Anyone worried about fertility before even trying?

[CountryGirl189]

I feel a bit daft posting this to be honest, but I’ve always had this feeling in the back of mind that I’ll really struggle to have children.

We’re going to start trying next month and I’m getting so worked up about it, that I feel like not even trying now!

To make matters worse, one of my best friends told me yesterday that she’s pregnant and she wasn’t even trying?! I’ve been an emotional wreck all night and feel awful for feeling this way!

My mum keeps telling me I’ll be fine because she got pregnant so easily on four occasions, but I don’t think fertility works that way!

Anyone else in the same boat?

I was exactly like this. I ended up conceiving the first month of trying. I’m now TTC baby number 2 and it hasn’t happened as quickly so I’m panicking about the same thing again! I’m sure you’ll be fine OP, and remember it’s completely normal for it to take up to a year. A lot of the time it’s all down to chance. Do you have regular periods?

@CountryGirl189 what are your reasons for feeling you’ll struggle? What is your cycle like?

I would definitely say without you even trying, you cannot get yourself so worked up and lose sleep. It could take a year, it could take 6 months, it could take 1 month. Average is 8. In that time, probably more people will tell you they are pregnant. They will also each have their journey that they may not have shared with you.

From my experience, it is more mentally challenging than I expected. I am trying for number 1 and just moved onto cycle 7. It feels like forever. You’ve got to be tough. Keep your expectations low in terms of a timeline and keep living your life. Don’t delay doing things because ‘you might be pregnant’. Your mum probably has a point as it can be linked. You’ll probably be totally fine and it will happen in a ‘normal’ amount of time.

Read up on vitamins, OPKs and eat and sleep well. Good luck x

Thank you for replying @Moonshine160 - I really appreciate it!

I think on the whole I do, sometimes they come at 26 days, sometimes 27, sometimes 28 - so there’s a bit of fluctuation by a couple of days each month, but I always have one!

I feel like I’ve been going crazy in the build up to it, trying to track my ovulation etc and I feel like I’m going insane already, so not sure how I’d handle it in the long haul if it came to that!

I’m sure a sweet little baby #2 will be on it’s way for you soon xx

Thanks @FlyOnTheWall89 - I think because I’ve always had very painful periods, I’ve always thought something is wrong, even though I’ve had it checked out so many times!

I even recently had a Hysteroscopy because they thought I had a funny uterus lining, but they came back with nothing to report and said everything looks just as it should.

I think I just want one so badly (for the past three years I’ve been waiting for my other half to be ready to start trying) and I’m worried we’ve left it too long.

I’m already taking all the vitamins I should in preparation and have been doing OPKs every month, but I feel like they’re just draining me mentally, so I’m going to actually stop using them and just see what happens x

Just try OP, don't let this stop you. Your mind really can go anywhere it wants to at times.

I was terrified also. I am on month two TTC baby no 1. No luck yet but only came off pill early September but always thought it would happen at least very quickly for us. I suffer with small ovarian cysts so it's always been in the back of my mind also.
Good luck xx

I was exactly like you. Really convinced I couldn't. I have had various gynae issues too... then I conceived twice within 2 months of trying. Instincts can be wrong!!

Hi I'm 4 weeks pregnant finally and I've been trying since feb! It's def not as straight forward as i always thought - girls at work would tell me their stories how they'd get pregnant straight away but the fact is other people's stories are totally irrelevant. You have your health and no mum or friend can tell you whether you'll get pregnant quickly.

It's good that's you're starting ttc soon if you weren't starting soon I'd suggest 21 day bloods to see if you're ovulating, and AMH test to see your egg count x
Good luck 🤞

Yes I ended up doing a Hertility test kit. It was helpful but didn't really help me get any more clarity and actually one result caused me a bit of stress. In the end it happened fairly quickly on my second cycle without much stress.

I'm the same op I'm on my first month and already feel it's not it. I was pregnant once two years ago and ended in a 12 week miscarriage and I have been convinced since then it won't happen for me.

It’s so stressful isn’t it! My partner said last night that there’s no point worrying, because whatever the end result is, you can’t change it… but easier said than done!

So we’ve agreed that from now on, no more OPK’s etc, we’ll just see what happens and not try to think about it too much!

I’m in exactly the same boat.

We’re about to start trying, actually I guess you could say we started this month but I’m absolutely petrified. I think, which is brilliant, women have found their voices about infertility that didn’t exists ten years ago (or maybe I was just naive to it). When I was getting my vaccine and I asked about infertility/risk to future pregnancy the nurse told me as matter of fact that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

I’m healthy, good cycles and in my late twenties therefore I should be ok. But it’s still whirling in my brain that it’s not going to end in success.

@Beachybeach we sound exactly the same! I’m 29 and wanted kids a long time ago, but it just wasn’t the right time!

I’m having bloods done soon just to rule anything else out, but still can’t help worrying - I don’t think it helps that I’m currently weaning myself of antidepressants in expectation of a pregnancy, but it’s honestly making me feel even shittier!

