Any with 4? I'm ttc 4th .... (but I'm having 2nd thoughts...)

[ernest]

I've always thought 4. For me, 1 is too few, 2 is too boring, 3 is too uneven, 4 is ideal.

We have 3. 3 gorgeous boys. B4 ds3 was born i said if he's easy we'll go 4 another, if he's difficult we'll have to think again. Well, he has been the most perfect easy dream baby, but far from making me feel confident, I now fear having another 'cos no baby could compare. I worry I'll have a hard time with the next cos he's been so perfect.

We just decided a couple of weeks ago to go for no. 4. I was feeling ambivalent, but dh said he wanted 4, so I thought ok, i always said it b4 so why not? But now I keep hearing tales of how much more difficult 4 is than 3 - travellimg, can't fit in a normal car, juggling kids school & social life,etc etc. Plus, to be totally honest, I really fear having a girl. i love haviing 3 boys. I love it. I've never been a girly girl, always found boys & their toys much more fun. hated people asking me if I was hoping 4 a girl. What if I had one?? All the fuss the family would make of her.. I worry I'd feel resentful. plus the birth. had such hard time stupidly watched couple of birth programmes & feel sick at thought of all that pain again....

Oh God, is this like last minute nerves b4 a wedding & everything will be ok? Af not due for over a week, but I'm sectretly freaking out how I'll cope with 4, what if it's a girl, I can't think straight. Panick mode.

I don't think I'll be too helpful here ernest. We decided to go for no.4 for the same kinda reasons. We had twins and now have 5. However, once you've done 3, it ain't nothing but a number. It's amazing how much you can love all of your children. Go for it. Enjoy!

marslady!!! agree that the step from 2 to 3 seems to be huge, but 3 to 4 is much easier! And know what you mean about people asking if you are hoping 4 a girl. i have 4 girls and everyone assumed that I was pregnant again to have a boy.(maybe it was the only logical conclusion they could find to explain why I would have 4!) In my opinion 4 is a lovely no.

When we went for 4 I already had 2 girls and 1 boy so nobody could say anything - used to see the cogs whirring sometimes while they tried to think of an assumption!

I agree with marslady and miam, ernest - after 3 it doesn't seem to make much difference (though I might have found twins a bit harder to adjust to!!!)

The boy/girl thing is something else; I think you will love and enjoy whatever you get (if you go ahead with your original plan) but I can see that after 3 of a kind the alternative seems scary. I've never been a girly girl either but my girls and I got by and you would too.

Ernest - I know where you are coming from as I'd love a 4th but worry about the car issue, bedroom space, holidays etc. BUT, if I had a 4th I'd just love it (having 4 I mean) I know I would. I think everyone is happy with whatever they have - 1,2,3,4 or more, boys or girls. Children are such an amazing blessing I can't imagine you resenting them at all - it's easy to worry in the cold light of day when they aren't here because it's just 'another baby' not a real person yet that you know and hold.

Also, if you've always said 4 and it's been your plan, go ahead. What if you don't and you regret that later?

Sorry if I've not been helpful but I'd love 4 so am going for the encouraging you option!

strangely, despite the fact that I have 5 and the final 2 are twins, I'm constantly asked if I am having any more. Must look like a baby making machine I guess. Dh has his appointment for the 22nd.

LOL Marslady!! My dh is keen to go along and 'get sorted' but I don't want my options closed down. I always said I'd like 3 but now I can't imagine my childbearing days being over and I just love having a houseful of noisy rabble!!!

Trying for number 4! since yesterday. Hope we do manage it (track record of difficult pregnancy and miscarriage) Good luck ernest.

having twins certainly helped the end of my baby days. I have to say though that I am a little sad that that is it, and yet at the same time I am so relieved that we've gotten this far and have such wonderful children. Am definitely indulging the twins though. Making the most of them being my last. I have a baby signing kit, I'm about to join a tumbletots/crechendo type group. Never bothered with the others, but somehow, this being the end...

you lot are so brilliant. Thanks so much for your answers. Marslady, you have terrified me. I am terrified of getting pg then discovering it's twins. i was really hoping it would be twins last time so I didn't have to go through this again!

Next time I get the heeby geebies I'll refer back to this ......

Ernest, I've got 3 boys and I'm constantly asked if I'm having anymore. I would love to be in your shoes to say "Yes, we're trying for another". Before we had children I always imagined having 3 (DH wanted 2) but now that we're here with 3, 4 seems ideal, lovely, prefect and complete to me.

Sadly, for me DH is along way from agreeing. Also I do worry about spreading myself so thinly amongst the children(but then I thought that when I was Pg with Ds2 and then Ds3), like you at the moment I suppose but I know that in my heart I will ALWAYS want another baby. It breaks my heart to think that my baby days are over. I am very envious of families with 4 although I am blissfully happy with my little gang.

I agree with Goobleigook,(and I have alot lately, I think we might be cosmic twins or something!!) if you don't go for it and have No.4 I really think you will regret it as this has always been your plan.

Apologies about all my typos and extra commas etc but Ds3 has taken a liking to the Pc lately and I have to post a message as quickly as I can otherwise he comes along and bashes at the keyboard making it lo.o.k li./[/k;e th']262is (can you break the code?) so no time to preview.

I'll look forward to reading your 'Due in.....' thread.

