Time off work after early pregnancy loss?

[TTC94]

Hi all,

I was just wondering if anyone took time off work after an early miscarriage/loss?

My job is stressful, all-consuming and often overwhelming at the best of times and I am obliged to work most evenings and on weekends too a lot of the time.

My husband and I found out I was pregnant after 11 months off the pill and after 7 months of actively tracking ovulation etc. We were overjoyed. I was 4 weeks 4 days pregnant when I began bleeding and was advised by my GP I had suffered a miscarriage.

Initially, I was sad but felt quite ‘together’ and composed about it. I was largely controlling my emotions and feelings. It’s now been around 5 days since I first began bleeding and I don’t feel pregnant anymore. Each day I feel worse - more sad, down, depressed and angry. I don’t feel like eating, getting out of bed and I certainly don’t feel like doing any work. I’ve had to deactivate my Facebook because I can’t bear to see people’s pregnancy posts, pregnancy updates and people’s young babies.

Just after my miscarriage had been confirmed, a work colleague told me (and the rest of our department) that his wife was pregnant. Of course I am happy for them but just felt so sad for my husband and I.

The last thing I want to do is work and it’s so painful for me to even think about working, I just can’t bring myself to. My job is not the sort of job where I’d take a day off lightly and whenever I do I feel awfully guilty - I avoid even a day off at all costs. But I’m contemplating perhaps asking the Doctor for a week’s note to give myself some time out of the additional stress of work on top of how I’m feeling emotionally right now.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Or did anyone else take some time off?

I know that my pregnancy wasn’t a ‘baby’ so to speak but I am grieving what could/would have been. Grieving the little snippets of excitement and joy that my husband and I allowed ourselves to feel. Grieving the feeling of crying with happiness. Grieving the anticipation and excitement that I was going to become a mother and that my husband was going to be a father. I feel so sad when I think about all the months I was sad, disheartened and disappointed when every month my period came.

I’m quite an emotional person at the best of times and I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Each day the pain and unbearable sadness feels worse.

Should I throw myself (unwillingly) into work? Will it make me feel better? Or should I take a week off to allow myself to feel sad so that I can recharge?

Any advice would be so very appreciated.

Thanks in advance x

Hey hun sorry for your loss. I suffered a mc at 11 weeks end of jan. I'm the sort of person that likes to keep active so i took 2 or 3 days off mainly due to the physical pain and went back to work. Whilst at work I still thought about it as it was my first time and what an experience it was. Everyone is different try and do what best suits u to help your mental and physical wellbeing as oppose to pleasing others so u can heal. My af has come back so hoping to track ovulation and try again. Good luck babe and you can also do things that please u. Like.yoga, music, painting, sharing time with family. I'm here to talk x

@Lizbb I’m so sorry for your loss. 11 weeks must have been so painful.

Wishing you luck for trying again now that your cycle has returned to some sort of normality.

The dog walks and the sunny weather has been such a blessing. I’m so glad I’ve got some sort of routine to keep me going!

Thank you for sharing your experience and advice.

Best of luck and feel free to drop me a message if you’d like to talk more x

@TTC94 thanks hun. Stay rested. Yea the sun is coming out a bit of sunshine. Are u gonna start taking any supplements diff to what you were taking before?

I think if you feel like you need some time off then you should absolutely take some time off.

You shouldn't have to grin and bear it if your mental health is suffering.

Hope you're ok

@TTC94 sorry you've went through this, I understand how you are feeling. I've had 2 chemical pregnancies which ended at around the same time yours did (just reaching 5 weeks). It is heartbreaking to suffer even though you haven't been pregnant very long.

I managed to keep working and keep quiet about it due to working from home because of the pandemic. I won't lie, those days following it I really wasn't productive and spent time crying throughout the working day. I felt lucky to have been working from home and able to hide away from colleagues.

I didn't want to share that we were TTC and also I felt no one would understand the upset it caused me unless they had suffered one themselves. I do think I would have been worse if I had been off work completely as it would have given me more time to be upset about it as work did distract me from thinking about it for parts of the day.

It's completely up to you but I think if I had wanted to avoid work and couldn't work from home, I probably would have called in sick without telling them the real reason I was off for a day or so and then tried to get back into work after having those days to grieve, to keep busy.

It will get a little easier as the weeks pass 💕 take care!

@Lizbb I was originally taking pregnacare. But in the last few months I’ve just been taking folic acid and vitamin D. My husband has been taking the Wellman conception vitamins.

Is there anything you would suggest?

X

@wanderedlonelyasacloud thank you for your kindness! X

@2020mission sorry to hear about your chemicals.

Once is bad enough so my heart really aches for you having suffered twice now. I hope you get your happy ending soon!