Totally understand where you're coming from, it's grim, but honestly you won't know until you start trying and even then if there is a problem you won't know until you either do or don't get pregnant! I was overly cocky when TTC, I honestly thought it would take us 3 months max. Looking back I don't know why as I had 100 day cycles!! naive 😂

Ended up taking 3+ years and we're both 'young' and come from very fertile families as such! The problem was me and the fact I had PCOS. Once diagnosed and treated properly I was put on medication that made me fall pregnant within 2 months ☺️ so even if something was to ever be wrong, fertility medication/ procedures have come a long way!

I'd say, if your cycles are regular it's a good indication that everything 'might' be easier. If they're not just book a GP appointment to get any real concerns looked at!

I wish you all the luck in the world, TTC can be really hard at times. Look after yourself and I hope it doesn't take long for you ☺️xx

All being well, it'll take you up to 12 months to conceive and that's really normal.

My mum also told me I'd conceive quickly because she did, three times, my sister did and my grandma did. Well, it took me 8 months, twice. Much longer than them! 8 months however, is normal. I also had fertility tests after my miscarriage (because my mental health was shot to pieces) and it determined that my dh and I had excellent fertility at the time. So despite that, it takes as long as it takes!

Just a general cycle question - do everyone’s turn up exactly on the day they’re meant to?

For example if you have a 26 day cycle, does it turn up exactly on that day? Sometimes mine are a day or two out each month, so each of my cycles is usually 27 days, but it’s sometimes 26 days, sometimes 28?

They need to start teaching this in schools rather than the whole ‘Don’t have sex. You WILL get pregnant’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’ve been checked for PCOS and apparently my ovaries are perfect and my uterus is too (after a panicked radiographer telling me it wasn’t!). I even asked the consultant about Adenomyosis, but she said it would have showed up on the scan and there was nothing to suggest I have this and even if I did, it wouldn’t be an issue.

I’m a huge overthinker if you haven’t already guessed! 🤣

I always assumed I'd have trouble conceiving. This was due to a wide range of issues I have linked to my cycle etc.
My DP had been told years ago that he would likely have issues too.

We've had unprotected sex 3 times. I got pregnant all 3 times. I'm late 30s. First got pregnant at 35.

YES. One hundred percent

But the two times I did fall pregnant is when I 'gave up trying ironically.

Have fun doing it. Don't go in hard. Be kind to yourself and your body and trust your body knows what to do ( and your partners) x

I think every woman worries about this. I certainly did.

It does sound like you are overthinking this a lot. I know it's hard not to, but you are young. At 29 you have lots of time, honestly. And there is actually nothing that has come back that should give you cause for concern.

It's hard to think about this rationally when you are in that frame of mind where you really want a baby NOW, but looking at the facts there is nothing that is highlighting you should have any worries.

So try for 6 months and see how it goes.

If you do struggle, then you will deal with that as and when it happens. I am going through fertility treatment at the moment and honestly, you just deal with it. It's OK.

When you are TTC it always feels like time is running out, but it's actually not. At 29 you really do have time on your side - you probably have at least another 10+ years of fertility. Try not to worry and just enjoy TTC. It will happen when it happens.

Also... what antidepressant are you on? There are some which are OK to take in pregnancy. Have you spoken to your GP about it?

Sertraline is very safe, as is citalopram. It's a balance but if your mental health is bad without them, consider carrying on with a low dose. There is very little risk.

*Just a general cycle question - do everyone’s turn up exactly on the day they’re meant to?

For example if you have a 26 day cycle, does it turn up exactly on that day? Sometimes mine are a day or two out each month, so each of my cycles is usually 27 days, but it’s sometimes 26 days, sometimes 28?*

This is completely normal.

@want2bemum

*Just a general cycle question - do everyone’s turn up exactly on the day they’re meant to?

For example if you have a 26 day cycle, does it turn up exactly on that day? Sometimes mine are a day or two out each month, so each of my cycles is usually 27 days, but it’s sometimes 26 days, sometimes 28?*

This is completely normal.

Mine are anywhere between 26 to 35 days!

I was like this. When I was a teenager I was convinced that I was infertile or had some kind of problem that would mean I wouldn't be able to have kids.

Got pregnant accidentally through contraception fail so safe to say everything is in working order.

I think it's completely normal as having kids just seems like the done thing in life and you worry that you will not be able to achieve it.

Yes I definitely felt like this as I've always had extremely painful periods and thought I had endometriosis and I had never got pregnant even when being reckless with contraception in my teens/20s

We did struggle a bit (but were still in the normal range, albeit at the top end) in that it took us 12 cycles to conceive DS. We'd had bloods/scans/semen analysis and I'd had an HSG and we were waiting for our first fertility appointment when it happened naturally, I was 33

I had my AMH tested after I had DS and it was fairly low but I conceived naturally again after 4 months aged 37 (although that ended in MC) and I hope I will conceive that quickly again

Given that you're young and just starting to TTC, try not to worry yourself. It will only make it a miserable experience for you (take it from someone who tortured herself for a year!) and you currently have no reason to think you can't conceive

@CountryGirl189
At first no I did not worry, but now after 4 miscarriages and 1 cp it has worried me.

But as everyone said you have nothing at all to worry about until you get to that road. So just relax don't stress trust me easier said than done lol, but it does you the world of good.

If you where doing opk testing for a while you will have a rough idea of when you ovulate, try not to make sex all about making a baby as it just becomes a chore that has to be done and takes the joyment out of it goodluck💚