Can't take this anymore 😞

[rttcbabyno1]

Can't take this anymore 😞

Sorry in advance, this post is going to be a bit of a ramble/depression outburst, feel free to ignore 😞 & please don't say anything mean.

TTC baby number 1, we've been trying since July. 1st month we had a CP. 4 cycles later still nothing. So many pregnancy announcements from celebrities today, and although this sounds REALLY REALLY SELFISH, seeing their announcements just makes me burst into tears, so much so that I've unfollowed them from Instagram, I just know I can't take it, watching their stories everyday as I do, and it'll make me a little more sad each time. Obviously I wish them well, but I WISH it was me... I feel like someone watching down on everyone living their lives all the time, wondering when I'm going to be able to start living mine. Also, I'm aware that I haven't been trying for as long as some people have, but I am on my own journey here.

Think I need to go speak to doctor or something about my mental health. I've never experienced anything like this, I feel like I've always had mental health issues, but last year just killed me. Lots of changes happened in my life (not just covid). This new year has just set me off on a wave of emotions. I just keep thinking I should be pregnant by now. Today is the day I should have taken a pregnancy test (would have been 14DPO) but came on period a few days ago.

I'm just so so sad. Whether it's just the TTC journey or depression, or a combination of both, I think I need help 😞

@iswhois I didn’t realise Mrs Hinch mentioned fertility issues in her book.. does she go into detail much? Because of my journey I couldn’t imagine doing an announcement like hers, it would just be another thing someone struggling has to see, I’d tell my friends personally - I’m not a celeb who needs to put it on insta!

It’s good how people are speaking up more about miscarriages but I think more needs to be done for conversations on infertility, because it’s so isolating and people just don’t get it.

Yeah, and it’s not like you can just say ‘if I relax I’ll probably get pregnant’ and off you go. How exactly do you ‘just relax’ and ‘stop stressing’?! And yes Christ it’s hard enough seeing a bfn or getting my period every month without picking up another stick to beat myself with for ‘not relaxing’ enough for the one sperm to meet my bloody egg and actually do what it’s supposed to.

Hi OP hope you’re well. I understand how frustrating TTC can be. I’ve had 3 CPs in the last year. However, pls don’t let what u see affect u, these celebs may post their announcements but we don’t know the struggles they may have encountered TTC. We only know the best bits, the same way if we announced we were pregnant only a handful of people close to us would know our TTC journey, the others would just think it happened easily for us and they may hate our announcements. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how I view it when I see a pregnancy announcement.

Definitely speak to someone because if ur feeling so low so soon in the journey then u want to be mentally prepared if it takes longer. It can be very consuming and my last year was consumed each month by ovulation tests and pregnancy tests and symptom spotting. I even posted a thread about how to not let it consume me.

This year I have decided to go easy on myself, stressing and pondering won’t make it happen any sooner. I believe it’s only going to happen when it’s my time and I can’t beat myself up waiting for it. I have to live my life and enjoy what’s in it already rather than focus on what’s not in it.

I hope things get better for u mentally and I hope u get a BFP really soon 💓

Not really any advice but just wanted to say I get it. I kept falling pregnant but kept miscarrying. 6 losses later and 4 friends were either pregnant or having their babies and it hurt like hell.
Try and do some self-care. Not sure where you are in terms of what’s open with covid but loads you can do at home. Nails, bath, face mask etc. A pamper day. And make sure you keep talking to people. If not your DP then on here.
Sending hugs.

I don't want this post to sound mean but I'm sure because I'm the lone dissenter on this thread it may be taken that way but sometimes the best advice is the honest kind

So here goes

4 months in TTC terms May as well be 4 minutes - the statistics all show that most couples will take at least 12 months to conceive and nearly all couples will have success by 24 months.

Ignore what celebrities post. It's most likely
Bollocks

There is very much a culture of "I've decided I want to have a baby so it must happen now" - you can't have this mindset when TTC 1 unfortunately most of the time our bodies don't get this memo.

