Missed miscarriage

[Lizm1990]

Hi all,

So we had the devastating news that our baby has no heartbeat on Sunday just gone. It was completely missed no bleeding or anything and I’ve booked in for the surgery option. I’m heartbroken to say the least but trying to deal with things as best I can!

I kinda wanted to see how others dealt with it and it I’m being stupid as I keep feeling guilty I’m off work, I keep criticising myself over being too upset or not upset enough, it’s a complete head fuck! I just can’t fathom atm that I have my baby inside me but gone. I was meant to be 11+5 today but on my first scan (private) baby measured 8 weeks 5 days on Sunday, I then got rescanned at the hospital this Tuesday and baby was 9 weeks 1 day.

My fella has been so supportive, I got upset yesterday when I said to him things like holding my hand in the car on the way home on Sunday meant a lot as I just couldn’t speak at all.

We are hoping to try again when we can, if you have any advice I am all ears as I feel very isolated, not many ppl knew I was pregnant as I was waiting for the first scan and my fella bless him can’t even understand fully.
xx

I’m so sorry, I’m going through this now too. I lost my baby at 10 weeks and had a natural miscarriage. I didn’t have any scans beforehand so I don’t know when it happened. I’ve been off work this week and plan to return on Monday. I feel all over the place at the moment and totally understand what you have said about the guilt. I’m torn about wanting to try again or leaving it be as this baby was a surprise. It took a while to get our heads around and we have 2 children, 9 and 7. I’m feeling so lost and unsure of everything. I hope the surgery goes well and you soon start to feel better, my emotions started to ease once I had passed everything, so hopefully you will get some relief soon. Take care xx

I’m so sorry @Lizm1990 xx
I had a MMC in October and it was awful so I can completely empathise. I also opted for the surgery as wanted it over. The aftermath of the procedure is fine with very minimal pain - it’s more the emotional toll which can be difficult. Please do not feel guilty in any way for having time off to process this shock. I had two weeks off and as a teacher I felt so guilty initially, but I really needed that time to be with my partner and heal. It will be much more beneficial to you than being at work. Please be kind to yourself and watch your favourite shows, eat your favourite foods etc. and reach out to friends and family if you think it would help xx

I had two MMCs last year at 9.5 and 9 weeks. I took a week off post surgery to recover then went back to work. I didn't like staying at home as I felt like time was standing still that way (even though it wasn't) and I knew that if I stayed off I would never want to go back, which wasn't an option. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced. 4 months on from my last one and I'm starting to feel like myself again about 70% of the time. The other time I'm not ok and about the other 5-10%of the time I'm really not ok. I try not to think about what happened. Try not to re live it as that just makes the pain come back.
Make sure you talk with your partner. He lost something too and even though it won't be experiencing the same hormones etc as you, he will be grieving the loss of his child and the loss of you too, to a certain extent. I'm not the same person I was this time last year. Use this forum to speak to someone when you feel you have nothing. Strangers who understand and don't judge and you don't feel guilty about putting your burden on xxx

So sorry to hear that OP. I had a similar missed miscarriage discovered at 12 weeks but the foetus had stopped developing at about 8 weeks. Being my first pregnancy I had no idea anything was wrong but the midwife must have guessed as she sent me for an early scan after feeling my uterus, maybe it wasn’t as it should have been at that stage. I had surgery about a week after that and as a previous poster says it was relatively easy physically. However mentally it was very tough for a while and every advert seemed to feature baby products and pregnant women seemed to be everywhere. My next period didn’t arrive and I then discovered I was pregnant again from the very next egg after the MMC which was a big surprise. Apparently you are very fertile at that point in time. Everything went smoothly and he is now 20. I just wanted to pass that on by way of reassurance that a future pregnancy can be just around the corner. Take care of yourself in the meantime x

OP I'm so sorry. I had one last year and it was awful. The main thing I felt was shock. I just wasn't expecting it, and somehow I felt really betrayed that I'd been getting excited and all that time the baby was already gone. Then having to wait to get it sorted was just awful.

