Experiences with withdrawal method while in fertile phase?

[Freddie7831]

Hello everyone!

I'm going a bit insane reading every article there is on the internet, trying to find answers but it's not gonna happen haha.

I recently came off of the patch (after trying basically all types of contraception out there- either didn't work or doesn't get on with me). And decided to give natural cycles a go (and use a condom for majority of the month). Not planning a pregnancy (not really the right time but also wouldn't be disappointed if I did get pregnant).

I'm in a long term relationship with my partner who I live with, and no risk of STDs or anything so figure this would be ok.

Anyways, we had a bit of a slip up (no judgement please, I know it was stupid and we both feel really really stupid and wont be making the same mistake again) but we had sex on the 19th without a condom, using the withdrawal method (he came wayyy after pulling out). According to my charting I ovulated on the 22nd.

There doesnt seem to be scientific consensus on whether or not pre cum contains sperm (I feel more likely than not, and probably best to assume so anyways). He hadn't cum for a few days prior to this anyways (if that even makes a difference).

Apologies for such a long post, I am just unable to stop thinking about the situation and know I'm most likely really worrying over nothing.

So anyways, I was just wondering if anyone has been in this situation and what their outcome was?

Also any tips on distracting yourself and not googling like a mad woman during the two week wait to find out?

Thanks in advance!

:)

Hi. We used the withdrawal method for a while (about 3 months) before I fell pregnant.
He ALWAYS pulled out in time so I guess it was the pre stuff that did it?
I was naively shocked as a friend of mine used this method for 10 years!
When I told the Dr this is what we had been doing she laughed and said it wasn’t a ‘method’ at all. I was 30 so should have known better.
Luckily we’d planned to have a baby a couple of years later so it was all good. I have been pregnant two more times but both planned,and I fell pregnant in the 1st and then 2nd cycle so very fertile.

Thank you for your reply @Bingowin!

If you don't mind me asking how did you guys deal with the unexpected pregnancy? Was there any element of decision whether or not to go through with it/did you or your partner feel unsure? Or was the fact you'd have tried a couple years later enough reassurance?

Only ask because from talking about the hypothetical situation at hand, my partner feels like he's not ready right now, so puts me in a bit of a conundrum! Just hoping it stays a hypothetical!

Because we'd planned on having kids in a couple of years it was less of an issue.

I was completely shocked and only did a test to rule out pregnancy.

I didn't consider a termination,partly because I was 30 not 17 so it felt like a good age. Also,I knew we were stable and were planning to stay together.

It was difficult as my partner worked away a lot at the time which is why we were waiting. But things tend to work themselves out in a way.

Your chances of being pregnant are slim but of course it is possible!

When is your period due?

How old are you and when would your partner like to start a family in an ideal world?

By the way,I didn't get on with the patch either. I have a coil now which is great (Mirena)

I was very fertile and got pregnant at the drop of a hat intentionally, however succesfully used cycle/withdrawal for 6yrs with v regular sex. However, accidentally got pregnant via a condom with no clue anything had gone amiss - it didnt slip or split.

I would say given it was a particularly fertile time there is a chance of pregnancy. Who can say what percentage If it was me I’d be thinking 30:70 (pregnancy being less likely but distinctly possible).

I've done it for the past year and it's been great so far. However! Im a bit nervous this month and think we mightve fucked up.

Our withdrawal is now 6 years old!

my partner feels like he's not ready right now, so puts me in a bit of a conundrum!

If your partner feels he's not ready now, he ought not to be having unprotected sex with you. It seems the contraceptive burden has always fallen on you (no mention of condoms), and now it's a "conundrum" for you that your partner is happy to carry on having unprotected sex, but doesn't yet want to have a baby.

I used the withdrawal method with XH for about two years before becoming pregnant - but the difference there was that while we definitely weren't TTC, we would also both have been ok with having a baby at that point.

In fact, withdrawal worked for us and I became pregnant quickly each time we actually TTC.

But if XH had said while we were using the withdrawal method that he didn't want a baby, that would have been very different.

Where are you getting the "no scientific consensus"?? It has been proven: "41% produced pre-ejaculatory samples that contained spermatozoa and in 37%, a reasonable proportion of the sperm was motile." PUBMED Please don't use this method.

