TTC 35+ Thread 8

[M4v3r1ck]

New thread ladies! Hope this works! 😃

@soontobeamama that's exactly the same as me, I feel the only thing missing is the exercise just need to get my butt in gear!

Well ladies, today I am 1dpo! (According to the app). I’ve had slightly tender boobs the last day or so - is that a good sign ovulation has happened? It’s not unusual for me to have tender boobs about now. I’ve also decided.. after we dtd last night I want to get back to dtd for fun and love rather than for ttc. Last night (as it has other nights) it just seemed so mechanical.. I think if it hasn’t worked this cycle then I’m going to throw out the ovulation sticks, delete the app, stop trying so hard and just try to relax. Probably a lot easier said than done!!! 😂

@Farfaraway1 I'm 2dpo, so same sorta time to wait. After a few days I'll probably have imaginary symptoms 😆

@Farfaraway1 how long have you been ttc? I’ll tell you how things are for me. I start using CB sticks a few days before expected ovulation day and I usually get some ewcm to varying degrees. When CB (pink ones) gives me a smiley face, I usually ovulate within the next 24-36 hours and that is confirmed by ovulation pains that last from 1 to 6 hours. And so that’s when I start counting 1dpo. I’m not sure about the tender breasts because that fluctuates throughout the month - not particularly just around ovulation or AF.

Sometimes dtd might feel mechanical especially if we’ve been doing it very often during fertile week. Sometimes me or DH are just so exhausted or busy but we sort of will ourselves to dtd... It waxes and wanes, sometimes natural and beautiful and other times mechanical and that’s something we’ve learnt to embrace and accept as part and parcel of the whole journey.

@climbershell 😂😂 me too! And I’ll tell myself I won’t test until at least 14dpo but then cave and test ridiculously early then spend hours squinting at the test convincing myself there is DEFINITELY a faint line when there really isn’t... 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ 🤪

@Twelvestars I’ve been off the pill since 2019, had a MMC, D&C and a CP since then. This is cycle 8 since the surgery. I’m 37 and have 2 DC’s so feel very blessed to have them. 💖 xx

@Twelvestars forgot to say have also had an ectopic and now only have one tube as a result of that. But having one tube doesn’t effect your fertility too much as you can still ovulate from the side with no tube and the remaining tube will ‘pick it up’ sounds strange but that’s exactly how I got pregnant with my second after the ectopic!

@Farfaraway1 bless your 2 DCs! How old are they? Sorry you had to go through all that. Must’ve been a lot to handle, emotionally and physically. Interesting about the Fallopian tubes. The female body is just so amazing.

@Twelvestars thanks hun 💖 they are 3 and 6 although both have birthdays in July so nearly 4 & 7 🥰 Yea it’s certainly been bit of a rough journey.. yes the female body is amazing!! Not many women know that your Fallopian tubes are not actually attached to your ovaries hence why in the case an ectopic the remaining Fallopian tube can move and swing by the other ovary to pick up the released egg! Amazing.. xx

@Farfaraway1 since embarking on my ttc journey, I’ve learnt so much about the inner workings of the female body in all its stages but especially about the intricacies of conception, ovulation, menstruation, assisted reproduction and all related issues. But we don’t receive this sexual education in such depth and detail at school and growing up. I feel, in my case, I would’ve probably made some better informed decisions had I been more educated in this regard. Also I am in part responsible for not taking the initiative to self educate a bit earlier.

@Twelvestars

I totally agree with the above. I think it's actually quite sad that all your really taught growing up in education that girls get periods and you have sex once unprotected and you get pregnant, which us ladies know, is really not quite the case!

The cycle and ovulation process is quite amazing and fascinating but somehow it's just brushed over 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Farfaraway1 I feel exactly the same. We’ve just put our wedding back (again!) to next March, so if it doesn’t happen this month I’m going to almost stop trying (as i don’t really want to be pregnant on my wedding day or honeymoon) but if it happens it happens. It’s no fun at all trying to work out optimum dates, poas, getting stressed if you think you’ve missed the window to dtd. For the past year I feel like we’ve tried and nothings happened so far, maybe if we don’t (like last time) then it might just happen.

I'm 35 - TTC baby no 2 after swearing I'd never have any more 😂 my new DP has no children. Positive OPK yesterday so DTD last night and will do tonight 🤞🏻 for us all x

@JessWi I’m engaged too! Don’t have any plans for our wedding yet though because I’m a kiwi and live in NZ with my British fiancé but obviously all his family are in the UK still and we want to be able to celebrate with them in attendance so sort of waiting for long haul travel to open up again.. do you have a child / children already? I agree, it’s never seems a great time to be pregnant but if it happens it happens! So I think that’s the approach we’ll take next. I’ve been through a lot in life so after this cycle I hope to just enjoy what we have and try to live each day as it comes.. 🥰 xx