Don't worry about taking time off and remember you're grieving. Give yourself time and huddle up with distracting TV. I hadn't told people because I wanted to wait for the scan too and I regretted it because I really needed some support. I actually let one of my close group know and asked them to tell some of the others and they were all brilliant and got me through it. I also hadn't known how many of them had had similar experiences.

I found the grief came in stages and it still hurts now. Things like scan dates and my expected due date were horrendous. It does get easier, though you don't forget.

Take heart from the fact that most people who have miscarriages go on to have successful pregnancies later. It might be the last thing on your mind, or you might want to start again as soon as you can. Both are fine.

Look after yourself and lean on your partner.

Sending strength. Look after yourself.

Thankyou so much for your support and sharing your experiences it really does mean a lot 🥰 it’s just horrible and I feel like I am waiting for the surgery. I have bought a box to remember our baby and I’m going to put all our keepsakes in it, I know it sounds daft but my mom got me flowers and when I put them in a vase one of the roses fell off the stalk it was orange and it was way to early for us to know the sex of our baby, I’ve kept it to dry it out as something to signify our baby, I seen this as a sign as this was before I had my second scan to 100% confirm what the first scan result was.

@SWCharlie your journey gives me hope it was also my first too and I’m really hoping to conceive soon once I have the surgery as the monthly waiting game plays in your mind when ttc. Luckily I conceived on my second cycle this time so I’m hoping it happens quick again.

Xx

Hi, I have just found out that I am having a missed miscarriage which is really upsetting. Now I have been asked to think of which option I want for miscarrying and I have no idea what to do.
I am already mentally drained as we waited for a week between the scans to get confirmation of the MMC so it testas to get its toll on me. There is a very low chance I can miscarry naturally so I am thinking of the surgery to be done with but my partner doesn't want me to go under general anaesthesia. Has anybody had a local anaesthetic with the NHS for this procedure? Any experience will be welcome as I am a bit lost 😢thank you

@PicoUK75 what is the estimated gestation of your baby? If it's bigger, then it will be harder if you have natural, medical management and under local. I had general and honestly it was definitely the best for me. Glad I went with that

@TheDaydreamBelievers technically I am 10weeks but the baby stopped growing at 6.5weeks. Last time it was exactly the same and had a natural miscarriage which was so much easier I am really scared of going through this again.

@PicoUK75 if it was 6.5 weeks gestation last time and was okay (or as okay as it could ever be), why not go for medical management? This basically induces a miscarriage similar to your natural experience

Gosh you describe exactly how I feel. I had a scan at eight weeks and baby had stopped growing at six. I had a feeling as I'd had low level bleeding for more than a week.

Hospital says just wait it out and let it happen naturally. Been bleeding for three weeks now and still getting positive pregnancy tests.

I'd just like it to be over now.

I’ve been there. The MMC is so cruel why do our bodies do that to us? I remember feeling so let down by my body and very unwell physically and mentally for some time.

It gets better though amazingly you find the will to go on! I’m totally fine now a year or so later and TTC again.

I had the MVA which I would opt for again. It does hurt but it’s over in a flash. I also took several weeks off work as I was in such a state which I think helped me to recover more quickly.

Sending love you will be fine even if it doesn’t feel like it right now x

Thank you all for your lovely messages.
@Norberta what is MVA? is it the medicine?

@PicoUK75 the MVA is the surgery with the suction tube thing.

@Norberta thanks. I have never heard of it and it was not in the 3 options I had. I think I am giving myself the weekend (nothing is happening at all with my body still) and on Monday morning I will get the medicine ... I am dreading it as I heard it hurts quite rapidly and it is quite intense :-(

Sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time. I promise it does get better xx

@Norberta thanks I guess there is the fear of the miscarriage and the stress of having to get pregnant again as it took me 20months this time ... it is a lot to deal with !!

I had my first scan at 9 weeks and the baby had no heartbeat and said to be 8 weeks.
Definitely went into shock and some sort of immediate acceptance as life went on but my brain knew the life inside me was no longer alive, but over a week later, my hormones have definitely decreased with no breast soreness or nausea anymore, yet having a missed miscarriage but still not having miscarried is bringing waves of emotion now. My partner and I have been very sad.
I don’t want the medical option because I had done this many years ago with an unwanted pregnancy when I was young and it was a bit traumatic for me. Also trying to avoid surgery.
I’m hoping for things to happen naturally, but have no idea how long it could take to start and then how long after. Is there a chance I’ll have to opt for another way than naturally?