You can't let yourself feel envious/Jealous /bitter about other people's success at this point in the journey - you really are at the beginning and you'll need all the support you can get of you are in the for the long haul. Don't cut yourself off from friends because they are pregnant and you are not.

(Trust me I know this - I had 5 miscarriages nearly died from 2 ruptured ectopics and was left infertile by age 36)

I'm not going to say relax or chill out and it will
Happen or any of that other condescending crap - just keep doing what you are doing - ovulation tests, supplements, regular sex in the fertile window - the odds are on your favour

@ivfbeenbusy I have been feeling down about it recently. I’m heading towards cycle 10 or so but your post has really made me feel better about it
I do feel like everyone is pregnant at the moment but me but I know it’s just because I’m looking for it. My best friend is pregnant and it’s been hard but I’m going to try my best to be as happy as possible for her although inside I’m wishing it was me!

I just want to let you know that I’ve said the exact same thing to my husband about celebrities and also general people I follow on social media/ who I’m actually friends with who have announced their pregnancy announcements or their babies being born over Christmas/New Year.

I can’t help but feeling jealous!

You are not alone. I’ve been off the pill since March, haven’t used protection since then and we’ve been actively trying (ovulation tests etc) since August now.

It’s difficult but you are not alone! I’m sure it will happen for all of us eventually.

My fertility window for this cycle should start Monday. Let’s be hopeful together!

I'm glad I don't know who Mrs. Hinch is!

I've been TTC since coming off the pill in March 2020. 2 possible chemicals but hard to say as I only got a super faint line on a frer each time and AF around normal time or a day late. I thought af started yesterday a bit early at 10dpo, but it seems to have retreated so who knows.

I can say for me the strain of it all seems to come in waves. I had a bit of a downward turn after the first chemical where I was convinced I was pregnant on month 5. I remember thinking how lucky I was to get a bfp at 5 months. Then AF came and the next couple of cycles I basically cried like a crazy lady every AF. In October I cried so hard I nearly passed out. DH was kneeling on the sofa holding onto me trying to stop me passing out onto the floor.

Weirdly, the next month when I turned 35 was surprisingly ok. I've no idea why. Maybe I got it out of my system the month before. Some months I've just managed to find other things to focus on or look forward to, which has helped. I don't think you can force it too much tho and sometimes it's ok to be upset about it too.

Fingers crossed for you. 5 months isn't too long as many people have said above.

Thank you all so much for your comments, I appreciate every single one of them ❤️ feeling a lot more positive today (it's amazing how up and down my feelings are, after a full day of crying yesterday).

Although it's not a nice feeling to have, it's been nice hearing I'm not alone in my jealous thoughts. I'm finding depression and TTC combining into one, I feel like it's easily done. I'm not sure I actually have depression as such (maybe I do?), but I sure have felt heightened sadness and anxiety over this last year, a mixture of covid and TTC. I've honestly had it pretty easy with covid, in regards to health and financially, I've been managing to save lots of money etc, so have been giving myself a hard time over my negative feelings, as I have plenty to be thankful for.

You are all totally right re celebs/friends being pregnant, I don't know their journeys! I'm thinking more rationalised today, thanks to all your comments and also a good nights sleep. I can't compare my own journey to someone else's, when I don't know theirs or even my own yet.

I'm definitely going to try take better care of myself and have some down time, also spending more quality time with my partner. Jigsaws was mentioned early in the comments - we actually did one over Xmas together and it was great, first one we've ever done together, will have to get more lol.

Fingers crossed for us all, I'm sure our BFPs are just around the corner 🤞🏻 I remain pretty positive throughout the month, it's only in the TWW I start analysing all my symptoms or non symptoms mainly and get a whirlwind of sadness all over again, it's a vicious circle really. Xx

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I’m not convinced stress has a massive impact actually. I feel like if all the tools in your body are there, and you’re doing you’re thing at the right time, you either get pregnant or, for some reason, you don’t.

