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Original poster

Having a third child cannot decide

28 replies

Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 12:12

Hi I was after some advice
I really cannot decide whether to have a third child. I have 2 children already, 6yrs and 9yrs. I have been feeling broody as some of my friends have very young children. So I decided to have unprotected sex and try for a baby but then the next day I panicked thinking what have I done. I will lose all my freedom.
Part me would love more children, but I hated pregnancy and labour and I found the newborn stage hard. But now my kids are older I love it which is why I’m hankering after another one. I’m 37 so cracking on a bit. So I do need to decide. I have also started a new job so not ideal but when is and financially all is ok.
My husband is easy either way so really it’s my decision.
But why am I panicking so much I change my mind on a daily basis is it normal to be this undecided??
I wondered if anyone had similar experiences? And how they came to a decision?

OP posts:
Plumtree391 · 22/09/2021 12:18

I can remember feeling broody for another child at 37. It didn't last :-).

It's normal to feel like that sometimes but do you really want to go back to sleepless nights, nappies, terrible tiredness and all the rest?

Try not to let your heart rule your head, be quite sure you do actually want a baby before becoming pregnant. Enjoy the two you have.

Good luck.

LadyoftheWoods · 22/09/2021 12:35

This is almost exactly my situation. I'm 36 and have two already- 7 and 10. I conceived both whilst on the pill, it was a tremendous shock the first time! We've recently decided to try for our third and this is our second month ttc.

Back then we were just starting out in our careers and it was really tough. Now, we are much more financially secure, own our home and have management positions. We have the time, money and energy for a third so we're going for it. I also wanted to actively try and be excited about being pregnant rather than thinking "oh god" like the previous times. Most of my friends are either pregnant or have very young children so I won't feel isolated. I totally get the "going back to sleepless nights" thing, but I feel in a better position to handle that than before tbh! I'm aware it might be harder to conceive this time but knowing we already have two means the pressure is off a bit.

It's a hard decision but I always think whatever decision you make is ultimately the right one; you can only choose based on how you feel at the time. Good luck!

Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 12:36

Thanks Plumtree, how old are you now if you don’t mind me asking?? And did you ever regret not having anymore?
I feel like mine are growing up too quick

OP posts:
freelions · 22/09/2021 12:42

I remember going through a similar phase when my 2 DC were similar ages to yours. We didn't go for a 3rd and now further down the line (age 46) I am very thankful that we didn't! Smile

I think it is natural to feel a bit broody in your situation but even if you had a 3rd you would probably feel the same about a 4th and you need too stop somewhere

And sorry to piss on your chips but the reality us that planet Earth really doesn't need the population to keep increasing so having more than 2 DC is bad for the environment

Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 12:43

Hi lady of the woods
Yes I found I wasn’t the best Mam as I was younger and always juggling work and just immature. I will still be juggling work commitments.
I feel like I missed out a bit but then if I had another baby it would take the attention away from the ones we already have.
I think you have decided and good luck your children will probably love a sibling too and can help out.

My marriage has always been rocky in the sense that I’ve never been 💯 certain I’m with the right person (but I think that’s just me).
I’m worried if I have a baby then decide my marriage isn’t for me a couple or few years time I will be screwed.
But then my children would love a sibling.
I just wish I could give birth to a 5yr old!!

OP posts:
coeliacsucks · 22/09/2021 12:46

If you're unsure that you want another child and unsure that you even want to stay in your marriage I'd advise against having another child.

TheVolturi · 22/09/2021 12:47

I wouldn't. Especially with the way things are with covid etc. Starting Alllll over again. I've got three and it's much harder than two.

Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 12:48

No regrets then free lion??
I’m guessing you have teenagers are older kids now do you appreciate your freedom in your 40’s?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 12:49

Do you regret having a third Vultri?

OP posts:
cloudacious · 22/09/2021 12:52

plumtree

I knew you would have posted on this thread to say don't as soon as I read the OP. Are you on a personal mission to limit the population? I've also seen you trying persistently to talk people into going through with terminations they're not sure about. Your answer is always the same regardless of the circumstances. That's not advice, that's a personal crusade.