There isn't a "safe" time to have unprotected sex. There may be times when you are less likely to to get pregnant, but I can tell you from experience that you can get pregnant during times that you would think that you are not fertile.
If HE doesn't want to become a father yet, then HE should be wearing a condom every time you DTD. And even that isn't 100% protection.

I got pregnant on the last day of my period! (Had to be exh wasn't that into sex so I know exactly when it was) . Natural planning is not a good idea!

@Bingowin

Thanks for your reply! I think my period is due on the 31st but not totally sure as its my first month off of the patch!

I'm in my early 20s, so not ideal in a lot of peoples opinions (I know haha), but I do feel like I could make it work and enjoy it, and most importantly properly look after a child, at this point in my life.

Not sure when my partner would like to start a family ideally, I think its more the fact he did his degree a bit later (graduated this year at 25), and hasn't got the job he's hoping for yet. We've talked a bit more since my post and he's open to considering all options and sees the benefits of going through with a pregnancy at this point, but I think he just feels a bit scared!

I had a termination a couple years ago while using the copper coil, it was definitely the best decision for me at the time (half way through uni, no money, didn't see any future with my partner, etc etc). But it was heartbreaking at the same time, I'd love to be a mother, so I'm not too sure if I could go through that again!

I've seen so many stories about others also getting pregnant on the coil also, I guess it can happen however careful you are! But hope it keeps working for you, I'm sure I was just very unlucky! :)

@NoDontDoIt
@HeIsAVeryBadBoy
Thank you for your reply! Nice to know it does work for some people!

Fingers crossed for you HelsAVeryBadBoy, whens your period due? We can worry together haha!

And that is somewhat terrifying NoDontDoIt haha! Hope it worked out ok for you in the end!

@Notthe9oclocknewsathon

Thanks! Yeah no way of knowing I guess- wish there was a quicker way of telling!

@WhatInFreshHell

Ahaha-congrats! If you remember, was there issues with timing or did they properly pull out in time? (If you don't mind me asking haha!)!

There is a name for people who use this method of contraception: parents.

Is there any reason you didn't take the morning after pill?

You will read countless threads on MN about withdrawal failures. My 2 god children were concieved this way! I assume you didnt get the morning after pill? If not, all you can do now is wait.

I found family planning clinics much better than my Dr at finding the right contraception for me. I too has issues with the pill- constant bleeding, weight gain and another cause massive boobs! It can be trial and error, but a more reliable contaception will certainly help alleviate the stress and worry every month.

If your partner feels he's not ready now, he ought not to be having unprotected sex with you. It seems the contraceptive burden has always fallen on you (no mention of condoms), and now it's a "conundrum" for you that your partner is happy to carry on having unprotected sex, but doesn't yet want to have a baby.

This ^^

I won’t judge you, but I will judge your partner. For not taking good enough care of you, for putting his needs/wants first, and for potentially forcing you to make a really difficult choice.

I get he’s only 25. Good knows I did not want to be a parent at 25. Which is why I took full responsibility for my decisions (and yes, my mistakes).

He’s obviously expecting you to take responsibility for his ‘mistake’ (pulling out after he came), and that’s not OK.

@InMulieribus

Yeah I do agree, I've said that to him and he also agrees and has apologised a lot for it and won't be doing it again!

He has always been supportive of using condoms, he has no issue wearing them, it was just a one off time!

But not an excuse I know!

Worked for me for 5 years. But now one year into TTC and nothing yet so not sure if something else going on!!!!

As a secondary teacher when we discuss contraception with children, I say this is not a method. I'm amazed anyone thinks it is

@janinlondon

There are some studies saying there is no viable sperm in actual precum, but it might be leftover from previous ejaculation, or leak out prematurely in some men without being noticeable.

From what I've researched there is no definitive study that says it either does or doesn't- there's a lack of research into it, and the reliability of some of the sample sizes and participants is questionable in some of them.

BUT that being said, obviously better to err on the side of caution and believe the studies that have found there is sperm.

I won't be using this method going forward, it was just a one off :)

@DelphiniumBlue

Thanks for sharing. I think I'll be using condoms throughout my cycle now just to be safe!