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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC 40+ and just fancy a chat!

38 replies

Twothirtyam · 19/02/2021 21:09

I’m not far off 41 and have been TTC number two for around 7 months. In that time I’ve had one chemical pregnancy and I think I might have conceived one other time (had some spotting a few days after ovulation) but never got a positive test and then my period arrived. Most months we’ve only managed to have sex once in my fertile window due to some considerable life stresses that we were going through so I know we haven’t really given it a proper chance but I still feel really deflated that we haven’t conceived yet and I’m starting to freak out about my advancing age! Life is a bit more settled now so in theory we can try with a bit more effort but one of the other problems is that my partner finds the pressure to have sex to conceive very off putting so I get really stressed about missing my window. He only really feels ‘in the mood’ in the mornings and our daughter is an early riser so it’s not easy to make it happen as often as we need to! Sorry this is turning into a bit of a ramble but it’s just on my mind all the time. I’ll be sad if we don’t have another but I’d just feel so grateful for my daughter. What I would struggle to accept though is not having given it a proper chance. Already I’m kicking myself for letting it take so long to start trying for number two. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to chat to others over 40 who are TTC at the moment?

OP posts:
Meme69 · 19/02/2021 21:43

I'm 42, I've been ttc my 4th but 1st with new partner since February 2018. I've had 1MMC and 5 CPs. I have no problem getting pregnant it's the staying pregnant that is the issue.

It's made me a little crazy. I'm almost at the giving up stage, and I keep wondering if I even want a baby now, or am I just determined not to let my body beat me?

There are lots of over 40 threads on here, but they move at pace and so I often am unable to follow them.

Good luck!

Carol1980 · 20/02/2021 01:03

Yep ! Recently turned 40, hubby and I have been trying for About a year now to have our second child. I've had one MC so far which was last September. We had a little break from ttc until after the new year but we're now in the 2ww.

Anyone else ever ovulated earlier than usual ? This month I ovulated cd9 😳 so a few days earlier than usual. I have a very short LT phase with my period raging from 25-27 days ish x

Penguinmumma · 20/02/2021 01:58

Hi! I turn 40 in a few months and TTC #2. Had DD almost 9 years ago and couldn’t face trying for a second after a traumatic birth. Now worrying I’ve left it too late. Had a chemical on first cycle trying.
I’ve been doing opk’s and I never seem to catch my peak. I feel fairly certain I’ve been ovulating but this month I’ve broken out with acne on my chin the last couple of days which is apparently a good sign of ovulation. We shall see I guess!

Carol1980 · 20/02/2021 08:10

I started to test at cd6 this time round as my period is usually about 26 days but it has been a bit late on a few occasions, glad I did in that I caught my ovulation at cd9 !
At the moment I'm cd14.

I know what you mean by wondering if your missing your ovulation day, I'm pretty sure I've ovulated on the days that I thought I had more so because I've always used the clear blue advanced OPk stick things x

Original poster
Twothirtyam · 20/02/2021 08:13

Good to hear from you all! It’s crazy how common CPs are. I try to think it’s a good thing to conceive at least but it’s still so disheartening. Stupid thing is too that I seem to have completely forgotten what a normal cycle is like so every time I’m approaching my period I’m going mad symptom spotting. It’s a total head wreck isn’t it!
@Carol1980 I’m usually late to ovulate actually. Often day 20-25. It’s a bit of a pain having to wait so long each month but I know it could be much worse!
When thinking about a second I always imagined I’d get pregnant straight away. I don’t know why as it took a while to conceive my first and I had two MCs along the way!

OP posts:
Carol1980 · 20/02/2021 08:17

Yeah it's strange !
I have a friend who's hubby just has to look at her and she's pregnant🤣
We actually got pregnant quite quickly with our first, about 3/4 months but we had a MC the cycle before we got pregnant with her.
I think I'm experiencing secondary infertility, which we can even go to the doctors for as im now 40 and we already have a child too...so they wouldn't entertain any testing x

What stage are you at just now with your cycle ?

Original poster
Twothirtyam · 20/02/2021 08:33

Yeah most people I know conceived their second really quickly! Although I guess I don’t know about the people who have struggled so it always seems a bit like it’s happening to everyone except me.
Currently on day 8. Hoping I don’t ovulate early this month as my partner is away for work until next weekend! He’s looking for jobs at the moment and some might involve travel so I’m praying we can conceive before he has to do anymore trips! I shouldn’t think like that as it just piles the pressure on and drives me even more nuts!

OP posts:
Original poster
Twothirtyam · 20/02/2021 08:33

I’ve thought about paying for private fertility tests but I don’t actually want to know I don’t think.

OP posts:
LouiseM1979 · 20/02/2021 09:02

Hi, hope I can join this chat, it's my first ever time being on anything like this! I'm 41 and me and my husband are TTC, we have no children and I've not been pregnant before. We've been trying for about 6 months and previously a few years ago but sadly nothing. It's really hard especially as my brothers partner is now 14 weeks pregnant and all I want is to have a baby of my own. Talk about mixed emotions!! I'm happy but not happy for them and don't really want to hear about their pregnancy..... that makes me sound selfish I know but really I'm not!!

