Is 44 too old?

[alittlefishy]

I underwent ivf in 2016 and had my DC in 2017 at 38. I have 3 embryos in storage.

Because of some unexpected life events parenting my DC was very tough in the early years and I didn't use the left over embryos so they are still in storage.

Now I'm 45, and I am wondering if I would be allowed to use those embryos, I am up to date with storage payments and paperwork but I don't know if there is a cut off for implantation. Does anyone know? I've asked the NHS clinic but they've not responded.

I don't know, but I wish you that it is possible and all goes well.

If it's what want then do it. All the best.

No idea sorry, but I wish you all the luck in the world.

If you were 38 in 2017, how the hell are you 45 in 2021

You need to get a response from the clinic as they all have different policies, however my understanding is that there is a shelf limit for freezing them but not for using them? I might be wrong but I’m sure at just 45 and only five years after producing the embryos you should be fine.

I’m in a similar situation at 41, having had my DD in 2015 after an IVF cycle at the end of 2014. I still have a frozen blastocyst and for the same reasons as you haven’t used it yet. I had terrible PND and a number of traumatic life events including miscarrying my naturally conceived baby a couple of years ago which was simply devastating. I’m trying to lose some weight and then hoping to have a FET by the end of this year/early next year.

I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you are able to use your beloved embryos 💐

Sorry! Was 38 when I did IVF and was 39 when I had DC, will be 45 next year when we could go again.

There is a very good and honest thread around at the moment about 'having a baby later in life' which might be worth a read for some real life experiences.
It's not just about using the embryos but about the whole life that will be made and your life too. You would be 60 at least before they finish secondary school. I mean this all gently, I'm sure you would be a wonderful mum to them but what about what you might like to be doing at that point in your life?

I totally agree @mamamalt and actually there are a lot of very good reasons we shouldn't pursue this.

Ah good. I really didn't want to upset or offend anyone. I can totally see that having the embryos would be so hard not to consider seriously using them or just letting them go. It's a very tough decision. I'm 34 and pregnant with my third (and last) and already thinking definitely no more as the year I turn 50 they will be 21, 18 and 16 and I'm looking forward to the extra time with my husband and seeing them grow up and venture forth! Although obviously things don't always go to plan and you have to go with what you really want deep down. Regrets are no good.
Maybe you could explore some of your reasons for and against here with people who have similar experiences and advice?

All the very best

@mamamalt

There is a very good and honest thread around at the moment about 'having a baby later in life' which might be worth a read for some real life experiences. It's not just about using the embryos but about the whole life that will be made and your life too. You would be 60 at least before they finish secondary school. I mean this all gently, I'm sure you would be a wonderful mum to them but what about what you might like to be doing at that point in your life?

With respect, a lot of mums these days are in their late 50s/early 60s when their children finish secondary school - just because that wouldn’t suit you (I’m assuming - possibly wrongly - that you were lucky enough to complete your family at a younger age?) that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be acceptable for the OP if it meant giving her existing child a sibling. This also wouldn’t be OP’s first child - and women have been having second or later children since the dawn of time well into their 40s and even beyond. It might be different if this was a first child as there are more likely to be complications.

OP, you have to do what’s right for you and your family, whatever decision you decide to make. My personal opinion is that you are not too old at all for a second child. My SIL had her third child at 43 (no fertility issues and unplanned) and he is a joy. It is much more likely that you will look back at 60+ and regret not utilising your chance for another child while you still can.

@songoftheseas you obviously haven't read my update nor the OPs reply... anyway I was just floating the other side , I never once said she shouldn't do it.

I am in exactly your situation. One embryo in storage, a three year old child, and a few rocky years which meant I've delayed trying for another one.
I try not to read the "I am too old..." threads as there are so many responses that say, "I've just had my third at 34 and definitely wouldn't push it past 35," and my thought is always, "well, glad it worked out for you." I met my husband later in life (my first husband died), then we needed IVF, then we had multiple losses... I would have done it sooner if I could have.
There are so many sensible, practical reasons to not do it (expense, now a slightly larger than ideal gap between child one and potential child two) but I just cannot stop thinking about it. It's tough. I wish I had a good answer.
I think you should try.

[quote mamamalt]@songoftheseas you obviously haven't read my update nor the OPs reply... anyway I was just floating the other side , I never once said she shouldn't do it. [/quote]
Apologies, I had started typing my post and some time passed before I sent it and then saw your post.

My point still stands though - by your own admission you are much younger than the OP and have completed your family. I’m glad that you were able to do so but life is not always so kind. Some of us meet the man we want to marry later than planned and/or have fertility troubles. Perhaps someone who can empathise with OP’s situation from personal experience would be better placed to give advice? I don’t mean this to sound like a personal attack - I apologise if it does - but it is insensitive to comment on her situation and age whilst stating that you are 34 and pregnant with your last and that you will be 50 when they are 16+. I don’t think you are in a position to give advice to someone a decade older and who has been through the trauma of IVF and other life experiences.

