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Original poster

Period after neonatal death

37 replies

flb53 · 05/04/2021 19:07

Hi, I was just hoping for some information before I drive myself crazy.
I lost my DS in January, two days after he was born, due to complications during delivery. I had to have an emergency ceserean where they did a 'T' incision on my uterus.
I had bleeding after delivery which gradually became less + less but seemed to pick up abit after about 4 weeks ( I assumed this could be my period, although it wasn't very heavy)
The bleeding stopped 11th February + I haven't had anything since. Has anyone found that after ceserean or loss of their baby that it took a while for their periods to return? I'm now doubting if I've had a period at all + becoming more + more anxious that I could suffer from fertility issues as a result of what I've been through. I know getting stressed won't help but I'm not sure how I can't be stressed after what we've been through these last 3 months. Charlie was our first baby 🤍

OP posts:
Madeoftea · 05/04/2021 19:10

I don't really have any knowledge or insight but I just wanted to say that I'm so so sorry for your loss ♥️♥️

SummerHouse · 05/04/2021 19:13

I am so, so sorry. How utterly unfair life can be. I am sure you are fine but it's no wonder you worry that you are not. I would make an appointment with your GP and talk it all through.

Original poster
flb53 · 05/04/2021 19:13

Thank you ❤

OP posts:
Original poster
flb53 · 05/04/2021 19:18

Thank you for replying @SummerHouse
I had an appointment with the GP who told me it was still early days and that what I had after 4 weeks was possibly a period. She said to leave it another month or two and contact her again if I still didn't have a period. I was just wondering what other peoples experiences had been, I can't help but over think. Also forgot to say.. there's no chance I could be pregnant.

OP posts:
ekausbsj · 05/04/2021 19:22

Sorry for your loss OP Thanks If it's at all reassuring my periods were all over the place for a couple of months after giving birth.

SummerHouse · 05/04/2021 19:41

Periods can take a long time to settle after birth. But on top of that I think emotions can also have an impact and you have been through the worst mill there is. Mine stopped for six months in my early 20s for no apparent reason.

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 19:46

I am so sorry you lost Charlie.

It takes a while for the body to get back to normal after having a child. I expect you are fine but if no period - or excessive bleeding - in three months, seek medical advice if only to reassure you.

All the best for the future.

alpenguin · 05/04/2021 19:49

I’m so sorry for your loss.

My period returned about 13 weeks after my first section and 15 weeks after my second.

LilacIris · 05/04/2021 19:53

I’m so sorry. I’ve always loved the name Charlie. Are you getting lots of support?

I’ve had four c sections and also experienced a neonatal death. I’ve had a similar amount of time bleeding regarding of the gestation my baby was born and whether they survived or not. It’s usually been around four months after giving birth before my periods have returned. It’s also been quite normal to have a bit of a stop and start with lochia.

Were you given medication to stop your body producing milk?

angelopal · 05/04/2021 19:55

So sorry for your loss. Mine took 3 months to return after loosing our first at 4 days.

ChelseaCat · 05/04/2021 19:57

I’m so sorry for your loss OP Flowers

I’d guess your body is still full of hormones and trying to settle down. I’m sure the horrendous stress of losing Charlie must also play a part in your periods not having returned yet. Make sure you’re eating and drinking well, getting plenty of rest and looking after yourself.

Sending you very best wishes

ElderMillennial · 05/04/2021 19:58

OP I'm sorry for your loss

I lost a baby at full term two years ago. My period returned within a month but that seemed to be quick compared to others for whom it took months. That had no bearing on fertility though as it took us a while.

The thing is when something like that happens to you, in my experience, you are likely to worry about those around you, your fertility. I generally found I thought the worst. I had pain which turned out to be a UTI after giving birth and I had started thinking I probably had an infection of my uterus making me infertile...

It will take time to come to terms with what happens and you will have bad days when you are angry or stressed or simply very sad Flowers

Blueroses99 · 05/04/2021 20:00

I’m sorry for the loss of your Charlie 💗

I can’t comment on the c-section aspect as I had a vaginal birth, however I can completely relate to the ‘empty arms’ feeling. I was straight back to the IVF clinic after 2 periods, so about 3 months after my loss. At the time it felt like forever, but now it feels like no time at all between pregnancies.

Be gentle on yourself and allow time for your body to recover

ElderMillennial · 05/04/2021 20:06

Sorry OP I commented above but should have said I had a vagina birth and not a c section

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 05/04/2021 20:13

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. That's horribly unfair.

I think periods can be all over the place for a while after birth anyway, so wouldn't necessarily worry, but if you have any concerns at all I'd say all to be referred for a check-up.

