that fun that often😬 xx

Hello all
@Hoping43 @blueberry23 @AirGirl thank you for your replies, sorry that we're all going through this. When I posted initially I was CD1 and so, so down. But I always think that's the worst day. Currently CD6 and feeling more positive, waiting for AF to do one so we can crack on with another try! There are lots of stories on here about people trying for 12 or 18 months or more and then it just randomly happening, this is what I'm clinging to at the minute.
Totally get all the mum guilt stuff, I often wonder what's wrong with me, why am I so obsessed with no 2, why can't I just be happy with my beautiful DD? It's hard to wrap my own head around it, let alone get other people to understand.
It's lovely to chat to others who feel the same way, we haven't told anyone we're ttc so it can feel very lonely at times.
Good luck to all, and please keep us updated x

Hello!
on cycle 7 and hoping not to get disappointed again this month. It’s a real rollercoaster didn’t it? It took most people I know longer second time round but by longer I mean 4-6 months so feeling a bit rubbish!

Nothing wrong with wanting #2. It is no less valid than wanting #1. The heart wants what it wants. I pray our blessings are on the way. It's such a hard journey xxx

Hello all. 12 dpo today and got a BFN earlier. I don't think I've ever seen a test so white! Onto cycle 12 I guess. Hope others on this thread are having more luck x