LadyoftheWoods · 22/09/2021 12:52

If I wasn't sure I was with the right person then I definitely wouldn't. It's likely to make your marriage harder than easier!

Evesgarden · 22/09/2021 12:57

trying to fit five people in a hotel room is an absolute arse ache. Dont do it.

Aria2015 · 22/09/2021 13:00

@Cheviot37 if you're really enjoying your two at the moment I'd think twice before starting over again. I had my second recently and there is a similar age gap that you'd have between your youngest and a new baby. The main con of the age gap is that a lot of the things my eldest and I had come to enjoy doing, we either can't do or are limited to do with the baby. This has meant that most weekends we splinter off as a family. Me at home with the baby, while my eldest goes off with dad to do the activities he's come to enjoy. I think it will be a good few years before my youngest can join in properly by which time my eldest might not want to! It's not a regret, because I wanted two and I didn't have a choice on the age gap, but it's been one of the main struggles. If you have a good family dynamic that you get enjoyment out of now, I'd be tempted to enjoy that. I do think wanting another baby is quite common, they are cute and lovely, but they are constant and hard work. I do miss the independence I'd gained with my eldest. I'm back to no privacy (constant toilet and shower companion!) and on my feet all the time running after a crawling baby with a love for danger! 🤣

Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 13:00

We get on fine and work as a team.
I mean but after 17yrs who knows whether they are with the right person, you never know whether your just friends because you have been together so long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 13:03

Yes Aria2015 that’s a thought we wouldn’t be able to do everything together like going to cinema or cycling as we would have a baby in tow, didn’t think of that x

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 22/09/2021 13:14

My dc were same as yours when DC3 was born and I was 35. I wouldn;t ever say that I regret having another but there are things I didn't consider - mostly with the age gap.
When 3rd is a baby they obviously fit in with what everyone else does but then as they get older it is difficult to find activites that everyone finds enjoyable. I would say on the whole 3rd ended up tagging along on older activites that the other way around - I have sometimes reflected on whether she missed out on some of the smaller child things that the older kids did a lot of.

Older two were always closer and still are, probably because they spent so much time playing together when they were little. DC3 is more like an only child really, in not having a sibling to knock around with (especially now both older dc are now at Uni and beyond).

Also we had to get a bigger car that has 3 full size seats in the back and holidays are more expensive/tricky as most things cater for multiples of 2!

Skyla2005 · 22/09/2021 15:47

Don't you wil be straight back to square one. Enjoy your freedom which is coming soon

GingerFox2021 · 22/09/2021 20:12

You need to be happy with your decision whatever you decide. Listen to yourself and your heart. You will live your life, nobody will live it for you. Everyone’s experience is different.

olidora63 · 22/09/2021 20:15

I had my third at 37 ,easily conceived and absolutely adore my beautiful 21yearold guy ! He really has made our family complete.X

thistimelastweek · 22/09/2021 20:17

You love your children but you worry about them constantly.
Into childhood and beyond.

A third child = 50% more anxiety.

WaitinginVain · 22/09/2021 20:18

No regrets here.

Theworldishard · 22/09/2021 20:21

Is it just because those around you have young children? I know how you feel as when my sister was pregnant again, I thought I wanted another. It was an obsession. Then I rationally stepped back and thought about it and decided no.
None of us can tell you what to do, but I would think about the age gap a bit. Between the children.

FreddieStandensBFF · 22/09/2021 20:27

Just remember tho, older you get, more likely to have twins. You might end up with four...

toadstool32 · 22/09/2021 20:51

I have a 7 and 11yo and have pondered a third for years. Changed my mind monthly. Well I'm now 16+5 with dc3. Kids can't wait. Nor can we. I'm 33, dh 41.

Original poster
Cheviot37 · 22/09/2021 21:24

Hi waitinginvain, no regrets from having a third baby? Or not having a third baby? X

OP posts: