TTC

[Goldengoose6491]

Hi everyone.

Apart from OH I don't have anyone to talk to about our fertility journey and it occured to me that isnt helping with my anxiety around the subject which is why I am reaching out here for any support. I'm not looking for a diagnosis just a handhold and someone to talk to.

To tell you a little about myself. I'm 30 and my partner is 35 and we've been ttc for a year. I've always had regular cycles, blood tests showed borderline low AMH but OBGYN wasnt concerned, diagnosed with IBS and subclinical hypothyroidism (for which I'm taking levothyroxine to keep TSH low), OH sperm test came back fine, I have a HSG scheduled next week (which I am terrified about) and a MRI in March (looking for endo, again terrified), I've tried acupuncture three times and didnt find it was for me. I'm supplementing with maca powder and ashwaganda and taking the traditional fertility supplements. Also made lifestyle changes like exercising more (mainly yoga), healthy eating, lots of sleep, no toxic skincare, household products oh and the pillow under the bum after the horizontal tango. BBT tracking seems to show typical ovulation. Im trying seed cycling but its difficult.

As I'm sure you know its hard not to become obsessive. especially when you dont fall into the 84% who concieve within a year. I never thought it would be a problem and its wreaking havoc with my nerves.

Thanks for reading

@BettyM90 I can't see anything but I can't be sure either, best of luck, crossing fingers and toes for you

Hoping it's okay for me to also jump in because oh boy, the loneliness of this journey is something else!
Been trying naturally for almost a year. Tried all the diets, exercise, supplements, teas - now we're onto acupunture as a last attempt before we see our fertility specialist in 16 weeks to discuss IVF.
Back story - I have endometriosis (2 surgeries thus far), a mild form of cystic fibrosis (TMI so tracking cervical mucus is difficult when there is always a lot) but all my other tests/ultrasounds have been normal. All hubby's test have been normal also. Regular periods, regular ovulation, but I am going to start doing ovulation tracking again from day 1 of my next cycle with BBT and dipstick tests - had to stop because I was getting so depressed everytime my monthly would arrive. Have given up caffiene and alcohol completely so I definitely get those looks whenever we go out with people whether is be brunch, lunch or dinner.
AND, to top it all off, next week I get to go and visit my family who I have not seen since before the wedding and being the only grandchild married.... well, you can imagine the questions I'm going to get.

Welcome @SarahJFS - it is a really lonely rollercoaster. I don't feel I can share our struggles with family or friends at the moment so it can feel really bottled up inside on a bad day. Im at the end of a TWW and feeling very anxious.
Out of interest did any of the diets or supplements have any positive impact on endo symptoms? I use natural cycles for BBT but it hasnt been able to pinpoint ovulation this cycle yet which is a first and not making me hopeful.
I really hope the wedding goes well and there arent too many instrusive questions. I have a back up response like"Oh everyone's so curious, it will happen when it happens." and smile and change the subject. My favourite is when people tell you not to wait too long...! That one really hurts.

I'm always such a nervous wreck during TWW, I'm hoping acupuncture will help with relaxation.
No, unfortunately not. My symptoms have continued getting worse and I'm worried they'll tell me I need another surgery before we start IVF (of we get that far)
Oh, we've been married 2 years. Sorry, I didn't phrase that very well. My family couldn't attend the wedding because of covid. So this is the first time seeing them in 2 years, and the first time seeing them now that we are married. My grandmother asks everytime she calls when we'll be having a baby and I really took out my anger on her last time. I'm usually very pleasant and tell her we are having a hard time and to please stop asking as it has a huge emotional toll and last time I just couldn't contain it anymore and told her to stop being a nosey Nelly and just because she had 6 kids very easily does not mean it is easy for me and she needs to stop asking.
She then said the thing I hate the most.... "just relax, and keep trying"
Ugh. 2 years of frustrating BFN's and emotion roller coasters with the hope zone is not fun.
Side note - did anyone ever listen to the UK podcast BFN - TTC, fertility, infertility and IVF? It started back in 2018 I've only just found it but I'm loving it! Based in Aus though so some of the info is a bit different to how it works here.

@SarahJFS

We had a similar situation married May 2019 at a registry office just us and was planning a big wedding in UK in 2020 but then COVID. My husband is Australian so none of his family have been able to visit us and vice versa since the pandemic started.

Completely understand about your grandmother, relatives have a way of hitting a nerve. "Just relax" thats a classic always manages to have the exact opposite effect. I find my colleagues nosier than anyone!

I've just popped the podcast on now to have a listen. Its refreshing to have a sense of humour about the whole thing. Have you come across Abbie G Clark on Insta? She cheers me up too.

My BBT is all over the place this cycle. I dont know whether or not to do a FRER or continue living in not-so-blissful ignorance...

I need to schedule an MRI to check for endo and then I've told myself I give acupuncture another try. Ive had 3 sessions in the past (although not for fertility but for digestion) and I didnt really like it, but there is so much evidence that it helps.

@Goldengoose6491
If its any consolation, even within Australia we haven't been able to see family. The state my mums side of the family live in locked their borders to the state I live in so this is the first time going there in over 2 years! It's crazy.

Honestly, the next person that tells me to relax is going to get the full effects of just how NOT relaxed I am. My acupuncturist said I'm only a 5/10 on the stress scale according to my pressure points, but I feel like it's at least a 12/10 emotionally 😂

I havent, but I will definitely look her up!

I didn't track my BBT this cycle, but im going to start again from next cycle. AF is due in 3 days so I'll start from CD1.

It's strange how it works in different countries. We don't do MRIs (to my knowledge) for endo unless someone has had it show on an ultrasound, but it often won't show on ultrasound if you are only stage 1 or 2. I wonder if MRI is different? We just have lap surgery as Gold standard for diagnostics. I've had 2 surgeries now. I'm only stage 1 though so mine still doesn't show on ultrasound, but even at stage 1 there can be fertility issues and debilitating pain depending on location. Mine was mostly around my left ovary which is always super painful when I have my internal ultrasound 🙃

Honestly, I'm at the point of trying anything, so even if the acupuncture is only going to help my stress, I'll still keep going because who doesn't like to be pampered and having soothing music and aromas for an hour once a week 😍

I did the FRER I couldn't take the tww anymore. Negative. And now I'm crying

@Goldengoose6491 oh love, I'm so sorry you are feeling this!
I'm almost too afraid to test these days, if I ever do conceive I'll probably be 5 months gone before I have the courage to test!

How do you guys deal with pregnancy announcements at work. I've got colleague showing me ultrasound pictures and my heart is just breaking

I want to say that I'm a super nice person that's happy for them, but the reality is, I usually just make excuses very quickly to get away from that situation.
That being said, I've found recently I've been much more open about my fertility struggles and I even said to someone the other day "I'm so glad you've been blessed with this miracle, but some of us are not nearly as lucky, so you'll forgive me for not demonstrating the same response as everyone else."
It's always going to be a challenging situation.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? I talk to my husband a lot, but I also find seeing a psychologist during these difficult time has been very helpful.