Springchickpea · 05/04/2021 20:18

I am so sorry this is happening to you. In 2014, my first birth was a hugely traumatic affair that nearly cost the life of my firstborn. He was taken away, intubated and for a couple of days it was very stressful. I was terrified and traumatised for a long time after. Everything seemed fine, until it really wasn’t and I will always remember the panic in that room. It broke me for a long time, and so I can only begin to imagine how this might be for you.

I don’t have any knowledge of how/when your periods might return, but I hope you don’t have to wait in limbo too long. I hope you find some peace and I am sorry Charlie couldn’t stay Flowers

Original poster
flb53 · 05/04/2021 21:57

Thankyou everyone so much for replying and your messages of support 🥰
And I'm so sorry to those that have also had to suffer baby loss.
All the comments have been really helpful.

@alpenguin it's only just 13 weeks today since Charlie was born, so thats reassuring to hear your experience.

@LilacIris yes I was given medication to stop my milk coming in, do you know if that can make a difference?

I'm definatly thinking the worst about every little thing @ElderMillennial I know exactly what you mean. After the worst has happened its hard to believe anything will go right again, but I suppose I need to find a way to try + stop myself getting so anxious about it.

OP posts:
giantwaterbottle · 05/04/2021 22:11

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I hope you get some answers to your question, I don't know the answer but just wanted to say sorry xx

Rubi87 · 06/04/2021 08:05

Hi OP I’m so sorry to read this. I lost my first baby in June last year due to complication During birth. I also took the tablets to stop my milk coming in, I bled after for quite a few weeks and then had a very odd period. My periods have settled now but i only really got it a normal pattern again in December. They will settle but it’s so early still 💕 I hope you are getting support and have met some other mums in your position, the ones I have met keep me going xx

Rubi87 · 06/04/2021 08:08

Forgot to add my first real period came back 16 weeks after she was born so try not to worry ( although I know I did) xx

ElderMillennial · 06/04/2021 08:35

I definitely found I just thought the worst:

I would recommend counselling if you haven't looked into that already. I hope you have a good bereavement midwife in your area too.

DH and I had some counselling after we lost our DD and I had some on my own. DH and I were even at odds at times as grief affects everyone differently. I also found Sands helpful to talk to people who understood what I was going through.

Please talk about your beautiful Charlie to us if you would like. I also found Mumsnet massively supportive after our DD died.

Be gentle with yourself OP, it is early days Flowers

Jaggedbubble · 06/04/2021 11:36

I am so so sorry for the loss of baby Charlie ❤️
I lost my first born too, I understand the empty arms.
Just wanted to show some support, please reach out if you need anything ❤️

lavenderlilaclily · 06/04/2021 12:39

I am so so sorry for your loss. Charlie is a beautiful name.

I lost my little boy at the end of January, he was also our first.
In terms of your question. My loss was at 23 weeks so might be slightly different given I gave birth a bit earlier. But my experience was that I bled for 4 weeks, then was spotting for a week, and then bleeding picked up again which I took to be a period. But then this bleeding lasted about 17 days. I was taking ovulation tests and found that the bleeding stopped only when I got a positive ovulation test. After that I got a period about 2 weeks later which I’m still on now.
I was trawling through forums trying to see what was “normal” and it really seems like everyone’s experiences vary - some people take months to get a period, some people seem to get one quickly but then don’t get the next one for a while, etc. Your body’s hormones are all over the place for a while unfortunately so it’s just a case of them needing to settle back.

If you haven’t yet, I recommend visiting the Sands forums. They’re amazingly helpful for emotional and practical support.

Sorry again for your loss xxx

Original poster
flb53 · 06/04/2021 19:19

Thankyou all for so much support. I'm sorry that so many people have found themselves in a similar position, life can be so cruel at times.
Charlie was so perfect, I've never known a pain like loosing him 💙

I never want to replace him but we're also still longing for the family that we've been planning these last 12 months. (I suffered a missed miscarriage early last year then fell pregnant with Charlie quite soon after)
I have a great bereavement midwife, have been in touch with Sands + have recently asked to be reffered for some counselling.
I'm really hoping it might help!
I had quite a traumatic experience during labour, he had to be rescussitated next to me for 23 minutes + I now have a 'T' incision ceserean.
I'm worried about difficulties during delivery happening again, about scar rupture during another pregnancy + now with nothing having a period that i may not be able to get pregnant again.
Although I'm terrified to go through it all again, the thought of eventually being able to have a baby that I can take home, is the only thing that keeps me going.

OP posts:
LilacIris · 06/04/2021 19:23

Yes, I think your milk not coming in should speed them up a little but not by a lot. An obstetrician once said to me that your periods returning show that your body feels physically ready to carry another baby but some women do wait a long time for them to return.

Does you hospital do preconception appointments and did you have a debrief about you, not what happened to Charlie? Those should give you some indication about trying again and anything to watch out for.