I’m thinking similarly to you, I think being busy might be better for me but it’s difficult for me to keep myself to myself in my job as I have to interact with a huge amount of people every day and I always have to be the happiest version of myself possible.

I really don’t know what to do!

Xx

@TTC94 I've had two mcs. First one at 8 weeks I got a 2 week sick line and coincidentally had a weeks holiday booked for after that. I felt it was a bit long towards the end.

The second one was at 5 weeks and 5 days. Took a week off work and felt ready to go back. I think probably because I was more prepared it could happen again.

Like you I work different shifts and do quite a challenging job. Take as much time off as you need and take care 💜

I miscarried at 11 weeks- I was signed off for 3 weeks because it all happened naturally and I had a scan a week to make sure I didn't need any medical intervention. I'm glad I took the time as even though physically I could have coped, I was very emotional/sad. Take the time you need. I'm sorry for your loss.

I had 2 days off for 2 of my 3 miscarriages because I was ok physically and preferred to keep busy at work. If I was at home I would have dwelled on things.
I had to go into hospital for two of the miscarriages and needed a another day off after due to having a general anaesthetic but I went in in the third day. I didn't tell people at work the real reason either because again, I felt I would just rather move on.
The third miscarriage was just like a heavy period and I actually carried on working through.
Each to their own OP. There is no right or wrong.
One in three pregnancies miscarry so many people will understand if you do feel the need to tell them.

@Fourleafclover93

I am so sorry for both of your losses. I can’t imagine it gets any easier. I hope you have your ray of sunshine soon!

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I had a couple of days off at the end of last week and I think if I take any longer off it would probably just be one week. But I do feel I should prioritise my mental wellbeing over going to work because I feel obliged to. It’s so tricky isn’t it?

Sending you lots of positivity and hope you have your slice of happiness soon! X

@Ithinkhedidit I’m so sorry to hear of your experience.

I can totally understand why you needed some time off work and it’s good to hear that you did what was best for you both physically and mentally.

Thanks for sharing your experience!
X

@MuddyWalks I’m so sorry to hear of your 3 miscarriages. That is just so devastating!

I totally understand that you wanted to keep busy and you would prefer to be in work. Like you, I did go in one of the days when I was bleeding but unfortunately I just couldn’t concentrate or think about anything else and I didn’t go in the following day.

Thanks for sharing your experience! X

You can self certify for 8 days so would only need a doctor's not if you need more time (which you may well do). Look after yourself OP. Sorry for your loss.

@TTC94 hey hin just vit d and b complex and folic. Will see how this first month of trying goes. Might looking seven seas or pregnacare.

I have had quite a few and went back too soon and struggled. I was trying to get on with things quickly and not looking after my mental health. I think a week or two off if you need it is good, listen to your mind and body x

@TTC94

Just wanted to pop in here to say I had 2 chemical pregnancies in a row before DC1, I then got pregnant only 3 months after the 1st one and he "stuck"
A few years on I now have 2 children.

The point of this post is that I just wanted to say: I know how heartbreaking it is to get your hopes up like that after so long only to have it all taken away so soon but it's not over yet and you could have that happy ending sooner than you think

Once the bleeding stopped it stopped feeling so raw for me and I was able to think about trying again but take your time and do whatever is right for you x

@TTC94 100% you should prioritise your mental health over your work. The way I saw it my work wouldn't give me any special thanks for coming back earlier than I did, and they can cope without me. I only told my line manager and she was very supportive.

Im actually pregnant again although it's early days. Stay positive it will happen for you, and do what you feel is right for you

I took 2 weeks off ,yeh it was a lot of time but i was devastated.

I was the same it was still quite early but I knew I wouldn't be able to go in and work a night shift (I have a history of not coping well emotionally with nightshift).

At the same time I had a parent going in for major surgery, I was not in an ok place at all. It was also hard as my boss had just had a baby, for his last one I had knitted a few things this time I couldn't even talk to him.

@PurBal I know I can self-cert but unfortunately in my job, if I do call in sick I would be expected to provide all of the work for someone else to cover me while I’m away. So I would effectively be having to work anyway, so that somebody else could deliver my work. So without a Doctor’s note, there would be no purpose to me calling in sick as i would be obliged to work anyway.

The only complete break I would get from any work related responsibilities would be if I had a note.

Thank you for your kindness x

@Lizbb good luck! X

@Tropicalparadise75 sorry for your loss and experiences!

This is what I’m worried about, going back to soon and then regretting it and feeling even worse.
X

@TJ17 sorry to hear of your losses. But thank you for sharing your positivity and hope with me! It really does make lots of difference and it’s nice to hear of success stories.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and kindness x

@Fourleafclover93 thank you! You’re so right!

Good luck with your current pregnancy. Try to stay positive and well, and try not to worry to much.

Best of luck x