No one but my partner knew I was pregnant and I still haven’t talked to anyone, I feel in limbo and the reality is starting to hit. We were really looking forward to being parents. I know it’s happened to many women, but I don’t have a support system, while reaching out might break me down, it may be what I need. Still much hope for the future.

@ACHA916 well I hope for you things do happen naturally... I went for the medical
Option to start with as I am technically 13weeks this week and the baby has not been viable for 6 weeks now... First round of tablets last week didn't work and today just got my second round... I was against any of these too but now I am even considering surgery as it is really hard to plan things in my life and it is dragging ... have you have any signs your body recognises your miscarriage yet? Like cramps or bleeding? Good luck!!!

Oh I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been waiting and the tablets also didn’t work. I had some very little and short cramps and some bleeding yesterday when I applied a bit of pressure inside my vaginia, but it didn’t continue. I think the waiting allows some time to process, but it is unfortunate when the miscarriage doesn’t happen naturally as you expect or hope. Also hard to not know when to anticipate it, and that dragging on of being pregnant but not pregnant. Sorry to hear you may have to choose yet another option now. I do imagine the surgery is much more simple and you can know that it will be complete, when it will happen, and be relieved to move forward as you are ready. I wish you luck! This is not the easiest thing to make choices about while handling the emotions of it all. Glad we can support each other here

Hi Just thought I would give you an update. So last week I went for my second round of tablets (I literally begged them for it as they wanted to wait longer but I mentally couldn't do this anymore) and finally it worked! I cramped for 10/15 min very badly and then I miscarried...(last time it lasted for hours.. but I think because I had my baby in between it was faster this time around!) I was sad but at the same time so relieved it was over until... I had to go to A&E in the evening as I couldn't contain the bleeding.. it was so so much I ended up being admitted to hospital for the night. They wanted to keep an eye on me and see if things were not settling there were taking me to surgery in the morning. Luckily the bleeding slowed down massively and the next morning they told me I am 3/4 of the way there so I could go home. That was last Saturday and I have just been spotting since. I am having a scan on Tuesday so I am hoping to be told it is over now! The thing I found the hardest now are my hormones. I can tell my body is trying to adjust but I wake up sweaty every morning so not very pleasant. I have started to go back to acupuncture to help my body to repair!! How are you doing? Any progress? How are you feeling mentally and physically ? Good luck xxx

I’m glad to hear the pills have worked and you can move forward. Also good you were at the hospital when needed, how did you know it was too much bleeding?
I have not yet miscarried unfortunately, I was really hoping it would happen naturally, but now I’m here 5 weeks later or so and only bleeding if instigate.
I plan to go for the pills on my next days off from work in a week. Hoping it will go smoothly and completely, I imagine it will be painful. I took them once when I was young for a unwanted pregnancy and it hurt but was probably more traumatic for me experiencing it alone. My partner will be with me this time, I want the support even though I don’t want him to have to experience it as well.
What an unfortunate thing, but it could be natures way of doing what is necessary, just looking forward to moving forward. This waiting for it to happen naturally has been long, glad to have processed, but now that it hasn’t happened, I’m ready to approach other methods.
Sending love to all experiencing this. It can be lonely and full of waves of emotions, guess that’s grief. Lots of love and support

@ACHA916 good luck hope it goes ok. Have you had a baby already? Sorry for the question I am just asking because between my two miscarriages I did have a baby and the second time was so much quicker just cramps (a bit like light contractions but stronger that period cramps) but this time they lasted 15min and the sac was out...when last time I had this for hours. I think it is due of my pregnancy.. things go faster..
I knew the bleeding was excessive because it was going through two pads (two very thick ones on top of each other and my jeans...it was everywhere😞)
Unfortunately things are not looking great still as I went for a check up scan so 10 days after my miscarriage and they told me that I should still go for surgery as bits are still there....I was so upset. So I am going after Easter. Otherwise they the body can take months and this would delay any chance of getting pregnant again for a while..
The only weird thing is I am ovulating right now!!
Let me know how you are doing. x