Should my baby daddy pay child support, even though he doesn't want a child?

[Dizoko]

Here's the story. I found out about 3 years ago, I have PCOS with a blocked tube and was told I would always struggle to have a child. My most recent ex partner has recently changed his mind about being unsure whether he wants to be a father, to absolutely does not want one. I have not been on birth control for a year now, as my body doesn't work well with any that I have tried and my ex knew this. Well. We broke up about 2 months ago, and had a one night stand. 4 weeks later and I'm pregnant. I told the dad, but he has stated he categorically does not want anything to do with the child and wants me to get rid of it. I've decided I want to keep it, since I don't know how easy it's going to be for me conceive again.
So here's my question. Should the baby dad be paying child support.
Reasons I think he should are

1. He had sex with me. Knowing that I'm not on any contraception.
2. I've been telling him for about 6 months that he should get a vasectomy.
3. I asked him the night to wear a condom. He "doesn't like them".
4. Its his baby at the end of the day.

Reason I believe he shouldn't

1. He made it clear before we conceived he doesn't want a child. Ever.
2. He doesn't want to be on the birth certificate, or have any contact at all. Ever. He wants to pretend it doesn't exist.
3. We discussed if I get got pregnant, I'd probably get an abortion (I never thought I'd get pregnant so didn't really put much thought into it)

I'm very confused and have no idea what to do. Thanks in advance!

Of course he should.

Your second point 3 makes me think you shouldn’t.
Of course you can but then you’ve no honour.

Of course he should - its your child who suffers otherwise.

Well obviously he should have worn a condom, but if you had discussed the fact that you were very unlikely to conceive, and that you wouldn't keep a baby if you did, then I can sort of see why he decided to gamble. Sounds like he thought the odds were very much in his favour.

Morally yes of course he should pay, but from your point of view unless you are desperate for his financial contribution, is it really worth the fight and all the stress it will no doubt bring you (and by extension your child) for the next 18 years?

I’m sure you know he can apply to be added to the birth certificate and for access if he ever changes his mind.

You should both have been using contraception if you didn’t want a baby. MN is full of women who were apparently told they might not conceive having surprise babies. It’s mind boggling.

I don’t claim child maintenance from my children’s father as he chooses not to see them, it’s up to you but I decided against claiming.

You had a cinveestation about future kids and abortion with a one night stand?

Yes he should.

I get that it's a shitty situation for him, but with this: "I asked him the night to wear a condom. He "doesn't like them"." It's a shitty situation he's walked into knowingly. He made his choice. Child support isn't about giving you money, it's about helping to provide for the life he helped create. If he's adamant he never wants kids, he should have gone for a vasectomy.

@Associatepeggy

You had a cinveestation about future kids and abortion with a one night stand?

I think she means a one night stand with the ex ? Anyway OP yes he has to pay.

Can you support the child on your own? Or would you be reliant in the taxpayer?

If the former, then the benefits of cutting contact might outweigh the downsides. If the latter why should other people have to pay to support his child?

He has a legally and financial responsibility but he's made it quite clear where he stands so , depending on his job, you'll may find it increasingly difficult to get him to honor that.

Of course he should. It's money to help support the baby. There are lots of things we don't want to do in life, but we have to do them. I'm sure he enjoyed the conception, now he has to take the consequences.

You're both daft and irresponsible.

The law says if its biologically his he needs to pay. What anybody thinks doesnt come into it. He is entitled to ask for a DNA test which would be sensible from his point of view.

@Viviennemary

The law says if its biologically his he needs to pay. What anybody thinks doesnt come into it. He is entitled to ask for a DNA test which would be sensible from his point of view.

It’s a choice whether to open a cms case... or not.

If he was that serious about not wanting a child then he should have either worn a condom or not had sex with you. It's that simple. Now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Yes he should pay - you both made the baby, you both need to work and pay.

Why were you both sleeping with each other knowing that neither of you were using contraception and neither of you wanted a baby though?

Yes. The baby shouldn’t have to suffer for it’s parents’ combined stupidity

Of course he should pay, the money is for the child not you so I don't think you should just decide not to claim it from him, it's not yours really. If he didn't want kids he should have taken steps to prevent that but he didn't. As for saying beforehand you'd probably get a termination, you're allowed to change your mind on that at any time. It's a child, not a new top you can just return. You never know how you'll feel before it happens and can't be made into stick to anything you may have said previously.

Yup, it's quite simple - if you make a baby, it has to be paid for.
Isn't he fortunate to have easy, cheap access to contraception?

Personally I wouldn't want his money or his involvement.

Also abortion is not a thing to be taken lightly - in future don't have sex with a man who won't use a condom and don't be telling men that you'll terminate an unplanned pregnancy. Actually think about what you're saying before you say it!
The pair of you sound too immature to be parents snd now there's a baby being brought into a situation where they will grow up knowing their dad didn't want anything to do with them and that's so sad.

Yes of course he should pay, no question. The money is for the child that he helped make.

I think if he didn't try and prevent pregnancy by wearing a condom then he absolutely should. He still should otherwise but it becomes a little more blurred then.

Don’t listen to the judgey “irresponsible” and “tax payer comments” as far as I’m concerned anybody can end up reliant on the tax payer and many of us have been irresponsible at times (not that I think you have been) and regardless it shouldn’t make any bearing on whether you continue a pregnancy or not, the implications of which no matter what you decide will be with you permanently, so you do what YOU want to do!!!

In my eyes the law is clear, he is financially responsible for any child he has whether or not he chose to conceive it. I mean let’s just say you were on contraception and it failed you are still responsible regardless of the fact that you were not actually trying to conceive. These are the just the consequences of having sex.

Don’t let him or other people guilt you just because he didn’t plan or want this, seems to me you didn’t exactly plan it either and it’s not like you purposely set out to trap him and he knew the risk he was taking, you don’t your money back at the black Jack table when you twisted instead of sticking do you? Same here….his lucky streak came to an end is all and that not yours or indeed this child’s fault that this happened!

Given your circumstances fertility wise this pregnancy is welcome news to you and despite circumstances you are absolutely able to celebrate and enjoy your pregnancy

It baffles me why women want to bring a child into the world when the father wants nothing to do with them.