Secondary infertility. Anyone?

[Angie887]

Is anyone here going through secondary infertility? Some days I feel like giving up 😢. 6 months trying, a fibroid resection surgery and still nothing 😢

When children are close in age, yes they play together but they also fight like cats and dogs and have higher levels of sibling rivalry and jealousy.

Probably easier for the parents in respect of finding activities etc, but generally, developmentally, a larger age gap is better for the children.

I notice how much easier it is when our daughter has another child close in age to play with, which makes me regret not having another sooner even more! She’s at an age where she craves the company of other kids so I do my best to organise play dates. I actually feel there should be an onlies play date group where you can meet with other one child parents or does this already exist? I’m hoping school will help as she’ll naturally make new friends and less pressure on me to be the other child which can be very intense but I know isn’t her fault as she needs another child to interact with.

@Jellyfish7 my daughter is the same. In the park, in the pool, wherever she desperately wants to play with the other kids and it breaks my heart 💔 She does ask them to play and she will join in but I can't shake the feeling she's a bit lonely... I don't know.

This is me and I identify with all of your stories. @whistlers good to hear the point around age gaps. I had planned for a small gap and have been tortured about the fact that has very definitely been and gone.
I conceived my first in 5 months and have been trying for nearly 2 years for number two. All I have is a miscarriage to show for it. I start IVF in September as a final roll of the dice…it’s been bloody awful 😢
@Jellyfish7 I also see my son looking longingly at other kids in the park. The whole thing is shit.

Yes @MrsRosaline that’s exactly how I feel. When they finish playing and leave with their siblings I really feel for her. I know this may sound ridiculous just pulls at my heartstrings and makes me feel so guilty. My friend has ivf twins and moans it’s hard work (of course I appreciate it must be) but doesn’t seem to get the predicament I’m in. As I type she’s playing with sylvanian family toys talking about brothers and sisters 😟

My daughter was also playing with her baby Annabelle this morning, bringing her pretend food and drink and saying "this is for you baby sister" 😭

Kids will play role play games which will include pretend siblings, I don't think it's all that deep.

It took 27 months for us to conceive our second. I'm 41 and 19 weeks pregnant. Had the usual tests at the GP and nothing showed up so we just kept trying. I don't know if it was the difference or coincidence but the month I fell was the first we used a fertilily. Wishing you luck, it's a tough thing to deal with

You are right @whistlers but watching her playing like that exacerbates my own sadness that I haven't been able to conceive another yet.

I never knew that secondary infertility was a thing until we experienced it.
My first pregnancy happened fast and when our DC was a bit over 2 we started to try for a sibling. I got pregnant soon after but miscarried just before my 12 week scan. It was rough.

It took over a year to get pregnant again and at the end I was a obsessed with cycle length and ovulation. DH wanted to end all the madness but I resisted and we have our lovely DC2. The age gaps is 5 years rather than the 3 we wanted but it has worked out ok. The kids get on and play now the younger one is over 2.

Good luck to everyone in this difficult situation and I hope it works out well for you.

@Callisto1 sorry to hear you went through such an awful time, great to know it turned out so well in the end. Also good to hear re the age gap.

I wouldn't be worried about age gap. My 2 children have a 5 years age gap and although they've always been at different stages they get along well most of the time. It was so much easier for me as a single mum bringing them up as the older one would help me a little with the younger one. Now they're 20 and 15 years old and I'm ttc again. They're very excited about the possibility of getting a new sibling.

@Callisto1 I can relate with that. I'm so obsessed with ovulation and trying to find out if there's anything wrong with my fertility that I'm becoming a bit paranoid 😂. Glad you're successful in the end. ❤️ It gives me hope ❤️

@BabyMoonPie love Reading the successful stories ❤️. I had all investigations done and they can't find anything wrong with me. So the fertility doctor said if I keep trying naturally I have 50% chances and if I try IVF I only have 35% chances. Like you I'll keep trying until successful even if it takes years. Hopefully it happens sooner rather than later

We tried for 13 months for our second before being referred for IVF for scaring and adhesions in my tubes. In that time I fell pregnant with an ectopic.

Two weeks before IVF was due to start I got my BFP. It can happen, so don't give up hope! I truly know how heartbreaking it is though.

Loving the success stories here too, it does give me hope. Like you @Angie887 I think I want to keep going until it happens but equally don't know how many more mc I can cope with along the way

@EmbarrassingMama that's amazing, congratulations ❤️

@EmbarrassingMama Thanks for sharing your story ❤️. Congratulations

@cupcakesandglitter it'll eventually work out ❤️. Just keep going and your time will come. My Fertility doctor said a positive mindset can do wonders so let's have faith. We'll have our little miracle in our arms in no time ❤️

5 years trying for baby number 2 here with multiple IVF failures. It's really shit.

Thankyou @Angie887 I really hope so 😓

Oh @greendress789 so sorry ☹️ can't imagine how tough it is

@greendress789 I totally feel your pain, it’s so tough and consumes you. I worry it’s taking over the time I spend with our dd as always lurking in the background. I can’t plan much because of the days I might need to be free for my next scan/transfer, only to get another negative result. We’ve kept loads of baby stuff in the hope we might have another. Desperately need this chapter to be closed soon so we don’t live in limbo anymore. I just dread it’s not the ending we want. I feel teary a lot of the time and think it’s depression creeping in, god I’m so sick of it.

I'm sorry @Jellyfish7 😢. I agree there should be a club for only children to meet up!

Hi there,
My daughter is 3 and we’ve been trying to conceive for 21 months. I haven’t fallen pregnant again during that whole time but I feel pregnant first time of trying with my daughter. I’m 41 now…almost 42 and starting to give up hope. We have been to a fertility clinic and no clear reasons for secondary infertility which makes it hard. I had a few adhesions which were removed but other than that, we are both fine. It breaks my heart watching my daughter playing. She came out from nursery the other day and her key worker said “congratulations we hear you’re having another baby” as my daughter had been telling everyone that she was having a brother or sister :( how I didn’t cry there and then I don’t know. It’s so hard and not having a clear reason to point to other than my age as I just don’t really understand why this is happening. Just wanted to send love and hugs to you all who are on the same journey xx

Hey did anyone on this thread ever overcome secondary infertility? Be nice to hear some positive stories:)

I did! Currently holding my beautiful 6 week old baby boy in my arms. 4.5 years between him and his brother who was concieved with clomid due to my pcos. Never used any birth control after the birth of my oldest boy. Sadly had a miscarriage in may last year and finally fell pregnant again january of this year naturally. It can happen although its a heartbreaking journey and feels impossible at the time xx