Women from all walks of life in every situation have been getting pregnant since time began. Through famine and war and an endless list of other factors. I know people mean well when they say ‘relax and it’ll happen’, but there’s so much more to it than that and it really isn’t that simple.

Completely agree with this. I was TTC and it’s one of the most upsetting things to hear, it’s as if people think it’s your fault for your own fertility issues just because you’re ‘stressed’

@SmidgenofaPigeon - I agree with u x

OP - glad ur feeling a lot better 💓

Oh i read your story and so similar. Ttc since june, cp in july. And just to reassure you it is HARD so don't beat yourself up. If you're anything like me this time of year us extra hard because i feel like i should be heavily pregnant with our baby now.

Maybe try a social media detox? I found when i started speaking to peoplr at my mc actually wayyyy more people friends i thought had one. But that wasnt what they broadcast on their social media.i also had 2 friends who id assumed had conceived fairly quickly but turned out itd been like 10-12 months for them both.

No words of advice really. We took a month off ttc and that helped me mentally but im right back to obsessing lol. Just know its pretty normal for conceiving to wait a while/not conceive straight away ❤

just keep doing what you are doing - ovulation tests, supplements, regular sex in the fertile window - the odds are on your favour

This is exactly my plan for the next 6 months, if nothing happened by then we are going to look into IVF I think. Just keeping everything crossed for everyone this year

I do also know that I like many of us here, haven’t been actively trying for long in the grand scheme of things. But I do think it’s very hard to have conceived and then lost it and then as the months roll by and you see other’s scan pics etc it’s not difficult to see how it can leave a bitter taste. Like ‘here’s what you could have won...’ here’s what I could have had at Christmas, my scan pics could be stuck on the fridge, I could be looking at prams by now etc. It’s bloody hard!

Absolutely , close friend has a due date within a week of my should of been due date. Just as i forget another scan/ gender reveal pops up to bite me and i remember where i should be in my pregnancy. Hoping i feel better after march when my due date has gone by

I'd be interested to know what Mrs Hinch said in her book re fertility issues too, as that pregnancy announcement was just too perfect!

I'm really early at the start of my journey but got to say that being on here and reading threads like this have made me re-evaluate how I'd announce things when it came down to it. You don't realise how many people may be upset by it. It's just such a shame it's such a taboo topic.

Doesn't help that I'm 30 and all the other people my age who have had kids in my friendship group either fell by accident or in their first month of trying, so the 12 month average seems impossible to believe to me unless they were lying!

I did have a goodie on Mrs Hinch’s claimed fertility issues but nothing came up.

*google

Hmmm I do have a friend who likes to tell everybody she ‘fell’ I her first month. It’s like a badge of honour. She’s proclaimed it more than once in social media too. Except I know it’s not true. Why lie?!

Oh OP I know that's not what you want to hear but it really is normal to TTC for 5 months, especially if you had a CP it might take a bit of time. I had 3 MCs in the last 22 months, now pregnant again and TTC journey has been hell. I thought by now I'd be a mum and maybe even pregnant again, turns out not one living DC yet. It's so hard.

TTC between MC no 1 and 2 took 5 months and it was very hard, I have every sympathy for you. It becomes very urgent after loss. But please give yourself more time Are you using any tracking methods?

Also, just a thought, I've noticed that following my first loss I've developed PMDD. It is definitely hormonal but I found taking vitamin B complex has helped me enormously and lifted my spirits during TTC. I was able to go through the BFN cycles far better than before. Your reaction is understandable, but the background might be hormonal as well, might be worth giving B complex a go

Hello all hope everyone is doing ok. Has anyone read the book: it starts with the egg?

@Shaniac I have and was really into it and applied changes for 2 and a half months before I conceived. I’m going to give it another go now!

Oh thats fantastic chica my copy arrived today im really excited to read it