Single and planning to conceive...am I selfish?

[Totorotoes]

Hello
I'm 40, single and childless. I've always wanted a family but it never happened for me. I'm financially secure and otherwise settled.
I'm thinking of having a child using donor sperm. But I'm battling with a feeling that this is a purely selfish act, to plan to bring a child into the world who won't have another parent figure and who may struggle to accept how they were conceived. But if I dont do it, I may regret this forever.
I am aware that many other people are single mothers by choice, and curiously I don't ever think they are selfish or wrong, I think I judge myself a lot more harshly and maybe over-think things. But still, I need to be sure!
Am I being selfish? And if so, should I do it anyway? I looked into adoption but for various reasons I don't think I can do it.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I won't be bringing a life into the world just to mess it up, but any opinions are welcome! Thanks in advance.

Thanks again for all your encouragement/ opinions. @notwhatineednow yes definitely going to go down the official route, it's so expensive I can see why it is tempting not to but not worth the risk in my opinion!

@Totorotoes check out The Stork and I on instagram/podcast.oys of resources.

This is true for anyone who wants a child. OP go for it, good luck!

My friend did this 8yrs ago and is very happy with her lovely daughter. But she did move to where her parents live for support. I wish you every happiness 💐

I've done this and my children are now 9. It's hard, but all my friends who are parents find it hard, whether they're in couples or not.

Mine are at an age now where they know more about their origins. They're very accepting of it, very matter of fact really. They already know some of their half siblings through the sperm donor and were delighted when they found out about them. I think it's important to be honest with the child/children from the start.

So, yes it's hard, sometimes relentlessly so. But if you know you want to be a mother then go for it. It's certainly no more selfish than anyone else bringing a child into the world.

I don’t think you’re selfish at all.
As long as you financially provide for the child should something happen to you, and as long as you have someone willing to take them on too, I think it’s a great idea.

Wouldn’t wait any longer as odds aren’t good due to your age.

On the subject of family support, if you have hoping/expecting other family members to provide significant childcare, etc., I personally think it’s only fair to discuss your decision with them now so that they can be open about what they can/can’t do. I’m only saying this as I know a couple of people IRL who rely heavily on their elderly parents who are exhausted! One is a single parent by choice and it’s a lot for her widowed Mum to deal with, especially now she’s developed health problems. I don’t think the elderly parents openly tell their adult children how difficult they find it as they love their GC-but these are my (elderly) Dad’s friends and they tell him how they’re really feeling.

What about the child wanting to know it's dad

What about the child wanting to know it's father

There's a lot of sanctimonious conformists on this thread!

What about all the energy and misery a couple parenting can entail? The arguments children end up witnessing, the comprises that have to be made?

I think emotionally it's much easier to be a single parent than in a poor or just average relationship.

As a single parent your child won't ever have to come second, fight for your attention, be disciplined in a way you don't approve of, witness arguments or feel the tension of them. They won't have gender roles forced on them or see their mother treated as a second class person in her own home.

As a single parent you can create the world you want for your child at home. You will be very close and you can have the relationship you feel is right for a parent without having to worry about another parent who may have totally different ideas.

You will need support and help but it doesn't necessarily have to come from a partner. You will be fine if you have close friends and family. It's selfish only in the same way it always is to want a child.

As a single parent your child won't ever have to come second, fight for your attention, be disciplined in a way you don't approve of, witness arguments or feel the tension of them. They won't have gender roles forced on them or see their mother treated as a second class person in her own home

@madroid That does sound awful. Is that your experience of two-parent families?

No I don't think you are.

It is your life - please live it how you see fit.