Just want to say thank you to everyone who expressed concern and kind words at my response from the fertility clinic, I’ve emailed a complaint as I’m still incredibly upset and frustrated that it took them 5 months to tell me that my low AMH level means I’m not eligible for NHS IVF. Diminished ovarian reserve means I have absolutely no time to waste and they’ve caused me to waste half a year.
@Kitekat81 I know we’re in similar positions and I’ve been researching constantly since the phone call a few days ago. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to rule out IVF despite the NHS saying the chances of success are low. No one knows how our bodies will react until we give it a shot. I’ve read countless success stories. I’ll also talk to Create about natural ivf but relying on one egg makes me nervous, the success rate is so much lower. (when I examine the rates I’m looking at age and AMH level as factors btw). I think, if I can (and depending on what the experts say) I will try regular ivf first just to see what my response is.
Egg donor is final option. Much better success rates for that because the egg is from a younger woman. Obviously there’s the whole emotional side of that to deal with but I know it’ll get to the point where I’ll do anything to have a baby. Everything costs thousands of pounds of course so we’ve had to reevaluate our life. We were planning to buy a house this year but that’s going on the back burner. All our savings will be going into trying to achieve our miracle baby🙏
Have cried so much over the last 2 days, it’s been so draining and just felt so panicked about the future. Trying to get a bit more positivity back now. Reading It starts with the Egg as definitely need to focus on egg quality now!
Sorry for my morning rant everyone...happy Sunday 🙂

Please rant away @Misty84 - you’re always welcome to here! It’s awful that you’ve wasted 6 months on this. It’s good that you have savings, and you must spend them on what is most important to you. Never regret that! Fingers and toes crossed for you x

Thank you @Pamparam! I know everyone on here is on their own unique journey and I pray we all get there in the end 🙏✨

@Misty84 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Our situations are very similar and I've had my fair share of tears trying to process this, so I do know how you feel. What I would say is don't beat yourself up about lost time. Although it is really frustrating that the NHS didn't tell you earlier (and definitely worth complaining about) I think even if you'd known this earlier you would still have wanted to try naturally for 18ish months, because low ovarian reserve does not necessarily prevent natural conception. I know it's not just about that as it also would have given you extra time to save, do research and just generally prepare for what might happen. But I do still think that age must be on your side. I know it's all about perception, and there are some lovely ladies on here in their 40s who probably think that I'm just a young thing at 39, but at 36 your chances must be better because of higher egg quality than other ladies seeking ivf in their later 30s and 40s. I think it's a good idea to speak to a few clinics, line up some appointments, and try not to panic - just take it one step at a time. That's what I'm trying to do - I feel better when I have a plan so I'm focusing on that and trying not to worry yet about the future and what might happen if it doesn't work. We are still so early in our journeys, still lots of things to try and although there are no guarantees that it will work out, there are also chances that it will, so we need to hold on to that and try and stay as positive as we can xx

@Kitekat81 Thank you so much, I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I was in such a tailspin panic and trying to formulate some sort of vague plan is helping me cope. You’re right, we’ve been trying for 20 months which is probably about how much time I’d have given it anyway, so thank you as I hadn’t thought of it like that before. Ive never been more aware of my age- 37 in two months! but things don’t drop off a cliff and SO many people have success many years later. Picking up all my test results from the doctor this week and will be speaking to the private clinics once I have those.
Meanwhile still having regular periods so there is always a chance of it happening naturally 🙏🤞Thank you again and I agree it’s important to focus on one step at a time which is what I’ll try and do from now on!🤪

@JessWi sometimes the de-dressed way is the best way I think. I feel you on the timing thing too, out of the four teenagers we have (two each but none together) the three boys all have december birthdays but it's been so long that we've been trying I don't even care anymore! Though I probably would when it came to December each year 😂

Hi @ttcforsecondtime welcome to the thread

@Misty84 I'm so happy that you're feeling a bit more positive about things and that you've put in a complaint! There's definitely still time and options for you and I'm hoping everything goes well and you get your little one. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have a baby that is biologically ours, however with egg or sperm donation or even adoption, bringing up that baby and loving it unconditionally is what makes it your baby so I'm sure whatever happens you will get that opportunity (and I agree baby comes before house, it will make you happier)

Hi!
I'm glad I found this thread, hope it's ok to join?
I have DD 9.5 months old, I'm 37 and looking to TTC early next year, at which point I'll be 38. I'm quite nervous second time round... I was 35 when I conceived DD although turned 36 3 months later. That didn't really feel old. For some reason 38/39 is feeling a bit more scary!

Thanks so much @Marvellouslymadmum. Feel a lot calmer and at least I can progress now rather than this never ending waiting for the NHS.
Welcome @Smiffette 👋🏻

@Misty84 glad you're feeling calmer now, and have a plan. That's half the problem most of the time! My mind calms as soon as I have the date/appointment in place.

@Smiffette hey 👋🏾 I'm new to the thread too. How long did it take to conceive #1? Hopefully #2 will go smoothly ♥️

@notyetamumbuttrying we were actually really lucky and conceived first time of trying.
I did have a MMC before DD though and that pregnancy was conceived on the 3rd month of trying.

Hi all, it’s been ages since I’ve been on this thread - possibly December. Still ttc. I had an early miscarriage in August and thought I would have been pregnant again by now.

Do any of you ever feel like it’s never going to happen for you? I found out my cousin is pregnant today and I feel like I’m too unlucky for the perfect situation of us being pregnant together or at least me getting pregnant soon after she has the baby (which is October). I already feel out of the loop with my cousins and sister for having their children years ago and the fact they all have bought houses whereas I still have to rent. I feel a bit like the younger sister who wants to play with the big girls but can’t.

How are you all doing?