I’m so sorry you have been through so much. My situation is very similar to yours. I also hate reading threads regarding age/conception as they make me feel so bad. I was 35 when I had my DD (after several years of infertility and IVF) and will be 42+ if we do use our embryo. I just couldn’t have done it earlier after a horrific pregnant, PND and a number of traumatic life events including my husband having a breakdown and parent diagnosed with a degenerative disease. I just wish people would realise how their comments can make someone feel. A bit of empathy really would not go amiss!

That was for @Ruthietuthie - quote fail!

Embryos can be stored for 10 years.
Are you having periods still? If so your calves are great as the embryos are from younger eggs so I would say go for it and best of luck x

@mamamalt you weren't at all insensitive. I appreciated your thoughts.

@Ruthietuthie I'm sorry you're going through this too, but it's sort of heartening to know I'm not the only one in this position. Our situation is complicated. I'm the breadwinner, very concerned that another mat leave could lead to my being replaced at work and pushed out. We have had an extremely rough few years so I'm wary about another baby.

Honestly I think it is too old. I am tired at 34 with another one on the way. No way would I have enough energy ten years later.
But you know yourself how you feel so no one can tell you!

I personally wouldn’t, but then I have t been through IVF.

I have 2 boys who are now 21 and 17, and I’m 42. I would never have the energy to be pregnant, have a baby or have a toddler at my age.

However, the choice is 100% yours.

I’m 42. I would never have the energy to be pregnant, have a baby or have a toddler at my age

Well I had plenty of energy for that and some to spare.

Maybe older Mums haven’t used up their ‘parenting energy’.

I see people with twice as many children as I have, or 10 kids like that Yorkshire farmer, or whatever, and think ‘I couldn’t do that’, but my view doesn’t affect their ability.

The OP isn’t asking about parenting energy, but about the IVF policy.

Hey all. Sorry to jump on this post but I had never even thought about freezing embryos, so this thread has got me thinking... I'm 33 TTC number 1 (on cycle 11!!!) Is it worth freezing embryos if I'm able to conceive #1 (afterwards) in case we want a 2nd child a few years later? Just thinking that I would be over 35 at that point and would egg quality go down even more? Can you just pay to get them frozen and then have IVF at a later date to use them? Sorry - I'm probably being really thick but this thread has really got me thinking...! X

@Lebe14 what happened for us was that, in each cycle, the embryos that we did not implant were frozen. I only ended up with one "spare" but it is there, frozen, should we want it.
The embryo is therefore one from my 38 year old ovaries, even though I am now older (and from my husband's younger sperm, although this has less impact than the age of ovaries) and, strangely, is "younger" than my current child.
We are in the US, so rules might be different elsewhere, but it costs us $600 a year to keep the embryo frozen. Once I hit 55, they are automatically defrosted.
Surprisingly, to me at least, they defrost pretty well. There may be a problem once they try to defrost but, in the majority of cases, the frozen embryo is just as likely to lead to a pregnancy as a fresh one.

@Lebe14, on the cost side (and again, I am in the US so slightly different) it is actually far cheaper to insert a frozen embryo than to go through the whole IVF cycle.
For us, to insert the frozen embryo would cost about $6000. A whole IVF cycle for us cost about $40,000 (Thankfully covered by the insurance that comes with our jobs).
The advantage of the frozen embryo is that the effectiveness of IVF does plummet once you get into your 40s.
Very best of luck with your IVF.

@Songoftheseas, I am so glad to read your posts, but so sorry that you have had to go through so much too.
Whenever I read a post where someone says "you won't have the energy, I was too tired at 29" or "I was all done by 32!" or, the worst, "Well, you might think you are ok now, but you will struggle parenting a teenager at 60!" I just think, well, I am glad it worked out for you. I don't think they mean it, but I find some posts so lacking in empathy and compassion. And in realism - as some point the world throws a wrench in even the most perfectly planned trajectory.
What would be the alternative? That only those whose lives had taken some "ideal" imagined path would have children?
Luckily, I live in an area and work in a profession where most people have children later so I don't feel like an "old" parent at the playground or at the nursery gate. And I don't feel differently in terms of energy than I did when I was in my early 30s. So why do these posts have such an impact on me and make me feel so sad?
We had to have IVF because of a chromosomal issue on my husband's side, so it wasn't my age that led me down that path.
I wonder whether part of the reason I am hesitating is also because of these voices, saying "a new baby at 44? You must be mad" that I have internalized?