What do people do about BEDROOMS? Do you have big houses or do they share?

Ds2+3 share and they love it.

We have 4 girls and 3 bedrooms so 2 share each room. Fortunately they are good sized rooms!!

We have 4. We had a girl then 3 boys, each of whom was supposed to be our second DD. TBH the girl has been more problems than the 3 boys put together, BUT there is something nice about having a dd as she gets older. Even silly things like she will remember my birthday & organise the boys into getting cards etc. They don't think about it.

The car thing was hard for us, as when ours were little there was no such thing as a people carrier. When they did come out they were just way out of our budget. Bedrooms- we have 3 bedrooms & the 3 boys used to share, which was horrible! We converted the garage so that only 2 had to share but now DDs at uni one of the boys temporarily resides in her room.

The hardest thing is holidays. A Family room is 4 people, or 5 at a squeeze. With 6 it's 2 rooms. A family ticket to an attraction will be 2+2 or 2+3. Very rarely do they cover 4. It's all extras.

There have been times we've thought that life would have been far easier with just 2, but OTOH often wonder about a 5th!

I think if you've always planned to have 4 you will end up regretting it if you don't.

don't let the idea of twins terrify you. Once you get past people's innane questions it's alright really. (typing this whilst bf dt2}. There is no reason to think that you might fall with twins. If you want your fourth baby, then go for your fourth baby. We stopped at three, but my heart was yearning for a fourth. We couldn't afford the first baby and here we are with five. I think that we all know how many babies are in us. I couldn't bring myself to think that three was the end. Somehow it is very easy to see that I am at the end now. The twins bring all of us joy. Besides, it makes it easier for the big kids to share them, after all, surely I gave birth to twins for their amusement lol. In other words ernest go for it!

thanks again. for us the car is no bother - we have a people carrier, so room for 5 kids! Only a problem if we visit rellies ( only do 2 or 3 times a year, so seems shame to plan family on this basis!) we have enough bedroom space - ds's 1 & 2 share. Baby could share with ds3, but would be pain again if it's girl, not now but at some point she'd need a room of her own.

holidays not too bad either - we tend to stay in appartments not hotels, & larger appts easy enough to get - we tend to get a bigger one anyway so no one has to sleep in sitting room, but would be a pain if we ever stayed in hotel, but this is rare occurence.

I guess with the other 3 I was very broody & this time I don't think I am, I feel I'm just having it/going along with dh cos I always had this number in my head. seems a shame/strange I don't feel this gnawing urge that I did the other 3 times, but like people've said, I'd probably regret not having it if I didn't.

what's your age gaps ? My eldest is 5, so if got pg next couple months there'd be basically 6 years between them. I had 18 months bwn ds1 & 2, then nearly 3 year gap, so if get pg soon, there'll be about 2 years bwn 3 & 4, so like 2 2's iyswim. I like having ds1 & 2 so close - they read the same books & watch same programmes, play same games etc. if the gap was much larger we'd have to read different stories & stuff & that would be more time consuming & difficult.

I guess once I get pg it'll be easier, I mean you just have to get on with it then, too late 4 cold feet!

my brood are (about to be)12, 10, 6 and 9months. The long gap at the end was because we had definitely stopped ha ha.

Mine were 11, 8 and nearly 5 when fourth was born.

I agree with beety - don't do it if you don't want to, don't allow yourself to be pressured into it.

(But 4 is a lovely number, she said, pressurisingly )

thanks marslady - your post made me laugh, so did yours janh hmmmm 4. ds1 would have been a twin, but lost one early on, and there are twins on dh's side, so with ds2 & 3 I've made the sonographer have a good look around to make sure there was only 1 in there. can you imagine it? blimey,, what does it feel like starting all over again after 5 years, and with twins. At least they're all at school (apart from the twins!)

beetroot, your gap is pretty similar to mine (or what it might be). how do you all manage with regards to getting kids to various activities/parent's evenings/individual attention. you know the day to day stuff. Mine are just starting to do stuff out of the home & it's a bit of a juggling nightmare trying to get everyone or myself wher should be, esp without friends/family to help

I have four - ds1, ds2, dd and ds3. 4 is no harder than 3. I agree with you about 1 being too few, 2 being boring, etc. So you need a 4th to make a nice even number. You will need a larger car though, but once that obstacle is overcome, you can sit back and enjoy your "ideal" family!
Don't worry about having a girl (although it would mean having to buy different clothes, toys, etc) I didn't really care if I had a girl before I had my dd (and always was a bit disdainful of other people's girls and girlie things) but a daughter is a wonderful addition. You may feel, if you have a girl, that you can experience a whole new side of parenting. Girls are so different to boys, in nice ways as well as not so nice. You may not be very girlie yourself (I am not) but you will love to have another girl in the family, believe me. It is wonderful dressing little girls and fascinating seeing them develop in such different ways to boys. Anyway, you are just as likely to have another little boy and think how much you would love that!
Good luck to you. I hope whatever you wish for comes true.

if you lot carry on like this I will start to feel broody!

It's actually quite lovely starting again with the twins. I have to say though that because they are my last babies I'm really indulging them. I bought sign with my baby, and yes I do the signs. I find that I keep shopping for them as well. They are completely and totally adored by all of us. Hope we don't spoil them lol