Carol1980 · 20/02/2021 09:04

Yeah my hubby used to work away for 4 months at a time. First time round he was still working away but thankfully after our daughter was born he changed jobs and is now home most of the time.
We have discussed doing the whole UIU or IVF but think we're going to give it a few months before really looking at the cost.

Original poster
Twothirtyam · 20/02/2021 09:26

Hi @LouiseM1979 ! It is hard when others announce their pregnancy isn’t it and a total contradiction of feelings. Happy and sad at the same time. I know several women who have conceived their first at 41 (and then gone on to have more!) so just keep at it. Would you go down the IVF route or anything? I’ve decided I couldn’t go through or that and I know my partner definitely wouldn’t be up for it. He’s very happy with one and it’s only for me that we’re trying for a second.

OP posts:
Meme69 · 20/02/2021 19:52

@Carol1980

Yeah it's strange ! I have a friend who's hubby just has to look at her and she's pregnant🤣 We actually got pregnant quite quickly with our first, about 3/4 months but we had a MC the cycle before we got pregnant with her. I think I'm experiencing secondary infertility, which we can even go to the doctors for as im now 40 and we already have a child too...so they wouldn't entertain any testing x

What stage are you at just now with your cycle ?

My GP was happy to do the 3 day and 21 day tests despite my age. It's worth asking.
Carol1980 · 20/02/2021 22:05

@Meme69
Didn't know that !! Think I'll be asking ! Thanks 😊

LouiseM1979 · 21/02/2021 20:23

@Twothirtyam Yeah it certainly is a contradiction of emotions. We definitely will keep on trying and it's nice to know I'm not the only one my age who is also TTC. Yes we would go down the IVF route, we had some tests done towards the end of last year and are trying naturally for the next 2/3 months and will take it from there.

Carol1980 · 23/02/2021 06:19

It's such a minefield of emotions this whole ttc !
In my head I keep thinking it will be fine we did it before etc etc and then another part of me is thinking am I wasting my time by trying to do it without any assistance......

gizmo167 · 23/02/2021 12:48

I'm 42, 43 next month and I've had 2 mc's in the past year, the last just over a week ago. I'm with a new partner also and have a DD who is 7. I reckon I'm just at the stage of getting my head around the fact it isnt going to happen!

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 13:03

Hi, I’ve not been on such a forum before. But am stressed out. I’ve just turned 43 and no luck so far with 2nd. Have one 7 yr old. I’ve just had bloods and just cannot work out how to interpret them.

Carol1980 · 23/02/2021 13:20

I've never had any fertility testing so don't know what you would be looking for in blood work ?
Did the doctor not explain them ? What kinda things does it show ?

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 13:42

They tested for LH/ FSH testosterone etc. Googling shows that they’re generally average, but I need someone to go through it- pretty difficult to get an appointment as GP thinks this is not urgent.
FSH is a marker for the number of eggs (but not quality).

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:08

Hi all. I'm 43 and we're still trying for our first. We have been for a few years and discovered I have endometriosis which caused a blocked tube. Laparoscopy removed the scar tissue and cysts but couldn't unblock the tube. My GYNAE said the body compensates when one thing goes wrong so it shouldn't be a problem.

Became pregnant last year with twins. One wasn't growing and then I miscarried the other at about 11 weeks. I bled for a long time after and only started trying again in December.

No luck so far. My period came a week early in January which made me think I might be perimenopausal.

We decided to try again for another 2 months and if it doesn't work we might consider IVF. I have tried the ovulating sticks but can't get the hang of it. We're now just having sex every other day just in case I have late/early ovulation.

It does become obsessive. I think back to my youth and start wondering if I should have done something different. If I should have gone to my GP about my period pain years before as I thought it was normal.

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:10

Also, I read somewhere (on Twitter of all places) that the information about fertility over 35+ is based on old data and it's not necessarily true that women our age will have problems with fertility. I hope that is true but so far it doesn't seem that way.

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 14:15

I’m sorry to hear about your losses.
The clear blue smiley face contraption works for me (unless it doesn’t), for tracking ovulation.

Cashewcookie · 23/02/2021 14:21

The info on past statistics can also be found in this article:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/309374/

BabyMoonPie · 23/02/2021 14:28

Hi everyone. I'm 40 and been trying for number 2 for 2 years. According to the Ovia app it's my fertile period at the moment but I just don't want to take anymore ovulation tests or have sex. We've both been tested and are apparently fine so it appears to be unexplained secondary infertility. I feel like I've got to the point where there's no point trying anymore when we've failed 24 times already. It's so hard

ClaireEclair · 23/02/2021 14:30

[quote Cashewcookie]The info on past statistics can also be found in this article:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/309374/[/quote]
Thank you! I think this was the article the Twitter poster had quoted. I remember it being a French study :) Will try the clearblue too x